Six Guardians of the Underworld

Chapter 23

Hey! Dat's not nice!" he screeched. And then he flew down the hallway, shouting as he disappeared. "You're not my friend again! No more spider nakies for you! Mean ol' Lellemental! You're mean!"

I felt like I was glued to the wall, half escaping this nightmare and half caught up in it. Spike's sobs were quieter now, but they were still racking his body. Dardennes and Céline continued to stare at me, but they remained silent with their tears.

I glared at the man on the floor whose heart was clearly broken o

ver the role he'd played in keeping my best friend from joining me in the Here and Now. But had he really played a role? Because I'd been given the power to save Tony and I hadn't used it. I'd just walked away from it. I realized as I watched Spike suffer that I was way more to blame for Tony being gone than he could ever be.

I forced myself to stop leaning on the wall and took a tentative step toward my boyfriend. He was only ten feet away, but it seemed more like a mile. It felt as if my feet were encased in concrete and chained together, so that every inch forward happened with only supreme effort and expense of time. As I got closer, the door to Dardennes' office closed, and he and the other silver elf disappeared from view. It was just Spike and me in the hallway then, and the only sound to be heard was his expression of deep pain.

"Spike?" I tried to say it so he'd hear me, but my voice was only capable of a whisper. I tried again. "Spike?"

He acted like he hadn't heard.

"Spike," I said, finally close enough to lean down and touch his back.

He jerked away, stumbling to his feet, using the wall to support himself. He kept his eyes on the ground, using his forearm to wipe his face.

I moved closer. "Spike…look at me."

He shook his head. His voice sounded dead. "No. I can't."

I reached out to touch his shoulder, but he flinched away. "Don't."

My heart leaped up and gave me an instant sore throat. "Don't what? Don't touch you?"

He shook his head. "No. Don't touch me. Don't talk to me. I don't deserve it."

My hand dropped to my side. Emotions were at war inside my heart. The Dark Fae part of me—a piece of my soul I was finally willing to admit existed—agreed. Why was he here and Tony not? Why would I even want to touch a man who agreed to leave my best friend behind? But the Light Fae part of me knew the answers to those questions—Spike was here because both of those fae men loved me enough to sacrifice…to walk away from their lives, because they knew how much I loved both of them and how badly I'd want them back. And it wasn't Spike's fault that he'd been chosen by the wyvern to returnPlease don't be like that," I said quietly. "I'm hurting really bad, and I need you to help me not hurt so much."

He looked up at me with eyes blazing red and black, spittle flying from his mouth. "But I'm the reason!" he shouted, punching himself hard in the chest, right over his heart. "I'm the reason you're hurting." His face sagged and he covered it with both hands, but not before I saw a fresh fountain of tears flowing from his eyes.

I ran the two steps between us and threw my arms around him, trapping his arms between us. "Shut up, you big jerk. It wasn't your fault. It was mine. It was the wyvern's. It was the demons' in the Overworld. It was Spirit's. It was Tony's. It was no one's fault. It just…is what it is." As I said the words, their wisdom finally sank in. I wanted to blame myself, but that wasn't any fairer than blaming Spike. Tony was a grown man who'd made his own choices, and they'd been made with love—his love for me, for Spike, and for all the fae. He'd fought like a true dragon rider…all for us.

Spike's arms slid out from between us and encircled me, holding me lightly. He rested his forehead on mine, filling the air between us with the scent of his sweet breath and covering my lips with the taste of his salty tears. "I'm broken, Jayne. I'm broken inside. I can't get rid of the pain anymore. It's going to be a part of me forever."

I nodded, sliding our sweaty foreheads together. "I feel the same way. I know exactly what you mean. It feels like my insides have been in a car accident and they're never going to heal."

He pulled me in tighter, and I rested my head on his chest. He put his chin on my head. We stayed there for a long time, just breathing and crying together. When he finally whispered something, I couldn't hear him. I moved my head so I could see better. He looked like an alien, his face a roadmap of pain.

"What?" I asked.

"I asked you if the babies were okay at least?"

"You know about the babies?" I suddenly felt shy. We hadn't had a chance to talk about my pregnancy yet, but he somehow knew anyway.

"I heard from Dardennes and Céline. They were trying to make me feel better about coming back."

"Did it work?" I tried to smile and he tried to smile back, but we both failed.

"To be honest, not really. I figured you'd hate me, and I hate myself, so what kind of father could I be other than a totally shitty one?"

I shook my head as I stepped back. I wanted him to see and hear me very clearly. "You're going to be a great father. The best father in the world…in the universe. I know you are." There was no doubt in my mind that what I was saying was true. I could see that he was just as devastated by Tony's passing on to the Overworld as I was…maybe even more so. He was being eaten alive by guilt. And this was not what Tony would have wanted.

Spike shook his head, obviously unconvinced. "You all would have been better off with Uncle Tony around." His voice hitched at the nickname my best friend would have carried, had he made it back.

"Don't say that. Uncle Tony is now Guardian Angel Tony, and I know he'll make sure our children are watched over and protected." I knew my friend Tony better than I knew myself, and I was absolutely positive he would do whatever it took to watch over all of us and guide us and keep us as safe as destiny would allow. I looked up at the ceiling and spoke directly to him. "Tones, I know you're up there in the Overworld, and I don't know if you have your wings yet, but I know you've got our backs. We're family, forever and always, and no f*****g veil or realm divider is going to stop that from being true."

I was taken by surprise when Spike stepped over and grabbed me into a huge, tight embrace. He was squeezing the breath out of me, but I didn't mind. I patted him on the back as he cried some more. I had sadness and an aching pain inside me that seemed like it was taking over my entire body, but I had hope too. The Ben-dragon and the wyvern had told me that everything that happens to me happens for a good reason, and every fiber of my being was telling me that they were right.

It definitely didn't feel in that moment like Tony's passing could be good in any way, shape, or form, as I stood in that hallway holding my devastated boyfriend while fighting back tears of my own; but I had been to the Overworld and the Underworld. I had crossed through the veil between realms and seen what happens after a person takes his last fae breath. Tony was out there somewhere, and one day, my time in this realm would end and we would be together again. And in the grand scheme of things, what's a thousand years or so? It's just time, and time always passes, even when we don't want it to. I slowly stroked Spike's back as he continued to express his sorrow. "We're going to be okay, Spike. I promise."

"I know," he finally said into my shoulder before lifting his head. "I just missed you so f*****g much. I thought it was going to kill me to be apart from you like that."

My eyes went wide. "You just said the f-word."

He grinned the tiniest bit. "I know. What can I say? The Gray changed me."

I carefully wiped the tears from his face and tried to fix his messy hair, pushing it left and right and then up. "I hope not too much." I was glad to see his sexy smile hadn't changed when he shared a tiny grin with me. Oh, damn, that smile…

He reached up and stroked my bald head. "Yeah. We'll see." He left it at that, and I didn't question him on it. We would have plenty of time to work on the details of our new life—life without Tony in it. My face started to fall again as I thought about this new chapter we were starting together. I wondered if I would ever not be sad.

Spike turned me around gently and headed me in the direction I'd come from. I let the tears fall, but tried like hell to picture Tony with the biggest, thickest, most awesome set of wings an angel ever wore. He was going to look so amazing as a guardian angel. He'd be ruling that place in a matter of weeks.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"Out into the forest. I have something I need to do and I need you to come with me."

I walked with Spike, hand in hand, headed out to see the next big mystery in my life. I wasn't worried or scared. This was the father of my children leading the way, the man I wanted to spend the rest of eternity with. He would never harm me and would always be there for me. I would follow him to the ends of the earth. Now that Tony had given his life to save Spike's, my boyfriend had become my everything—my best friend, my lover, the father of my children, my confidant, and my protector. Nothing would ever keep us apart again. I wouldn't let it.

He led me to a door with a gargoyle on it and pushed it open. We made our way through the dark forest to Maggie's house, where he knocked on her door three times.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

MAGGIE DIDN'T ANSWER the door right away, which gave me the opportunity to confess something to Spike. I placed my hand on his arm to get his attention.

"What's up, babe?" he asked, looking concerned.

"There something I need to tell you. It's pretty messed up, too."

He pointed at the door. "Does it have anything to do with her? Because that wouldn't surprise me." He gave me a weak smile.

"No, it has nothing to do with her. At least, I don't think it does." I rested my hand on my belly and looked down at it. "It's about the babies."

He put his hands on my shoulders, encouraging me to look him in the eye. "Whatever it is, I can handle it. Is everything okay?"

I slowly shook my head. "Not exactly. Do you remember when I time-slipped back to my old life in West Palm? While you were with Ish in his realm becoming a badass dragon rider?"

"Yeah."

"Well, at that point, I was a virgin again. And then my demon-possessed stepfather was there…" I couldn't finish the story. It made me sick just to think about it. It did not matter that I wasn't actually conscious for any of it—for whatever had taken place. He violated me, and that violation was as valid with me unconscious as it would have been with me being fully aware.

"Did he do something? To you?" The red and black began to swirl big time in Spike's eyes.

"I honestly don't know, because I have no memor

y of anything happening, but I was knocked out several times with drugs, starting from when Torrie and I interacted at my house until I escaped the mental hospital. Anything could have happened. I mean, I was stuck in that place for days with Malena in charge, so you can imagine what could have gone down with those sick fucks." I started feeling queasy again.

"The thing is, Tim sensed that I was pregnant when I got back to Ish's realm with you guys, but he only sensed one baby in there. But then later, he sensed two babies. And remember, time passed very differently in Ish's realm than the one I was in. What was just a few days for me was months for you guys. So, basically, I've come up with the theory that while that Other Jayne was with you, she got pregnant with your baby, and when I—the Me Jayne—was under the influence of those drugs and passed out cold in the other realm, Torrie the demon…uh…followed through on that prophecy or whatever." My face and stomach were both burning. A mix of embarrassment and pain was turning me inside out.

"Which prophecy?"

I really hated having to say it, but Spike was never going to understand if I didn't. "The one that said that if Torrie made a demon baby with me, it would be the beginning of the end of everything. Like, the end of the world." It was so disgusting, it made me shiver with revulsion.

"Oh yeah. I remember now. I guess I had kind of compartmentalized that and put it in the 'do not open' section of my brain." He paused, looking up as if searching inside his head for a way to phrase what he was thinking. "Sooo…you think both Jaynes got pregnant in their different realms, just one a little earlier than the other because of the way time moves differently in the two places…and then you came back together as one Jayne. And at the time you came back together, Tim sensed just one of the babies—the slightly older one…my child, basically—and when the second one was bigger, after you spent some time lost in your elements, he was able to sense them both?"