Fighting Instincts

Chapter Sixteen - Nightmares

For the first time since my parents had been murdered I had a series of nightmares. It was only natural and bound to happen. I expected it. Such expectations never made it easier. I was forced to clean up their bloody bodies. I was told I could bring my parents back to life if I could preform the life saving surgery they needed before failing. I envisioned myself covered in blood and then drowning in a pool of blood before bursting out of the pool and into a room full of jury members yelling I had been a coward. I cried out, my arms wildly. A thin layer of sweat along my forehead chilled me. My door slammed open and Zen came rushing in. Another male was quick on his heels.

“Sylva,” he said reaching to grab my hands. I pulled away and scooted away from him, out of instinct and not fear. “It's okay,” he said softly, a voice more tender than I had ever heard from him. I watched the other man retreat.

I shook my head and slowly the world of my room became the firm reality. I didn't feel disconnected and floating around any longer. “Sorry,” I muttered, “bad dream.”

Zen nodded but continued to sit on my bedside.

“You want to talk about it,” Zen asked, still gentle. It was a bit concerning. I wasn't sure what to do with this side of Zen.

“No,” I whispered.

“Sometimes it helps.”

“With exposing weaknesses.”

“Or with keeping from becoming more of a trauma down the road. You haven't given yourself the time you need. Not your fault, there's been so much going on. Doesn't change the fact you need to process. Expend the negative emotions in a positive way.”

I puffed out a breath. “Because you're an expert?” I snapped with purpose. I didn't need kind Zen. I needed the demanding one who would tell me to stop being a baby.

“Yes, and no.”

I decided I didn't like Zen. I hadn't liked his attitude before and I didn't like his prodding and inquisition now. “If you don't want to talk with me I can arrange for you to discuss this with someone else.”

“Does it matter?” I questioned, hoping to bring the truth crashing down around us to create a chaos he would only escape if he ignored me. “I am not a pack member and I won't be here much longer. So any help you offer is a waste of time and resources.”

He stonefaced me. There was the Zen I was accustomed to. I didn't like it. Rationally I knew I was flipping back and forth like a yo yo. There was just something about his usual attitude willing me to act against every order he made for the sake of being difficult.

“I am tired and would like to go back to sleep. Please leave.”

Zen rose. He placed a water bottle on the table I didn't notice him carrying. Then walked to the windows and closed the curtains before leaving without a word. I frowned. What was wrong with him? I didn't even want to waste the energy figuring him out. I needed to focus on getting home. My parents had been murdered. I didn't know why and I was homesick. I closed my eyes. Memories mixed with dream moments and I snapped them open.

When a dream feels more real than reality it means your mind is too full of worries. You need to take a deep breath and focus on the world around you. It will calm your mind and remind it what is real. My mother's voice whispered in memory.

I started as I always did moving outwards like my mother had coached me.

My name is Sylvaline.

I can feel my heart beating. I said feel, though I could hear it too.

I can feel the smooth cotton of the sheets. A presumption on my part. I didn't know what the sheets were made of.

I can see the ceiling. I ignored details as I was sure a regular human could not make out the smaller details, especially in the dark.

I can smell Zen. His scent clung like a lifeline in the air.

I can hear the wind in the trees. Perhaps it was more I could hear the leaves on each of the branches.

I can feel... someone outside?!

I jumped to my feet and rushed to the window. I flung the curtain open and stared out into the night scene below searching for something out of place. The moon soaked lawn was shaded by the house. The trees of the forest were stirring in a back and forth dance with the wind. A cloud darkened the landscape and just as I was about to turn away from the woods I noted a reflection of light. A set of eyes gleaming in my direction before turning away. This being wasn't wolf. I wasn't sure I could explain why I knew this.

Technically Zen hadn't left the room too long ago. Would he hear me if I shouted for him? Did they already know? Why assume? I had been attacked once already and someone had killed my parents. I ran for the bedroom door and shouted Zen's name. Had he gone to bed? Downstairs? Where was his room? Or did he have patrol?

“Zen!” I shouted in the hall, looking to the right, though I was ready to head left to the stairs.

A person had paused at a door a couple rooms down from mine, a pack mate I hadn't met before. I was about to ask if he knew where Zen was when I saw the man in question pop his head of of his room and look towards me.

“There's something outside,” I yelled at him.

He smirked as he strode, arrogantly towards me. He wore a pair of low hung boxers and nothing else. Clearly I had interrupted him as he prepared for bed. “Yes, I imagine there are. About a half dozen wolves in the inner perimeter for patrol. Double that on the outskirts.”

“Not a wolf,” I sneered as he finished his final approach.

“In case you have forgotten we take two forms,” he said, guiding me back to my room.

“Zen,” I snapped angrily, as he walked me backwards a few steps.

“Sylvaline,” he said smoothly.

“It wasn't a wolf or a human. It felt... off. Different. It had energy different from a human, a wolf, a wolf in human form, or even a gifted human.”

Zen narrowed his eyes at me as he closed the door to my room behind us. “I think you have been hiding things from us little wolf.”

“I thought we were over the belittling with nicknames.”

Zen looked past me for half a thought before pulling out his phone. “Gun double check there was no breech of the perimeters, the diva is a little out of sorts and needs reassurance.”

“I am no Diva!” I shouted with easperation, while crossing my arms over my chest and tapping my toe in time with the fury of the blood boiling in me, “and I am not out of sorts.”

Zen's eyes roamed down and then back up before chuckling. “Well you could have fooled me. Now then, little diva, tell me about this energy you feel.”

“You know, when you focus on a person and there's an aura or warmth. I don't know what you call it. The energy around them.”

“No,” he said slowly with a side of caution. “I don't know, you're gonna have to explain this one.”

“Can't all wolves feel energy. Essences or something. Maybe I am explaining it wrong. You can feel it sort of here,” I tried to explain while moving my hands over the area of his heart and upper torso to show him where the energy I felt coming from him. “Maybe a type of heat because wolves tend to feel warmer. You and Derek are a lot warmer than Xena and Quinn. Walker is between you guys.”

“Sylva,” he paused, he neutral face was annoying and I wanted to slap it. Both he and Derek wouldn't show emotion without first debating consquences. Zen was the worse between the two. “You're not explaining something all wolves can do. I can't even say I've every heard any wolf being able to sense someone. Scent them, as in using our nose. That's the only way we read who is human and who is not.”

I stepped back, lowering my hands, fear began to rise in me. If I could sense a presence and normal wolves could not then... “No,” I whispered, denial was becoming a long dead friend. I was going to bury him beside my parents at this rate. It was hard to deny the wolf in me and keep a human facade. If I was something else entirely then I couldn't see how I was going to be able to keep my mentality intact. On top of everything I now had to fear what it meant to my safety in the walls which I currently resided.

“Sylvaline,” Zen whispered, a rare side of gentle coaxing had laced his words. “You're safe here. We will get to the bottom of this. One way or another.”

“One way or another,” I whispered, eyes wide, heart pounding, feet moving backwards to carry me closer to the windowed wall.

“No,” Zen said sternly, “calm down. Deep breaths Syl.”

The door slammed open and blue eyes darted between Zen and me. Derek took a stand next to Zen and looked at me. “What's going on?”

“Please,” I begged quietly. “I just want to go home. Please.”

“Little one,” Derek said with a frown, “slow you're breathing. You're hyperventalating.”

“I won't hurt anyone,” I uttered, not sure the point I was trying to make with my head a mass of tangled knots. Nothing sounded right. I might as well be singing a musical number. My back hit the window I had stood at moments ago. My brain remembered the eyes glancing up at the window. Had they seen me? Did they know I spotted them? Was it the person responsible for the death of my parents?

“I promise,” I said, not sure what I had said before this. The room was darker than it had been. Was the moon covered behind clouds again. Or the hall light, no that had been missing before. No wait I couldn't see because my eyes were closed and I didn't feel upright anymore. My body wasn't against the hard ground though. In fact I was feeling a bit warmer than I had been moments ago. When I focused my hearing picked up groggy voices from far away growing more silent by the second.

“What happened?” Derek was asking.

“Was she right?” Zen asked.

“Yes, there is an scent picked up along the edge of the forest below her window. Someone outside of the pack was there recently.”

“I stand by my opinion. She's more trouble than she's worth but she's here and she's pack so I will do what I can to figure out her mysterious suitor.”

“Zen, what did you do to scare the poor girl?”

“I think she's afraid of what we think of her...”

My mind cut off the world from there. I was left in the dark before sinking into the bliss of oblivion.