The Heart Of The Alpha

6 - Have I lost him?

Emery

I didn’t sleep well last night. I couldn't make my mind understand that I was safe now and that I had nothing to fear. Well, not while I’m home, at least.

Why I was brought to Crimson Moon, I didn’t know. Not until I heard Kelly through our sibling link, telling me that Drew had overthrown Alpha Kyle, making Drew the new Alpha of Crimson Moon. I was impressed. I always knew Drew would run his own pack one day. The fact the pack my mate is now Alpha of is the one I grew up in is crazy.

Did he do it to feel close to me somehow?

I couldn’t take it all in right then, I was too badly in shock. My mind wouldn’t let me think about it too much. I remember freaking out in the van after Drew rescued me. But I thought it was all in my head. I had dreamed about Drew saving me so many times, imagined he had more than once, that I believed I was dreaming. In that van, I thought the man who kept me prisoner was moving me to another location again.

I didn’t want to go through more of his idea of punishment. That man was vile and sadistic and hurt me in ways no woman should ever be hurt.

Kelly tried to reassure me that I was safe now, but I didn’t believe her. I wanted to let him hold me, but I was so afraid I just couldn’t bear it. All I wanted was to see Drew, but he didn’t come. The next best thing to my mate was sleep, so I did. My mind was finally calming down, and I realized I was home; it wasn’t a dream, and I slept peacefully for a while for the first time in I don’t know how long.

However, I woke around 3 a.m., wondering why Drew still hadn’t been to see me. I freaked out when we pulled up to the packhouse, and I wouldn’t get out of the van. But I was so confused and wasn't fully aware of what was happening. I thought it was all a trick, and maybe I’d dreamed of Drew finding me in that cage. Plus, I couldn’t hear anything, which made everything worse. But regardless of all that, I hoped that Drew would have come to my room to talk.

Did he stay away because of what happened to me?

Did he feel every time that man raped me?

Does Drew blame me for it?

I couldn’t get back to sleep because all I could think about was what happened to me in that place. The horror of it all wouldn’t leave me alone. I don’t want to think about it, but I can’t think of anything else. I wanted Drew to hold me, but I couldn’t seem to mind-link him.

Are we no longer linked?

It can’t be true because, I swear, I heard his voice in my head when he lifted me from that cage.

Why, then, couldn’t I get through to him?

Was it all just a dream?

It all made sense when I walked into the kitchen for a glass of water. I didn’t need help finding the kitchen; I knew the packhouse like the back of my hand. When I got there, a young woman was sitting at the table with a cup of tea.

I didn’t speak to her because I physically can’t. I can, but I find it difficult; some words don’t come easily to me. It kind of puts a person off speaking to others. I don’t have a link to the pack because I’m no longer a member here. Besides, I was too nervous to even try. I was conditioned not to speak unless spoken to. My capture would attack me if I did. After everything I’ve been through, it will take a while for me to be the woman I once was. I might be an Alpha after mating with Drew, but I don’t feel like one right now.

However, the girl wouldn’t leave me alone. I had never seen her before, but that doesn’t mean she wasn’t a pack member when I was. This place is big, and I don’t know every member around here. There are hundreds of people I had never met.

I might be unable to hear without my hearing aid, which I wasn’t wearing, but I can lipread fine. She told me that her name was Tiffany and that she was the Luna of Crimson Moon.

I wanted to ask her how that was possible when Drew was the Alpha. As if reading my mind, Tiffany told me she was Drew’s mate, which makes no sense because I am his mate.

Did Drew find his second chance mate while I was gone?

It’s not supposed to be possible when we didn’t reject each other, nor did I die. Plus, I wasn’t gone from his side for the five years it takes for the Moon Goddess to bless you with another mate after one leaves – if she blesses you. Most of the time, there will be no second chance mate unless you find your previous mate and reject them, and they accept that rejection.

I didn’t respond. I walked out of the kitchen and came back to my room. I lay on my bed and wondered if Tiffany really was Drew’s new mate. I’ve been gone for, I don't know how long, so it’s possible Drew moved on. Tiffany isn’t his second-chance mate, but it’s possible that she’s his chosen mate.

If that’s true, then Drew is in love with the woman. He would never have taken a chosen mate unless that was the case. Drew would never cheat on me, even if I was gone for ten years. But that would mean they don’t have a genuine bond as destined mates or second-chance mates have.

But for that to have happened, Drew must have believed I’d really left him. Perhaps for someone else. That makes sense as to why no one ever came looking for me.

It hurts to think that my mate thought so poorly of me that he wouldn’t care to try and find me. I wonder if he began to hate me and if he still does. It would make sense as to why he’s stayed away. He must have fallen out of love with me if he’s with someone else. If I could have gotten a message to Drew, I would have.

Maybe Tiffany won’t allow him to see me?

Mates can be jealous if a previous lover returns. I wouldn’t blame her for not wanting him near me. Destined mates who haven’t rejected one another and accepted find it hard to stay away from each other. Their hearts will always be one, and the sparks never leave you. The bond between destined mates will keep pushing them together, no matter how hard they try to fight it.

I’m Drew’s destined mate, and I’m back now. So where does that leave the three of us?

I don’t know what I’ll do now that Drew is no longer mine. He promised to always be mine. Tiffany isn’t going to want me here around Drew, not when we have so much history.

I wish Drew knew me better than to think I had left him and never looked back.

After everything we promised each other, did our bond mean nothing?

But what else could he think when I couldn’t mind-link him?

But if he really thought I’d left him, how did he find me?

Maybe he wasn’t looking for me. Perhaps he stumbled upon me while trying to find some other missing girl. There were other girls locked up in that place with me, in a different room, but they were there. Wherever I was held hostage, other girls were being prepared to be sold at auction. Drew wouldn’t just leave me there; no decent person would. That would make a lot of sense.

“Hey, sweetie,” I look at my sister as she enters my room. “How are you feeling?”

I stand from the bed and take the clothes she’s holding out.

‘I don’t want to be here.’ I admit through the mind link, well, because it’s the only way I can communicate right now before taking myself to the bathroom.

I shower and then get dressed in the leggings and T-shirt Kelly handed me. I look at myself in the mirror and sigh. I look like a mess.

I brush my teeth, thankful I can do that every day. When I was first taken, they ensured I showered and brushed my teeth daily. The ‘Boss’ liked me to be fresh and clean for him. It was only in the last week that they no longer cared. I was of no more use to the ‘Boss,’ so they made me suffer. He had found another girl to take my place. He had used me up and then walked away. His men locked me in a cage and poured so much crap on me, stuff that burned and knotted the back of my hair and also tore the skin off my back. My back healed slowly due to my Wolf being so weak, but my hair was ruined, and Kelly had to cut it, much to my horror.

But what else could she do?

Kelly had thought my hair had become knotted due to lying in one position. I didn’t have the strength to tell her the truth; it would only have hurt her. Kelly did tell me that Drew gave me his blood to heal my wounds. My leg and hip were broken, not to mention most of my ribs, thanks to the beating I received two days prior to being found. I had so much wolfsbane and silver in my system that my Wolf was in shock and locked in a deep sleep. I wasn’t healing and believed I never would. So, I’m grateful to Drew for helping me like he did.

I tie my hair in a ponytail, one much shorter than I've ever had before. Goddess, I loved my long hair, and it will take months if not longer, to grow out.

“Wanna tell me what you meant?” Kelly asks out loud as soon as I walk out of the bathroom. I can hear her because I’m wearing my hearing aid. My hearing isn’t great even with the aid, but it’s better than nothing.

I sigh. ‘I want to leave, Kelly. I can’t live in this house with Drew. I need to go.’

‘But he’s your mate. Why would you want to leave him again? Do you have any idea what he’s been through all these months?’ Kelly replies through our link.

‘My mate?’ I huff. ‘He’s not my mate, Kelly. If he were, why the hell hasn’t he been to see me?’

Kelly opens and closes her mouth, not knowing what to say. The door opens, and I startle but relax when I see it’s my brother.

Liam smiles while walking towards me, but on instinct, I step backward. Liam stops walking, and I can see the pain in his eyes. He wanted to hug me, but I couldn’t bear it right now, not from anyone. I don’t know when I’ll ever be able to bear the touch of another person. Those men ruined me, but I will make myself strong again; it’s just going to take some time.

“Hey, midge, how are you feeling?”

Midge. He’s always called me that because of my petite stature. I'm five foot five, so not overly short, but shorter than my five-foot nine sister and six-foot four brother. They’re full-blood siblings, and I’m adopted. I know that doesn’t mean anything when it comes to height, but they’re white, and my birth parents were Chinese, so I was told. I never felt out of place with my adopted family, though, and I loved them endlessly, just as they loved me. But I was picked on at school for looking so different from my siblings. Kids can be cruel when they don’t know any better.

I wrap my arms around myself. ‘Fine.’

“She wants to leave,” Liam looks at Kelly, who shrugs her shoulders.

“Leave?” Liam looks at me. “And go where, Emery? Don’t you think you've been gone long enough? A year and a half, we’ve been searching for you,”

Okay, I hadn’t realized it had been so long, but I imagined it had been months. I also didn’t know anyone would have been searching for me, which was stupid. I should have known my siblings wouldn’t have believed I’d just taken off without a word.

‘I just don’t want to be here,’ I whisper into the mind link without looking at anyone.

I don’t know where I’ll go, but anywhere is better than here right now.