FERAL ATTRACTION

CHAPTER FIVE

ALICE POV

Every day got worse. I thought I'd have moved on by now. The past was like a cobweb that caught me; I tried to fight my way out of it, but it just doesn't seem to work out. What do I do? My head still hurts, my heart still aches. I can still perceive his scent. I can still feel his touch. His lips, oh his lips… How sweet they were.

Stop doing this to yourself. Why do you keep thinking about him? He left you. He wasn't compelled to. I know you want to believe the best in him. Hell! You're even crafting a reason for his actions. You need to find a distraction. Get yourself busy. Don't just lie around and sulk.

“I wish it was that easy,” I thought out loud. I was alone, good.

By the way, I should take my advice. I need to find something to do. My eyes widened like I had gotten the perfect solution to every single problem I encountered.

“But what do I do now?” I started to scratch my head.

The day finally got dark, phew… I was tired of doing nothing, other than thinking of Gunther and crying myself to sleep. I already developed eye bags from doing too much of those.

Henry's revved car engine informed me of his arrival. I dashed to the room, washed my face, and stayed there. A few minutes later, he knocks on my room door. I feigned ignorance.

“Alice?” he called out.

“Come in” I dressed the sheets further up my body.

“I got you food, it's downstairs” his right hand was on the doorknob while the other rested on the door frame.

“I don't feel hungry,” I said, doing my best to evade his eyes.

“Have you had anything?” he persisted. He's been very vocal this last month. Although I still didn't know about his family, he asked me countless questions about mine. Not like I would have housed a stranger without asking those same questions too.

“No”

“Then you must be hungry” he now leaned on the door frame with his whole body.

“I have a request” I finally looked in his direction. He raised his eyebrow as if to say “Get on with it”, I obliged.

“I don't like how I stay idle. I want to start working, as well as go to school” I had already blurted it out before comprehending how silly it sounded.

“You said you had a request?” I was confused by his question. Was this not supposed to be a request? Was I supposed to write him a letter?

“Yes?” I replied, unsure of what he meant. He crossed his arms into each other and walked slowly, closer to the bed.

“You have made two requests, Alice. Maybe you need school after all.” he smiled. I was embarrassed.

“Get out” I groaned.

“Yes and yes,” he started to walk out. He got to the door, made to close it, and then turned his head to say “Only after eating though” The door closed after him. I was excited. The thought of Guther won't occupy my head every time anymore.

Henry has been helpful and supportive of everything I did. He was very present. I appreciated that. The school was easy, but most found it hard. I don't know why. Even though I did get to be busy a lot because of school and work, Guther still filled my mind. I couldn't escape him. I had even dreamt of him making love to me the other night. I hated him, but I hated myself more. How can I hurt myself more like this? I was hoping to erase everything about him.

My hard work and dedication at work had not gone unnoticed by my boss. I had become one of his favorite employees, and my co-workers often turned to me to help with their tasks.

I didn't mind, as it kept me busy and distracted from my current turmoil. I didn't want to think about the life-changing news I had just received, and working hard was a way to escape my thoughts and feelings.

As I buried myself in my work, I couldn't help but wonder if I was running away from something important. But I couldn't bring myself to face it just yet.

I tried to shake off the overwhelming thoughts swirling around in my head. Maybe I was just overthinking things. After all, it was still too early to tell how I felt about this new development in my life.

I decided to focus on the present moment, on the tasks that needed to be done. Perhaps, in time, I would be able to process everything and decide about what to do next. For now, I needed to take it one step at a time.

In the past few days, I had been feeling more and more unwell. I had been putting it down to exhaustion, but as the days went by, it became clear that it was something more.

That evening, I was feeling particularly ill, my eyes dizzy and my head throbbing. I tried to focus on my work, but it was impossible to ignore the symptoms I was experiencing.

Something was definitely not right. I knew I needed to see a doctor, but I wasn't sure what to do next.

I decided to get myself tested. I felt nervous as I waited for the results. I thought about what this could mean, how it would affect my life.

I tried to stay positive, but it was hard. Finally, the results were in. What I heard next left me reeling. I couldn't believe it. It was like the ground had been pulled out from under me. How could this be happening?

“You're sixteen weeks pregnant,” the physician said, her voice full of joy.

But I just sat there, numb with shock. It was as if my whole world had been turned upside down.

I had never imagined that I would be a mother, and now I was faced with the reality of it. I had so many questions, so many thoughts running through my head.

I felt overwhelmed and unprepared, like a deer caught in headlights. How was I going to do this? Was I ready to be a mother? What would I do next?

I found myself in a moral quandary, wrestling with the idea of abortion. I didn't know if I was ready to be a mother. How do I forget about him if I keep the pregnancy?

My head was a mess as I fought myself to decide.