Man Of My Dreams

Chapter Eleven

I scowled up at him. I forgot he might be around here. Maybe I would have put up a bigger fight earlier to stay in my own home had I remembered. He smirked down at me, and then he leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest. “Well, well, look who it is. Little miss tattle-tale.” I rolled my eyes, “Save it,” I tried to step around him, but he moved in front of me. “Seriously,” I scoffed, “move.” He chuckled and stepped out of my way. “I wanted to apologize for my behavior the other day.”

“Shove it,” I said as I walked away. I don’t know what it is about him, but I just don’t like him. And it’s not just the run-in we had the other day. Something else… something about the vibe he gives off. I just don’t like it. In the kitchen, I fixed myself a glass of water and snacked on some pastry I found. Satisfied with my snack, I left the kitchen and found myself heading towards the library. Not to read, no, I had had my belly full of reading for the night.

I wanted to see if Kian was there. Maybe he had gotten a little further on the dreaming thing. I was bored out of my mind and needed something to do. I could offer my help with researching or something, since I know I won’t be able to work now. I was so close to freedom. So goddamn close. I had had a small taste of being my own person. And yet I hardly even put up a fight to keep it. I didn’t want to die, that’s true, but being locked up was no way to live. I would know.

I flung open the doors of the library. It was empty. I sat in my usual chair off in a far corner and sulked. Surely it won’t take Kian long to get rid of whoever is trying to kill me. I don’t know why anyone would even want me dead. I’m not special. I’m just a girl. I have no powers. I have nothing, actually. I laughed out loud. It’s kind of comical. I took three steps forward just to turn around and take two more back. Just when I thought things might be different for me.

I sighed and pulled my knees up to my chest. At least I had escaped that swamp. And I did meet one friend while I could. I wondered if there was even a point in texting Jack now. Probably not. I stood and wandered around the library for a bit. I heard the large doors swing open. I stilled and listened. Two voices. Kian and Silas. I couldn’t make out what they were saying. I decided against sneaking around to eavesdrop since I’m sure they already smelled my scent.

I rounded the corner and saw them both hovering over a table of books. Their heads snapped up to meet my gaze as soon as they heard me approach. Silas had that stupid smirk plastered on his face. Kian smiled briefly and returned his attention back to the books. I stood next to Kian while he zoned in on whatever the hell he was reading. All written in Sangrian, of course. “Anything we can help you with?” Silas asked. “Actually, I was hoping maybe I could help you two?” I immediately regretted saying that, realizing exactly how it sounded as soon as it left my lips.

Something flickered in Kian’s eyes when he looked up at me, but it quickly diminished. “Not exactly how I pictured spending the rest of this evening, but I’m sure we could find somethi–” “Silas.” Kian snapped. I rolled my eyes, and shifted my weight to my other foot. “That’s not what I meant,” I said flatly, “I’m just bored. And if I’m gonna be basically trapped here, I’d at least like to have something to do.”

“My offer still stands,” Silas purred. “I’ll pass on that. Now and forever,” I put my hands on my hips, “So,” I said to Kian, “Ya got anything I can do?” Before Silas could spew another inappropriate comment, Kian said, “I have a small list of books I’ll be needing soon.” I nodded. He handed me the list. “I thought you said small?” The list was anything but small. There were at least fifty to sixty books on this list. Kian side eyed me, “Do you want to help or not?

I let out an annoyed sigh. “There’s a cart over there,” He pointed at the cart that was pushed against the bookshelf closest to us. He didn’t need to tell me how the books were shelved here. I knew this library like the back of my hand, just like any other room in this place. It took me a couple of hours, but by the time I had found every book on Kian’s list, I was dusty, hungry, and exhausted. It was probably midnight or maybe a little later when I rounded the corner back to the table where now only Kian was hunched over.

“All done,” I dusted my hands off and plopped down in the chair next to Kian. He began switching out the books on the table for the ones on the cart. “Thank you, Wren. You saved me a little more time.” I yawned, and waved my hand at him, “No problem.” I said. I stood from the chair and stretched. I was about to excuse myself when he said, “I’m sorry you feel trapped here.” Trapped was an understatement. Any type of entrapment felt more like prison to me.

“It’s okay, really. Sometimes I just need to be a little dramatic. I’ll get over it.” He chuckled and ran a finger through his hair. It wasn't pulled up in a half-up, half-down style like it usually was. He looked tired, but ruggedly handsome. “I know you probably hate hearing it, but you remind me of her.” His face was somber. It’s not that I hated hearing it, how much I was like my nine-times great-grandmother. It was just who she was to him that I hated to hear about.

That pang of jealousy I had felt the night I dreamed of him and that woman was still present and only grew bigger anytime he spoke of Genevieve. I suppose we both want things we can’t have. He wanted her, but she didn’t want to be kept. And I want him, but his heart belongs to another. The jealousy turned into sadness. A longing for the man I couldn’t have. But I didn’t let it show. And I certainly didn’t let on that it bothered me, what he had said. Instead, I shrugged. “I’ve gotten used to it.”

He stared at me for a moment, and then he closed the space between us. He put his hand on my cheek. It startled me. His hands were rough and calloused. I stood there, rigid and still. He stared into my eyes. “I just… I need to do this. Just this once,” I knitted my brows together, “Do wha–” But his lips were on mine before I could finish my question. He kissed me deeply. It didn’t take me long to kiss him back. When he pulled away, I was breathless and overcome with need.

He stared at me, his eyes wild. “Get out,” he said. I flinched. He turned away from me and gripped the table so hard his knuckles turned white. “Get out?” I could feel the tears brimming in my eyes. I was about to explode. “Get out?” I all but screamed. My breath quickened and something like worry flashed in Kian’s eyes. “You kiss me like that, and then you tell me to get out?” He didn’t say anything. He’d only hung his head and nonchalantly returned his attention back to his research.

I stormed out of the library and back to my room. I turned on the shower and stripped. I let the scalding hot water run down my body and cried. My first f*****g kiss. And he tells me to get out? I sobbed in the shower for a while until no more tears came. I toweled off and got into bed without dressing. I slept fitfully, tossing and turning. Dozing off and on all night until the birds began chirping. I flung the silk sheets off of my sticky skin and lied there for a moment before I finally got up out of bed.

I decided I was done being second to Genevieve, and, most importantly, done with wanting someone who clearly doesn’t want me back. I rolled over and grabbed my phone off the nightstand and sent a quick text to Jack. It didn’t take him long to respond. I dressed and headed to the kitchen to have breakfast. And then I spent the rest of my morning in the garden while I texted back and forth with Jack. It was mostly flirty small talk. Until he asked me if we could hang out.

I knew there was no way that could happen, so I lied. I told him I was busy working on a project, but that I would let him know as soon as I was available. Maybe I could ask Kian to send a guard with me to the market or something. But I doubted he would allow that so soon. I’d give a week or two before I asked. Before I knew it, lunchtime came around. And then, supper. I went back to the library that night to offer my help. I was put on book duty again. But I didn’t mind. It gave me something to do. I’d even managed to find a book on the Sangrian language and how to read and write it. I took that one for myself.

When I had found all the books Kian listed, I only dropped the cart off and returned to my room. Where I showered and slept fitfully, again.