The Chief and the Captain

One

Alvin Castro had an old habit of hurting himself. He was 13 when he found the comfort of the knife in his skin. His life wasn't tragic or anything dramatic. In fact he could be considered lucky because he lives a comfortable life. Alvin's mother was a newspaper journalist and editor while his father worked at a casino as a manager. They were more often out of the house because their jobs require them to. To compensate for their absence, Alvin was showered with the latest gadgets and a hefty allowance - a typical act of absentee parents. Despite all the items his parents provide for him, he feels almost empty, like the house they live in. Except Sunday nights, at least once in a month, when his parents come home and have dinner. Most of his time at the house were spent with Janet, the housekeeper.

He grew up under her care. She was already serving the family even before Alvin was born. Janet was strict in disciplining but very affectionate. She had attended PTA meetings on behalf of Mr. and Mrs. Castro, went to watch Alvin perform on stage when he was five, attended his first communion and even went to his end of year awarding ceremony when he received the highest honor in sixth grade. Alvin had no complaints but like every other kid, he wanted his parents' attention.

He did his best in everything. He was a straight A student, he was editor in chief of the school paper, he doesn't stay out and stay up late. . He goes to school, do club and go home, everyday like clockwork. But just like everyone and everything he reached a limit.

It was his 13th birthday and Christmas Eve, Janet left early to go to the market to buy ingredients for their Christmas Eve dinner. Alvin was left alone at home. He was in his room, browsing through his social media when he got a very short and straight forward email from his father.

"It's hectic at the casino today, I don't think I'll be able to come by for dinner. Have fun with Mom, Merry Christmas." The email said.

Guess he forgot my birthday again. Alvin thought. Well, at least he did not forget Christmas.

In a similar, yet a more affectionate manner, he also received an email from his mother with pretty much the same content.

At least both of them remembered Christmas.

"Happy birthday, Alvin" he said softly, staring at his reflection from the computer screen.

He also celebrated his birthday alone last year, but why this year any different? He felt a stinging pain in his chest and his eyes were starting to well from his tears.

I tried my best, my hardest. Alvin chanted to himself. But I still can't get them to see me as their son. How do they see me anyway? A figure they could drag to events just to show off to people that they have a normal family?

Questions hounded Alvin as he paced around his room, his whole body was shaking and he was sweating despite the air-conditioning. He was desperately trying to compose himself because he didn't want Janet to come home, finding him all worked up.

It's just my birthday, what's the big deal? He asked himself. What's the big deal? What is? It isn't. It's just me. I'm just me. I'm nothing.

He found a butterfly knife hidden at the bottom of his bedside table, along with his dried, empty and useless writing pens. It has a black handle with a 9 cm silver blade. He stared at the shiny blade and watched it carefully as he positioned the knife in his wrists. The cold 440 steel sent shivers down his arms when it made contact with his skin. With a swift movement, he took a deep breath and pulled the knife simultaneously. Pain followed immediately, then as he watched his blood trickle down and stain his white sheets, he started to feel numb. He laid down and closed his eyes, savoring the tranquil feeling. His tears had stopped flowing, his body had stopped shaking. A small portion of his brain that was still active heard his name called, then a door opening, footsteps and cries.

Don't cry, I'm okay. He wanted to respond but his mouth wouldn't open. Doesn't matter anyway. He was in and out of consciousness. He could hear Janet crying, then paramedics. The next time he awoke he heard his mother's voice, yet he drifted once more.

He was floating, his morphine induced brain was hazy. He felt a stinging pain in his left wrist but he didn't care. He just wanted to sleep. That one blind, impulsive act mad a huge impact in his life. That's what he wanted to think. After he regained consciousness and was discharged from the hospital, he had to go through counseling.

"A vacation, some family bonding will be perfect." The therapist suggested which both his parents agreed on. But of course, it has been postponed because they were 'busy' with work and that they will 'work around their schedules' to find time for the trip.

It has been five years.

Now that Alvin is 18, a senior high school, still a straight A student and editor in chief of L high school paper called the L - Gazette. His relationship with his parents did not change drastically, they were still almost, always absent but they try to be present once in a while. They try, but he didn't care anymore. Alvin, on the other hand, found bliss with self cutting. Although only rarely, he still cuts himself to feel the temporary pain and numbness. He knew it wasn't right but it made him feel in control of his emotions.

"Hey. " Alvin was walking down the hall of the school building when Rick Fernandez, also a senior walked beside him. "What time is it?" He asked.

Without looking up, Alvin responded. "3:45."

Rick suddenly grabbed Alvin's wrist to check the time himself. Alvin tried to pull away, but not quick enough that Rick noticed his scar from five years ago. He looked at Alvin with concern while the other walked quickly, away from Rick's curious gaze. But of course, Rick, the current basketball team captain, who stood 182 cm, 10 cm taller than Alvin, and more athletic, obviously did not have a hard time matching his pace. In an instant, Rick was once again walking beside Alvin.

"I won't ask questions." Rick assured him. "I think I already know."

He knows, like the rest of the people from his class, and probably the rest of the curious community. His mom was a reporter for a national paper, having a suicidal son would cause a little stir.

"Want to have lunch?" Rick invited, a poor attempt to salvage the awkward encounter.

Lunch? At this hour, really?

Alvin shook his head. He made his way at the end of the hall and opened a classroom door. Classes ended at 3:30 but he had club activities afterward, like most students. As editor in chief of the LGazette or LG, he made sure his presence was always felt. He stepped inside the publication room, turned and faced Rick who was left standing by the doorway.

"Leave me alone, please?' Alvin said as coldly as possible.

Rick was faced with a brown door, a few inches to his nose. Well, he didn't slam the door and he said please. A smile formed on his face as he head for the cafeteria to get himself some 'lunch'.

"Is that Rick?" Jessica Martin, also a senior and the associate editor, asked.

Alvin nodded in response.

He settled on his usual seat at the end of an eighth seater conference table in the room. PubRoom was their office name, short for publication room. Moreover, it was so chaotic especially during deadlines, they called it a bar, a pub. It was a 7m x 9m square class room located at the end of the hall at the high school department. It has the door facing the hallway and a window at the right wing facing the hall towards the cafeteria. It has three working computers and a printer stationed at the far end of the room which was usually occupied by the artist. There were two file drawers that contained copies of their old newspapers and other printed materials, old records and articles written by staff and contributed by students. The room also has an open cabinet near the door where the staff put their bags and of course, the bulletin board where their schedule and productivity was posted. Beside it was a whiteboard that, most of the time, just full of doodles and drawings by the staff.

Jessica sat beside Alvin and gave him a smile. "Didn't know you were close." she commented.

"We're not."

Jessica shrugged, her natural brown hair flipped with her movement. "You're too honest, Alvin."

He ignored her. "How are the articles going?"

Jessie sighed, she liked talking - a lot. She's lovely and smart but with a badmouth. She swears like a sailor which is contrary to her pretty face and sweet smile. Jessie's one of the popular girls in school if not for her often swearing habit.

"It's effing good." She handed Alvin a thick folder containing the articles due for the week. "I think we only have a few that hasn't been submitted."

He nodded to her. "Good."

"You know I'm worried about Rick." She suddenly said. It's common for Jessie to blurt out random thoughts when she feels like it. "He's a bit troubled at home but it doesn't really show, does it?"

Jessie and Rick were neighbors and childhood friends. They were inseparable since elementary school. They even dated for a short while.

"Troubled?" Alvin asked. He doesn't normally care about other people's lives but he was curious. He had also known Rick since elementary school but they weren't close. To him, he was just another classmate

"Yea, his parents got separated, heard the annulment is almost settled. Then they'll have the custody hearing for his younger brother."

"Three months shy from graduation, huh?"

"Yea, although I don't think their parents would let him quit school now. Tragic."

"It is. " was all he managed to say. Feeling guilty from brushing Rick off, Alvin stood up and walked to the cafeteria, hoping to see the other since he mentioned about getting food to eat. He instantly spotted him in his jersey, Fernandez # 4. He was sitting by himself with a plate of lasagna, a double cheeseburger and a large coke.

I wonder where he put all those carbs? He looked so fit. Alvin thought as his eyes trailed down Rick's shoulders and perfectly trimmed biceps. s**t. What was I thinking? Did I just thought of that? Alvin shook his head and went to buy himself a cup of red iced tea. He gulped a mouthful before approaching Rick.

He was noticed immediately and the captain gave him a slight nod.

"Wanna eat too? I'll buy you a lasagna if you want?" He asked.

Alvin shook his head, but seated across Rick. , "No thanks, I'm not hungry."

Rick looked back at his plate. "Still won't eat with me huh?, you turned me down twice today." He chuckled.

"Sorry, I'm really not hungry. Next time maybe?"

He nodded.

Alvin stood up, feeling silly for looking for the other guy without any real reason. "I'll see you tomorrow." Rick grabbed Alvin by the wrist and looked up but he didn't say anything. "Huh?" Alvin frowned at him "I'll see you tomorrow" Rick grinned and let him go. Alvin walked away wondering what was wrong with the captain. .