No Longer Alone

Chapter Eighteen

*Nicole's POV*

    To say I was a touch on edge was an understatement, and I was dealing with it the way I tend to deal with a lot of stress, cooking.  I made a variety of snack sized foods, from mini quiches with mushrooms, maple sausage, and a sharp white cheddar, to my favorite pumpkin bread.  Cooking normally relaxes me, but this time I was still on edge.  I led Alex up to the dinning room area where I had already set out a few trays of food and some plates, and moved to the connected kitchen to get myself a cup of coffee.

    "Please help yourself to anything you'd like.  If you have any food allergies I can tell you if there is anything to watch out for.  Would you care for anything to drink?"  

    "If you've got some coffee I'd love that, and no food allergies.  This looks amazing!  Too often I get stuck eating out at places that don't seem to understand what real food is!  Did you make all this?"  Alex was quick to take a seat and start loading his plate with a variety of food.

    "Yes, I enjoy cooking when I have time." I grabbed one of my Avenger coffee cups, and poured him a cup of fresh brewed coffee.  "Cream or sugar?"  He shook his head surprising me a bit, mouth full of one of the quiches from the looks of it, and a look of pure bliss on his face.  I grabbed my mug that was white with the words 'Current Mood: NOPE' on it, setting his cup in front of him before sitting at my normal seat at the table, waiting for him to finish his bite.  

    "So, two kids huh? Their dad going to be upset about me being here?"  he took a sip of coffee and gave me a look that made me feel like he was asking something else in reality.

    "First, I actually have three kids, and no, their fathers are not really interested in what I do, or in the case of one of the girls, what she does."  If he wants to start out here, we can start here.  His only response to my dry tone was to raise an eyebrow for me to continue.

    "Really?  Do tell, sounds like a lot has changed for you."  

    "It has, after my father died I spent some time traveling, ended up in Wyoming where I met Hannah's father, he is a good man, we just weren't a fit for anything other than friends.  At that time both of us were under the belief we would never be able to parent a child.  He's part of her life, but he lives across country.  Marie is proof that birth control isn't 100% effective, and her father tends to show no interest in being a part of her life since I was fed up with him ignoring my feelings in favor of his own wants.  Rose should be home soon, and she sees her father every weekend, and the less said there, the better.  There is a reason he is gone and that's all I have to say there."  I felt the disgust creeping up my throat and had to fight off the panic as a flash of the nightmare came to mind, I took a sip of coffee to relax myself again.

    "So you are raising three girls on your own?"  A look of understanding and concern crossed his face.

    "Not completely, I have the help of my mom, this is actually her property, but I've been helping where I can." I smiled a touch thinking how this poor little flirt would probably not survive 5 minutes against my mom if she decided she wanted to mess with him. "It's been good for both of us."

    "How old are your kids if I can ask?" Seeing nothing more than curiosity in his expression I decided it was alright to answer.

    "Fourteen, eleven and seven." 

    "That must be crazy sometimes, how long have you been doing this?"

    "It's just been the five of us living here for six years now."  I smirked as he almost spit his coffee out.  I wasn't sure what he was thinking with that, but it was a rather entertaining to watch.

    "You've been single for six years?   Haven't you wanted to, you know, be with someone since then?"  I broke out into a full laugh at his words.  I wouldn't have expected this flirt to have thought like that, it was completely unexpected and caused me to relax a bit.

    "I never said I was single, just that we were the ones living here.  I was in a relationship for just over two years after Rose's father and I split up, and I dated some here and there after, but I have been single for over a year now.  I'd rather focus on the girls and work."  Normally I believed in honesty, and this was mostly honest, but I wasn't about to explain more of the details to him.  I couldn't explain the voices that still whispered in my head how no one could love someone like me, I was to strange, too crazy, not affectionate enough.  It was easier to be alone than to fight the voices saying I was never good enough for anyone.

    Alex watched me for a moment, nodding his head and thinking.  He picked up one of the mini pumpkin loaves and bit into it, a look of bliss on his face, and he slowly chewed the food, when I heard a knock on the door, the rythm and the sound of two people telling me that it was Rose coming home.

    "Pardon me for a moment." He simply nodded, eyes shut savoring the bite.  I headed down to the door opening it a bit to see Rose and her father.  He was trying to peer around me, to see who the other car belonged to, before looking at me again.  I ignored his attempts to see and looked at Rose smiling, I may have suffered a lot based on what his idea of love was, but I would never regret having her in my life. "Hey there love bug, say bye to your dad."

    "Nicole, I was hoping we could talk -" he started still trying to peer around me.

    "There's nothing to talk about, and I have company."  My tone was steady, and as warm as I could make it to keep Rose from knowing I was bothered, but my eyes were as cold and hard as I could make them.

    "Mommy, daddy said he loves you."  I smiled at my daughter, and hugged her.

    "And I love you little love bug.  Say your goodbyes and you'll see your dad next weekend."  I kept a firm note tone and let her say goodbye and into the house, shutting the door in his face.  I wouldn't fall into that trap again, it had almost killed me before and I wasn't about to walk that road again.   People still were under the misunderstanding that there's more abuse than just physical, that some scars don't show.  At least with not having physical scars, I didn't get the looks of pity that I couldn't stand.

    "Hi, are you a friend of my mom?  You look sad, do you need a hug?"  I heard Rose's voice from upstairs in the kitchen, and mentally cursed myself.  

    "You must be Rose, you are very pretty just like your mom." Alex's response was easy to hear as I walked back up.

    "I know."  Rose had an unshakable confidence that only the young have, and her response pulled a chuckle from me and a laugh from Alex.

    "Rose, have you said hi to your sisters yet?"  I asked her, and watched as she darted off yelling for her sissies.

    "So that must have been her father wanting to talk?  Trying to reconcile with you?"  Once again there was a hint of a cold note to his voice and I reacted badly, the temper I worked so hard to control slipping it's leash.

    "Not that it's any of your business, but I would never reconcile with a misogynic self-centered control freak that waits until women are asleep to attempt to r**e them."  My voice was low so as not to carry to where the girls could hear it, they didn't need to know what I had survived.  "I'm still not sure why you are so concerned with my life, or why you think you can judge me, but I'll survive just fine without your approval. Now, aside from judging me for my past and current choices, do you have anything else you'd like to talk about?"  There was an edge to my voice almost begging him to push so I could let loose.  Instead he gave a blindingly happy smile, and shook his head.

"Not a single thing, but now I can see a little of that old fire, and with that, it's about time for me to leave, I'll look forward to seeing you again!"  He bounced out of the seat, and out the door with a smile I didn't understand.