Sinner's Grace

Panic

Kade gives me a lingering look before grabbing his order from Vickie and walking out. I watch him disappear behind the double doors, his confident stride unwavering, and sigh deeply.

*Why the heck do I feel so shitty?*

Nadia beams, basking in what she clearly considers a major accomplishment, while Alina giggles beside her. Although, Alina's giggle sounds more forced than genuine.

"That was cool," Alina says, glancing sideways at Nadia.

"That's how you get a man. Learn from the best," Nadia boasts, flipping her hair with an air of triumph.

I want to laugh at her confidence, but it doesn't seem worth it. Kade Sterling isn't someone you "get" that easily. At least, that's what I tell myself.

"Do you think he's going to call you?" Vickie asks with mild curiosity.

"Oh, I'm certain. Not many men can resist this," Nadia says, motioning toward herself with a self-satisfied smirk.

"So, what's the plan if he does?" Alina asks, her tone laced with amusement.

"We get down and dirty." Nadia wiggles her brows, causing Alina to laugh loudly.

"And if he doesn't?" I ask, trying to mask the edge in my voice.

"Oh, he will," Nadia replies with a wink, slurping her milkshake with exaggerated confidence. "No man walks away from this."

"Hmm," I mutter, focusing on the napkin in my hands to keep myself from reacting further.

"Someone's jealous," Alina says in a singsong voice, her gaze fixed on me like a predator circling its prey.

I shoot her a glare from beneath my lashes, hoping she'll stop.

"Why would she be?" Vickie chimes in, trying to lighten the tension. "It's not like Ivy has a thing for Kade Sterling."

"Why are you even here, Alina?" I sigh, turning to my sister, hoping to end the conversation.

"Just making sure you're not slacking off and that you're actually working at Sandy's," she replies with a smug grin.

"Mom put you up to this?"

Alina rolls her eyes dramatically. "Not everything revolves around you, Ivy. You should know that by now."

"Quit it already, Al! Let her be. Haven't you done enough?" Nadia snaps, her sudden outburst silencing the conversation. Alina blinks, momentarily stunned, before glaring at me like it's somehow my fault.

"So, Ivy," Nadia says, breaking the tension as she stands. "I'm spending the weekend at your house."

"Are you sure about that? You know, after what happened last time?"

"Yeah. I think Alina's learned her lesson." Nadia throws a pointed look at Alina, who responds with an exaggerated eye roll.

"Sure," I mutter, not particularly enthused.

"We'll head out. I've got this thing I need to do," Nadia says, grabbing her purse. Alina follows suit, her movements less confident than before.

"Be careful, sweetie," Nadia says, blowing me a kiss.

"Sure." I manage a small smile, waving them off.

As they leave the restaurant, Vickie turns to me with curiosity. "Who are they?"

"The one with the honeyed blonde hair is my cousin, Nadia. The other one is my older sister."

"Yeah? Your sister doesn't seem to like you much," Vickie observes. "Every word she said was laced with something. She acts like she thinks she's better than you."

"Maybe she is better," I say quietly, my voice tinged with a mix of resignation and bitterness. "She's pretty, attractive, and my parents' favorite daughter. Everyone knows it."

"Don't be so hard on yourself." Vickie places a comforting hand on my arm and smiles warmly. "And don't for a second believe that your sister is better than you. She's not. Also, all that nonsense she said about Kade Sterling and you not being good enough? It's a lie. You're beautiful, Ivy."

I blink, stunned by her sincerity. "Thank you, Vickie. That's the kindest thing anyone has said to me in a long time."

***

True to Nadia's word, she visits for the weekend. It's my day off, though I had begged Sandy to let me work anyway. Staying at home with Nadia and Alina isn't my idea of relaxation. Nadia insisted I join them for a game of cards, even though I'm terrible at it.

"What's up with Kade? Did he call?" Alina asks, smirking as she shuffles her cards.

"Oh, wait, I missed the whole story." Nadia giggles, her eyes lighting up. "No, he didn't call. I called him, though. Told him we should meet up. And guess what? We hung out yesterday."

My chest tightens at her words, and suddenly it feels like I can't breathe. *He met with her? After everything?*

"What! No kidding?" Alina says, her focus completely on Nadia.

"I'm not kidding." Nadia bites her bottom lip dramatically. "He's, God, he's perfect. A total dream."

My stomach churns. I can't explain why it bothers me so much, but it does. I thought, no, I *felt* like there was something between Kade and me. The way he kissed me, the way he looked at me, it felt real. But now? It's like I've been slapped.

"Wow," Alina mutters, sounding both impressed and jealous.

"You okay?" Nadia asks, her gaze shifting to me.

I blink rapidly and nod. "Yeah."

"Of course she's not," Alina says, her voice dripping with fake concern. "She probably wishes she was in my shoes right now."

"What the hell is your problem?" I snap, glaring at her.

Alina chuckles, rolling her eyes. "Lighten up. It's just the truth."

"You know, Alina," Nadia cuts in, her voice sharper than usual. "You talk a lot for someone who pretends to be perfect. You're fake, and it's exhausting."

"What?" Alina's face hardens.

"You heard me." Nadia leans forward, narrowing her eyes at Alina. "You've been lying and pretending for years. Acting like you're some holier-than-thou saint while you've been sneaking around doing God knows what."

"Excuse me?" Alina's voice is icy.

"Let's not forget how you lost your virginity in high school," Nadia says with a mocking laugh. "What were you, fifteen? Sixteen?"

I choke on my spit, coughing violently as the room goes dead silent.

"You don't have a right to judge me," Alina snaps, her cheeks flushed red with anger.

"Oh, I'm not judging you," Nadia smirks. "I'm just saying, stop pretending to be the golden child. You're no better than anyone else, especially not Ivy."

Alina glares at Nadia, her jaw clenched tight. For a moment, it looks like they might fight, but the tension eventually fizzles out.

After a long pause, Nadia casually says, "By the way, I didn't sleep with Kade. I just wanted to see how the two of you would react."

Alina's mouth falls open in shock, while I sit frozen, trying to process what just happened.

"You're kidding," Alina says, her voice a mix of anger and disbelief.

Nadia grins mischievously. "Nope. But you should've seen your faces."

"So, he never called?" I ask, trying to sound indifferent.

"Nah." Nadia shrugs nonchalantly. "I thought about calling him, but I talked myself out of it. Didn't wanna come on too strong, you know? But it's his loss, anyway. I'm way too good for that." She winks at me with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

*Boy, was that a relief.*

I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding and glanced down at my cards, a small smile tugging at my lips.

"So," Nadia begins, changing the subject, "who's ready for college this fall?" She nudges Alina, who's still stewing from earlier, trying to shake her out of her silent anger.

"I don't think I am," I admit. "I can't see myself as a freshman yet. And Mom wants us to stay at home and drive to campus every day."

The thought fills me with dread. It's just another way for my mom to keep me under her thumb, watching every step I take and controlling every decision I make.

"What the f**k? A two-hour commute every day?" Nadia's eyes widen in disbelief. "How are you guys supposed to manage that?"

"Maybe they don't realize how far it is yet," I say with a sigh. "Alina should talk to them. We could get an apartment closer to campus."

Alina scoffs, her irritation bleeding through as she glares at me. "They just don't want you getting a boyfriend."

Nadia rolls her eyes so hard that I think they might get stuck. "Ivy's a grown woman. If she wants a boyfriend, she can get a boyfriend. Who tries to control a grown adult like they're still in middle school?"

"Grown up?" Alina snaps, her voice dripping with disdain. "The fact that she's out of puberty doesn't mean she's a grown-up." Her glare sharpens on me like I'm the source of all her frustrations.

*Wow. I can't believe her.*

"Ivy, when are you planning to finally stand up to Alina? Seriously, girl," Nadia interjects, her tone laced with sarcasm and frustration as she shoots Alina one of her infamous death glares.

Alina narrows her eyes at Nadia. "What? Why would you even suggest that?"

"Because you're insufferable, Alina," Nadia fires back. "You're a mean girl, and not the fun kind. You're just like your mom."

"Don't talk about my mom like that," Alina snaps, her voice rising. "And for the record, I'm not being mean. I'm just being honest. Ivy's naive, and she acts like a child." She whirls on me, her tone venomous. "Okay, we get it. Marcus took advantage of you. Whose fault is that? Do you have to keep faking being depressed just so our parents will pity you? Grow up!"

Her words hit me like a slap, but instead of backing down like I usually do, something inside me snapped.

"Seriously, Alina? You think I faked being depressed? What the hell is wrong with you? What's even your problem?" My voice trembles, but it's not with fear. It's with anger. Years of bottled-up frustration come spilling out. "Why don't you just admit it already? You hate me because you're jealous of me!"

Alina blinks in shock, clearly taken aback by my outburst. I've never stood up to her like this before. And honestly, it feels good.

"Go, girl," Nadia cheers, smirking as she watches the drama unfold.

"Jealous of you?" Alina recovers quickly, letting out a mocking laugh as she flicks her hair over her shoulder. "Please, look at me and look at you. We're not even on the same level. You've got nothing, Ivy."

"Yeah?" Nadia cuts in, her voice sharp and triumphant. "And yet you've always had a secret crush on Marcus. Admit it, Alina. You were jealous that he looked at Ivy and not you."

*What?*

My head snaps to Nadia, my jaw dropping in disbelief. Alina's face flushes red, her composure cracking for the first time.

"You don't know what you're talking about," Alina mutters, avoiding eye contact as she fumbles with her cards.

"Don't I?" Nadia grins wickedly. "You've been projecting your insecurities onto Ivy for years. It's sad, honestly. Maybe if you spent less time being bitter and more time being honest, you wouldn't be so miserable."

"You liked Marcus?" I ask, disbelief evident in my voice. Growing up, Alina made it clear she despised Marcus. She's called him every name in the book, needy, pathetic, worse.

"f**k you, Nadia," Alina snaps, turning her fiery glare toward me. "And no, Ivy, I didn't. I don't know what Nadia's talking about. Why would I like Marcus? He disgusted me every time he opened his mouth."

Nadia rolls her eyes dramatically. "Oh, please, Al. Quit pretending. You've always secretly wished he'd look at you the way he looked at Ivy." She shifts her focus to me, leaning in conspiratorially. "She even asked him to prom. She nearly lost her mind when he turned her down."

Alina shoots up from her chair, her face flushed with anger. "f**k you, Nadia. You don't know anything about me! And you sure as hell don't have the right to judge me."

"Yeah, right, Miss Perfect," Nadia sneers. "The shitty part is how your parents parade themselves as god-fearing saints when they're anything but. Discriminating against their own daughter? Neglecting her? That's not Christianity, it's a joke."

With that, Nadia stands up, shooting Alina a final look before grabbing a bottle of water from the kitchen. Her words hang in the air, raw and sharp like daggers, cutting deep. She's not wrong. My parents use religion to justify their toxic behavior, and it's something I've always struggled to reconcile.

The room feels hotter, the tension unbearable. Alina glares at me from across the table, her fists clenched in her lap.

"It's funny you secretly liked Marcus all this time," I say, my voice calm but laced with accusation.

"I'm sorry to burst your bubble, Ivy," Alina snaps, leaning forward, "but I never liked Marcus. I couldn't stand the guy. And honestly? You two deserved each other."

"Then why lie about being a virgin when you're not?" I ask, my tone sharper than I intended.

Alina scoffs, her gaze flicking away briefly before locking back on me. "Mind your own business."

"How about you also mind your business and stay out of mine?" I snap, my anger boiling over.

For once, Alina is speechless, her mouth opening and closing as she glares at me.

"So, Ivy..." Nadia's voice cuts through the tension as she returns, sipping her water nonchalantly. "You really don't wanna talk about your mystery man? The total stranger who drove you home from the club?" She smirks as she sits down, her eyes twinkling with curiosity.

"It's not important," I say, shrugging. "I was drunk."

"So, how come you woke up in his sweatpants and T-shirt?" Nadia presses, grinning knowingly.

"His house help changed my dress because, I don't know, I think I got sick on it." I stammer, feeling my cheeks flush.

"House help? Is he rich?" Nadia's eyes light up, her grin widening.

"She wishes," Alina mutters under her breath, rolling her eyes.

"So, what did you two talk about? He didn't touch you, right?" Nadia leans closer, her curiosity unrelenting.

I sigh, exasperated. "Nothing happened. We barely talked. I don't think I'd even recognize him if I walked past him on the street."

Nadia raises an eyebrow, clearly not buying it. "Maybe he's just a really nice guy."

"I guess," I mutter.

"Let's talk about college." Nadia pivots, turning the attention away from me. "Ivy, have you picked a major yet?"

"Yeah," I say. "Business administration."

"Nice! We're storming every party in college and hitting all the clubs. Welcome to my world, little freshman cousin." Nadia winks at me, her grin playful. "You're pretty, Ivy. These college boys won't be able to keep their eyes off you."

Alina rolls her eyes so hard that I worry they might get stuck. She bites her tongue, her irritation palpable.

"Nah," Alina interjects, her tone dripping with disdain. "Ivy doesn't like parties. She never has."

"Who asked you to speak for me, Alina?" I snap, my frustration bubbling over again. "What part of 'mind your business' don't you understand?"

Alina blinks, startled by my outburst, before biting her bottom lip and glaring at me.

"They've taught you how to fly, and now you think you're a goddamn eagle, huh?" she sneers.

"Alina, enough!" Nadia interrupts, slamming her water bottle on the table. "Can you both chill? We were talking about college and parties, not trying to tear each other apart."

"Parties..." My mother's voice slices through the room like a whip, freezing everyone in place.

All heads turn toward her and my father as they slowly approach us. They must have just returned from church. Mom clutches her handbag tightly, her expression already brimming with disapproval. She's been working as a financial secretary at the Catholic church, and according to her, it's a role worth boasting about. Dad, on the other hand, is quieter, but his gaze is just as sharp.

"Nadia." Dad greets my cousin with a curt tone, though his eyes shift between me, Alina, and Nadia, already suspicious.

"Are you talking them into going to parties?" Mom asks, venom dripping from every word. She sets her handbag on the dining table with a deliberate thud, her glare locked onto Nadia.

Nadia mutters under her breath, rolling her eyes.

"Mind your language," Mom snaps, her finger pointed sharply at Nadia. "I've told you a hundred times, Nadia. Stop coming here if all you're going to do is fill their heads with nonsense about boys, parties, and getting drunk."

"Mom, calm down," Alina says smoothly, stepping into her usual role as the peacekeeper. "We weren't talking about boys. We were discussing college, dorms, maybe getting an apartment close to campus."

"You're not staying in any dorms or apartments," Dad interjects firmly, his voice final. "You'll stay here, under our roof, where we can keep an eye on you."

"But, Daddy," Alina protests, crossing her arms and sighing heavily, "it's a two-hour drive to campus. We can't manage that every day."

Alina would do anything to escape our parents' suffocating grasp, desperate to embrace the carefree, rebellious lifestyle she's always craved but has never been able to fully indulge in under their watchful eyes.

Mom's gaze darkens, and she turns her full attention to Alina. "No. Staying closer to campus means Ivy will have even more opportunities to act out. She'll become even more reckless than she already is. She'll probably end up with three more boyfriends and keep sleeping around just like she did with that pervert Kade and Marcus."

The words hit me like a slap across the face, and the room goes eerily silent for a beat.

"For God's sake, Aunt," Nadia explodes, unable to hold back any longer, "Ivy's twenty-one! She's not a child. Stop treating her like one!"

Mom turns her glare to Nadia, her lips pressing into a thin, furious line. "Watch your tongue, Nadia. You will not come into my house and dictate how I raise my children. I am not your mother, and you will not speak to me like that."

"You're f*****g kidding me right now," Nadia retorts, standing abruptly, her hands clenched into fists at her sides. "You just called them kids, but they're grown women. You're acting like Ivy's some helpless baby. And you're throwing stones like your house isn't made of glass."

"Nadia, that's enough!" Dad's voice booms, but Nadia's not backing down.

"No, I'm not done," she snaps, her voice rising. "You two act like you're so perfect. Like you're the epitome of morality. But this is the twenty-first century, Aunt. The way you control and belittle Ivy and Alina, it's abuse. Maybe I should call the cops and let them decide if you're fit to be parents."

"You wouldn't dare," Mom hisses, her finger trembling as she points toward the door. "You've overstayed your welcome. Get out. Now."

"Oh, so now I'm being kicked out?" Nadia scoffs, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow in defiance.

"Yes. Leave!" Mom's voice cracks with rage. "And I'll be calling Doreen to make sure she keeps you far away from my kids."

"Kids? Alina is also a child?" Nadia sneers, crossing her arms. "Maybe I should yell at the top of my lungs and let the whole world know how you—"

"Nadia, don't!" Dad raises his hand, his voice a warning. His tone is sharp, a clear indication that Nadia is treading dangerous ground. She merely smirks, crossing her arms in defiance, her confidence unwavering.

*What are they even talking about?*

"Nadia! Please, it's enough!" Alina cuts in, her voice unusually frantic.

Nadia shifts her gaze to Alina, her smirk widening. "Alina, maybe you need to shut up. Why don't you tell your parents how many boyfriends you had in high school before you even graduated?"

Alina's face flushes with anger as she stands abruptly, her chair screeching against the floor. "Seriously? You wanna do this now?"

"Yeah," Nadia fires back, her voice razor sharp. "Maybe we should."

"Nadia, that's enough," Mom snaps, her patience wearing thin. She points a trembling finger toward the door. "You need to leave. Now."

"I ain't leaving," Nadia retorts, her tone calm yet cutting, "not until you stop whatever attitude you're putting up. In less than two weeks, both girls will be starting college. Maybe you should start packing your bags, so you can move in with them and be their roommate."

Her grin is a provocation, and I can feel the tension thickening in the room, suffocating.

*Okay, I can't take this anymore.* Their voices, the shouting, the accusations, it's all too much. My heart starts racing, pounding against my ribcage like it's trying to