Satellite Souls

Leaving Her

-Aiden’s POV-

The world stopped still on its axis. Her arms wrapped around my neck, her face buried in my chest while my chin rested on top of her head. Embracing her felt surreal yet so natural. Although it was for a few seconds, my arms clenched her tightly absorbing her warmth leaving me feeling more alive than I have ever been before. My mind, body and soul had been yearning for her all along. Her reciprocation to my touch indicated deep down she felt the same.

How am I so lucky to have found her? I thought. For the first time in my life, I trusted my gut and left everything behind recklessly in search of her. And now, here we were, right in front of each other clearly knowing what the future holds yet still so vulnerable and damaged.

She lifted her head and our glances battled one another. Her lips curled a smile, melting my heart away.

“I . . .” I began unable to contain myself. She is the ‘one’ without a doubt, I thought. I would do anything for her. I will do everything to protect her, I vowed myself. Her beauty can never be compared to any other. “f**k, I want to kiss you so bad, Fiona” I whispered. I tilted my head to the side and insinuated what I was about to do. She has every right to push me away if she wanted to and I’d respect it.

She tilted hers to meet my lips, and I could’ve sworn I could hear wedding bells ringing from a distance.

“What are you both doing?” Spoke a voice that halted everything.

We were quick to distance ourselves. I glanced at Lydia who was walking towards us. Did she see us? I wondered.

“Why are you both just standing there? Fiona, did you order Chinese takeout?” She asked. She didn’t see us. The atmosphere had turned tense. I coughed being unable to breathe through Lydia’s perfume. Did she drown in a perfume bottle?

“Uhh I’ll go order,” Fiona said quietly looking down. Was she ashamed of herself? Have I really messed things up for her? I felt my heart sink as she walked away dialling her cell phone.

“You shouldn’t have done that” A voice spoke behind me. I sighed as I turned around. Not now. Vision Fiona’s (VF) appearance made me nervous. She usually appears when I’m stressed out and I am. I stare at her unable to comprehend how to react.

“So Aiden, where are you staying here?” Lydia hands me a can of beer. Her curly black hair bounced as she sat down at the table. There were hundreds of thoughts running around in my head that I couldn’t shake. I shouldn’t have done that. I should have taken my time. I could see Fiona entering her room from the corner of my eyes. She probably won’t come back out, I thought.

“Yeah, she probably won’t. You totally blew it” VF spoke sitting beside me. I had forgotten about her presence. And for the most part, Lydia’s as well.

“Hello, earth to Aiden” She waved the palm of her hands up my face.

“Oh, umm I’m staying at the Imperial Hotel nearby” I replied quickly not wanting to come off disrespectful.

“Wow, fancy. I’ve never been there. I bet they have really comfortable beds” She then proceeded to laugh at that comment which made no sense. I knew she was flirting with me, I mean she has been flirting with me non-stop ever since we’ve met. And honestly, I could care less.

“Go, talk to her” VF whispered. My eyes fixated on Fiona’s door. How could you mess it up so bad so fast, Aiden? I thought to myself.

“Because you sacrificed everything to be here” VF reminded me. She was right. I did and I don’t have any regrets.

Just when I was about to stand up, the door clicked open and Fiona walked in. She walked towards us and sat down at the table. She tucked her hair back, pulled it up and tied it. Her hair was lengthy and luminous. I remembered telling her I liked her hair long but only because she resorts to chopping it off whenever she’s heartbroken. It’s also a coping mechanism, I assume. Converting your pain and misery to the length of your hair and chopping it off to lighten the weight.

“Food is ordered and on the way. So what are you guys talking about?” Her demeanour had changed. She looked pretty laid back and calm.

“Aiden just told me that he is staying at Imperial Hotel. And now I want to go there with him to check it out” Lydia pressed the subject again.

“Why don’t you take her?” Fiona suggested locking her eyes into mine. I gulped.

“I’m leaving tomorrow night. Something’s come up at work and I’m needed.” I replied.

“Oh, that’s too bad. Will you be coming back in time for the wedding? It’s literally one and a half months away” Lydia stated. Will I come back? I wondered. Should I just listen to her and walk away from all this? All these thoughts made my head spin.

“I guess it all depends on if the problem is resolved or not” I replied with a slight smile glancing at Fiona.

The doorbell rang and Lydia immediately got up to get the food from the delivery man. I glimpsed at Fiona, who slipped something to my side of the table. It’s a note! I quickly took it and hid it in one of my pockets. Before I could say anything, Lydia was back. Her giggles irritated every part of my body. But at the end of the day, she was Fiona’s best friend and I needed to respect it.

“You do” VF replied behind me. How long has she been standing there?

For the next twenty minutes, none of us talked. We were enjoying a nice Chinese meal. Realizing that this might be the last time I might eat with her for a while, I decided to break the tension. If I am leaving, I want her to remember me as me. I am a fun guy, and she fell in love with the fun guy. No more taunting her with my propositions.

“So Lydia, how was Fiona like growing up?” I started a conversation. Even though I remember her vaguely telling me she was a shy girl growing up, I refused to believe it.

“Oh, she was a handful. Always buried in books, daydreaming in class, she’ll even wander off into the streets. This girl’s head is always in the clouds” Lydia laughed while giving Fiona a side hug. Fiona laughed. Her smile made me feel happy and relieved.

“I hope she’s wide awake now” I joked.

“I pray she is” Lydia laughed.

“Someone change the topic, already” Fiona frowned. We kept exchanging looks here and there. I wasn’t sure but was she sending me signals? And if she was, what kind were they? Maybe she was being nice to me now that I was leaving.

“Alright, I know I’m not supposed to tell you this but I think I have to. Fun fact, Fiona used to see this dude in her dreams. This poor girl spent years talking to him like he was there in real life. She was obsessed! Err what was his name? Jay – Jayden? Brandon? I don’t remember. I’m genuinely surprised she is even getting married to Charlie. It’s a miracle she’s over her imaginary friend” Lydia chuckled ending the sentence with air quotes.

I could see the smile on Fiona’s face slowly fading away.

“With that said, I think it’s safe to say that she is the most imaginative person I’ve ever met. I’m sorry to out you like this, babe. Forgive meee” Lydia spoke in a high pitched voice.

“Apology not accepted” Fiona gave her a fake smile.

“Oh no, Aiden you must save me” Lydia chuckled.

“Try not to kill each other after I leave” I replied.

After we were finished with our meal, I looked at my watch and realized it was getting late. I should leave now, for good. Maybe Fiona was right. Maybe our paths were meant to cross after three years. Three long years. I sighed at the thought.

“Thank you for dinner” I expressed to both Fiona and Lydia. “I err I better head back and start packing”

“Well I don’t know about Fiona but I loved meeting you,” Lydia said in a cheerful voice whilst reaching for a goodbye hug.

“Have a safe flight” Fiona murmured.

“Bye, take care” I stared at her a little longer.

“Bye Aiden...”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You know what they say about early birds, right? Usually, I can’t say that I am one but after reading that piece of note Fiona gave me last night. I couldn’t get a wink of sleep. There was still a few hours left until I have to check-in at the airport. I left the note on the counter and quickly got dressed. It was 9 am in the morning, the sun shimmered brightly down on earth as I stepped outside the hotel. It’s only a ten-minute walk from this hotel to Fiona’s apartment.

She wanted to meet me one last time before I left. And I have no complaints.

I knocked on her door quietly and waited without ringing the doorbell. As far as I can tell, Lydia has left for work. After a few minutes, Fiona opened the door.

“Hey, thanks for coming” She greeted.

“No problem” I stated as I walked in.

“I’m sorry if I was harsh to you before. This is all very confusing still.” She walked closer. “I still can’t believe you’re here Aiden” She buried her face in her palms. She looked tense but in a very calming kind of way.

“You know . . “I began my sentence contemplating on how I was going to finish it. But I had to know if there was the slightest chance “I won’t go if you tell me to”

Fiona lowered her gaze. “You know I can’t do that. We’ll be changing so many outcomes. It might not be all good changes.” Her demeanour suddenly shifted from concern to curiosity. Her eyes wandered from my eyes to my lips. She opened her mouth to say something but closed it swiftly as if she was fighting her words.

I put my hand under her chin whilst her hair entwined around my fingers. Slowly lifting her face up, I stared into her eyes. “Then why am I here?”

“Because . . .” She hesitated.

“Because?” I couldn’t help but flash her a smirk.

“You know why”

“Enlighten me” I whispered moving closer. My mind replayed all the times we’d kiss and make love everywhere in the house. But I also needed to remind myself she is a taken woman. Her wishes need to be respected and valued. But the question remained as to what she wished for. What do you want, Fiona? Tell me so I can fulfil it for you. I made my eyes do all the talking.

“I just want . . .” She held on to my shoulders as if she wanted me to understand every word that isn’t coming out of her lips.

“What do you want? Just tell me, Fiona. I’d do anything” I replied.

“I’m so confused” I watched her eyes fill up with tears. “I want you to stay but I don’t want you to stay either. I love Charlie but I know I can never let you go. We’re destined to be together but I can’t be with you because I’ve made a commitment to someone else” She wrapped her hands around my neck and buried her face in my chest. I held her while she sobbed. “Please know that . . . I am fighting so much of my feelings for you right now it physically hurts.”

“I know” I whimpered. It hurts to see her like this. “I’m sorry for coming early. Way too early. I don’t want to be the cause of your pain, Fiona. Maybe an alteration in the timeline changed Charlie for the better. I can only hope so. Because you deserve everything that is good in life. Fiona, you deserve to be happy, to be loved, to be held every single day. Charlie’s a lucky guy. But if he lays a hand on you, you call me. I’ll drop everything and come find you. I promise you that” I meant every single word I said. She's not supposed to marry Charlie. Charlie almost destroyed her. And I can't tell her all that because she will surely resent me for it. In her mind, we should just let fate run its course.

“Charlie would never raise his hand at me. He can’t even squat a fly.” Fiona chuckled lightly. “Thank you for finding me though. You have really saved me during the darkest of times.” Just as she said it, I began to feel my stomach drop. Her darkest times were yet to come and I have run out of ways to prevent it.

“Here” I took a small note and gave it to Fiona. “That’s my number and all my socials. Call me if . . .”

“If, what?” She asked quietly.

“If you need me” I replied. I wrapped my arms around her and embraced her for as long as I could. “This is harder than I thought it would be” I muttered. “Fiona, I . . .”

“I know” Her voice was hoarse whilst fighting tears she whispered again. “I know”

We cut our conversation short because we both knew it’ll be too dangerous if I stuck around more. We have too many memories and the familiarity will make it hard for either of us to wait any longer. Heck, I can barely control myself even now. I walked out of her apartment feeling like I’d hit the jackpot but it’ll take three years to get it. Life is indeed unpredictable. One day, I’m dreaming about Fiona and the next, I leave everything behind to go in search of her. I even left my girlfriend of two years, Rebecca. I’m kind of surprised Fiona didn’t say anything about her. I must have told her about Rebecca at some point in a dream. The thought of Rebecca made me worry, I’ll eventually see her once I go back to Aussie. What’s even worse is now that my company is being audited, I’ll have nothing else to do but see her.

My thoughts came to a halt once VF appeared in front of me.

“Not now” I managed to say. She always seems to rationalize everything. I lost her just like you predicted, VF. Now let me be. The day is already as bad as it could ever get.

“It could have gone worse, you know” VF replied.

“How?” I couldn’t believe I was entertaining her statement.

“She could have cut ties with you entirely.” Her reply made me rethink my decision to leave. At this point, I was thinking of any excuse to stay but since I promised her I would leave. I’m going to abide by it.

“Let’s leave before I change my mind” I sighed as I pack my suitcase to leave for the airport.