DUNGEONS AND DRUGGOS

Ep.3 (Sir Lin Alone)

 Prologue

The group are once again in the bar, Widowmaker, PSY and Gargen, Sir Lin being the only one absent. They are taking shots, upon shots, downing four small wooden cups each. Suddenly Sir Lin bursts into the room, he pants as he walks rushed to the guys, sitting down and takes three shots from the abundant stack on the table. He pound his chest and takes a breath.

Lin: (feeling the blaze of alcohol) “I’m heading out of town for a little while.”

PSY: (looking rather tipsy) “No one really asked, but okay.”

Gargen: (curious) “For what?”

PSY: (under his breath) “Probably visited the queen again last night.” (Loudly) “And now… they want…his head.” (Maybe more than tipsy)

Lin: (irritated) (pulls note from pocket) “An old friend sent word she needed help with something important.”

PSY: (grabbing the note and reading) “Who is the she?”

Widowmaker: (arms crossed, looking just as faded) “Would you like our help?”

Lin: (to Widowmaker, calmly contemplating) “No, I’d prefer to do this alone, haven’t seen her in a while.”

Gargen: (giggling) “Probably doing it for more than that.”

Lin: (confused) “Dude can you not be a d**k right now, this can actually be serious.”

Gargen: (takes shot) “Nothing, just good luck.”

PSY: (Downing his drink) “You know it’s pissing me off that you’re not telling us who this is, I wanted a flashback…” (Tosses the note, back to Lin) “Tell V we say hello.”

Widowmaker: (looking tipsy) “Enjoy the trip”

Lin: (Touched) “Thanks guys I really think…”

PSY: (interrupting) “You’re going to miss the best party ever though.”

Lin: (doing a double take) “I’m sorry what?”

PSY: (sloppily gestures to the almost empty bar) “This is going to be the bestest party ever…”

Lin: (unconvinced) “Will it though?”

PSY: (revealing his intoxication) “Don’t you have ladies to defile?”

Lin: (realising how far gone they are) “And that’s my que…” (Smiling as he walks out) “Enjoy the epic party.”

With that Sir Lin leaves the bar and sets off on his adventure. He walks toward the east gate to the stables, straddles a horse and starts the journey to Malibur.

Act 1 Scene 1

He arrives in Malibur and dismounts his horse before the stables and leaves it there. Walking through town, straight to his friend’s house, on the way he is accosted by some ‘working girls’. They greet him by name and ask if he is there for them, he doesn’t answer rather smiling brightly and walks on. He finally arrives at his friends’ house, drenched in sweat from his heavy armour and the midday sun, he enters the house without warranting and is greeted with a pan to the face. Quickly being rendered unconscious. When he awakes from his nap he is inside the house lying in bed and someone is sitting next to him, its Valena.

Valena: “How you feeling?”

Lin: “Like I was hit by an ogre.”

Valena: (irritated) “I should have hit harder.” (kind of angry) “Why didn’t you knock first, didn’t you get my message.”

Lin: (sheepishly) “I only skimmed it, when I saw it was from you, I left.”

Valena: (deep sigh) “You haven’t changed a bit.”

Lin:  (smiles still clutching his skull) “You neither; you still look as beautiful as ever.” (Curious) “So why did you call me here.”

Valena: “The village has been infested with demons, I need your help to dispel them, and the priest said they are coming from the ruins. They attack at night and generally don’t leave survivors.” (Pointing at a stone in her hand) “The priest said I have to throw this in it to seal the portal.”

Lin: (confused) “I’m not sure about this, if they are demons you’ll need more than just me.”

Valena: (desperate) “I tried to contact the city to send help, but they didn’t respond.”(Worried) “Our guards have become fewer and fewer, I fear that soon the demons will take the whole village.”

Lin: (contempt) “Okay I’ll help you, just one more question.”

Valena: (curious) “Shoot.”

Lin: “Why did the village mage entrust you with this?”

Valena: (smiling slightly) “Oh, he’s my husband.”

Lin: (Stays silent and processes) “huh…” (Gets up and walks to the door) “You coming?”

Valena: (Surprised) “Gimmie a second to gear up.”

Lin: (striding into the kitchen and takes a seat) “Fine I’ll wait…” (Noticing a metal tray with a half smoked spliff) “Didn’t know you were still on the herb.”

Valena: (Audibly strains to strip in the other room) “Well, It’s a stressful job being the only high ranked knight in this town.”

Lin: (making a small flame on his finger, he lights the blunt) “Do you really do anything knightly here.”

Valena: (still out of sight but in earshot) “Go f*** yourself, I wouldn’t have this mission if I don’t.”

Lin: (taking a puff) “Surprised your husband would let you do something so dangerous.”

Valena: (steps from the room, covered in armour) “He didn’t have much choice.” (Looks at Lin smoking her joint with an irritated face)

Lin: (Holds the blunt out to her) “How so?”

Valena: (takes the blunt and sits beside Lin with her back facing him) “Could you tie my back straps.” (Takes a hit) “I wouldn’t let him stop me.”

Lin: (tying the straps) “You married a simp?”

Valena: (nipping the joint and putting it away) “No… yeah…” (Standing up and walking over to her mace) “I came here for normal, sensible…” (Looking back at Lin) “Stable.”

Lin: (A sombre look on his face) “I get it, so ready to go?”

Valena nods. The pair leave and set off to the ruin. They stay silent for most of the way and Sir Lin can’t help wondering what the guys are doing.

(The scene changes to the bar) Gargen is sitting and chanting ‘drink, drink, drink’. PSY stands beside him chanting the same with a bottle in hand. Widow holds a p********e in his arms he lifts her body to his head and sucks the alcohol from her bellybutton, he lowers her and PSY fills up the belly once again. Widow just takes the shots as they come, behind him the bartender puts another tally on a piece of parchment. Widow is quickly approaching Gargens’ tally.

(Back to Lin) The duo have stopped being awkward and Lin converses normally before they reach the ruin.

Lin: (breaking the ice) “So, how has it been.”

Valena: (Raises a brow) “What?”

Lin: (Smiles as he raises his arms gesturing around) “This…” (Dropping his arms) “The simple life.”

Valena: (Thinks for a bit) “Simple.”

Lin: (punches her shoulder) “Stop, really though.”

Valena: (stares at the sky as they walk through the forest) “I don’t know what you want, I left the capital because I was sick of my family, sick of my friends… sick of you.”

Lin: (abashed) “Never meant to hurt you…”

Valena: (snapping) “But you did…” (Sighs) “I came to get away, found Connor, and found what I wanted…”

Lin: (curious) “And this is what you wanted?”

Valena: (raises a brow) “Meaning?”

Lin: “In the city we were great warriors charged with protecting his and her majesty, here you’re just another soldier.”

Valena: (trying to contain her temper) “I fought to be considered a soldier, there isn’t any shame in what I do…”

Lin: (defensive) “There isn’t much pride in sifting through peasant s*** all day either.”

Valena: (losing it) “And where are you now ‘Sir Lin’!? Spoiler, you’re alone, without a single tittle to your name, you probably spend every night drowning you sorrow in the bosom of some whore.”

Lin: (Wanting to protest but knowing it true) “I have friends…”

Valena: (sarcastic) “Well congratulations” (applauding)

Lin: “Okay, why are you being such a d**k?”

Valena: (defending) “Why are you?”

Lin: (sighs) “I don’t know, I’m just a little nostalgic and excited… I’m an idiot.”

Valena: (cooling down) “You said it, we’ve really come a long way, huh.”

Lin: “If you mean, we’ve fallen pretty far, then yeah…”

Valena: (clicks her tongue)

Lin: “At least you’re still a soldier, I’m just a lowly adventurer, and I’m of no more use to the kingdom.”

Valena: (empathetic to Lin) “You have use to me…”

Lin: (Scoffs a little smile)

Valena: (tries to change the subject) “So these friends?”

Lin: (Actually begins to laugh) “Yeah maybe we can talk about those psychos after this mission…”

(The scene chances to the bar again) Everyone is drunk but still partying. PSY stands up and throws blunts in the air while shouting “get high motherf**kers”. The joints are caught by the patrons and the bar is quickly engulfed in one big exhale

Valena goes silent and nods as a large cave comes into view.

Act 1 Scene 2

Sir Lin and Valena stand at the entrance to the ruin, it smells like rotting meat. Sir Lin gets a chill up his spine but realizes that they can’t leave or else the village will be destroyed. He holds his head high and ventures in with Valena before him, though she looks like a frail flower she is quite strong and well oriented with a sword. Sir Lin whispers to Valena that they should try to sneak past the demons; because there is no way they can fight them head on. The pair start walking inside and spot a few demons up ahead, they duck behind an old stone pillar. The demons pass. (Surprisingly Sir Lin in his huge armour isn’t noticed) They continue down the corridor. There are three pathways up ahead and the pair can’t decide which one is the right one. They decide to take it in order from right. They walk for a short while then they see a door guarded by a few demons up ahead. They decide to stop and think of what they should do now: go back and see what’s in the other pathways or fight the demons and see what’s inside the door. Sir Lin doesn’t hesitate to attack the demons, always so brave, but in this case he slays the three demons with relative ease. Valena walks closer and the pair stare at the door, opening it to walk inside. The room is filled with treasure, gold, jewels and weapons galore, far too much for the pair to carry. They decide to rummage through the gold for something useful. They dig for a while when Sir Lin finds what looks like a staff. It has a fairly straight handle with a large ring on top, blades protruding from it. There is also a blue gemstone in the centre of the ring, floating and immovable, looking at it Sir Lin knows it could be of use and that it is definitely magical. Valena settles on filling her pack with gold and they leave. Going back the way they came, they decide to take the middle pathway. The number of demons clear up and this section is surprisingly empty and they soon find themselves at the entrance to the great hall. The pair cautiously step behind another large pillar and look within. A score of twenty or more demons stand around what looks to be a large black spot in the floor, the portal.

 Lin: “What will we do now; there is no way we can get past that many demons.”

Valena: “F***ed if I know, you think we can throw it in from here?”

Lin: (thinking to himself) “I wish my friends were here; they would know what to do; I wonder what they’re doing? “

PSY walks drunkenly to Gargen and Widowmaker and says, “I have an amazing idea let’s see if the king is up to join this party.” The two just nod in agreement, their eyes betraying their intoxication. They end up in the palace, somehow, PSY then walks up to the thrown where the king is seated with the queen beside him. PSY throws two pre-rolled at them and screams, “Let’s party.”

(Back to Lin) While Sir Lin is day-dreaming about what his friends might be doing two demons come up behind the pair and knock them out. They awaken in a cage over the portal.

Valena: (distressed) “Wake up idiot.”

Lin: (shocked) “Where are we?”

Valena: “We were captured while you were day-dreaming behind the pillar, dumbass.”

Lin: (recovering his thoughts) “Oh, yeah, sorry about that.”

Valena: “Yeah, yeah, now we have to find a way to get out of here.”

Lin: (thinking then says) “I can break the bars with a spell, but I don’t know which one to use.”

Valena: (anger in her eyes) “It doesn’t matter which one you use, what matters is you get us out of here, dumbass.”

Lin: (a bit scared) “Okay, calm down, now I know which spell to use.”

Lin stands up and casts a fire spell to burn the lock. The two jump out of the cage and the demons start to attack. Sir Lin uses another spell this time to freeze. A few demons are frozen but the rest attack, in that second Sir Lin swings his new staff at them and to his surprise the blades start spinning at a considerable pace, slicing through a few demons with ease. While the demons are distracted, Valena throws the stone in the portal and the demons are sucked into it. Amidst the chaos, the pair escape the ruin, running for their lives as the ruins seem to collapse around them, when they’re out they look back only to find the entrance is gone. Behind them stands a hill full of trees. They start their journey back home, and Lin starts to tell a story of his friends. Of their adventures, their meeting, the new demonic friend and all the shenanigans they’ve been up to.

Act 2 Scene 1

The pair made their way to town without any issues and Valena invites Lin to sleep over, considering her husband is out of town he wouldn’t mind. They walk to her house and enjoy a quiet dinner, Valena prepared. They then retire to their rooms, Sir Lin to the spare bedroom and Valena to her room.

Lin: (thinking) “Wow that was an awesome adventure, wish the guys were here, wonder what they’re doing.”

(To the bar) The whole place is a mess, there are bottles everywhere both broken and otherwise, and PSY is laying in his dark booth only the back of his hood is visible as a small pool of drool. The king is asleep on a stool, surprisingly his crown wasn’t stolen and sits tilted upon his skull. The queen has been away for a while, with more than a few guys her moans still echo through the silent bar. Gargen is still drinking somehow and Widowmaker trying to keep up. Feeling sick, Widowmaker leaves the bar for some air, the bodies of unconscious partiers fill the streets. Some are inside, some are outside and some are still keeping it going. Jumping and singing as they drink the night away.

(Back to lin)

Lin: “I should stop guessing, they’re probably just hanging out.”

Suddenly Valena enters the room she is dressed in a dark silk nightgown. She slowly approaches the bed. Her hair is wet.

Valena: (sultry) “Hey I was just taking a bath and thought you might want to join me.”

Lin: (smiles at the camera, breaking the fourth wall, he then gets up and follows her) (you can probably guess what happens next)

Sir Lin and Valena enter the throws of passion, they enjoy themselves thoroughly and fall asleep spent. Soon daylight strikes and Sir Lin has to start his journey home, with nothing but a new enchanted staff and memories of the previous night.

Act 2 Scene 1

Sir Lin stands at the entrance to the city, there are no guards and as he goes through the giant doors he sees why. The entire population of the city is either collapsed or walking around like zombies, the heat of the rising sun aggravating their hangovers. He makes his way to the bar only to see PSY and Widowmaker collapsed and Gargen still drinking.

Lin: (shocked) “What the f**k happened here?”

PSY: (waking up) “You missed the greatest party ever!”

Widowmaker: (also waking up) “uhh…my head.”

Lin: (to Widowmaker) “I thought you’re immortal.”

Widowmaker: (hungover) “I still feel everything.”

Gargen: (rolls eyes) “Pussies.”

PSY: “F**k you, you elfaholic.” (To Lin) “I think we made a new holiday.” (To the king) “Right?”

King: (emerging from PSYs’ dark booth with a blunt and two girls on his arm) “Hell yes.”

Epilogue

The king walks through the castle and most of people have awoken, he stands high in a tower and shouts out.

King: “My loyal people I now make today National get f**ked day!” (The people shout and scream with joy)

Lin: (to himself) “It wasn’t worth it.”(Feeling better after thinking about it) “Oh well, there still next year.”

(Fade to black)