Total Surrender

1 - REINVENTION

THEN (EIGHTEEN MONTHS AGO)

Venus gawked at the mirror, trying to recognize the vivacious woman staring back at her. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d put on make-up and gotten all dressed up. She’d honestly forgotten how good she could look.

Being married for the past twelve years to ‘dickwad’ as her friends had dubbed him, had taken a huge chunk out of her self-esteem. So much so, that her friends had spent the past three hours trying to convince her of her worth. As Abigail, Susan and Marcy hovered around her, putting the finishing touches on her makeup and ensuring everything was perfect, she’d finally agreed with them. She was hot… smoking hot. And nobody could tell her differently... or at least that was what she was chanting in her head.

“I can’t believe I’m actually doing this,” Venus shrieked in glee. “When you first suggested it, Abigail, my initial reaction was that you’d lost your goddamn mind. There was no way that me, 'god fearing only had s*x with my husband, can't even masturbate for fear of being smite buy God' would willingly walk into a B.D.S.M club. But now that the time has come, I find I’m excited. If half of what I read online is true, then I’m in for a treat. The best part is that my complexion is so dark no one would know I’m blushing to my shiny bald head.”

Susan fixed her with a hard stare in the mirror. “Girl, how you managed to survive with only one d**k all these years is beyond me... much less the fact you can't even get your own self off. I’d pay money to see your reaction tonight when you see all those d***s hung freely… and I do mean HUNG!” She said snickering.

“I’d pay top dollar to see toad face’s reaction to this dress. His new bimbo ain’t got nothing on you, sis,” Marcy chimed in.

The toad face in question being Venus’s ex-husband, Walter.

“Thanks guys, you’re like my own personal cheering squad. You’ll never know how much your support has meant to me during this time,” Venus said soberly, fighting back tears.

“b***h, you better not cry and ruin that make-up I worked hard to do,” Susan instructed.

“I thought it was water proof,” Venus queried.

“That’s not the point. Nobody wants to see you moping about before you go to the club. Now step into those heels and go get you some new dick... some of those thick long break your back destroy your uterus d**k. You’ve wasted enough time, tears and energy on that jackass,” Susan declared, her eyes fierce, while Marcy’s scowl was intimidating. Abigail just simply nodded her head in agreement. Venus was heartened by their display of loyalty and friendship. She’d regretted allowing Walter to pull her away from her friends during her marriage. Fortunately, for her, the moment he’d asked for a divorce and walked out, she’d confided in them. Luckily, they’d kept in contact with each other over the years through annual birthday and Christmas cards. And it had been enough. Once she’d shared the humiliating details of her marriage and subsequent breakup with Walter, they’d rallied around her.

Walter had called her an old dried-up worthless prude. His words still rang in her ears warring with the person she was before him. Every single one of his words had been like a knife to the heart ripping her apart. But he hadn’t been content to simply stab her. No. After he’d twisted the blade in deep; he’d taken a baseball bat and beaten her insecurities into her like a mantra.

“Walter is a jackass,” Marcy hissed. “Vee, we all knew it. Don’t you remember us trying to talk you out of going on that first date with him? But you were in love, so we tried to support you by not saying anything bad about him. But he’s a dick... a tiny insignificant d**k. He was then and he still is now. He didn’t deserve you. He never did.”

“Hallelujah. Preach it sista,” Susan said passionately. “This is why you need to march into Club Ecstasy like a f*****g boss all booed up and s**t. You look so f*****g hot, if I was a dude, or if I was into women, I would totally smash. Don’t think this is me bullshitting you as your best friend, trying to make you feel better about yourself and s**t. I’m saying this as an objective female who, if I didn’t know you personally, I would scratch your eyes out if you so much as look at my man. I ain’t about to let you steal my man with your fine ass self.”

Venus’s head spun with the compliment and her wide-eyed gaze found Susan’s in the mirror.

Abigail shook her head and groaned. “He ruined you. You just don’t get it, Vee. You have no clue how beautiful you are. You have these big soulful eyes, natural pouty lips on a heart-shaped face. To top it off, you are one of the few black girls I know who can rock a bald head. You had gorgeous hair and when you hacked it off after the divorce, I wanted to cry. I did shed a few tears, if imma be honest. But girl, this boy cut looks so sexy on you. Plus, you have a figure to die for. Combine all of that with the fact you’re genuinely sweet and kind, and you have a winning combination. You’re a major turn on for guys. That’s why shitface tried so hard to hide you from the world and chip away at your self-esteem. If you show any hint of interest, you’d have men tripping over themselves to get next to you. They’d treat you like the goddess you deserve to be treated as, but you honestly have no idea of your worth.”

“I think that will just make men want her even more,” Marcy said, throwing in her two cents.

Venus shook her head, utterly flummoxed. “I appreciate you guys for helping me repair the damage done to my self-esteem, but you don’t need to lay it on so thick. I’m aware of my short comings. I’m a thirty-year-old recently divorced childless woman with a Caribbean Secondary Examination Council (CSEC) Certificate [High School Diploma] who’s only had one lover in her ENTIRE life... I never bothered going to college because Walter didn't want me to. Neither did I work. I was a stay-at-home wife with no tertiary education and no professional development. I've never even m*********d for crying out loud," she said in exasperation. "And now I'm manless and have to work two jobs to make ends meet, because I didn't bother fighting Walter for half of the assets. I just walked away because I was just grateful to be out of the marriage. Who doesn't go to college because their husband is against it? Who doesn't make anything of themselves because their husband is against it? Who gives up their life to please an ungrateful, underserving man? I was too sheltered in my parents' house, and sequestered in my husband's house. Now I'm finally free, yet I remain naïve despite my advanced age. Trust me; I’m a project no guy will willingly sign up for.” Her monologue complete, Venus looked to her friends for understanding.

Abigail threw up her hands in exasperation. “You're man-less by choice and you're a fool if you haven't touched yourself since that douche bag walked out on you... or before, for that matter. But that's beside the point. One day someone is going to make you see you the way everyone else sees you. Walter is a conceited bastard and saw you as a possession… something he could own. He damn well knew he could not hold water to you, much less lick your ass and he’s talentless in bed. The thing is, he would never admit that and to prevent you from finding it out on your own, he tore you down instead. It fed his huge ego.”

Venus lifted her head. “Please. Can we stop talking about Walter already? I want to put that period of my life behind me. It’s bad enough I might see him at the club, since he frequents places like this. I have prepared as much as I can for this. I’m scared to death but I’ve got my big girl panties on and I’m willing to take the plunge.”

"I don't even know why you're wearing panties," Susan muttered.

“Honey, the point of tonight is to get some d**k. But if you happen to run into Walter, that will be icing on the cake. He should see you and shoot himself in the head for what he threw away,” Abigail reminded her, ignoring Susan's statement.