Fighting Instincts

Chapter Seventeen - Decisions

Something within felt at home with the worry-free pain of rejection, the struggle of fitting in, and the heartache of my losses. If I could drift here in the neverending darkness for eternity, then I would never need to deal with the chaos of my new reality. It wouldn't matter if I was human, wolf, monster, or something equally unacceptable. Zen could kick me out of the pack. Derek could order my death. I could be hunted down and murder. It wouldn't matter because I was here, in a bubble, away from all thoughts. In here I could never be touched by the outside world.

There was shame, my conscious mind remembered promises made to my mother. The curiosity of the unknown tugged at me too. If I wasn't human and never could be, and I wasn't just a werewolf then what was I? A freak of nature wasn't an acceptable answer because, as much as I thought it was true, I needed answers to make a full evaluation. With this new determination in mind I allowed myself to walk from the dark and accept the stirrings of the outside world.

My room was occupied by a few auras. Someone was sitting beside me on the mattress and just pass them, presumedly on a chair. A third person was at the end of my bed. The shuffling of paper roused me a little more.

“She is waking,” someone said. In my state of half sleep the voice was low and muffled.

“Is it normal to sleep a day away after passing out?” a gruffier voice demanded. Walker, so he was in the chair. The noises of the room cleared, as if rising from out of water.

“Passing out from exhaustion or mental stress can mean sleeping until recovery.” I realized it was Anna at the end of the bed and I could picture her rifling through her clipboard after checking vitals to compare to the history.

“That means yes,” Xena clarified and Anna gave a half chuckle.

“I'm fine,” I managed, a little hoarse but rather surprised by the strength in my voice. “A bit hungry and I need to go to the bathroom.” I pulled myself into a half sit before flopping back down into my pillow when I felt a tug on my arm. I was connected to an IV pole. “How long?”

“Only a few hours dear but Zen insisted I give you something to keep you calm after last night and the best way to do so was through IV. I could boost your fluids too, in case you slept longer than I suspected. Let me take that out while Walker hunts you down something to eat. I prayed she didn't mean bringing back a fresh killed rabbit or something.

Although Walker was higher in authority than Anna, he took orders from her without question. I noted most of the men did and I assumed it had to do with her skills. Plus she had the perfect threats. If you wanted to go against her she could make sure setting the next dislocated joint was done with the most pain as possible. Or she could let you suffer through whatever treatment you need her to see through.

Anna wasted no time. She shooed Xena from her seat. Applied a cotton ball to the top of the iv once the tape had been removed. She added pressure and removed the tubing and then asked me to hold down the cottonball. After discarding the waste she looked over the IV site and reapplied the cotton ball.

“Usually they tell you to hold pressure for a few minutes. But you're a wolf,” she said wolf with a playful growl as she popped the cotton ball off my arm and into the waste bin. “You won't even bruise after that. However, you are a bit of an oddity Miss Sylvaline, I did a quick panel, a sort of requirement for pack members so I can get a base line. I check for any aliments, poison resistance, blood type. Your cells are very unique even for a wolf. For example, did you know you don't react to many of the poisons known to effect werewolves, except the strongest ones.” My heart skipped a beat. I shook my head slowly afraid where this was going. “I promise I don't have any ill intentions. Heavens know I would hate to be a lab rat myself, however, I was wondering if you might spare some time for a few tests. Most of them I would run for any pack members to add to the base line. A stress test being the major one. However, if you would permit me to withdraw a few additional tubes of blood. I would think you might want to know more about yourself as well and I might be able to answer a few more questions. Maybe we could sit together and go over your medical history and such.”

“Uh... does that mean Derek doesn't intend to kill me or kick me out because I am not just a wolf?” I whispered quietly, almost afraid to remind them in case they had forgotten. Not something I thought possible but odder miracles had happened on the night of a blue moon as my Mother would say. As much as she didn't believe in supersititions she did feel there was something to certain astrological cycles. I had been evidence of her deeper, darker theories. She rarely shared these.

“Is that why you knocked yourself out last night? Poor thing, I wouldn't let the alpha remove you even if he wanted to. It isn't like you hid these things on purpose right?” I nodded to agree with her. “Besides, I have been reading some of your mother's publications. If she taught you even a quarter of what I've seen then I think you have a place in the clinic with me.”

“Really?” I asked excited before realizing I wasn't looking for a permanent place her. “Wait, I wasn't planning to stay though. I have to go home and I...” The growing list reminded me of all I had to do and my heart thumped with the panic.

“A lone wolf, a city wolf, they are usually male. Females... as much as I advocate for all females to be treated the same, are different when it comes to survival. At the very least you should stay her until you can control both your sides and your heat.”

“My heat?” I asked.

Anna nodded and pulled me up to sit beside her, helping me to shift my legs to dangle over the edge of the bed. “Slowly, I don't want you rushing in case the medication has taken more of a hold on you. It can effect us all differently. As for a heat. Female begin between 18 and 22. It is like a human's menstral period. You will go into heat one to two times a year. Each female is a little different but females who pack together tend to heat together. A group of females in heat can support each other, protect each other along with any females who haven't begun a heat cycle. An individual female in the city can attract not just male werewolves but males in general. The longer you go without having s*x the harder your heat is on your body and the more you crave a male. It makes it a lot harder for a female to live alone without a pack to help keep her safe. Admittedly a mated or at least semi-claimed female can rely on male to protect and assist even if they aren't attempting for a pup.”

Anna continued her conversation as I was guided at the elbow to the bathroom. Xena had run a bath. The steaming water was full of bubbles and a pleasant floral scent. My body felt covered in a thin flim of filth and I ached to sink into the water but my bladder screamed for priority. I looked to the too ladies in the bathroom big enough to fit both my bathrooms from my previous home into and then to the door.

“Please let me know immediately if you feel lightheaded, dizzy, or weakness. If you need any help just call out. Xena can fetch me. I will be in the clinic. Someone was stupid enough to jump from the south bluff in a stupid testosterone stunt,” her eyes rolled and she casually walked from the room like it was just another Tuesday.

“Males,” Xena snorted.

“Indeed,” Anna replied, already out the door.

Xena left as well, telling me she would be on her phone in my room and would help if I just called out. It felt a little weird having someone wait while I took care of personal needs. A part of me pondered if Xena was a look out. Zen and Derek might believe I was a flight risk. Or after last night, and all the trauma from recent events, perhaps I was deemed a suicide risk. Only then Anna would be the best wolf to be looking out. I sighed, finished the demands made of my bladder then sunk slowly into the welcoming warmth of the deep bath drawn for me. I soaked for a few minutes before getting to work on scrubbing down every last inch of skin. It was like I was washing away everythinfg a little at a time with each brush of the cloth. While I worked my brain pondered Anna's reassurances. Was I safe here like she said? If Derek wanted me as a packmember could I just give up my home? Zen had said something last night, I was trouble. If he didn't want me here it could be the exact reason to stay. I would be mildly pissing him off and surrounding myself with people who could help me protect myself. Plus, with the right encouragment, I could find my parents killers. I also needed to know more of who I was. What other things were not wolf?