Her Broken Rainbow

Gunpowder & Lead

“I’m goin’ home, gonna load my shotgun

Wait by the door and light a cigarette

If he wants a fight, well, now he’s got one

And he ain’t seen me crazy yet” 

~Gunpowder & Lead

Miranda Lambert 

The week following our return from Florida has been eerily quiet. I want to be relieved but at the same time, they still haven’t found him. He’s disappeared and no one has a clue where to look. I’m constantly on edge and looking over my shoulder. I’ve begun to take self defense classes again and Sky has been with me every night, Alaria’s parents not really caring who stays over. My mom has gone back to the house with Anthony and Shyne and a couple security men hired by the Montgomery’s. In all honesty I’m not really ready to be back in my own room. The thought that he was in there, that he touched my belongings. I don’t know what he went through, what he could have possibly had his disgusting grubby fingers on. I hate not only him as a whole but I hate how much he’s broken my comfort and safe space in the span of a few hours. Where once was control, confidence and strength is now empty, exposed fear. I can’t begin to explain what this has done to me. The amount of tears I’ve shed over something that has consumed my life. Whether or not he knows it, he’s already winning by the amount of disruption he has caused. One thought plagues my mind on a constant basis. Why me? A normal 19 year old girl with absolutely no exceptional qualities physically or otherwise. Why me? Out of everyone in this entire world I wanted to be invisible yet I caught the attention of a mentally unstable human being. Why me? 

“Alright, all four courses are picked out for dinner. We have the dining room decorated and prepped for tomorrow. Our outfits are all picked out, the boys have their tuxes ready and waiting in Nick’s closet. Is there anything we’re missing?” I’m snapped out of my thoughts as Alaria waltzes into the room with her checklist for our group Valentines day dinner. I am not ready to be out in public too much and have basically turned into a recluse. 

“Did the girls get their gifts for Zach and Nick? Have you gotten something for Justin?” I ask. 

“Yes. Did you get Skylar something?” I nod in reply. “I did something else too….” I say. 

“What?” Her eyes narrow in interest. I walk over to my end table and grab one of three gift boxes. 

“For you my lady.” Handing her over the box I bow dramatically. She squeals as she opens the small jewelry box, revealing a silver band with rose gold wisps engraved to represent the element of wind. I got each of the girls a ring to match, symbolizing our friendship. “Shayla is fire, Zoe is water and I have earth.” 

“Oh Rae this is beautiful. Thank you so very much!” a throat clears behind us and I turn to see Skylar standing in the doorway of my room. 

“You guys having a moment or can I interrupt?” His smile is blindingly brilliant, captivating my attention no matter our surroundings. When I look at him I’m awe struck by the phenomenal human being God has brought into my life. It’s odd only truly knowing someone for such a short amount of time yet they fit into your life so perfectly. I mean it helps that his friends were already associated in ways with my friends and I just didn’t pay mind to who he even was but that’s besides the point. 

“No, come on in. How was your day?” I’ll never tire of the feeling being in his arms brings. 

“I have finally come to the conclusion that surprise quizzes were just to get us ready for the exams we have to deal with in college. Can I get a refund this late in the year?” Sky is in his second year of College, his goal is a degree in Business management. Mr. Jackson is the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company, which gives Sky something already set up after he graduates. IF only we could all have that luxury. Actually I can’t make too snide of comments, for a rich kid he has a lot of respect and appreciation for the things he’s given. He’s modest and never flashes his money like many kids born into wealthy families would normally do. I have much respect for the young men and women I grew up with. Neither of them has ever made me feel low or beneath them in any way. 

“We need to get out and do something fun guys. I’m tired of looking at these walls and feeling helpless. I need to get my confidence back and remind myself I’m stronger than this.” Giving up my solitary confinement will be hard but this is something a survivor does, they get back up and they fight. They don’t back down to their foe. They fight head on and do everything in their power to regain control and be their own heroes’. 

“I agree!” Alaria, always the eager one to an adventure and strengthening the female population. She believes in empowerment and doesn’t hold back from saying what is on her mind. 

“It’s Valentine's day weekend, everything is going to be busy.” I remind them. 

“The museum it is!” Sky declares dragging me out of the room. 

“First a Starbucks!” Alaria follows. 

******

Coffee in hand we walk lazily along the carpeted floor from one exhibit to another. I love the rocks and mineral section they have. 

“You can calm down baby girl. Have a little fun. It’s ok to let your guard down a bit. I’m with you, nothing is going to happen.” He must have noticed my incessant glances around the room every 60 seconds. Here I thought I was being casual. 

“I know, I know. I’m trying Sky, I truly am. It’s just so hard to let it go. Always feeling like someone is watching me.” I look around again in reflex. 

“Rae, trust in those around you who you know will protect you. You can’t live in fear forever.” His words remind me that I’m supposed to be regaining my control. 

We weave our way around the first floor and head up to the next. We make our way towards the Hall of North American Indian Cultures. This museum used to be my special place, my own sanctuary away from life. The stories you learn, history frozen in time for all to remember. I lose my thoughts as I trail from exhibit to exhibit, not paying attention to my surroundings. As I stare at a placard reading on the ways they survived, when something shoves me forward into the display case. I right myself and turn to tell the person off for not watching their surroundings but no one is near. Turning in place I frantically search for Alaria and Skylar as something isn’t sitting right in the pit of my stomach, but they are nowhere to be found. “Skylar?” I call out loud enough for the room to hear. “Alaria!” 

I’m beginning to panic as I can’t see them in this exhibit room at all. I jog to the entrance and am about to run out when a hand grabs my wrist. A scream rips through my lips and I turn, fist at the ready to defend myself. 

“Hey, hey calm down, it’s me. It’s just me.” Sky quickly pulls me into him and tightly wraps me in his arms. “Woah baby girl, what’s wrong. I’m sorry I walked off to the bathroom. What happened?” 

“I was standing there at one of the displays and someone bumped into me pretty hard. It shoved me into the glass case but when I turned around there was no one there. Then I realized I didn’t see you guys at all. I panicked. Where’s Alaria?” I ask.

“I went to get something to drink, my mouth was dry. What happened?” Ria walks up at that moment. 

“Nothing, I was just spooked, that's all.” I feel an overwhelming embarrassment creep up my neck, washing over my face. 

“I’m sorry I left you baby girl, I didn’t think I’d be gone long enough for anything to happen.” Sky smooths my hair, brushing his fingers gently down my cheek. 

“It’s ok, I’m just antsy is all. I got scared of nothing. Probably just someone not paying attention.” This place is decently packed and that makes it a bad place for anything to go wrong and him not get caught. Yet I feel like that wouldn’t stop him if he truly wanted to. 

Not wanting to let this ruin the good day we finish our tour of the museum and decide on greasy food to make me feel better. We chose a table in their patio section as it was a nice day out despite it being the end of winter season. My bladder begs me to empty it so I excuse myself and go to the bathroom. 

I do my business before exiting the stall and standing at the sinks. All this excitement has my nerves on edge and a migraine building at the back of my head. Reaching into my purse I go in search of some Excedrin. My hand comes in contact with a large piece of paper that I don’t remember being in there before. My blood runs cold when I pull out an envelope with my name written in all too familiar writing on the back side. With shaky hands I open the flap and withdraw the card inside. On the front is a picture of Batman with a large red heart that reads, “Swing along with me you're special!” The word special was scratched out and in capital letters is written “MINE”. My hands shake and I regret opening it at all. The message written inside has me dropping to my knees, the rooms spinning in circles. 

                                                       He will never have what’s mine

                                                                             C. 

The threat is clear, he knows about Skylar and he’s made his intentions known. I gather my things and run to where my friends are sitting. “We have to go, come on grab your stuff, let’s go. We’ll get the food to go.” I rush out trying to locate the waiter. 

“Rae, calm down. What the f**k is going?” Alaria tries to calm me back into my seat. 

“No, I will not stay calm. He’s watching us and we need to go home. Now!” I shove the envelope and card at her as I fish out my phone to call Officer Thomas. I sent him a text about the card to which he replied asking me to bring it to the station. I reply as the waiter comes over with the check and to go boxes. 

“Oh my f**k, when did you get this? Was he here?” Alaria begins to look around frantically. 

“No, remember when someone bumped into me in the museum. It had to have been him. It was in my purse when I went to the bathroom.” I say. We collect our food and walk back out to Sky’s car, the first stop being the police station to hand over the card and then home.