Red Leaves Falling

Chapter Ten

I stood at the edge and glanced down. I let out a loud scream. My voice pierced through the air like a sharp edged knife. I screamed again and again till my throat was numb.

The view from the top was nice but most of all, it was scary. It was so terrifying yet so inviting. I just wanted to plunge into the sight beneath me and disappear.

I wanted to loose myself in the process.

But something held me back. It always did.

I was never brave enough to do it. To actually jump. Maybe, brave wasn't the word. Maybe, I was too reluctant to die.

In truth, I didn't want to die. I never did. No one is born into the world with the wish to die. It just gradually developed after I tried to live life and realized that I wasn't really living.

My heart was pumping and my organs were functioning just fine but my mind was sick and shattered. It had broken to a million pieces and they were killing me from within.

I didn't have anyone to share my feelings with. Maybe, I did but I wasn't ready to tell anyone anything. How could I tell them that I had crazy, psychotic thoughts of suicide all the time and that I was a pessimistic, selfish and depressed teen?

My legs trembled as a breeze brushed past me. I lowered myself into a seating position on the edge.

"Aren't you jumping?" A voice said.

I whipped my head quickly and noticed the approaching figure of Aline. I stood up cautiously.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I followed you." She said. Aline was drenched from the rain and her hair clung to her face and swept over her eyes. She swung her legs over the railing and landed beside me. She sat down, her legs hanging.

I sat down too.

"Why?" I found myself asking. "Why did you follow me?"

Aline didn't answer. She shut her eyes and leaned her head against the railing.

"How does it feel?" She asked," How does it feel to be treated like that?"

I stared at her in surprise. Why would she want to know about that? And why was she sitting here, right next to me and asking me these questions?

"I was always curious, you know." She continued, "How bad does someone feel that they just want to let go of themselves? How shitty must their life be that they just want to disappear from the rest of the world and just die."

"What would you know about that?" I said. I knew I was being rude but I couldn't help it.

"I don't know, that's the thing. I want to know." She said.

"And why the hell would you want to know something like that?! Do you have any idea how hard it is to live when no body gives a s**t about your thoughts and treats you like a piece of trash? Do have any idea how it feels to go to sleep wishing that you don't wake up to see another day?" I shouted.

"It's not my fault." She shouted back. She stands up and pushes her hair from her face.

"Its not my fault I don't know. It's not my fault that he died." She screams and her world shatters.

She falls on the ground beside me and breaks into tears.