Chapter 9 - Kadis
1054 Words
Why hasn’t she called!
Cradling my head in my hands, I sit at the foot of the bed and try to control my anger.
What in the name of Gorthel is happening to me?
Exhausted, I look around my place. Items and furniture are thrown everywhere, scattered in a burst of rage. After Neira left, I felt wrong. It took all my self-control not to lash out at her this morning. I can’t figure out what is going on. I thought that a night spent releasing my urges would help me, and it did at first. But as the night progressed I found myself ashamed to look at her. I started to get more and more aggressive. Which made me feel more and more ashamed. I think Neira knew something was wrong, because when she woke she left quickly and quietly. I pretended to be asleep, seething with anger. Why was I so angry with her?
It’s not Neira you are angry with.
Once the thought invades my mind, I can not run from it. I’m angry with myself. I’m angry because I know Neira, no matter what shape she takes, is not my pet.
Jane….
Her name sticks in my brain, wriggling it’s way into the depths of my obsession. I realize that I’ve been avoiding saying or even thinking of her name. Dropping my head into my hands again, I struggle to control my thoughts. I can’t lose control. I’m the one in charge. I’m the one who never lets emotions rule me.
I’ve seen Jaed and other demons coddle some of their pets, almost beyond the point of lust and desire. Don’t get me wrong, I like to learn about my pets and keep them for as long as I can, but I still see them as pets. Things to be used, nothing more. It is the nature of demons to use humans. I have never before heard of a demon losing all sensibility over a human. Humans serve one purpose for us, servitude.
This feels different.
And it terrifies me.
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After fixing my place, I check Jane’s usual haunts but she is nowhere to be found. She must be still at home. Too scared to be seen near her place, I open a portal to somewhere that I think may have more information on demons. I step out into the center of a busy square in Rome. I let the sun hit my face, take a deep breath, and shrug my shoulders to try and relax. Humans all around unknowingly move aside or swerve to avoid me. I open my eyes and let my gaze follow the line of columns that grace the wall of the plaza. Further in the distance I can see the Sistine Chapel.
Unfortunately, I can’t enter it. It’s one of the few places on earth that is barred from demon entry. Almost every demon has tried, at least the ones that I’ve talked to about it. It's kind of like a rite of passage, sometimes it’s done on a dare. I tried to enter once, and that was enough to dissuade me from ever trying it again. I had opened a portal directly into the church. When I tried to walk through I was violently flung back and rendered unconscious. When I woke hours later, I felt like all my energy had been drained and I could barely move. I was stuck in bed for a week. Full recovery took two. I have heard stories of lower caste demons taking over a month to recover.
I would probably find the answers I need in there. The Vatican is one of the few entities that probably knows the true nature of demons. But after the one and only time I tried, that’s not going to happen. Shaking my head, I walk to a building a few blocks north of St. Peter's Square. I enter the next best place, the Vatican Apostolic Library. Though it is open to the public, humans are required to prove a certain amount of credentials to actually use the facility. Luckily, I do not need to worry about any such trivial things and quickly walk past their security measures. Finding my way to the oldest section, I start to comb through the tomes searching for the answers I so desperately need.
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Exhausted and hungry, I collapse on my bed.
I diligently went through every section searching for any book that may have had information on demons. I ended up with piles of them. Tucking myself away in a little used corner, I started my research. Most of the books didn’t have anything new, but I skimmed through them anyways. I didn’t want to accidentally miss anything. It was time consuming, but I refused to skip anything. If I found something that was promising, I made a note of the book and continued on. Right now I am concentrating on finding new information and I’ll sort through it later. I was so involved in my reading, I failed to notice how much time has passed. After finishing my umpteenth pile of books, my stomach finally growled loud enough to cut through my concentration. Looking up, I found that I had been there for over twelve hours and I had only gone through half of the piles. The weight of the day hit me, and I sluggishly put a wall of hiding on the table and took a portal back to my place.
As tired as I am, my mind races with the things I had found. I didn’t get deep into the books I read through, but six of them showed a lot of potential. I struggled to put them to the side as I came across them, but I knew I needed to continue my search. I need to finish sorting before I can concentrate on any new information. I do not want to miss anything and if I stop now I may get stuck on a wrong lead. I need to weigh each path equally and the only way to do that is to examine all of them. I need to do this logically.
I hold onto this thought as stories of Magi, warlocks, deities, and talismans swirl in my head. For the first time in days I feel like I am in control. I finally lose the fight to stay awake and drop into a deep sleep.
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