All the Wrong Reasons

Chapter Six: Ferveur The intensity of feeling or expression; intense heat. Passion.

When she woke up, she was lying flat on her back and Justin still slept soundly beside her with his arm around her. She looked at the clock on the bedside table. Eleven o’clock.

“s**t!” She quickly stood up.

Justin woke up and sat up on the bed.

“What’s the matter?”

“It’s eleven o’clock! I needed to be at work at nine!”

He smiled. “So what? When was the last time you took a day off?”

She stared at him. “I don’t know. A year ago.”

He shrugged. “You’re too much of a workaholic. One day of rest wouldn’t hurt.”

“Justin…I can’t…”

He grinned. He pulled her hand and made her sit back on the bed beside him.

“Miss Workaholic!” he teased. “I think you’re in dire need of a vacation. Learn to lighten up a bit. You’re doing well with everything you do. You’re smarter than that sister of yours. You can’t prove yourself to be book-wise all the time. You know what I believe in? The person who lived more out of life is the more successful one. Chill okay?”

Hearing Justin say those words made Adrienne realize that she never gave herself much of a break because she was always chasing after her sister’s accomplishments. And every single day counted.

Maybe Justin made a good point. She has to learn to let things go. Some things at least. She doesn’t have to be uptight all the time.

She sighed. “Okay.” She smiled at him and then she leaned forward to give him a kiss on the lips.

He smiled at her.

“What about you? Don’t you have to go work today?” she asked. She didn’t even know if he really worked at all.

“Done,” he replied. “I woke up about nine in the morning and I did some trading.”

“Really? That easy? Did you make money?”

He nodded. “I got lucky today. A hundred thousand bucks.”

Her eyes widened. “Hundred thousand? How is that possible?”

He shrugged. “I worked hard for it to happen. It took a great deal of investment and patience. It was risky and I needed to wait a whole year for the right time. And today, things turned my way. You must be my lucky charm.”

“My God! My one thousand dollars sound like a…tip or something.”

He laughed. “I’ve been trading since I was twenty, honey. And besides, I’m not asking you to start on one thousand to make money. It’s just for trying to learn how it works without having to invest a lot.”

“You were awake at nine and you didn’t wake me up? You know it’s Monday!”

He smiled. “I knew you didn’t sleep until late last night. So I decided not to wake you up.”

“All right. Then you better treat me for lunch or something.”

“Done. Anywhere you want, honey. We can go to Paris for lunch if you want!”

She laughed. “No. I wouldn’t want to go that far. And besides one lunch in Paris wouldn’t be enough for me. I gotta stay there for at least a week!”

He smiled. “Okay. Where do you want to go then?”

She shrugged. “Can we just have it here? Or in my apartment? Delivery perhaps?”

He stared at her for a moment, as if he was trying to read her thoughts. Then he nodded. “All right. Can’t be seen with Justin Adams on the streets,” he muttered quietly.

She felt guilty. She hugged him. “Can’t be seen anywhere on the streets if I will call in sick, anyway.”

“Indeed, Miss Miller. You got me there. What do you want then?”

“Chinese?”

He nodded. “Okay. Let’s eat in the terrace. Myla, my housekeeper will be here in thirty minutes.”

“Who, what?” she asked.

“My maid,” he replied.

“You have a maid?”

He nodded. “Comes here Monday, Wednesday and Saturday.”

Somehow, she panicked at the thought of someone else seeing her with him. Even though she trusted Justin, she didn’t want to take the risk. She could be Justin’s flavor for a week (or two), but when he walked away, she wanted to be as unscathed as possible.

“Tell you what, let’s just go to my apartment. I need to check my mobile and my answering machine anyway. Jill would be screaming in it already since I didn’t tell her where I was.”

He raised a brow. “See? You don’t even want to my housekeeper to see you with me.”

She groaned. “Justin! Are we really going to argue about this? You made me miss Jada for a day so we can have a fight?”

He shook his head. “All right, all right. You win. You go back to your place. I’ll order from here and be there in fifteen minutes.”

Back in her apartment, she headed straight for the answering machine. Twenty messages.

“Hi Yen, it’s Troy. I’m sorry, baby. It’s just that you know my brother just got married last year. And Lisa is a top-notch lawyer.”

“She’s ten years older than your brother,” Adrienne muttered.

“I know you have a game plan. Let’s talk things over. When I have time, I will come to New York so I can see you. I love you.”

Each day that passed, she realized more that her relationship with Troy seemed hopeless. She had come to a comfortable place where she knew she couldn’t care less if Troy dropped her… if she didn’t do it first.

Sure, her mother would berate her for breaking up with him. But she’s been disappointing that woman forever. No matter what she did, her mother would never see her in a different light.

For the first time in her life, Adrienne wanted to do what she thought would make herself live a complete life in spite of being a failure in her mother’s eyes. At least she didn’t have to be a failure in her own eyes.

There was another message on the answering machine.

“Hey Yen…it’s Jill…lunch tomorrow with Yuan? He’ll pick us up.”

Adrienne panicked.

The next messages came from Yuan and Jill all asking her where the hell she was.

She dialed Jill’s number.

“Damn it, where are you?” Jill demanded.

“I’m home. I overslept and I’m not feeling quite well,” Adrienne replied.

“My God, sweetie? Are you all right?” She asked, switching moods from anger to concern.

Adrienne nodded.

“Hello?”

“Sorry, I’m actually nodding,” she said. She felt guilty for lying to her friends. Jill sounded so concerned. They knew that she didn’t usually feel sick… or she was never too sick to not go to work.

“Want us to come down there?” Jill asked. At the same time, Justin entered her apartment, without so much as a knock.

“No! Don’t. I’ll be fine. I just need to rest,” she lied.

“Honey… are you sure you’re okay?” Jill asked.

“Yep. I’ll be fine.”

“All right. I’ll tell HR now. I’ll call you after work, okay?”

“Sure. Bye.”

Justin was looking at her, with a raised eyebrow.

“My friends. They wanted to come down here and check on me. I said no.”

He smiled. “Good idea. I think I’m going to head out the window if they knock on your door.”

She giggled. “You can actually do that, I think.”

He nodded. “I checked that the morning they called saying they had gone to the elevator already. That would be the last resort if you want to keep this little secret of ours.”

She went to him. She wasn’t quite sure if he meant it’s okay to keep this a secret.

She gave him a hug. He hugged her back.

“I’m starving,” she whispered.

He chuckled. “Food will be delivered in fifteen minutes, don’t worry.”

And true to his word, it was. Justin ordered spicy beef, noodles and dim sum.

After lunch, she cleared the table and joined Justin in the balcony.

“You know, you are a bit ironic,” he stated.

“Why is that?”

He shrugged. “You seem to be so prim and proper most of the time. And yet, you smoke.”

“Like you said…most of the time.” She smiled. “I didn’t start smoking until last year. I had a worse relationship with my mother. And that time, Troy acted like a jerk because he wasn’t doing too well in one of his subjects. And I also had too many deadlines. I needed a breather to think clearly and get something done.”

“And the habit just proved to be useful that time,” he suggested.

She nodded. “And then it proved to be addicting as well.”

“And I figure, Mommy doesn’t know,” he guessed.

She nodded. “Yep. It’ll be another stain in our relationship.”

“Why is it like that?” he asked.

She shrugged. “I remember she started comparing me to Kimberly when we were both in high school. She was three years my senior. She always stayed at home, always seemed bookish. I was always out with some friends. I started dating ahead of her. But I kept getting straight A’s. My mother was not happy with my partying or being out with friends. She always complained that I should be like my older sister, whose life revolved around school and home.

“Kimberly never liked me very much. She always bullied me, as far as I can remember. When I tried to learn how to play the guitar, she already held piano recitals.

“I used to be rebellious. I never did the right thing. Whenever Mom scolded me, it would be like…look at Kimberly… Kimberly never gave me these problems…When Kimberly made it to UCLA, my mother was ecstatic. She seemed so proud of her and she implied that I would never make it as big as Kim. Kimberly will get anything she wanted in life, and I would end up being a secretary of some company…if I didn’t get pregnant as a teenager.

“I remember being so angry that night. I went on a date with this jerk, who’s a senior. I thought it was cool because I was dating a hotshot older guy. But I almost got date raped. I used pepper spray on him and had to phone my father to pick me up in the middle of nowhere. I felt so scared. And Mom was so mad.

“That’s when I started going the other way. I wanted to earn her trust instead of rebelling against it. I stopped dating in high school. I almost didn’t go to prom. I used to dye my hair dark brown, to hide the red highlights. I loved my red strands ‘coz I thought it looked cool. But my Mom always made me feel like a harlot because of them. So I had a whole stock of dark brown hair dyes.

“I still earned straight A’s as a student. I did much better in junior and senior year. I got accepted in all the universities I applied to. I took communication arts at Stanford. I have always wanted to write. My mother still thought it wasn’t good enough. Kim had gotten into med school and she did well.

“It seems like all my life, I attempted to live up to my mother’s expectations. But I still can’t make her love me as much as she loves Kim…” She didn’t realize that tears already began rolling down her cheeks.

Justin took her hand and pulled her close to him.

“But you are doing well,” he said softly.

“I thought so too. I’m one of Blush’s top editors. I thought it was big. Blush is big. And I made it to that position in three years. My mother never saw that. She said, Blush is a magazine read by models and women obsessed with their looks, who never cared much about their brains.”

“I don’t think that’s true. Women read a lot of these magazines for empowerment—because it’s a magazine that holds the secrets of your gender. You’ll be surprised some guys read it, too. You know…just to know how to charm a woman.” He chuckled.

She smiled. “I don’t know, Justin. I went there because I have passion for it. I love to write. And Blush is prestigious. But I also wanted to do other things. I want to invest. I want to make a whole lot more money than what I’m earning now.”

“You’re still young. What are you? Forty?” He gave her a mocking look.

She pinched him on his side.

“Ouch!” He laughed. “All right. Twenty-five. You’re doing great at Blush. You could do more. On the side, you can invest in some things. You could even start up your own business if you want to. When the business turns great, you can choose whether you want to go on with full-time writing or contribute to Blush or another magazine or write your own novel or book.”

She pulled back and stared at him. “You know what? I have always wanted to do that. And I swear I will when I have more time or if things become more stable.”

He reached up and pushed a lock of hair away from her face.

“Do it. I know you’ll do well. And surgery… it can be learned in school. I think you could be a better surgeon than your sister if you chose to be. But writing…not everyone can be a writer. It’s a gift. And you have it.”

She smiled and then reached up to kiss him.

“Thank you for saying that. I wish my mother thought of it that way.”

“What about your father?” he asked.

“I always thought I was Dad’s favorite. But my father was more the ‘Yes Dear’ kind of husband, if you know what I mean. He’s quite smart, and he loves all of us too much. I never felt my father treated me unfairly. I know many times he stood up for me. But nothing he did ever changed my mother’s opinion of me. Maybe that’s just the way it is.”

“Well, at least it’s not both of them. And hey…you turned out okay. Sometimes, it’s the challenges that stand in the way that force us to be better persons. If you ask me, you’re perfect, just as you are, honey.”

“No one is perfect.” She laughed.

He shook his head and looked at her deeply. “You’re smart. You’ve got a good heart. You know how to handle your finances. You’re independent. You’ve got a classy apartment; a stable job. You’ve got friends who love you… a guy who’s crazy about you.”

She laughed sarcastically. “I don’t really think Troy was crazy about me at all.”

Justin stared at her for a moment. He fell silent. His eyes were narrowed and an eyebrow was shot up.

She stared back at him.

Shit!

“You mean… what do you mean?” she stammered.

Justin Adams couldn’t possibly be crazy about me!

He looked away from her. “I’m sure this Troy character is crazy about you. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be sticking around like what he’s doing now, considering you don’t see each other much.”

Shit! I just ruined that perfect moment, didn’t I?

It suddenly felt awkward.

This is Justin Adams! Hello! Hotshot playboy who could have any woman he wants! Women who are on the A-list, even royalty!

“Justin…” she started.

He just stared at her for a while.

“You meant…Troy, right?” she asked in a broken voice.

He shrugged. “He is the current and official boyfriend, isn’t he?”

What kind of an answer is that?!

She gazed at him. She knew she didn’t have any right to get mad.

It’s only been a few days!

Could he really say that he was crazy about her?

He pulled away from her and lit a cigarette. “What’s his story, anyway?”

She watched him intently. She tried to figure out the expression on his face. He had none. He just looked out onto the view from the balcony.

She decided to let it go or else she might say something to ruin the moment even more. She has no right to demand anything from Justin. She has a boyfriend! She merely fooled around with him.

“Well… I met him when I first started working for Blush. It was my parents’ anniversary party and they were friends with his parents. To tell you the truth, I didn’t think he was actually my type at first. But he sounded so mature, and my mother adored him. When he picked me up for our date, it was the only time my mother seemed ecstatic for me. As if it was the only time, I brought good news to her.

“Troy and I got along just fine. The relationship became stable. He went to med school, yet we managed to keep things going. We had our problems…we don’t always see each other eye to eye. But the relationship was safe. I thought that was all that mattered. I felt it was going somewhere. We’ve been dating for three years. I think he was the only trophy I ever brought home to my mother.”

Justin listened quietly to her story. Adrienne wished she was a mind reader. She wanted to know what he was thinking. She didn’t want to answer his question about Troy…but he asked!

She thought it weird and way too complicated talking about Troy with Justin. Especially after he just pointed out that some guy was crazy about her and she automatically thought about Troy. She realized that her words told him that she had no regard for the last nights they spent together. For that, she felt remorseful.

But she didn’t even know what they were! And it’s hard to hope for something stable with a guy like Justin Adams… and harder to believe that a guy like him could be crazy about her!

Her phone rang. She went inside the apartment to answer it.

“Yen… how are you?” Yuan asked.

“I’m okay. I’ll return to the office tomorrow.”

“You’re falling sick, sweetie. You need a vacation. You work too much!”

“I’m okay. Really. I just didn’t feel too well to go to work this morning. Maybe it’s stress. And one day of rest took care of it. I feel better already.”

“Maybe it’s your virginity eating away your insides and working its way to destroy the rest of your body,” he teased.

“Ha-ha! You’re very funny!” she said sarcastically.

She felt guilty. How could she bring herself to come clean to her friends now? How could she say to them that she lost her virginity a few days ago and the recipient of her precious virtue currently sat on her balcony? A.k.a God’s gift to women? A.k.a the most sought after playboy in the City?

“Why don’t we drop by tonight?” Yuan asked.

“No need for it, guys. I want to sleep early to make sure I go to work tomorrow.”

“Okay. It’s just that…I’m not used to this falling sick thing of yours. You never do that!”

She laughed. “First time in many years.”

“Yes… oh well…call me if you need anything, sweetie.”

“Will do. Bye.”

When she turned around, Justin sat on her sofa. He hadn’t made a sound. Now she really felt guilty about talking about Troy.

No! He can’t be jealous! He’s Justin Adams!

But how come she had a feeling that she hit him hard when she said that it was Troy who’s crazy about her…and hit him again when she said that Troy can keep a stable relationship, which suggested that he can’t?

She sat beside him and rested her head on his shoulder. He didn’t budge. She wanted to ease him in her own way. But she didn’t want to say anything because that might be assuming that she meant something to him.

He didn’t say anything for a whole minute. But then she felt him wrap an arm around her shoulders and plant a kiss on her head.

She smiled to herself. All this unspoken affection that he shows her drove her mad! She felt that he somehow had grown fond of her over the last couple of days they spent together. Still, for a guy like Justin Adams, she couldn’t believe it was possible at all.

The signals he sent her chased her out of her skull. She knew she couldn’t nail down a guy like him. And she didn’t know when this will be over. She promised herself she would keep her heart intact. But she knew it was just too darned easy to fall in love with him! When Justin would leave her, she didn’t think she would be able to handle it if he took her heart with him.

She wondered what would happen in two weeks. Justin’s reputation says he drops a woman after two weeks, right? If he is like this with every woman, then he leaves a trail of heartbreaks at least twenty-four times a year. And she didn’t intend to be a part of that trail.

“Do you want to watch a DVD?” he asked mildly.

She looked up at him and smiled.

“Yes.”

He smiled back this time. Then he stood up and pulled her up on her feet.

“Let’s go to my place,” he said.

They watched How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days in Justin’s bedroom.

“My God! Even I would drop this girl like a hot potato if I were her boyfriend!” Adrienne pronounced while watching the film.

He laughed. “Hey… some girls are like that. They demand too much.”

“But not all, mister,” she countered.

“Yeah. I said some.”

“But you guys…I don’t understand why you guys run off when a girl leaves something at your place. I mean, you’re too afraid of commitment. We don’t mind if you leave something at our place. You guys…immediately think we’re marking you as our property if we leave as much as a lipstick on your table!”

“No. It’s just that, we like to have our own place. And our time. And sometimes girls can’t get that.”

“Leaving something of ours in your place doesn’t necessarily mean we are marking it as our territory. As if we want to move in with you or something.”

“You can leave some of your stuff. But you don’t have to write your name all over the place.”

“What? Write our names? Leaving our stuff in your place is like writing our names on it? What are we? Cats?” She started to raise her voice.

He laughed. “Honey…chill, okay? I’m not generalizing women. And I’m not saying it’s all true for men, either. I don’t mind if you leave some of your stuff here. You have a toothbrush here, remember? And I gave it to you. You didn’t leave it here.”

She realized that she sounded so furious and so she laughed as well.

“It’s just that some things…for guys…take some time to get used to. And bachelors, who get accustomed to doing their own thing at their own time, take more time to get used to the fact that they can’t do it the same way anymore. Like toilet seats, for example. Girls don’t like it up, because you use it. Hey…you’re the one using it. So why don’t you put it down yourself? We don’t complain if you leave it down. And we grew up being taught by our mothers… this is a toilet seat. Put it up when you are using the toilet. Flush. And then put it back down. You grow up and realize that you did it for the girls.”

“That’s like etiquette or something!”

He laughed. “Come to think of it, honey, I’ll bet that rule was made by a woman! Were you ever taught…this is a toilet seat. Put it down when you are using it. Flush and put it back up?”

“No. Because that is not the way it was supposed to be.”

“Come on. What’s the rationale? Because there might be a girl who will use it one time and it’s only proper that it’s all ready for her to sit on.”

“Chauvinist pig!” she snapped.

He laughed and then pulled her to him into a hug. She pulled back, refusing.

He laughed harder. “Honey…I was just making a point. Look in the bathroom. The toilet seat will always be left down for you. I’m not arguing.”

“Okay. From now on, always leave it up. If I use it, I will put it down myself!”

He pulled her again and hugged her, laughing. “No. I will not break the rules of my mother and of the society that dictated this principle.”

She jabbed him lightly on the ribs. “You’re impossible. You do one thing and yet you make fun of it.”

“I’m not. There are some things that you just can’t change.”

She pinched him.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“For being a chauvinistic jerk!”

He laughed. Then he tilted her chin up and kissed her.

The kiss deepened, became more passionate, and then suddenly, raging. Before she knew it, Justin began taking her on a passionate ride again.

When it was over, they were both catching their breaths.

Justin lay on his back and pulled her to him. She rested her head on his shoulder. After a minute, they were both asleep.

When she opened her eyes, she found herself still in Justin’s arms, naked, with a blanket tucked to her chin. She looked up. Justin had awoken already. He was watching a movie. He put the volume on low with the subtitles on, sort of like he was careful not to wake her up.

She just stared at his profile. His perfect nose. The cleft on his chin that was barely there at all. He was very handsome indeed.

He looked down at her. “Hey beautiful,” he whispered.

“How long have I slept?” she asked.

“Two, three hours? It’s already seven.”

She closed her eyes for a moment, then she stretched her arms and sat up, tucking the blanket under her arms.

He caressed the side of her waist. “Do you want to go out?” he asked.

“Where?”

He shrugged. “Just dinner. Anywhere your friends don’t normally hang out in so you won’t have to worry about anyone you know seeing you with Justin Adams.”

She peered at him, trying to see if he was angry about it. But he actually smiled this time.

“Okay. Just let me shower first.”

He nodded.

She got dressed. Then she kissed him on the cheek. “Pick me up at eight?” she asked, smiling.

“You bet.” He smiled back.

She took time getting ready. She wore a pair of white capri pants and a red sleeveless blouse that accented her curves, which she never paid much attention to before. She put on very light make up and tied her hair in a half-pony. Finally, she slipped into her while high-heeled sandals. She smiled at the sight of her reflection.

How come I never wore these clothes before?

The doorbell rang at exactly eight. Justin studied her for a whole minute when she opened the door.

“Should I change?” she asked.

He shook his head. “I’m thinking, let’s not go out at all. Let’s just stay here.”

She laughed. “Justin!”

He smiled. Then he pulled her close to him and whispered in her ear, “You’re a fox!” And he kissed her on the side of her neck.

She giggled. “Come on. Let’s go before you think of going farther.”

“Oh trust me, honey. I’m already thinking about it.”

She pinched him on the arm and laughed. “We just did what you were thinking about.”

He shook his head. “That was almost five hours ago.”

She pulled him towards the elevator. “Let’s go. I don’t sleep with a guy before a date.”

He laughed. “You’ve never slept with a guy before me, honey.”

She turned red. He laughed again and wrapped an arm around her waist.

“And that makes me so damn lucky!” he whispered and kissed her temple.

He took her hand in his. He led her to his Ferrari, and they drove to a Mexican restaurant in the City. Arrangements were already made so that they were seated in a secluded VIP area again.

After dinner, they took a joyride. Most of the time, he would take her hand in his and kiss it.

When they got home, he walked her to her door. They kissed passionately. She felt drugged. Excited. Like her world had flipped upside down again. And yet there was a sense of knowing. She knows this man… Justin… she feels comfortable at the same time. She felt the same excitement as ever, but the fear was gone.

When he pulled away, he looked as lost as she was. He smiled and kissed her on the forehead.

“Goodnight,” he said.

“Goodnight,” she whispered. She felt disappointed. She knew that she would miss sleeping in his arms that night. And she didn’t want to break the magic just yet.

Then she dared ask him, “Do you want to come inside?”

Triumph glinted in his eyes. He replied, “Honey…you know if I come in, I would stay the night.”

She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Then stay the night,” she murmured.

He smiled at her. He looked genuinely happy she asked him to stay.

She turned around and opened the door. He followed.

She went into the bathroom to take a shower and change into her pajamas. When she got out, she found Justin on her bed, watching the news.

“Hey…” she called.

He smiled at her and then took off his shirt, which exposed the torso and abs that melted her knees when she first looked at them… and they still did.

“Toothbrush?” he asked.

She went into the bathroom and took a brand new toothbrush head and placed it on her electric toothbrush.

“Sorry. I don’t have the whole brush. But I have spare heads.”

He laughed. “That’s fine.”

After brushing, he took a quick shower. Adrienne placed a clean towel on the towel bar and closed the bathroom door behind her.

When Justin got out of the bathroom, his hair was wet and he had a towel wrapped around his waist.

“What are you watching?” he asked.

“Nothing interesting.”

He sat beside her and kissed her. “I can think of something interesting to do,” he whispered mischievously.

She laughed. “You! You sound like you’re not tired of me yet.”

He shook his head. “Why should I be? You’re a fox!” His face descended towards hers and he gave her a soft kiss that turned passionate and deep. He nuzzled her neck and she moaned in pleasure.

After they made love, she felt senseless but happy.

She felt comfortable in his arms. She felt adored…and at the same time, safe.

She smiled even in her sleep. She thought, from the day she walked into Gypsys, she would never be the same.