The Beginning in the End

A Compromise of the heart

Today I have very mixed emotions, it's both a good and bad day. I know I'm probably being dramatic it was just a nightmare, but it has deeply affected the way I'm thinking about things. I guess you could say it's made my grim perspective of things way much worse than they need to be today, I'm suppose to be in a good mood for James and Renee.

After all, today they have a very special event happening today, they so happen to invite the neighboring camp to come out and celebrate. This day is going to mark the day they decided to become one, a beautiful union in a town where nothing is suppose to florish. This, to the outsiders not affected, is similar to a wedding. Now I'm not going to boast here but I must say that I outdid myself with this one. Even though I can't shake this cold fear off, I'm very proud that during some of my scouting trips I brought back decor for today. They don't really match, but I hope it's enough to boost some moods around here. James had a big surprise because usually these things have been thrown by the pool. Today, however, James has requested that we throw this on the rooftop. Which is something that is never requested by anyone. No one likes to look at the town that used to hold so much happiness for us.

"What have I gotten myself into?" I mumbled to myself. After what felt like hours staring out of the window I decided that I'll shower early in case they need help setting up. Before jumping into the shower I picked out today's outfit. I chose my red flannel shirt, with a black shirt underneath, black skinny jeans, that which I might add made my behind and hips look good, and red converse to tie the outfit together.

I stepped into the warm shower letting it cool the cold fear that's in my bones. For once I welcomed a way to let something consume me and take my mind out of this prison.

"Hey I got a surprise for you." Tyler said brushing my hair behind my ear. "Close your eyes ok? do you trust me" He whispered into my ear sending shivers down my spine. "Of course I trust you. You're my best friend." I told him with a slight blush. I closed my eyes. Just then I felt him slip a flower behind my ear. "I found this while we were out. I thought of you and got it I hope you like it."

I can't believe I forgot about Tyler. It hasn't been long but he was the light in this hell hole. My heart clenched as the warm water hit the top of my head. Life would've been better, could've been better if they just extracted us from this place like they said they would.

"Hey everything's going to be alright I'll be back before you know it." Tyler said with his goofy smile. "Just promise me you'll take care of Carter while I'm gone. He likes you too you know." a ghost of a smile played on his lips. "You will be right back though right? I don't like this whole idea of you going out right now." I pouted. "No worries though, Carter is in good hands with me. We'll figure something out to waste time while your gone." I said with a smirk that didn't fully reach my eyes. "Please becareful Tyler listen to what they say."

I shut off the shower, somewhere along the lines I hadn't realized I'd been quietly sobbing. After steph I had completely confided in Tyler. He knew me just as good as James did, probably better. The cold fear that I felt in my bones was replaced by the sadness that has overwhelmed me for a year.

After drying off I made quick work of of brushing my hair and putting on my outfit. Now normally I don't spend time doing my hair but since tonight was a big night, in more than one way, I decided that today would be a great day to put it into a neat bun. I gave myself a once over in the mirror approving of myself for the day. "I would totally date myself if I could and it wouldn't be weird." I said to myself with a light hearted chuckle. For the most part jokes like this helped ease the pain that I had hidden in the depths of my soul. I would never burden anyone with listening to it, I just couldn't see myself adding stress to an already bad situation.

When I opened the room door to make my departure to the roof top I got the scare of a lifetime. "You date yourself huh" Steph said with an amused smirk. "Well duh look at me." I smirked back at him clearly making him even more amused. "Ash I need to talk to you it's serious." all amusement gone from his eyes. "Sure come in." I shrugged moving out of his way. Steph came into my bedroom as if he owned the place and sat on my bed.

"Ash why are you going on this trip?" his eyes seemed darker than usual as they roamed my face for any type of answer. "You know why stephan." I just about whispered to him. "You know whats at stake right? I can't allow you to go. I'm not even going." his concern had the opposite desired affect. It just made me angry, he knows that I don't like to feel controlled in any sort of way. "What's it matter to you? You of all people have no right to dictate what I do or how I do it." I was surprised this didn't come out bitterly, instead it was eerily calm.

Lost in my own thoughts as my head and heart were at war with each other. Clearly one was more sensible than the other. While my heart wanting to escape my head was weighing out all that could go wrong with tonight. I hadn't realized that he was to close for my liking.

"Ash I have something to admit to you. I don't know how to tell you this." He murmered into my ear while his hand plays with a strand of my hair. I didn't respond to him I wanted to know what he was going to say.

"Ash, I want you I always have and always will. Please stay, the middle of the city is a bad place." he whispered in my ear. His calloused fingers softly tracing my jaw. I couldn't register what he was doing, or maybe I could and I just liked it too much to stop? "Ash stay with me. Let me love you like I should have the first time." As he feathered kisses from my jaw down to my neck.

"Steph, I need to--" I was interrupted as his lips crashed into mine. His hands tangled in my hair as he took his sweet time kissing me. Just before I could truly register the weight of his words and his sweet tempting kisses it stopped. "Ok then, if you're going I'm going. Seeing James get ready for today gave me the push I needed. I'm not letting you go this time. I love you." he softly murmered as he tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. With a quick peck to my forehead he left the room leaving me alone with my thoughts.