Fighting Instincts

Chapter Four -Xena

I woke and stretched. My arms and legs were stiff and numb from sleep. I pawed at an itch on my nose. Wolf form was convenient in some respects. Like how scratching your back or hard to reach areas were easier. My dreams were a little different. I recalled the dream from the night before as I began to stretch out my hind leg.

No, that wasn't right. I shouldn't have been able to stretch. My den was cramped and not full of fluffy blankets. I stood and circled around. I was on a pile of blankets. Soft fuzzy ones of different mismatching colors. The room was large and there were multiple piles of blankets all around. I cautiously stepped out of the nest. Clearly, the day before, if it had only been a day, was not a dream. I really had trouble keeping track. Time seemed so long in wolf form. An hour felt like a weekend.

I trotted to the double doors across the room and noticed the round knob. I grumbled. I didn't have hands, so I was going to have to open it with my paws, or mouth. I looked about for another way, but the windows were all closed and no other doors were present. The room was very barren, minus the dozen or so nests of blankets.

Just as I hopped onto my hind legs to reach with a front paw the knob turned. In some weird, unconscious move I whirled onto my feet, twisted about and was perched ready to attack whoever was entering if they intended any harm. Xena's small face greeted me. Her smile widened as her almost tan eyes brightened. “You're awake,” she said, pushing past me into the room as she pushed a few strands of loose hair behind an ear. Most of the dirty blonde strands were knotted at the top of her head. "I tried to get Carla to come, but that prickled b***h wanted nothing to do with you and the whole situation. Of course, the alpha, Zen and father are trying to come in to question you, but only females are allowed in here unless absolutely necessary. It's a sort of nesting spot, a quiet testosterone-free space. It is often used by children too. Except in our pack without a higher, ranked female to take control of the women it isn't used to its full potential.

As Xena rambled she set down a bag and began to pull out items. A bowl, a bottle of water, a plate, a container, smelled amazing, and caused an immediate rumble in my starved stomach.

"I figured you were probably hungry, I know what it was like to lose my mom. Days feeling numb and not eating and then bam... hunger. It seems an odd thing to bond over, but perhaps I can help you find a bit of comfort. I honestly had my pack there for me, so I wasn't alone, but it seems you might not have that? I mean, if I am wrong you can say something. If you were human, cause we can't exactly communicate well in wolf form. Other than the basics. If you're not ready, that's okay too."

Xena hardly stopped, she had focused on me for a second or two before she pulled out an assortment of additional items. A brush, a phone, some books, along with a pile of clothes, a large crystal, I began to ignore items and looked at the tupperware with the amazing smell.

I pawed at the tub and gave a short whine. Xena peered over and shook her head. "Look, I uh... I kind of snuck you in here while everyone was sleeping. I was supposed to be watching you and, well, I was watching you. Only I know how harsh the guys can be. I took a lot of flack for my actions. So I had to make some promises. You can eat and have anything else you want, if you are human. Oh, except water," she added the last bit cheerfully as she pulled the water bottle closer to her and opened it. The clear liquid began to fill the bowl she had laid out. I waited patiently and began to lap at it as soon as the bowl had been filled. I then folded myself into a ball and contemplated how I was going to shift back. I could already tell I wasn't going to be able to just change back. For whatever reason, being reverted to this form seemed easier to maintain. It was easier to think. As if she could read my mind, Xena spoke up.

"Wolf form makes things feel less overwhelming. When we are going through big changes we tend to find it easier to handle those emotions in our natural form."

I snorted, my natural form was human. Until this incident, I didn't even know I could change into a wolf other than during the full moon. Xena continued, ignoring the noise I made. "The shift back can be harder and having an alpha use his command doesn't help. It is more painful and it can tire the wolf part of you out more easily. Plus you don't learn from it. So I thought I would bring things I found helpful. I was stuck for a long time. After I lost my mom, we were really close, I didn't want to live without her. I could at least hunt in my wolf form and after a time I could shift back I just didn't want to. Still, these things helped."

She gestured to the crystal, the books, and art supplies. "Wolves are one with natural. If you stare long enough into the crystal, it is meant to help balance you. Imagine it taking your worries away. Or you can envision it helping you center the human part in you, to bring forth your human nature.”

I scooted closer to the crystal, looking into it as instructed. Xena's instructions fell short. However, I remembered my mother saying something about stones being used in witchcraft, she didn't believe in the nonsense, but it did leave me to research precious stones. Many were linked to magical abilities. Some articles talked about trapping negative energy. Perhaps I could think about trapping my wolf. The more I thought about the wolf as a negative energy being caged somewhere deep inside me, the more I began to feel myself. Eventually, something snapped and I could feel the shift begin.