Midnight Smiles

Bite me, b***h. I\'m not old.

I don’t like Ryder.

That’s stupid. Pfff... Of course I don’t like her. Just because an old man said that, it doesn’t mean anything. I won’t let people tell me what I feel. I won’t let them force stupid thoughts in my head. Because it is stupid to like Ryder. How can I? She is my friend.

Eww. That word again.

I will just... take a deep breath and forget I even took into consideration that I like Ry. Breath in... Breathe out. Just because I had a crush on her doesn’t mean I like her now. I’m not the same person I have been. The person I am now doesn’t like anyone. I’m just in a really serious relationship with my demons who get very often jealous. I don’t like my Ry. She is just my...

FUCK ME!!! I LIKE RY!!! I f*****g LIKE MY RY. Oh my God I’m going through a panic attack. What the hell is wrong with me? What the f*****g hell is f*****g wrong with me? Am I out of my mind? I am totally out of my mind. I’m an i***t.

She freaking likes someone else. What am I doing? Looking for a heart brake? To go back at what I was? Oh s**t this is wrong!!!

I couldn’t sit on one place. Is it to worry about, the fact that I have been walking around my house for ten hours freaking out? My hair looked like a nest. If a bird saw me, it would put its eggs on my head, because I haven’t stopped going my hand through it for ten hours straight. My face was probably red because I have been rubbing my hands on it so much, it actually burns. I was freaking out for God’s sake. How could I be such a fool and allow myself to have feelings for her? Am I out of my freaking shitty mind? She likes someone else.

She likes someone else.

I punched the tree on my back yard so hard, I swear I felt it shake. My knuckles started to bleed. “f**k! f**k. f**k. f**k IT GOD DAMN IT. f**k!!!”

I want to die. Someone kill me. Let it be quick and painless. I would die happy. No one will care anyone. Who would care that crazy Jake died? No freaking one.

Oh my God, what am I doing with my life?

Oh my God!

Ugh!!!

I ran inside my house, running like a maniac towards my room. The moment I stepped in, my eyes looked around for that f*****g painting. It was all its fault. Why did I even paint it? I could live happy not knowing that I like Ry.

The problem with liking someone is that you will always want more. More of the person you like. You want to spend more time with her. You want her to like you back. You want her to have the same feelings for you. And I know I can’t have that. I’m still the hooded guy. The stranger in her room. And one day she will leave. I won’t meet her again. And I will go back at being a drugged. Depressed.

I found the painting and walked back at the back yard. Throwing the painting on the brown grass, I went to the garage to take a lighter and burn the stupid thing. When I finally found the lighter, I walked to the painting and took it in my hand again.

“Jake!!! What are you doing?” A voice shouted behind me. I chose to ignore it. I had gone mad. But I seriously was angry at myself for being such a fool. What the f**k would you do if you just won yourself a f*****g ticket to the heart braking train? Because I just did. I won the golden ticket.

The fire of the lighter was almost touching the painting, when a hand grabbed it off my grasp. “What the f**k are you doing?” I turned around and faced with... My father? “Are you out of your mind?” He hid the painting behind his back.

“Give it back!” My voice was loud, but my father didn’t move a muscle.

“I won’t allow you to burn it.” His voice was calm. But deep in his eyes I saw fire. It was burning there. For the first time since my mother died, those eyes weren’t lifeless. They had life.

“What the f**k? Give me the God damn painting dad.” I shouted again.

“No.” My father raised his voice glaring at me hard. Oh God! Give me patience.

“Why?”

“Because she changed you.” He was still glaring at me when he shouted those words, which caught me off guard. My look on him softened as I was feeling weak on my knees. “I don’t want you to go back at who you were.” My father continued talking. “She changed you.”

“It is useless.” My knees gave up and I fell on the ground.

“Jake. I know you’re doing all of this in the wrong way... But you like her.” He touched my shoulder. I raised my head and looked up at him. Wait a sec. He knows about Ry? Oh great.

Here comes an other panic attack.

WHAT THE f**k!!!

My father noticed that I just realized s**t and gave me a small smile. So small I though I was hallucinating. But he was smiling for real. My freaking asshole of a father was giving me a comforting smile. Am I dreaming? Did I die? Am I dead?

Shit, how fast these death wishes are heard.

“Give me back my painting.” I glared at him. Surprised of the sudden change on my face expression, he looked at me confused. “Now.” I growled at him.

“What? No.” He stepped back removing his hand from my shoulder looking slightly scared. But he was still hiding the painting behind his back.

“Give me back my painting you jerk.” I shouted and stood up. My father’s eyes widened as he cracked a small laugh before he started to run like a maniac away from me. On the other side I went all “This is Sparta”, shouting while chasing him waving my arms in the air at the process.

This is called madness people.

My father was trying to run as fast as a man of his age could run, hugging my painting in his chest like his whole life depended on it. It is just a freaking painting that helped me realize I liked Ry, making my life from “ugh!” to “kill me!!!”, so it deserved to be burned.

“Give me my painting you crazy old man.” I yelled at my father who froze in his place, making me bump against him and fall on the ground and rub my nose. I glared up at him as he was glaring down at me. Again... I could feel the love.

“I’m not old.” He sounded offended.

“And I hate ice cream.” I said sarcastically as he rolled my eyes at me. If you didn’t get it. I LOVE ICE CREAM.

Taking advantages of him being distracted, I grabbed my painting from his hand and brought the fire of the lighter next to it. But I stopped. My eyes glued at the girl. She looked so alike like Ry and I just froze looking at it.

“You are such a pussy.” My father said. My head snapped at him as my eyes opened wide at his words. Old man said what?

“Oh no, you didn’t just say that.” My voice was low and threatening. My father ignored that rolling his eyes. And that was the perfect time for me to jump on him like a wild animal. If you want to compare it with an animal, let it be a lion. Or a cat. A very dangerous little cat. Like a PMSing cat. Do cats even have their time of the month? Or is just rabbits?

***

“Jake, for the love of God, don’t you dare to bite your father.” Jeremy shouted.

With my mouth still opened wide (Eww! No you dirty minds. That’s disgusting. I seriously can’t believe you thought that.) ready to bite my father’s arm, I raised my head to see Jeremy storming towards us.

“He was going to bite my leg.” I said in my defence as I glared down at my father who looking guilty, let go of my leg. I’m living with a dog.

Jeremy slapped his forehead hard, leaving a red mark behind, and rolled his eyes. My father, on the other side, got up from the ground and fixed his clothes. “Can you slap some sense on my stupid drugged son?” He directed to Jeremy while glaring at me.

“I have two months without taking drugs you crazy old man.” I spitted the words. Something changed on his face and I noticed how he cracked a small smile again. And like the mature man he was he stuck his tongue at me glaring.

“Bite me, b***h. I’m not old.” And he left.

“Say that to your wrinkles, Gandalf.” I shouted behind him, but he just ignored me. Ugh, that crazy stupid excuse of father.

“What happened?” Jeremy asked curious.

“He didn’t let me burn my painting. And then called me a p***y, so I went in PMSing cat mode and jumped on him.” I explained the short version.

“Cats have their time of the month?” And from all I said, he heard only that. Great.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I will do a research about that.”

“You know what Jake?” I raised an eyebrow at him. “You are exactly like your father.”

“You said what now?” I raised my voice again. He did NOT just compared me with Mr. Devil. I’m so far from being like him. I don’t leave the only people left in this life for me, in the moments they need me the most.

“Why did you try to burn your painting?” He changed the topic. “You protect your art like it is a f*****g panda baby.” Jeremy asked as he walked to the painting lying on the floor, since I dropped it when I jumped on my father. He took it on his hands and looked at it carefully. “This is a beautiful painting Jake. Why would you want to burn it?” The look he was giving me, made me realize how much of a fool he thought I was for trying to burn that painting.

“Because it made me realize I like Ry.” I mumbled, ashamed, looking down on the brown grass.

“You WHAT?” He shouted, a wide smile forming on his lips.

“Don’t give me that stupid smile you creep.” I glared at him as he laughed a little.

“Thank God. My baby is growing up. He likes a girl. Finally. I was starting to think you were gay.” He said in a motherly tone as I glared even more at him. Seriously? This is serious.

“This is wrong you fool.”

“Why?”

“Because she likes someone else. And that’s just reason number one.” My voice was raised as I spitted the words with anger at the thought of my Ry liking someone.

“Then go to her your lazy ass and make her fall for you with your non-existent charm. You know... Like a Prince Charming from those Disney movies you watch. Just try not to get stuck on a tree. And make sure to take the horse and not the turtle.” I just gave my best friend a flat look as he was waiting for me to move. “What are you waiting for?” He asked after he realized I didn’t have in my plans to move.

“Firstly, I’m not lazy. If you haven’t noticed, I barely sleep a few hours a week, so that leads at me being super tired half of the time. Secondly, I have charm.” I stuck my tongue out at him. “Just because you are too stupid to see it, it’s not my fault. Thirdly, where the f**k am I supposed to find a horse, and do I look stupid to you to get stuck on a tree and take the turtle to go to her house? And finally. It’s day you i***t. She f*****g calls me Midnight, not Midday.”

“Whatever.” Jeremy shrugged my awesome come back. Jerk. He looked down again at the painting and smiled. “Is she on the painting?” He asked. I remained silent for a few seconds.

“Not exactly.”

“Can I see her? I want see her in person.” His eyes met mine as he smiled at me sincerely.

I cracked a smile at him. “I don’t think it’s a good idea...”

“I’m not saying to meet her. Just see her from a distance.” He pleaded. Shaking my head at him I smiled. “Come on Jake. I want to see the girl that made you, you again.”

“Alright.” I gave up laughing at how he smiled like a little kid would smile if his parents told him he was going to Disneyland.

We waited a few hours in my room until it went the time when Aiden gets out of school. While waiting, Jeremy looked at my all paintings I had done since I met Ry. His eyes adored the one where I painted Ry covered in paint. He even tried to steal it. But like he said: I protect my art like it is a panda baby. No one touches my art.

“Come on Jake.”

“No.”

“Please.”

“Forget it.”

“But it is so beautiful.”

“Jeremy, forget it. I’m not going to give you the painting of Ry. Are you out of your mind?” I shouted at him annoyed as I parked the car in the school’s parking lot.

“But...”

“If it makes you happy, I will make a painting of Leah.” Jeremy’s face lit up at my proposition as he is nodded eagerly. This dude lived for his daughter. And I respected that. He was a great father. “Have you thought of getting married?” My question came out of the blue.

“I am actually dating this girl...” How did it come I had no idea about this? “She is nice... But I don’t know if it is that serious to the point where we get married.”

“Does she know about Leah?”

“Yeah. She loves her. And Leah likes her too. But I don’t know.” We got out of the car and leaned against it. “Are you sure she...” Jeremy started to say but I cut him off.

“There she is.” I pointed at my Ry, a smile taking its place on my face as I saw her. She was wearing skinny black jeans and a dark blue t-shirt. Her hair was let loose. She was holding a few books on her hands and her backpack was hanging on her right shoulder. Her friend was walking on her side.

“WHAT? RYDER YOU f*****g B...” Jasmine screamed at her, but Ry slapped her mouth shut, glaring at her.

“Stop screaming my name. The whole school knows it because of you. And don’t you dare use that word at me.” She glared at her as Jasmine glared at her. Ry removed her hand from Jasmine’s mouth and kept walking. But Jasmine slapped the back of her head hard, making her slip on God knows what and fall on her ass on the ground. Jasmine laughed like a maniac running away. “Jasmine, you crazy s**t!” Ry yelled standing up and chased Jasmine around the parking lot, but tripped and fell once again. Jeremy was laughing on my side, as I kept smiling at my Ry.

“I hate you.” Ry said to Jasmine still sitting on the floor, looking like a little girl.

“Honey, you love me.” Jasmine smirked at her.

“I know.” Ry smiled getting up with the help of Jasmine.

“She is crazy.” Jeremy commented still laughing. I turned my head to him.

“I know.”

“Just like you.” I kept smiling. “But I think the word insane suits you better.” He continued as I dropped my smile and punched his arm. “Dude, I’m being honest. I just caught you trying to bite your father.”

“He tried to bite my leg!!!” I exclaimed earing a few stares from the people around, but I ignored them.

“By the way. Why didn’t he let you burn the painting?” Jeremy asked. I hesitated to answer right away, but knowing him, if I didn’t answer him, he would punch me until I finally answer him.

“He knows about Ry.”

“WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY NOW?” He shouted as I rolled my eyes at his outburst.

“Why do you always try to embarrass me?” We turned our heads to see Aiden walking to us. I smirked at him.

“Because it’s fun.” Me and Jeremy said at the same time. We snapped our heads at each other and smirked.

“Cool.” Again we said at the same time.

“Ice cream.”

“This is so sick.”

“We are twins.”

“Okay this is getting creepy.”

“Stop it.”

“No you stop it.”

“Wow.”

“I’m freaking out now.”

“Stop it!!!” Aiden shouted ruining Jeremy’s and mine twin moment. “You are annoying and scaring the s**t out of me every time you do that thing.”

“Don’t be afraid A-boy. Papa Jake is here to protect you.”