The Afterlife Academy Saga

Chapter 30

30

Well, that was another shirt dirty. At this rate, I did twice more laundry than before, even if I was leaving it until the last t-shirt. I wasn’t even bothering with the uniform anymore.

With my sack full of dirty clothes, I sauntered to the laundry room. At this time, there was usually nobody here and that was just how I liked it. No gossiping behind my back or in my face. Just me, the tumbling machine, and a moment of solitude.

I shoved everything in one drum, not bothering to sort colours or separate delicates. It didn’t make a difference anyway.

The machine started spinning and I took a seat on one of the broken dryers on the other side. It hadn’t been fixed in months, so why not? It was the perfect height to just hang back and allow my mind to wander.

Just as I was getting lost, the door banged open. A slender figure walked in and my heart stopped. Ryoko. What was she doing? She never did laundry at this hour. That was one of the reasons I chose this time.

She hummed to herself as she loaded the drum of the machine next to me. Unlike me, she always sorted her clothing and today was no different.

She hadn’t seen me yet. Maybe if I stayed super quiet, she wouldn’t notice and just leave.

“Oh my! Ylva.”

Or maybe not…

“Hi.” I gave her an awkward wave, unsure how to proceed.

“Why are you sitting there in the dark?”

I shrugged. “I’m waiting for my laundry.”

“And you can’t do that somewhere else?”

I scratched the back of my neck. “Not really. Somewhere else usually has people.”

“Ah.” She turned back around and filled the machine with different powders and softeners. Her slender fingers flitted from one button to the other, almost in a caressing way.

Since my outburst, I hadn’t seen much of her. I assumed she slept in the Shinigami dorm whenever she could or made sure to be out of bed before I woke up. I didn’t blame her. I said horrible things to her, especially when she tried to be so supportive. I ruined whatever there was between us and I just had to live with that.

Ryoko turned back around, her empty laundry bag in hand. “I’m just going—

“I’m sorry.” The words escaped before I could stop myself.

She froze. “What?”

Well… I hadn’t intended to start a new conversation, but now I’d done, I might as well finish it.

I pulled my knees up and hugged myself. “I’m sorry for my behaviour.”

“Ah.”

“I was… I don’t have words for how I was.”

“Horrible?” she supplied.

“Yes, that works. Although I think it’s an understatement.”

Ryoko pulled a face and then turned her back to me again. She rummaged through her bag and sorted her laundry bottles, even though that was completely pointless.

“I didn’t mean to mess everything up so badly,” I admitted. “And I never meant to hurt you.”

Her back tensed. “Then why did you?”

“I was hurting. I’m still hurting. Something is broken inside and I don’t know how to fix it.”

She nodded. “I understand.”

The first spark of hope in weeks made it to the surface. “Really? You understand—”

“I understand, but that doesn’t make it forgivable. You broke my heart.”

I gulped and stared at my hands. What was I supposed to say to that? Did an appropriate response even exist? There weren’t enough apologies in the world to make what I did right.

The two washing machines gurgled and hummed, their noise filling the silence between us. Ryoko wasn’t leaving, but she also wasn’t talking to me anymore. She was clearly struggling and it was all my fault.

I hopped off the broken dryer and grabbed my laundry bag. “I can leave.”

The Dragon stayed silent and my hope died out. Maybe not then.

“Sorry. Again.”

As I was about to leave the laundry room, her hand caught my wrist. Immediate goosebumps exploded on my skin. This was the first kind touch since the burial.

My heart quickened, my breath froze. Wired with anticipation, I waited for her to speak. But when she didn’t…

“Ryoko?” Her name was both foreign and familiar on my tongue.

“I’m mad at you.” The Dragon finally looked at me, her eyes swimming with all kinds of emotions. “I’ve never been this mad at anyone.”

“Okay. I deserve that.”

“But…” She cast her eyes back down, her voice reduced to barely a whisper. “I also miss you.”

Did I hear that right? She missed me?

“You do?”

The hurt in Ryoko’s voice cut right through me. “You broke my heart and I can’t stand to look at you, and yet, I miss you. How can you do that to me?”

“I—”

“Tell me how to make it stop,” she begged. She clamped both her hands around my wrist, pulling me closer. “Just tell me how.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “How to stop missing me?”

“How to stop being angry at you.”

My chest contracted. “Oh.”

“Clueless as ever.” A faint smile tugged on her lips, one that reminded me of the good times before. “I want to forgive you. I just don’t know how.”

“I wish I could tell you,” I admitted. If I knew how to make things better for her, I’d do it. I’d tell her. But how could I do that if I couldn’t even forgive myself?

For a moment, I looked at her and everything else fell away. The hard shell I build around to protect myself from others, and others from me, wavered. The memory of a flutter tugged on my heartstrings, but it wasn’t strong enough to erase the overwhelming sense of worthlessness that had nestled within my chest.

After all, she was summer and I had become an eternal winter.

I pulled my arm out of her grip, hardening the protective shell even more. “You’re better off without me.”

The tiles echoed as I walked away from her. Deep within me, a voice whispered, but I couldn’t hear it. It was too silent.

Ryoko sighed. “You know… I had the biggest crush on you.”

Her words brought the faintest of smiles to my lips. Sometime, not that long ago, that would’ve been exactly what I’d wanted to hear. I’d have rejoiced and celebrated, but now, it barely registered. After all, it didn’t really make a difference.

“Goodbye, Ryoko.”

With a dull thud, the door of the laundry room fell shut. A sob came from the other side, but I didn’t have the strength or courage to go back in. I was a coward, but that was not new knowledge.

With my head low, I trudged back to my room. When I got there, I changed my mind. The least I could do was give Ryoko some space. It was better if I wasn’t there when she returned.

My grey shirt didn’t smell like it was outside appropriate, but that didn’t matter. People avoided me like the plague already, I might as well smell the part. Maybe it would keep the bullies at bay.

The coolness of the night welcomed me, hiding me in her dark embrace. Within her shadows, I could disappear. Without looking around, I followed the path away from the dorm and toward the Barn. It was the only place I could still go without being stared at or talked about.

The gravel and dirt cracked under my shoes, the only sound in the silent night. Most students didn’t roam around at this time and I was very grateful for that. It meant I had some time for myself, to breathe, to wander, to think.

I arrived at the Barn, relieved to find there were no other students around. Thankfully.

The heavy doors shrieked as I pushed them open and the hay ruffled as the wolves heard me come in. Multiple sets of red eyes greeted me, just like the other nights.

“Hello, guys. It’s me again.”

“Awrrr.” Hyde bumped into my legs and pressed his wet nose against my hand.

“Hey, boy. I’ve missed you too.” I crouched down and buried my face in his fur. His embrace was the only thing that sparked some brightness in my heart. At least I could still feel that.

“You’re growing fast, aren’t you?” I scratched him on his head and sat down on the bunched up hay in the corner. Just far away enough from Grey that she wouldn’t feel threatened, although I had no illusions about it. If she didn’t want me here, she wouldn’t allow me this close.

We exchanged a look of understanding and she blinked slowly, which I took as a sign of trust. Maybe she understood what I’d done for her and her pups, maybe Brynhild trained her well. It could be either. Whichever it was, I was grateful.

“Grrrrr.” A playful growl sounded from the other side and Maroon shuffled across the ground, her belly presented to me.

“Hey, girl.” I dangled my fingers above her, teasing her with the promise of scratches.

“Awooo.”

“Yes, yes, scratches.” Her belly was soft and fluffy, just like Hyde’s or any of the other pups. At this age, they were fully imprinted on their masters and they shouldn’t be acting like this around me. At all.

Especially not Maroon, the dusk wolf of Astrid, the traitor. So much for her good intentions. She kicked me off the cliff as soon as she got the chance. And yet, her pup was cuddling against me and begging for fuss and attention. Now there was some irony.

“You guys don’t mind me hanging out, right?”

Satisfied with Hyde and Maroon curling into me and resting their head on their lap, I slumped back against the hay bale and closed my eyes. At least there was one place on campus where I wasn’t hated.

I wondered how long that would last…