Eloquent Replies
1876 Words
To understand the traditions and human, social, and cultural values of a society, it is essential to know its arts, literature, popular culture, quotes, poetry, and tales.
In these tales, an attempt has been made to grasp the various aspects of ancient Arab society through short stories concluding with final replies that recount the prevailing cultural values of the time and the undisputed art of Arab eloquence.
It is worth mentioning that the references for these stories are drawn from a great book, Arab Stories, by the renowned Lebanese author Ibrahim Shams-Eddine, who tapped into authentic ancient Arab sources (from the 7th to the 10th century). (Les histoires des Arabes. Encyclopédie des anecdotes arabes. Dar Al-Kotob Al-Ilmiyah. Liban. 2013.)
The work, which compiles various chapters of tales covering morality, generosity, intelligence, foolishness, misers, stories of kings, caliphs, governors, judges, servants, slaves, eloquent individuals, and, of course, lovers, poets, Arab women, and jinns, constitutes a rich heritage that provides insight into the nature of such a society.
Between a Great Imam and a Vulgar Man
A man entered a public bath without underwear - completely n***d.
The Imam present there closed his eyes. The man said: “Since when has God taken away your sight?”
The Imam replied: “Since you lost your honor!”
Between the Tyran Governor Al-Hajjaj and a Nomad
One day, Al-Hajjaj went for a walk. After finishing his walk, he ordered his companions to step aside and remained alone.
An old man passed by him (not recognizing Al-Hajjaj). Al-Hajjaj said to him, “Where are you from, old man?” The man replied, “From this village.”
Al-Hajjaj said, “What do you think of your officials?” The old man responded, “The worst officials! They oppress the people; they plunder their wealth!”
Al-Hajjaj asked, “What do you think of Al-Hajjaj?”
The man replied, “Never has Iraq known a worse governor! May Allah disgrace him and disgrace the one who appointed him!”
Al-Hajjaj asked, “Do you know who I am?”
The old man replied, “No.”
Al-Hajjaj said, “I am Al-Hajjaj.”
The old man asked, “Do you know who I am?”
Al-Hajjaj replied, “No.”
The old man said, “I am the village fool; I have fits twice a day.”
Al-Hajjaj laughed and gave him money.
Between a Nomad and His Son
A nomad got angry with his son and insulted him by mentioning his mother: “How dare you disobey me when you are just the son of a slave!”
The son replied, “Truly Father, she is better than you!”
The father asked, “How so when she is merely a slave while I am free?”
The son replied, “Because she chose for me a free father, while you chose for me a slave mother!”
Between a Charismatic Speaker and a Young Child
A child came to a famous charismatic speaker and said, “I would like your opinion on Caliph Muawiyah (the 5th caliph after the prophet, in the context of the Sunni-Shiite dispute).”
The speaker said, “We are body and soul with Muawiyah!”
The child asked, “What do you think of his son, Caliph Yazid?”
The speaker replied, “I curse him and those who love him!” The child asked, “Do you think, uncle, that Muawiyah did not love his son?”
The speaker fell silent and said, “No one has silenced me except this child!”
Between Harsh and His Son Bitter
There was a famous man named Harsh, known for his eloquent responses to the point of never being defeated. He married a woman named Toxin, with whom he had several children, all of whom died except one named Bitter. He was quicker in reply than his father, besides being ugly.
One day, he committed a vile act that angered his father, leading to a heated conversation between them:
The father said, “You are a brute, just like your name, Bitter!”
The son replied, “The greatest brute is the one who named me.”
The father said, “Your taste is bitter, Bitter!”
The son replied, “You know, your sweetness pleased me, Harsh!”
The father said, “I swear you are not human!”
The son replied, “Like father, like son!”
The father said, “May God not bless the womb that bore you!”
The son replied, “Nor the back from which I descended!”
The father said, “By Allah, you are increasingly rude!”
The son replied, “What can one harvest from thorns? Grapes?”
The father said, “You were a bad forecast for your brothers; they all died, except you who survived!”
The son replied, “Having many uncles pleased me, half-man! (His father also had no brothers!)”
The father said, “You will never succeed!”
The son replied, “How can one succeed with a father like you!”
The father said, “May Allah rid me of you as he took your brothers!”
The son replied, “It’s simple, just seek it; kill yourself, and you will be freed from me!”
The father fell silent and lived only a day and a night afterward.
Between Three Great Arab Poets
The three great poets Al-Farazdaq, Jarir, and Al-Akhtal were in the court of Caliph Abd-Al-Malik Ibn Marwan. He promised them a substantial reward on the condition that “each of you recites a verse of poetry praising himself, and the one with the last word will win the prize!”
Al-Farazdaq began and said:
"I am the tar while all the poets are afflicted with scabies! And it is the tar that is the cure!"
Then Al-Akhtal said:
"If you are the bowl of tar I am the plague that has no cure!"
Finally, Jarir delivered the last verse:
"I am death; I exterminate you all There is no refuge for the escapees!"
The caliph said, “The prize is yours, Jarir; you silenced your adversaries!”
Between an Honest Opponent and a Caliph
A caliph sent a large sum of money with a slave to an opponent and said, “If he accepts this money as a gift from me, you will be free forever!”
The slave went to the opponent and said, “Listen! I beg you, accept this gift! It means my freedom!”
The opponent looked at him angrily and said, “You want me to accept this gift because it implies your freedom, but I would like to return it because it implies my enslavement!”
Between Caliph Al-Mansur and an Opposing Prisoner
A fierce opposing prisoner was brought before Caliph Al-Mansur of the Abbasids (750-1258), who said to him, “Hey you! Tell me which of my soldiers were the bravest in their fights against you?”
The opponent replied, “I do not know the faces of your soldiers, but I know their necks because they fled the battles! Tell them to turn around so I can tell you who fled the most!”
Between Caliph Al-Mahdi and a Very Proud Man
A man named Imara, known for his pride, was once in the court of Caliph Al-Mahdi, who had already conspired with another man to trap the proud Imara!
The man stood up in court and said, “Oh Prince of the Believers! I have been wronged!”
The caliph asked, “Who has wronged you?”
The man replied, “It is Imara here; he took my farm, one of the most beautiful!”
The caliph said, “Stand up, Imara, and sit across from your adversary!”
Imara, having understood the trick, said, “Oh Prince of the Believers! This is not my adversary. If the farm belongs to him, there will be no opposition from me! If it belongs to me, I will give it to him. And I will never rise from a place that the Prince of the Believers has honored me with!”
Between Caliph Al-Mahdi and a Wine Enthusiast
A poet, an admirer of wine, recited two verses in praise of wine in the court of Caliph Al-Mahdi:
"Red like the blood of the gazelle! Sometimes, after mixing, You believe it to be golden water. And when the mixture rises, It throws with the tongues of the mix, Fresh drops of water!"
The caliph said: "In fact, you have described it beautifully, comparable to one who drinks it! You deserve punishment for this!"(prohibited in Islam)
The poet replied: "Am I safe if I speak?"
The caliph: "You are safe, speak!"
The poet: "How do you know, Prince of the Believers, that I have described it well if you know nothing of it?"
The caliph fell silent.
Between a Nomad and a Nomad Woman
A nomad married a second time; the second wife continuously harassed the first by reciting poems:
"The two feet Are not the same!
There is a good one,
and the other,
thrown by time, Is paralyzed!"
And other verses:
"The two garments are not the same,
One has worn out!
While the other, new,
Is in the hands of the sellers."
The first wife then decided to intervene and said:
"Transfer your heart
Where you wish In love
The heart
Always returns To the first love
So many homes on earth
To which the young one gets used
But his nostalgia in fact
Always tends Towards the first home."
Between a Caliph and a Nobleman’s Sick Son
The caliph visited a nobleman who was ill. The nobleman had a son named Fath. The caliph wanted to test the child's intelligence and said:
"Tell me, Fath, which of the two houses is better? Mine or your father's?"
The child: "Since the caliph is in our house, it is the best!"
The caliph: "Best answer, Fath!"
Between a Black Poet and a Nobleman
A black poet praised a nobleman, who gave him several camels, kids, and money.
One of the people present envied him and said to the nobleman:
"All these gifts for such a black man?"
The nobleman replied:
"Even if he is black, his work is entirely white! If he is a slave, his praise is free; He deserves more than what he was given! We gave him things that wear out. He, on the other hand, gave us praise that is retold and compliments that last forever!"
Between the Great Poet Abul-Ala-Al-Maarri (973-1057) and a Child
A nomadic child met Abul-Ala and said:
"Who is the old man?"
The poet replied: "I am Abul-Ala-Al-Maarri, your famous poet!"
The child said: "Nice to meet you, great poet! Are you the one who said this verse:
'Even if I am among the last,
I will create
what the ancients could not!'"
The poet said: "Yes, that's me, and why do you ask?"
The child replied: "Well said! Since you challenge the ancients, who established 28 letters of the alphabet; could you add a single one?"
The poet Abul-Ala fell silent.
He said later: "By Allah, I have never been as silent as I am now!"
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