Untold Sorrow

The Concert

Jennifer's P.O.V:

In the month that followed, I did see Mathew often. It was hard to be avoided, but it was almost always at a distance, across the room at a large gathering. When this happened, we would nod and smile at each other, but neither made any effort to seek the other out. Once we sat at the same table at a dinner party in a restaurant. We spoke politely when it was unavoidable, but only on the most impersonal subjects.

I spent Christmas with William and Margaret. Their two children were home from school for the holidays, and with snow on the ground, gifts under the tree and a sumptuous turkey dinner, the day passed pleasantly enough. Still, I was glad to get back to my quiet apartment.

In early January I managed to get through the first anniversary of Richard's death. Although the weight on my heart was heavier that day than usual, when it was over, I felt as though I had passed an important milestone, and the tears I shed that night when I gazed longingly at his photograph on the bedside table before turning out the light were not bitter.

There was a concert for a young Korean cellist which particularly I wanted to hear. so I decided to attend, so my dear sister Margaret, who preferred More active pursuits than sitting in a darkened theater listening to music, had offered me her own seat in that concert.

As I locked the door of my apartment and walked down the hall to the elevator, I thought how grateful I was that this was one affair, at least, where Margaret agreed with me that I didn't need an escort.

I wondered, waiting for the elevator if I should drive or take a cab. it had been raining steadily for days, with no sign of freezing, so perhaps it would be safe to take my own car. Still absorbed in my inner debate, when the elevator doors opened I was dimly aware that there was another person inside. Then I heard a familiar voice say good evening to me. I jumped a little, then looked up into the amused grey eyes of Matthew Smith.

I hadn't seen him for some weeks and was surprised now at how tall he seemed. He was wearing a coat over a dark suit, and looked tanned and fit, as though he'd been in the sun over the holidays.

'You look as though you're pondering a weighty matter', he said as I stepped inside.

I laughed. 'Oh, I was. I'm trying to decide whether to take a cab to the young Korean cellist or drive. What's your opinion'?

'Don't tell me', he said. 'William's seat'?

I stared at him. 'Oh, no', I groaned. 'You too'? He nodded gravely.

'Damn Margaret!' I muttered. 'I thought she'd given that up'.

He smiled. The elevator had reached the ground floor, and we stepped out into the Lobby and faced each other.

'I suppose she didn't provide you with an escort for the evening'? He asked. 'Odd, I was invited alone too'.

I almost gnashed my teeth I was so angry. 'One day I'm going to murder that sister of mine'.

'You could be wrong, you know', he said musingly. 'William gave me his ticket he knows I like music. It could just be a coincidence'.

I glared up at him. 'Do you really believe that'?

He shrugged. 'It's possible'. He seemed to be amused at the awkward situation. 'Well, I just won't go', I announced and turned to punch the elevator button.

'Oh, come on. What's the harm'? He asked. 'Are you ashamed to be seen with me'?

'Of course not', I replied. 'It's not that'.

'Actually, I'm probably a lot safer than other charming young men your sister provides'.

I laughed but I'm still not going. the elevator door opened and I started to step inside. Mathew put his shoulder up against the elevator door to hold it open. 'Come on don't you like Music'?

'Yes, of course, I do', & I looked up at him. He seemed to want me to go, and I think at least it would solve my transportation problem.

'OK all right then', I said and stepped out of the elevator. 'I just hate to give Margaret the satisfaction'.

''You could be wrong, you Know', Mathew said as he guided me to his car. 'It really could be a coincidence. At least give her the benefit of the doubt.'

Matthew & I sat together at our seat. I still felt a little awkward with him, but as soon as the lights dimmed and the music started, I gave myself to it completely. It no longer seemed to matter who I was with or how I got there.

At the intermission, we stood up and walked out into the lobby to Stretch our legs.

'Would you like a drink'? He asked, indicating the bar set up at one end.

'Yes, please. I'll just slip into the Ladies'.

I spotted Matthew Standing at the busy bar at the far end of the Long lobby. There were two glasses of champagne at his hand and he was glancing through the program. As I watched him, I felt a little tingle of pleasure at the thought that this tall man, so handsome with his tanned face against the brilliant white shirt, was my escort.

Not that I have any personal interest in him, I told myself as I began to walk towards him. It was just that he was easy to be with. I felt safe with him. He never gave off any signs of the chase that I had had so much trouble dealing with in other men, no sly hints, no unnecessary body contact, no deep meaningful looks.

I liked the way the silvery eyes lit up when he caught sight of me. why had I ever thought he was cold? He handed me a glass and pointed to the program in his hand. 'Have you read the second half of the concert'? His tone was casual, unreadable. I took the program from him and glanced over it as I sipped my champagne.

I tried to control the look of dismay that crossed my face when I finally looked up at him. 'Jazz'? I said weakly.

He raised an eyebrow. 'What do you think'?

My mouth twitched. 'Honestly'? I could see that he was barely able to contain his own Joy.

Then Shook my head. 'Well, I hate Jazz'.

'Good', he said flatly. He drained his glass. 'Are you hungry'? I know a place that specializes in chocolate desserts.

I Smiled. 'You've hit on my secret. I'm a chocoholic'.

We found a table at the little chocolate shop and ordered our dessert and coffee. I chose a rich Chocolate cake, Matthew a creamy chocolate mousse. 'I could get drunk just on the smell in here',

I announced groaning. 'You've corrupted me. I never knew the place existed, and I've lived here all my life'.

He was leaning back in his chair, drink his coffee listening to me with a wide smile on his face.

'It's my favorite place', He said.

After that, we sat in silence while we drink our coffee. After a while, I said, 'you look as you've been in the sun?

'Yes. My Parents spend their winters in Florida, so the family usually gather together down there for the holidays'.

'That sounds great to me', I said with a sigh. 'I hate the cold. it snowed here on Christmas day'.

He shrugged. 'The warm weather was nice, swimming in the surf, lying out in the sun. Florida beaches

Are hard to beat. Still, it's difficult to work up much Christmas spirit in eighty-degree weather surrounded by palm trees and oleander'.

I laughed. 'I suppose so, but I wouldn't mind giving it a try'. I didn't want to get personal, but I was curious. 'You mentioned your family', I said tentatively, ready to drop the subject if he withdrew.

'Yes, I have a married older brother who runs the family business in Maryland up near Hagerstown. Raises thoroughbred racehorses, Apples—and one child'.

'That sounds wonderful', I said. 'You grew up there'? He nodded. 'I envy you. I've always lived in the city. My father was in Government Service, too. It seems to run in the family. At least, Margaret and I both married into it'.

He hesitated for a moment, then put his elbows on the table and leaned slightly towards me. 'Your husband, too'? His voice was cautious, and I realized that he was giving me the same opportunity to back off the subject as I had given him a few minutes ago.

'Yes', I said evenly, meeting his eyes. 'Richard worked with William in the Justice Department. That's how we met'.

He nodded briefly, then asked in a low tone, 'how is it? Any better'?

I nodded, knowing instinctively what he was referring to. 'Yes, it is'. I lifted my chin. 'I even got through the first anniversary of his death without going completely to pieces'.

He frowned. 'Then you did better than I did even after two years'. He shook his dark head disgustedly.

'Everyone handles grief in their own way, Matthew', I said softly.

'With me its tears, not eating properly, giving up. With you, it's a Yearly drunk'.

He shot her a grateful look. 'I'm glad you realize it is only an annual event. With luck, it won't even be that eventually'. Then he lowered his voice and said, 'I've thought about calling you several times since, or speaking to you when we've met, to thank you again for being so understanding that night and for helping me out.

I understood perfectly. 'Afraid I'd take it as a sign of personal interest'? He nodded glumly. I smiled 'Matthew, I hope you realize by now that in spite of my sister's slyness, I'm probably the last woman in New York you have to worry about in that way'.

He leaned back, then, and gave me a long penetrating look. I flushed under his gaze. had I offended him? Bruised his male ego? I hope not. Then suddenly I realized how much I liked him, how comfortable I felt with Him.

Finally, he spoke. 'Yes', he said. 'I do realize that'. He glanced down at his watch. 'It's getting late. Shall we go'?