Basket of Keen

Chapter 6

“Anong pinapanood mo?” tanong ni Dex sa akin habang sinisilip kung aong pinapanood ko sa cellphone ko.

Napansin niya atang kanina pa ako tumatawa rito at hindi mapaakli sa pinapanood ko. Hinarap ko siya habang tumatawa ako sa kanya at pinakita sa kanya kunga nong pinapanood ko.

“Beastars.” Natatawa kong sagot sa kanya.

Nakita ko naman siyang nagulat sa aking sinabi. I know I recommended that anime to him and he gave me feedbacks before how uncomfortable he is while watching that anime. Now I understand his feelings now.

“Eh maganda sana pero maka uncomfortable imagining mo Wolf and rabbit nag mate.” Nandidiring saad niya sa akin at natawa naman ako sa kanya.

He is telling me stories how uncomfortable that anime is until Shane enters the shop. Napatigil kami sa pagtawa at tiningnan ko si Shane na naglalakad papalapit sa akin.

“Ano meron Shane?” tanong ko sa kanya at napailing naman siya.

“Dex, pwede bigyan mo muna kami ng space. I need to talk to her just for a minute.” Saad ni Shane kay Dex at napatango naman si Dex sa kanya at lumabas ng shop.

Nang mawala na si Dex ay agad na umupo si Shane kung saan ang isang sala set na malapit sa glass window ng shop ko. Kumuha ako ng cup of coffee and cookies mula sa pantry namin para makapagusap kami ng maayos.

“Para namang hindi ang lapit ng café ko rito sa shop mo at parang hindi tayo nakatira sa isang bahay.” Saad niya sa akin habang hinahawakan ang cup of coffee na binigay ko sa kanya.

Napangiti naman ako sa kanya at umupo sa upuang kaharap niya. Ano naman kayang gusto niyang pag-usapan, it’s been a while since we talk to each other. Busy rin naman siya sa kanyang  mga anak at kailangan rin nila ng privacy kahit sabihin pa nating nakatira kami sa iisang bahay.

“I just wonder 4 months ago, hindi ba’t si Wills at si Paisley yon?” tanong niya sa akin at napangiti naman ako kasabay ang paglapat ng aking bibig sa tasa.

Napatango naman ako sa kanya, baka nagtataka at nag-aalala siya sa nararamdaman ko. Hindi naman ganon ka big deal sa akin nung una pero ba’t ko iyon naramdaman?

“Kamusta ka? Hindi mo man lang nasabi kay Paisley ang nararamdaman mo.” saad niya sa akin and I smile a her.

“Is it necessary?” I ask her. “Hindi ganon, pero, ang ibig kong sabihin. Kailangan niya ba talagang malaman kung anong nararamdaman ko? Makaktulong ba iyon kung sinabi ko? Sa tingin mo nung sinabi ko sa kanya makikita ko kaya silang dalawang ikinakasal? Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero nung nakita ko silang dalawang masaya I felt happy as well. Besides they were my childhood best friends, ayaw ko namang sirain yung importanteng araw nila kasi naging selfish ako.” Pagpapaliwanag ko and I pause for a sec and laugh at her. “Ang drama ko naman, hindi naman ako ganito.” Natatawang saad ko sa kanya.

Napatingin naman siya sa akin ng seryoso, why does those eyes seems to gives me pity?

“Why are you like this? Why can’t you be honest to yourself?” she ask and I smirk at her.

“Does honesty always save you?” I ask her. “Shane kilala mo ako, hindi ako yung taong selfish. As long as kaya kong igive up gagawin ko.” saad ko sa kanya.

“Why?” she argues and I just smile while looking at the cup.

“Because I am selfless?” I ask to her. “Life is so short to live in selfishness and cruelty.”

“But you love her.”

“I do, but what is the importance of love by the way? If I will say it can I handle it?” I softly ask her.

Yeah does love really important for humans? Do the concept of love really need someone on your side? Is it because of the mindset that surrounds the culture that when you are near 30’s you need to get married or dating someone?

“What are you afraid of?” she ask directly.

It made me stop for a while. What do I really afraid of? To fail? To be not a good person? Is that reliable answer?

“Nothing.” I answer “You what are you afraid of?” I throw the same question and look at her directly.

“I don’t know.” She answer in a low tone while avoiding my sight.

I see.

“See we are the same but in different ways.” I said and she look at me. “I loved her but it is time to let her go, she isn’t a property to be labelled as mine or yours. She is a human, seeing her happy is enough for me.” I explain.

Why do really sounds like a heartbroken teenager?

“Why not try to find love?” she suggested and I laugh at it.

Love? Seriously? I don’t think so.

“No, it doesn’t match my personalities and I hate arguments. I hate childishness, I hate commitment; I love the concept of love, I found it cute and adorable but getting into it is a big no.” I defend.

“But are sure you’re alright?” she insisted and I nod and smile at her.

“Yes, why wouldn’t I? You know I don’t need someone, I have your kids and I am fine with it. They made me inspire to rise in the morning, they give me love that I never felt before; why wouldn’t be I?”I answer with a big smile to her.

Yeah those twins are considered as love. The same thing with every word in this world there are lots of synonyms to compare it.

Love is a bug word to handle with, there are different love but one thing is I only know in those kinds; which is loving those twins and my friends but love like the love that is on the atmosphere of everyone on my age? I don’t think so, it is a different aspect. I don’t understand that love they mean. And I don’t want to know the meaning ever.