Fighting Instincts

Chapter Nineteen - Ordinary Lunch

The office was larger than I would have thought. Easily filling a space four or five could work with room to spare. Derek sat behind the L shaped desk in front of a floor to ceiling bookshelf. All furniture was made of some form of solid wood and the stains were all dark. The windows were not curtained but they did not let anything more than light through them. The tint on the windows let you see someone leaning on the other side of the window let alone the details of the outside world. Of course from the third level this room was far from being able to allow someone to lean against the window casually. It maintained a more ancient or historical look. Candle holders were hanging on the walls at even intervals. The furniture the older, leathery looking comfort. Everything was blocky. Yet it all worked well together, except the mess on a table in the center of the room. Large sheets of papers were piled over top. You couldn't tell the details of those papers though, because a large sheet had been turned over allowing you to see the blank backside. On the opposite wall was a fireplace a couple pairs of chairs, a small coffee table, a couple end tables and a domed food tray along with a pitcher and glasses.

“Hungry,” Derek asked. He still sounded more statement than question when he talked but I could tell there was an attempt. Perhaps Zen had detailed our most recent interaction.

“Very much so.” There was no need to lie. Even if I did my stomach was going to give me away soon, I was sure of it. Plus it was the way Murphy's Law worked. Tell the big bad wolf a lie and let nature assist him in sniffing it out.

Zen had moved from the door, escorting me into the room in some show of being a gentleman to lounging in one of the comfy chairs. Derek stood and walked with me to the tray. Once I had seated myself he pulled the dome.

I wasn't sure what I was expecting to be under the cover. I had thought you would use it to cover elegant bite size meals of the rich. I was excited to see a pile of grill cheese sandwiches and cups of tomato soup. This had been one of my favourite things to eat when my mom was too busy to help me with cooking. She had said it was a harmonious pairing. I smiled widely and probably bounced in my seat a little.

“I am glad you approve,” Derek said with a rare true smile.

It hadn't escaped me, how Derek put on a show. His show face had a smile you could believe wasn't forced but was also not his real emotion. Perhaps his Alpha smile. The I can hide anything behind this and have you believe me smile. I need a shorter name for this. Some odd nickname would appear. Usually during a sleepless night.

“I thought it would be a good idea to discuss recent events,” Derek began.

I swallowed while Derek handed me a small plate he had placed one of the grill cheeses on. I accepted it and the cup of soup. Zen had already piled three of the sandwiches on his own plate. It was balanced on the arm of his chair while he dipped one of the triangle edges into the thick soupy liquid. For the men always dictating the importance of protein I was surprised by the meal and it distracted me a moment before I remembered I was supposed to be worrying about the conversation ensuing momentarily.

“I wasn't intentionally holding back information,” I began slowly.

“I don't suspect you were,” Derek nodded. He did not reach for his own sandwich. I placed the plate in my lap and stared into the cup. Waiting. I wasn't about to offer information without hearing the direction of the conversation. “You need a pack though, as I suspect you don't know what you are and this attack wasn't random. Our pack is in the best position to take you and the risk on. However, we can't force you to join a pack you don't want. Sylvaline, I can give you 48 hours to make a decision but beyond that I wouldn't be able to give you additional protection without consent to join. It might seem unfair but resources are given priority to pack members and situations to benefit the pack.”

“I understand,” I said. It was a fair evaluation and I had suspected something along these lines would be brought up. I had already been thinking about such decisions every time someone mentioned benefits to the pack. Anna's warning had hit the strongest.

“I would like you to wait until after the pack run tonight before making a decision. You could feel how it is to run with us and let it help you determine if pack life is something you desire.”

“What happens tomorrow? It's the true full moon and all.”

“We tend to stick to our more immediate pack for the full moon. Why?”

“Well, uh... it's a forced change right? I just thought it was different.”

“Sylvaline, can you walk us through what you did on the full moons until now?” Derek asked with a flick of suspicion.

I grew quiet but there was something in Derek's tone, a command I wanted to obey. It had to be the alpha in him dictating submission and I hated it. If I fought it what would happen? Was it worth it to fight? “My father called me to his office before sunset. I would take a cup of chamomile tea to calm. This was followed by condensed tablets of various calming drugs my mother makes. My combination was a little higher because we found it didn't work at weaker doses.” I did note the way Zen had begun to tighten his jaw, something I said didn't please him. “I walked with my mother to my basement and she would lock me in a cage before being injected with a suspension of poppy seed and wolfsbane. It didn't stop the change but it made me less of a monster.”

Zen snapped up, glaring at me. His forgotten plate clattered to the wood floor. Only one triangle of a sandwich had been left to fall with a plop half on the wood and half on the rug set before the fireplace. “You're parents caged you like a wild beast?!” he hammered out, the rage in his eyes dilated his pupils and looked to change to the colour of his wolf's.

“Yes, for their protection and my own I was caged. Monsters belong in cages.” I said out of habit. I had heard the words over and over. For years I had been told this, like a mantra, like a prayer, a hymn, a hope for becoming normal one day in the future far away.

“They deserve...”

“Zen!” Derek snapped. “You can remove yourself before you say something you regret.”