At his will

Choices

Alicia POV:

"Let go of me you fuçkïng pig!" he slaps me and I fall back on the floor, I get momentarily dizzy and then I shake it off and attack him while he's walking away. I run into him trying to kick him and I succeed, he stumbles forward. When he turns around he has the most deadly look in his eyes; "Come!" I don't move or respond "Come here NOW!" I take a step towards him. "Don't make me come for you, I will make you sorry".

"If you hit me again, I swear to gôd I’m going to kill you” I said in a low shout. He looks at me and I walk over to him; he takes my hand and yanks me into the bedroom, he practically flings me onto the bed and starts stripping. I look in shock at what I’m seeing; is he really planning to make love to me? Now? After he just hit me? After I just revealed to him that I am... well was... seeing someone else?

He climbs onto the bed and I back away; he grabs my two feet in his hands and pulls me down to him. "Don't fuçkïng cross me Lici!”

"What the hell are you planning to do to me?" I kick to get him off me "Ray you need to f*****g stop NOW!, no Ray don't; I don't want this, please get off me" he pulls my robe open and I’m thankful that I’m wearing panties, it only last a little while because with one yank he burst my panties off of me and I’m sure it bruised my skin.

"OH GOD STOP PLEASE, I'M SORRY, PLEASE STOP” I beg profusely because the pain from him thrusting in and out of me is too much, “Oh god Ray please, NO.. NO.. DON’T” I’m pushing and begging but they both seem futile. He takes my hand from pushing at him and holds it over my head; and he forcing hard ripping me apart “please Ray please…I’m sorry..”

My eyes flutter open and I see that I’m still in the suite; my entire body aches so I know that it wasn’t a dream; I believe I passed out; why would Raymond do this? I try to move and my legs hurt, my stomach is killing me, my skin is tender, I give up trying to move and just lie there and cry.

I cry for about forty five minutes more and I hear a noise at the front of the suite, oh please don’t be Ray, please don’t be Ray I silently beg. The person knocks at bedroom door and asks to come in, it’s a man and he says he with room service. “I’m fine thanks” I say, I can’t hide the cracking in my voice and that prompts him to ask me if I’m ok. I remain silent for a moment contemplating if to let this stranger help me to the hospital and police station but what will I say ‘hi, I’ve just been r***d by my husband’ I’ll sound ridiculous.

“I said I’m fine!” I shout at my guest. I need to get out of here and get home. I hear talking in the living area and I force myself slowly off the bed grimacing at the pain; I pull the door and see Ray with his back to me talking to the room attendant. I look around for a weapon in case Ray tries to attack me again, I see none; I’m going to get my mom on the line so she can hear what a disgusting man Raymond is, or better yet my dad.

I limp to my purse and dig around, the phone is not here. “Argh” I grumble out loud. “What are you looking for Alicia” I stumble forward and hit my stomach on the nightstand “Ow oh my” I cry out. “Have you seen my phone?” I play my intentions off.

“I have it, and yes your boyfriend did call and text, you two had plans I see. Don’t bother explain yourself whôrê, I have eyes”

“Raymond please give me back my phone now and let me leave this place; I need to go to a hospital, I don’t feel good”

“Oh… didn’t you hear? You married a Doctor!” and he throws a white paper bag at me. I look at it on the bed and I turn back to him. “What is it?”

“Medicine, it will fix you right up” I turn and head to the shower; done with this conversation and ready to take a bath and leave. I feel the sheet I had wrapped around me get yanked away, I just let it go; I am really not playing with him anymore, they will lose him in prison when I tell my dad what he has done! He doesn’t follow me and I step in the shower.

“Do you love him?” he questions sadly with his head peeped through the shower doors; I don’t answer and turn my back to him. I concentrate on the pain in my face, my arms, my stomach, my privates, what had this man done to me? “Did you go over to his house and meet him today? Do you hate me?, Alicia please answer me” and I feel sorry for him but I will not entertain him. He is not even sorry for what he did to me!

He gets in the shower with me, fully clothed and holds my waist in his hand, I flinch and pull away from the pain he’s causing. He grabs me and pulls me into him, “I asked you a question Lici, do… you… love.. him..?” I look blankly at him.

“Get out” I say softly.

“I’m not leaving here until you answer me, I don’t know why you love him and you don’t love me, he seems like a fuçkïng aśşhole”.

“What? You met him?” I question.

“The day I meet him he will be dead! Trust that” he holds my face in his hands and kisses me; I pull away and wipe my mouth off. “Don’t ever touch me again Raymond and you will be sorry about the day you ever put your hand on me” I move to step around him and he pulls me back by the arm, ‘not this again’ I think. “You will love me Alicia and you will obey me!” What the hell is this man thinking? Are we in the 1800’s women don’t obey men we are equal we are partners. I decide not to protest because it may cause more harm than good. I will obey him just enough for me to get out of here.

............................

I'm drying off as fast as the pain will allow and tears fill my eyes as I think of my life. What have I done?

I look around and see Raymond drenched; standing in the doorway and looking hopeless, he looks distressed and it pulls at my heart strings. I shake the thought off and walk into my closet grabbing a tote and pulling a few clothes and tossing them into the bag. He's in the closet with me, I know because I feel his presence. He puts his hand around my waist softly and pulls me into him and I can feel his member pressed against me, he's naked!

I don't move and I pretend not to notice his growing erection. "I'm really sorry I hurt you Alicia" he utters with hurt laced in his voice while he kisses the nape of my neck. He now has his both hands around me and although it's causing me pain I can't help but feel warm. "I'm sorry" another kiss "please forgive me" another kiss "I'll do anything for your forgiveness Alicia" he rubs my body, exploring until he stops at the top of my c******s, I feel jolts of lightening coursing through my body and I'm furious with myself for feeling this way about this no good excuse for a man.

"I don't want you to do anything but let me leave this place" I say as I turn to face him feigning strength.

"Ok" he responds after a second. I'm shocked and I try to think if he was serious about giving me anything I want in order to forgive him; this may be my only shot!

"And... I want you to agree to sign the divorce papers" Hopefully he was telling the truth and I can be rid of him.

"What!?" he says or rather asks confused.

"If you sign the divorce without any contest, I will not tell my father or the police what you did to me; you can walk away scotch free once you don't bother me ever again"

His eyes went from apologetic to detestation in a millisecond. My body froze although I wanted to run; and he slowly says, “I will never divorce you; nor will I ever allow you to divorce me; marriage is sacred and forever and I chose you and even though you may run around whõřing yourself I stand by my vow 'forever and always I will stay by your side striving to make you a better person in any way I can, for the benefit of ‘us' so if you step out of line 'wife' you will be punished but I will NEVER leave you".

On the day of our wedding his vows were sweet, I never imagined that this is what he meant. "I am not your child Raymond and you cannot scold me as you please, I am a grown woman and I will use MY body as I see fit and if you.. *cough Raymond.. Let go of me you f*****g bastard!" I scream and cough as I try to catch my breath. "how could you say you love me and have no problem in hurting me like this?" I say as I point to my neck where his hands just were, gripping and causing pain.

"You're a monster and I will never love you, never!" I spit with scorn. I frankly don't care what he thinks or does anymore; he can just dig himself a deeper grave.

I pick my tote up and I walk around him, I walk to the dresser where I see he placed our phones and I pick mine up. I turn and head to the living area to exit the suite. "Put your bags down Lici, let's not fight"

"WE are not fighting! You are abusing me! It's not much of a fight if only once person is hurting!"

"You think I'm not hurting? You think its fun to see the love of your life be with someone else? I swear you don't have a clue what you're doing to me, every minute I feel as if I lose a little more of my mind. I had to walk out of surgery today because I couldn't concentrate, I kept thinking of you going over to see your lover and when I do get home you refuse to answer me! My own wife; I don't know what to do anymore. I can't pretend that I don't know; I've tried! I wanted so hard not to believe that you were coming having an affair, but he was everywhere. He wasn't happy that he was f*****g my wife; he had to torture me too!"

"What do you mean he was everywhere?"

"Don't pretend you don't know what I mean; he was at the restaurant, you two snuck off to the bathroom together. Then I saw him out in the lobby; no doubt you two spent the day in our bed! I wanted to stop him but then I would be admitting to myself that it was true and I refused to believe that. He was at our flying lessons and you had the nerve to pretend to me that I was taking your virginity, wow! I truly am a foolish man". He says dejectedly. Pain evident in his body.

Oh my goodness, Ray has known from the beginning, I mentally question if Tyson had really been at all those places, why was he doing this? Is he trying to sabotage my marriage. Now I see why Raymond is this angry. He never should have put his hands on me but I can’t imagine how much this hurt him, he’s Been doing nothing but trying to win me over all this time, Poor Ray.

"You're wrong Ray, those things never happened. I never slept with him, I never invited him anywhere either!”

"Don't take me for a fool please" he snorted.

"I'm not, please believe me! " I beg.

"Look just promise me you’ll stop seeing him, I don't know, maybe I'll eventually get over it and forget about it... and forgive me for putting my hands on you, I don’t know what took over me”, he wipes his face and is lost in thought “I’ve never lost control like that, never hurt anyone like that” he says the last part more to himself than to me.

"I promise, I will never see him again, I'm sorry I hurt you. I just wanted to know that this was what I wanted without any doubt” I apologize.

"Just give me a chance ok, I'm sure you will love me if you give me a chance" and he holds out his hand to me signaling that he wanted to take my bag. I placed it in his hands, He took it and placed it on the floor and held his hand out for me again.

"I will" I said and I mentally promised myself that I would. I took his hand and he pulls me into him; I cringe at the pain. He apparently ignores it and scoops me up and takes me to the bedroom.