Flowering Dreams

Fuzzy, Warm and Broken

Jordan's left eye was swelling up, bloody nose, and cut lip. Someone had beaten him up pretty good. My hands covered my mouth, trying to hide the shock. His face turned somber as he started to turn away from me again. I gently place my hand on his cheek and turned him back to me.

I pressed my lips together and squinted my eyes, studying his face further. Moving my head back and forth, I looked from all angles to get a better understanding of how bad it was. Definitely a black eye, and possible broken nose. I took a step back and crossed my arms across my chest.

"Who did this to you!?" I asked angrily.

"I'm fine. It's really not important." He smiled at me, but I saw him wince at the pain for a second before he corrected himself of doing so. Sometimes it was like we could read each other's minds. I didn't have to actually ask him, I already knew what happened. Dillan had left before me in a sour mood.

"I can't believe him. I told him to leave it alone." I turned and began walking back towards my dorm as I spoke. There was no reason for this violence. I was going to give him a piece of my mind and tell him I wanted nothing to do with him. Before I got two steps in though, Jordan's hand caught my arm and turned me back around.

"Millie, it's not that big of a deal. Trust me. It was a disagreement that I handled poorly. If you're going to be mad at someone, be mad at me." He scanned my face as he spoke, trying to crack my anger towards Dillan with his words.

"He shouldn't have engaged in the first place. I told him there was no reason to go after you the way he did before. Then he took it even further! Why won't either of you just let me handle things myself!?" My anger was growing. I had never felt rage like this before. Seeing Jordan's busted face lit a flame inside me that continued to grow the longer I looked at him.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I should have left it alone to begin with. It wasn't my place to say anything, and I messed up. I turned the whole thing into a bigger mess. Please.. just come sit with me for a while and cool down." He put his arm around me and led me back to the fountain. We sat down, and his arms wrapped around me, cacooning me into his warmth. It felt.. nice. I relaxed into him, and let out a sigh.

"I thought you hated apologies?" I asked. He chuckled. I heard it echoing through his chest, and the sound was actually quite soothing.

"I just hate when YOU apologize. You never do anything to intentionally hurt people. Always kind, considerate, yet fierce and strong at the same time. All you do is speak your truth. It's honestly refreshing. Most people tell lies to get their way, but not you. Even when it's not what I want to hear, you always tell me the truth. It makes me feel like I can talk about anything."

His breathing was steady as he spoke. Was this really how he felt about me? Jordan had been flirty, jealous, and a downright ass at times. But he saw me. The real me. Even when I didn't want him too. Though we haven't actually known each other very long, I felt close to him. It was like I'd known him my whole life instead of just a few days.

Though I was angry at how he handled the situation, he could tell that me getting with Dillan wasn't a good idea from the start. I wish I hadn't let my stubbornness get in the way. I was so sure he was just jealous of him. Part of what lead me to Dillan in the first place was because of how much it riled Jordan up. I wanted to make him mad.

"You know.. I think I might actually like you a little bit." I smile with my face still pressed into his chest.

"Just a little?" He asked. I felt him chuckle a bit.

"Yeah. Just a tiny, little bit." We both laughed. Then my face dropped. "I always feel like I'm doing things wrong. No matter how hard I try, I always end up hurting someone. You think so highly of me, yet I've done nothing but hurt you over and over since we met. Why are you still here? How have I not run you off yet?"

"I don't think you could ever run me off. Honestly, I'm the happiest when I'm with you. We laugh and joke around, but also talk about serious things so easily. Like I said before, you only speak your truth. It's not your fault that it isn't what I want to hear sometimes. Never try to spare my feelings if it means you can't be honest with me."

"How did you become my favorite person in such a short time? I wanted so badly to hate you when we first met. Instead I'm sitting here listening to you talk about me like I'm the greatest person ever. Which I'm not by the way." I finally moved out of his arms and looked into his eyes.

"All I ever talk about is 'love at first sight' and finding 'the one.' I've believed in my fairytale love story for so long.. Yet the only thing to come out of it is pain. All I do is hurt people. I've blocked out anything I didn't want to feel. Yet, every second I spend with you makes this fuzzy feeling inside me grow. I tried to ignore it.. but.."

"Don't." He said. His voice was quick and harsh. He saw the shock on my face, took a breath, and quickly changed his tone. In a much more gentle voice, he said "Don't say anything just yet. Before we continue this conversation, I want you to get to know me better. I feel like there are things you should know first, but now just isn't the right time."

"What do you mean it isn't the right time?" I stood as I asked this. Anger flooded back into me.

"Millie.. it's 2am. My eye is swelling shut, yet I can still see you visibly shaking from the cold. It isn't the time for this. You should get back to your dorm and get some rest. I will see you tomorrow, ok?"

I wanted to argue with him, but I was suddenly very aware of how heavy my eyelids were. I shook my head yes, and turned away from him. I stood for a moment in the same spot before turning back to face him again.

"Would you.. walk me back?" I asked in a small voice. He smiled and stood from the fountain. As we quietly walked side by side, my hand accidentally brushed his. It was warm. Then his fingers quickly entwined in mine.

"Your hands are too cold." He said. I didn't argue, it felt really nice. We got back to my dorm, and he walked me all the way to my door. I wanted to thank him, but when I turned around he was only inches from my face. My breath caught in my throat, and we just stared at each other.

I began slowly leaning towards him. The sudden urge to kiss him was overwhelming. I realized I was bad with impulse control. Just before my lips found his though, he stepped back. Unsure of what to do next, I just stood there. All I wanted was to close the gap between us for one moment..

"Sweet dreams, Millie." He said quietly, then he walked away.