DUNGEONS AND DRUGGOS

Ep.2 (Hunt for the Herb)

Prologue

We open with Widowmaker walking into the town square. Through the open gate between the city walls, it is a straight walk all the way up the street to the gutters market. The rising sun, behind the dark stone castle, indicating how early it really is. Widowmaker wanders from stall to stall looking for something. There are an abundance of stalls showing off everything from weapons and armour to selected food and herbs. It’s surprisingly empty though there are few people around, and in the small crowd Widowmaker notices a familiar face, Gargen, dressed in his usual green-brown attire. He approaches him and the two start talking.

Gargen: “Morning.”

Widow: “Morning to you, you here for the market?”

Gargen: (Sarcastic) “No.” (Normally) “Of course, but I can’t seem to find any elven ingredients.”

Widow: (confused) “PSY asked me to get more of that herb we used, but I can’t find them either.”

Gargen: “I’m not the most knowledgeable about those herbs.” (Sighs) “But I’m pretty sure they don’t sell them here.”

Widow: (Infuriated) “Why does he do that?”

Gargen: “That’s just who he is been like that as long as I’ve known him…” (Ponders for a moment)” Just don’t pay so much attention to him.”

The pair leave the market, settled that they won’t find anything, and walk toward the bar side by side. They pass by the stalls and pull into the narrow street that leads to the bar.

Widow (curious) “How long have you known him?”

Gargen: (the corners of his mouth edged slightly down) “An unanalysable amount of time”

Widow: (notices the small grimace on Gargen) “That is pretty vague…”

Gargen: (shrugs) “My point exactly, I’ve known him for years, but we’ve never been all that friendly.”

Widow: (Stopping for a moment) “You weren’t comrades when I arrived?”

Gargen: (Stops) “Nope…”

Widow: (Taken a little aback) “You all seem so friendly with eachother…”

Gargen: (walking on) “Yeah that’s because were not stupid…”

Widow: (following) “What do you…”

Gargen: (keeps walking) “Nevermind…”

Widow: (thinking of a new subject in the silence of their steps) “So… I’ve been meaning to ask, you’re an elf right?”

Gargen: (raising a brow) “Last I checked. Why…?”

Widow: “Well, last I checked, humans and elves never liked one-another.”

Gargen: “We still don’t, but I needed to disappear…” (Going quiet for a while) “And this is a good place to blend into.”

Widow: “Not really…”

Gargen: (catching it) “What was that?”

Widow: “Well you are the only elf in this entire city Just saying, I tried that same flee strategy and it didn’t work out.”

Gargen: “You fled here?”

Widow: (slowing his pace slightly) “Not me, just… someone I knew.”

Gargen: “Then why say ’I’?”

Widow: (Confused) “I wanted to personalize the statement, but excuse me.”

Gargen: (smiles) “You’re excused from your poor grammar.”

Widowmaker: (not satisfied) “So why are you the only elf in town?”

Gargen: (sighs and consede) “Well I used to live in the elven capital and let me tell you it was the best, but I got into some trouble and had to get the hell out.”

Widowmaker: (slightly confused) “Why flee here, where you’re all alone?”

Gargen: “Most elves despise humans, with a passion, so where better to hide than the place where I’m least likely to be.”

Widowmaker: (Mutters) “Seems like the worst place to hide, besides that, what did you do…”

They walk up to the double doors of the bar, and Widow reaches to open it. As Gargen was about to respond. The doors swing open, smacking Widow directly on the fingers, he flinches in pain and screams out. PSY walks out onto the paved stones with Lin right behind him. They look at the pair before them…

PSY: “Sup, we were about to go look for you. We have a job.”

Act 1 Scene 1

They walk along a thin road, Gargen, Widow, PSY and Lin. The sun shines through the clouds and the humidity suffocates them. Beside them is a great mountain that stretches to the clouds, some trees separate them from the edge of the mountain They walk unsteadily, Gargen is leading, PSY and Lin are traipsing at the back and Widow is in the far back silently thinking. They have been walking for a few days and Gargen knows where they are, everyone knows those mountains, he didn’t have the foggiest idea why they were there though. He looks back at PSY and Lin talking. Gargen assumed that Lin knew where they were headed, he confronted Lin a day earlier but Lin knew as little as him. Finally having enough.

Gargen: “PSY, where the hell are we going?”

PSY: “Don’t worry about it, it’ll be great I promise.”

Widow: (Joining the conversation) “The last time you said that you took us to a cave.”

PSY: (retorting) “And it was awesome,” (Pointing at Widowmakers’ axe) “Plus I don’t hear you complaining about that.”

Widowmaker: (rolls eyes) “I’d prefer something better.”

PSY: (shrugging) “Beggars can’t be choosers.”

Gargen: (irritated) “You’re going off topic, where are we going?!”

PSY: (clasping his ears) “No need to shout, were heading to Lavertia, it’s a small town at the base of the Oracle’s Grand Mountains.”

Gargen: (stopping) “Nope.”

PSY: (stops) “I’m sorry ‘nope? Why?”

Gargen: (Staying still, arms crossed) “Me and elves don’t mix.”

Lin: (confused) “But you are an elf.”

Gargen: (sigh) “How perceptive of you, don’t worry about the why, just worry about me, not going.”

PSY: (unbothered) “Dude it’s not like it’s in elven territory, nothing bad is gonna happen.”

Gargen: “It’s still an elven village.”

Lin: (adding to the conversation) “Technically does falls into our territory though.”

Gargen: (Wanting to protest, rather sighing) “Fine, but I’m only spending one night there.”

PSY: (smirking, continues their walk) “Good, one night is how long we were staying anyway.” (to Lin) “Also try to keep it in your pants.”

Lin: (offended) “What are you trying to say?”

PSY: “You have the tendency to…” (Briefly contemplates) ” f*** everything you see.”

Lin: (cross but somewhat sheepishly) “I do not.”

PSY: “True, to my knowledge you’ve kept your d**k out of nature…”

Lin: (briefly contemplates)

Gargen: (staring at Lin in disgust) “Dude.”

Lin: (shushing Gargen) “Shut up for a moment… What do consider ‘nature’…?”

PSY: “pfft… a f***ing tree, or a mountain.”

Lin: (contemplated again) “What about a water spirit…?”

Gargen: (Shocked) “Dude.”

Lin: “What I didn’t… well yes I did but it was consensual”

PSY: “I sure hope it was, but it still doesn’t help your case.”

PSY: (hushing them, they stand before a small board which reads, ‘Lavertia ’) “Were here guys.”

Lin: (pissed) “You were the one…”

PSY: “The village of Lavertia.”

Widow: (Especially quiet up until now) “Duh…”

The group stand at the large opening to the village, small houses line both sides of the street. They walk down the wide dirt road and find their way to the inn, there is only one, it’s a small building with a wooden porch. Inside there is a fire pit in the centre of the room, benches stand behind the loadbearing pillars against the walls. It reeks of smoke and sweat as the heat irradiates the room, Gargen casually strolls to the bar and orders a vodka, concealing himself with his hood. Lin and PSY make their way to the owner and ask for lodging and Widowmaker sits at a table, no one questions the shirtless horned stranger and a waitress even comes by and takes his order.

Act 1 Scene 2

The inn is loud and alive, every soul has a glass in their hands and a song in their hearts. PSY, Gargen and Widowmaker are all sharing a drink, they sing in unison with the drunkards.  Sir Lin has already headed off to bed. He said he wasn’t feeling well and retired early, which is rather uncommon. As the trio enjoy their drinks, they don’t notice the owner sliding behind them into the room. A scream and shout echo from the room and the building becomes silent. Sir Lin runs from his room followed by the owner, wielding a bat shaped tree branch, and a girl wearing nothing but a comforter. The trio simultaneously face-palm and find their way to the exit, Lin first, then PSY, Gargen and Widow

PSY: (deep sigh) “I asked for one f**king thing.” (Pissed) “Why can’t you keep it in your bloody pants?”

Gargen: (arms crossed also chastising Lin) “I said… tha… whatever. Maybe it’s like a disease, he can’t control himself.”

Widowmaker: (joining them) “I think we need to get him fixed.”

Lin: (irritated) “What do you mean fixed?”

Widowmaker: (says nothing but makes a crude gesture of scissors with his fingers cutting his other finger)

Lin: (Holding his crotch) “Jesus you guys want to neuter me.”

Gargen: (confused) “Funny that you know what neuter means but not fixed.”

Lin: “I’m not an idiot.” (Frowning) “Sorry though guys.”

PSY: (calm again) “Its fine, we’re just gonna have to sleep on the floor.”

Gargen: (pointing at a barn) “Why don’t we sleep there, the hay is softer than the dirt.”

PSY: “Sure; let’s go dudes.”

Widow: (Sighs) “Not as soft as a bed…”

Arriving at the barn they open the huge doors and look around for a comfortable place to sleep. Finally finding the perfect place to black out, they all collapse.

PSY: (unhooking his cloak and wrapping it around him) “Goodnight guys.”

Gargen: (looking out the barn window at the moon) “Why are we here PSY.”

PSY: (shrugs) “it’s all part of the fun, the mystery.”

Gargen: (closing his eyes) “I really hate surprises.”

PSY: (tiredly giggles) “If we’re gonna be comrades you’re gonna have to get used to it…”

Gargen: (giggles) “Comrades… huh… Do you remember when we first met?”

PSY: (grumbles as he fades to sleep) “nope”

Gargen: (makes himself comfortable to sleep) “So how could we ever be comrades?”

Light hits Gargens face the next morning, PSY has been awake for a bit now and has already started rolling a joint. Gargen raises his head and taps the other two awake.

Lin: (yawns and rises from the hay) “We got anything to eat…?”

PSY: (A small flame forms on the tip of his gloved finger, he lights the joint then puts it out the open flame) “Probably not…” (Exhales) “Considering you f***ed the only goods dealer’s daughter.”

Lin: (sighs and rubs his stomach) “S***… sorry guys.”

Gargen:  “apologize to our stomachs”

PSY: (holding up the joint) “This is where herbs will solve our problems…”

Widow: (interrupts) “How?”

PSY: (smiles) “I’m glad you asked, this wonderful plant actually takes away the feeling of hunger, it even gives a small boost of energy… for a while anyway.” (holding it out) “Anyone wanna try?”

Gargen: (about to protest but his grumbling belly betrays him) “Wait, wait, how?”

PSY: (takes another hit) “Doubting the power? Prove me wrong…” (holding it to Gargen once again)

 Gargen: (about to protest but his grumbling stomach speaks instead) “Fine.”

They each take their two hits and the blunt follows rotation. The world around them again seems to change, like there’s more detail to everything. Their stomachs feel full and they are suddenly wide awake. Immediately leaving up the mountain when they finish.

Act 2 Scene 1

They continue their trip up the mountain with PSY leading the way, Gargen and Widowmaker trail behind mumbling undiscernibly, whilst Lin walks behind them trying desperately to join the conversation. They walk through the cool morning air, as they trek ever closer to a large opening in the mountain. PSY stops before the cave and turns into it.

Gargen: (standing at the cave opening) “What are you doing.”

PSY: (From within the darkness) “I’m feeling peckish. Hey Lin… ”

Lin: (totally zoned out behind Widow) “Huh…”

PSY: “How’s about a little fire…”

Lin: (confused) “Wait, wha… ” (Realising) “Ohh. Gotcha.”

Lin steps forward and releases a long column of flames into the cave. Illuminated, they spot a mountain lion just as Lins’ magic roasts her to a crisp.

PSY: (crawling free from the corner of the cave) “I meant a small flame for light…” (Looking back at the now dead lioness) “Anyone up for cat?”

Gargen: (shakes his head) “That is disgusting.”

Widow: (Walking into the cave) “I’ve never had lion…”

Gargen: (shocked) “Do you even need to eat!?”

Widow: (shrugs) “This is a little more for the experience.”

Gargen: (shudders)

PSY: (Whips out his dagger and another small silver one) “Imma skin it.” (Flips back) “Start a fire Lin”

Gargen: (stomach silently grumbles) “Nasty…”

Lin: (Walks from the cave and tries to find some firewood) “Mans gotta eat.”

Jaws gnaw in the brightly lit cave, the spit roasting lioness’ carcass misses a large portion of meat. Gargen sits in silence while they prey upon the sticky meat.

Widow: (slowly chews) “You know it’s not the best… but it’s something.”

PSY: (swallows) “It’s a little too chewy, and sour?”

Lin: (spits it out) “That was horrible, let’s leave.” (Strolls out of the cave)

Gargen: (jumps up and walks free) “Thank god.”

PSY: (stands aswell) “Fine, we’re burning daylight”

The group walk up the mountain at a considerable pace, the weather has changed from a piercing sun to an icy wind as the snow-capped mountain consumes them. Suddenly a loud roar echoes through the mountain, and the group immediately up their guard. They crouch and walk slowly up to an edge on the mountain, only to find a cave opening. The opening is wide and bright, glowing from within. An ogre suddenly rears its ugly head from within, PSY lets out a relieved sigh.

PSY: (turning back in a hush) “No demons this time…” (Pulling his dagger from his cloak) “Shall we?”

Widow: (catching PSY’s words) “Wait, demons…?”

PSY: (smiles and throws his dagger at the ogre) “Yes…”

The ogre drops and screams in agony as the dagger pierced his thigh, a score of eight more run from within the cave. They are surrounded from all sides by ogres, Widow attacks first, slashing at an ogre. The beast hops back evading the s***h and the free for all begins, Gargen runs forward flipping over and ogre to kick another in the face. PSY follows suit and runs between an ogres’ legs right into the cave.

PSY: (pulling his dagger from the ogre) “Excuse me…”

Gargen has found a vantage point and fires at the ogres. Widow and Lin stand point slicing the few before them, they finish off the last few ogres and walk inside to see PSY filling his sack with the large herb that grows within the infested cave.

Gargen: (walking over to PSY) “You piece of s***. You said it wasn’t a cave!”

PSY: (laughs but doesn’t stop) “I lied…”

Gargen: (sighs deeply)

Before they could leave the oracle appears and offers to tell them each about their future. They look with intent only to say,in unison, ‘Nah’.

PSY: “I only have one thing to look forward to, Death.”

Gagen: “Who cares?”

 Widowmaker: “I already know what’s in my future, vengeance.”

Lin: (curious) “Sure, why not.”

Oracle: “Darkness and death aw…”

Lin: “Never mind, too boring.” (He leaves)

They walk down but it starts getting dark. They decide to take refuge in the cave with the, still skewered, lioness. The group decide to camp out the night and start heading down tomorrow. While Gargen, Lin and Widowmaker talk about what they’re gonna do with their spoils of the quest. PSY starts walking around handing out bowls of soup. The gang enjoys the meal, but soon realize something is wrong.

Gargen: (suspicious) “PSY, did you put something in this?”

PSY: (sheepishly he walks backwards slowly) “Nooooo….”

Lin: (facepalms) “Fuck.”

Widowmaker: (sigh) “You drugged us didn’t you?”

PSY: (laughing) “Nooo…” “Well yes, but I think you should be high to hear this, this job was for me I ran out of stock.”

Gargen: (angry) “So you made us go all the way here and almost die, because you couldn’t go without smoking?”

PSY: “Exactly.”

Epilogue

All of them tripping, they run down the mountain at full speed in total darkness and they make it to the bottom faster than expected, when they finally reach the bottom it is unclear why they were running to begin with. They pass out after the reach the bottom and the morning sunlight wake them all up.

Gargen: (recovering) “What happened, how’d we get to the bottom of the mountain?”

 Widowmaker:(also recovering) “I blame PSY for this.”

Lin: (joining in) “He totally drugged us,”

PSY: (smiling, whilst lying in the dirt) “Nooo…”

Gargen: (angry) “Son of a bitch.”

(The end)