The Afterlife Academy Saga

Chapter 26

26

The Var I left in the Forest wasn’t the same man I found again. He was… calmer, sadder, overtaken with melancholy. I wasn’t sure what changed, but it seemed like he lost all hope and joy. I wasn’t sure whether that was a good or bad thing, but he agreed to teach me and that was all that mattered. As long as I could save my friends and control this darkness within me, I would be alright. I hoped…

Maybe it was idle hope to believe I could change what I was, what I carried with me. But all I could do was try. All I needed was a glimmer of hope to keep myself from falling into the abyss and surrendering to my fate.

With that in mind, I took a deep breath and sat down next to the tree Var chose for me. We were doing a new kind of meditation that he claimed would allow me to tap into the Veil freely. Whether that would be the case remained to be seen.

“I’ve known Shadow Walkers that could phase in and out of the Veil without their wings. Their connection was so strong, they didn’t need them,” Var said as he walked circles around me. “Clearly, you’re not like that.”

“Hey!”

He gave me a sharp tick with a small branch to silence me. “If you can’t make peace with the truth, you’ll never be a Valkyrie.”

“Fine…” I huffed.

“Take another breath. Feel the air.”

I glared up at him. “Feel the air?”

He swatted me again. “No talking. You said no to tough love, so we’re doing it the slow and boring way.”

“Well, excuse me for not wanting to be tortured again.”

“Pssh, it wasn’t like that,” he denied. His long coat dragged across the grass, the colours blending together when they met in the shadow. “Concentrate, Ylva. You came here to learn, so learn.”

“Fine. But how long is this going to take?”

Var chuckled darkly. “If you don’t get it by tonight, we’re going back to the tough love.”

“Reassuring.” I closed my eyes and straightened my back against the tree. “Let’s do it again.”

The sound of his footsteps circled around me, his presence both reassuring and intimidating. When he spoke again, his voice was deep and serene. “Breathe in. Feel the crisp air travel through your nose, through your windpipe. Let it fill your lungs, let them swell to hold the power of the wind.”

I took a deep breath, more conscious than I’d ever done before. There was something soothing and calming about concentrating on something so trivial.

Var paused in front of me. “Let the air fill you, let it erase your thoughts and memories, your worries and wishes. You’re just a vessel, tied to this earth with your hopes and dreams. Let go of those earthly tethers.”

I opened one eye. “Wait. I thought elementals need an earthly tether? That’s how they don’t get lost in the Veil.”

“Ah!” He warned me with the branch again. “Regular Assistants need a tether, but you… You’re a Shadow Walkers and don’t need earthly attachments.”

“Then how do we not die when we enter the Veil?”

“Why do Shadow animals not die?”

I frowned. “Because they’re part of it.”

“There’s your answer.”

“Wait, so I’m like a shadow animal?”

The branch tapped me on the head again. “Don’t turn this into a mockery.”

“I’m not!” I protested. “I’m curious.”

I stared at him, temporarily blinded by the sun glinting on the clasps of his cloak. The way the sun bounced off the metal reminded me of Ryoko’s scales. If it wasn’t for her or my friends, I wouldn’t have to be here. I never wanted to be special or different and I’d happily not know anything about this Shadow nonsense and what not. But given the circumstances… I couldn’t let them down. Not again. Even if that meant working together with a man that I couldn’t figure out.

“I’m not messing with you,” I tried again, hoping he’d realise how genuine my questions were.

Var let out a long sigh. “You really don’t know anything about Shadow Walkers?”

“No, but I need to. I want to learn how to transport people through the Veil.”

His eyes narrowed. “Why are you asking me though?”

The wind rustling through the trees tugged on my hair as I waited for him to explain, though it looked like he wasn’t in the mood. He wasn’t exactly the most patient of teachers, but compared to the professors at the Academy, I couldn’t complain. He was willing to help me and that was more than they did.

“Because nobody else will help me,” I admitted, casting my eyes down. What had the world come to that I had to turn to this man for help?

“Why now? I offered to teach you before. You rejected that offer.”

“My reasons are my own.”

He looked at me, not as annoyed as I expected. In fact, there seemed to be some amusement in his eyes. “You remind me of someone.”

I did? That was interesting. I straightened my back, rubbing against the rough bark of the tree. “Who?”

He chuckled, the crows feet around his eyes dancing. “My memories are my own.”

“Bastard.”

“I’ve been called worse.” Var tapped me with the leafy branch again. “You’re wasting my time. Get back to meditating.”

“Fine.” I crossed my legs under me and assumed the uncomfortable position that he claimed was great for finding my wings. It all seemed like a load of bollocks to me, but I was grateful he wasn’t just whipping them out of me. I wasn’t sure whether I could take endure that torture again, but if that was the only option… I would.

Var sighed. “Let’s do it again. Close your eyes and embrace the darkness. Take a deep breath in, let the air travel down to your lungs where you’ll hold it. Think of the things you like, people you love.”

I did just as he asked, drawing images of Ryoko to the surface. Besides Var, she was the only other person that had managed to unleash my inner wings, so thinking about her had to be a good idea.

My chest warmed as I thought about her, as I remembered her warm and gentle touch. She was so special and maybe one day, I would find the right words to explain how deep my feelings for her ran.

“Hold that breath for just a little longer and then let go. Breathe out, slowly. And when you let the air escape, let it carry away your feelings of love and sentimental thoughts.”

His voice broke my lovely thoughts and as I exhaled, the warmth left me. Instead of Ryoko’s black hair and golden scales, darkness overtook my mind’s eye.

Just as I was about to call those thoughts back, Var spoke again.

“Guard your heart and mind against those feelings. Close yourself for those tethers. They’ll only weigh you down and if you want to go to the Veil, you need to become wind. Accept the void… Embrace the darkness.”

His words penetrated my mind, but I couldn’t find it in me to accept them. I didn’t want to erase the affection I held for Ryoko. She was precious to me and I couldn’t let go of her. I didn’t want to, not when I knew there were other ways to go into the Veil.

She’d shown me that.

I broke out of the silent trance and opened my eyes again. I challenged Var with my determination, hoping he’d understand I wasn’t playing around. “No.”

He frowned. “No?”

“I’m not letting go of my feelings. That sounds like a bleak existence.”

The man sighed. “You won’t stop feeling. This is just a change in attitude. To Assist is to live a life of duty. To work for Valhalla and the dead, everything else has to come in second place. That’s what it means to serve and serve we all must.”

That sounded an awful lot like what Professor Brynhild told me earlier, but I couldn’t agree with that. As much as I longed to be a Valkyrie, there were more important things in life. Love. Friendship. Family. How could I silence those thoughts when my conscience cried out for them?

Everything I was doing right now was to save those I cared about. How could I do that by choosing to no longer care for them?

That made no sense. I wasn’t going to accomplish anything by pushing those sentiments to the back. It was what was giving me purpose, it was my drive.

I stared at Var, my mind made up. “If this is the price of becoming an Afterlife Assistant, then I’m not willing to pay. I don’t want to forget what’s truly important, even if that means I’ll never be a real Valkyrie.”