Stitches and Scars

Chapter 1

Alina POV:

Bang! All I can hear is his sinister laugh. All I can see is blood. God there is so much blood. I look down and stare into her lifeless, icy blue eyes. Those eyes used to hold so much liveliness in them and now all I see is nothing, but my reflection and the guilt of knowing that because of me she's dead. But before I can reminisce in any more of my self-pity I hear HIM calling my name,"Alina, Alina!" but HIS voice sounds different it sounds feminine and again I hear my name being called, but it isn't HIM this time, but my friend Carla "Alina, Alina despierta! (wake up)" And just like that, I'm snapped back into reality. It was just a dream.

"I'm up, I'm up," I say slightly annoyed. I sit up in my bed trying to rub the sleep out of my eyes. 

Carla rolls her eyes and huffs in annoyance, "You said you would go to the flea market with me."

I scratch the back of my head, giving her a guilty look. "We can still go."

"It's already 1 o clock by the time we get there it will already be closed anyways I told you to be ready by 11."

"I may have slept through my alarm."

"Nah you think? Did you stay up late again?"

"Maybe. "

"What time did you go to bed?"

"What am I under investigation or something?"

"Why do you always have to be such a smart ass? Just answer damn the question Alina!" 

"Okay! Okay! No need to get your panties in a bunch. I guess around 10:30 this morning." 

"Unbelievable!"

"Calm your t**s I couldn't sleep. Besides, its Sunday! Sunday's are meant to sleep in."

"Te juro que estas loca. (I swear your crazy)"

"You still love me though."

"I don't have much of a choice now do I?"

"Afraid not."

"So I can assume you didn't sleep well?"

"You know me so well," I made sure each word oozed with sarcasm. 

"So what was the nightmare about this time?"

"I don't want to talk about it." 

""You never do."

"Exactly and that's how it will remain." 

"Well since you refuse to talk to Miguel and I maybe its time you consider talking to a therapist and seeing a psychiatrist while your at it."

"Not this again! Carla we've been through this I don't need to see some whacked jobbed doctor so they can tell me what I already know." 

"And what exactly would that be?"

"That I'm loused up."

She laughs and rolls her eyes, "I swear your crazy."

"And I swear one these days your eyes are gonna get stuck up there with the amount of times you roll your eyes." I watch as Carla rolls her once more."See there you go again."

"Whatever. Come on maybe if you talk about this it would help you sleep better at night."

I can't help but let out a bitter laugh. "Are you forgetting I have insomnia?" 

"No I'm well aware you have insomnia that's why I also suggested you see a psychiatrist."

"What's the point?" 

"So they can start you on new medication duh."

"I've tried every sleeping pill there is and none of them have worked."

"You better then anyone should know that usually general physicians don't prescribe antipsychotics to patients. So technically no you haven't been prescribed every medication there is out there for insomnia so there's still hope. So anyways back to the conversation at hand will you do it? "

"No!"

"Come on what do you have to lose?"

"My time!"

"Come on just this once."

"Hermana no sabes cuanto te amo pero nunca me pides que haga algo así. (Sister you have no idea how much I love you, but never ask me to do something like this)"

"Porfavor (Please) Alina."

"For crying out loud I said no so just drop it!"

"Babygirl I'm begging you please at least do it for me. I can't stand the idea of you struggling with all of this alone. I know you say that your okay, but I can see right through that tough facade of yours. It might fool others but you can't fool me."

"Carla!"

"Alina your petrified of going to sleep." 

I looked down at the carpet suddenly finding the bright colors on it very intriguing, but I knew I couldn't avoid the topic. So I drew in a long breath of air eventually releasing it. "Yeah each time I close my eyes I relive a memory by HIS hands."

"I know that's why you need to go to therapy and talk about all this stuff it'll help."

"I can't."

"You can't or you won't?"

"Both."

"Please baby girl it's toxic to hold on to so much hurt and anger you need to learn to let go of the past and live your life."

"Easy for you to say! You never had to go through any of it! Tell me how do I forget? How do I let it go when everytime I look at myself I'm reminded of what he did!" At this point I'm yelling, but I don't care because I've tried and no matter what I do I can't seem to forget. Carla comes up to me and hugs me.

"Shush now its okay everything going to be okay." she softly coos.

I huff in annoyance because everything was not okay nothing would ever be okay. "I'm sorry" I mumbled.

"I'm sorry too," she says releasing me from her anaconda like hug. "I don't want to pressure you into something you don't want to do, but I'm worried about you Babygirl and I don't know how to help you."

"I make no promises, but okay for you and only because of you I'll think about it."

"Thank you."

"Well I'm going to get ready."

"Where are you going off to in such a rush?"

"First I'm gonna hit the gym then I'm gonna go do some training." 

"Alina will you stop already your becoming obsessed."

"I'm not having this conversation again every time you bring it up we end up in an argument."

"Well maybe we wouldn't have to if you would just listen for once!" 

"The answer is still no! I'm not going to stop training."

"Babygirl."

"No!"

"Once you start therapy..."

"I'm going to stop you right there. I never agreed to start anything I said I would think about it and talking about feelings isn't going save me when I have a gun pointed at me."

"Alina your safe HE can't hurt you anymore."

"How can you be so certain?"

"We moved, we changed our identities, HE won't find us."

"You underestimate HIM."

"I promise you HE will never hurt you again. I won't allow it."

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

"Will you stop already! Give Miguel and I some credit. We're not stupid, we knew the risks when we brought you along with us, and because of that Miguel took every precaution in faking our deaths and made sure it would be impossible for that MAN to ever tract us down."

"How can I? Are you forgetting HE'S the leader of the biggest cartel in North America! Are you forgetting HE has connections everywhere. No matter where I go HE will always find me that's why when HE does I have to be ready."

"It's been three years since we escaped and HE hasn't found us I'm sure HE gave up already. "

"This isn't up for debate. I can't risk it."

I got up and walked to the bathroom feeling unsettled from the argument Carla, and I had just had. I turn the keys to scorching hot and get undressed and climb into the shower. I jump at the sensation of the hot boiling water, but there I remain until my body can adjust to the temperature. I do this often hoping to feel something, anything but all I can muster to feel is numbness. I began reminiscing over my conversation with Carla. 

¿Cómo quiere que lo olvide? ¿Acaso se le olvidó todo lo que me hizo? ¿Realmente piensa que a ÉL se le olvidaría? ¡Soy su esposa por el amor de Dios! Sé que ÉL todavía me está buscando, y cuando ÉL me encuentre, debo asegurarme de estar preparada. (How can she expect me just to just forget? Did she forget everything HE put me through? Does she really think HE would forget? I'm HIS wife for crying out loud! I know HE'S still looking for me, and when HE finds me I need to make sure I'm prepared.)