Fighting Instincts

Chapter Seven - Meeting Walker

I sat up. Restless. Unable to sleep. The tossing and turning was pointless. As an insomniac, I was used to the countless hours of being wound up and unable to rest. I knew full well laying useless would only grate on my nerves. I crawled out of the nest and pondered if walking a little would help. I didn't want to leave the safety of the room. I also didn't want to wake my sleeping companion. I opted to go to the large bay window. It looked to be north facing from the few peaks out of it earlier in the day. The sunlight was never directly pouring in. As I peered outside I noticed the wooded area a little beyond a small pool of water. The wild reeds tilted in the slight breeze. Lilies floated in the still water. It was rather large, more than a pond, but not quite a lake. I pondered if it was man-made or natural. It looked natural, although it was conveniently placed. It was well-kept. Nothing too overgrown, but there was a convenient placing about some of the plants and an overhanging tree. Unless it came first and the house and premises built around it.

The more I admired the moonlit scene, the more I felt cramped. The room, though spacious, was suffocating. The air wasn't fresh enough. I looked at the window latch and unlocked it before figuring out how to slide it up and flip it, leaving the whole bottom half wide open. The window sill was wide, inviting me to lean my forearms on it to stick my head out. I took a deep breath. The faint hint of jasmine, wet grass and an odd unfamiliar scent was relaxing. I could shut away a lot of my instincts, but I was never able to remove myself from the night. I felt a strange sense of belonging. There was an energy in the air and I didn't know how else to explain it except, welcoming. The larger the moon grew, the more I felt myself wanting to be outside. My parents were strict with night-time activities, so I rarely got to do more than slip onto the roof from my room to soak in the starlight. However, I never let myself change. I never let myself roam. Besides, there were humans who found the night intriguing. So was I really any different? Of course I am. I'm a blood thirsty wolf and night means I can hunt down my prey better, so naturally I like it. I chided myself. Nevertheless, I didn't move away from the window. There was no harm sitting inside looking out. I could admire what I knew I couldn't have as long as I didn't indulge in it. I was a responsible adult and not a child who couldn't control things with willpower.

“Good evening,” a voice interrupted, and I jumped up and away from the window. A chuckle orchestrated from the amused onlooker who had silently whispered along the outer wall to lean against the window.

Not willing to admit my fright or bring attention to it, I ignored the response and found my place back at the window. This time I peered out and into the stunning blue stormy eyes of my night-time visitor. “Uh... I... um.. hi.” Nice, now I am a stuttering lunatic, who is incapable of controlling my emotions and beasts.

“Has Xena been treating you well?”

“Yes, she's been very... motherly- er- sisterly. Thank you. You're, um her father, right? I'm sorry she never mentioned your name. That is, she spoke of you, but just by your paternity title. I mean it wasn't all bad things of course, she wasn't trashing you, or I mean she wasn't saying terrible things. I should shut up. Sorry.” I fumbled over my words as the three trains of thought tried to rush out from the same mouth at the same time leading to the head on collision.

“My name is Walker. Your rambles are a common habit in wolves, my dear, nothing to be ashamed of. You will likely grow out of it with time. Even Xena has trouble and she's been training her whole life. They have a medical term for it in humans. It's related to werewolves, and became a part of the human lineage because werewolves would take a human mate. You are either a were or you aren't. No halves, no mixed. However, there are some characteristics some humans can have if they have a werewolf parent. They are human, but something is a little more."

“Wait are you talking about ADHD?”

“Yes, your mind races, distractions are easy to come by, especially if the distraction is moving. You can hyper focus, a hunting trait as well, and extended joints which help with shifting. Night owls, with insomnia, I feel you can fill in the blanks for that one, as well as have the ability to ignore bodily needs. There are a few symptoms which make sense if you consider the source of the 'supposed' disorder. Naturally it comes with more negatively viewed effects too, and sadly we can't fix it.”

I couldn't speak for a moment. I just didn't understand, I mean I knew the words. Never had I thought about it before. He said things so matter of fact I felt I had to believe him and still my brain was flabbergasted. “How many other things in this world are werewolf related? Cancer?”

“No, that is not something we can be linked to thankfully. In fact, we are immune to many diseases but cancer can effect even a werewolf. Not all types, but a few, and one doesn't affect the humans even.”

I paused. Walker didn't seem to want to talk about the topic, he seemed bitter. If it was more personal I should drop it. So I looked over to him and smiled. “Walker, it's nice to meet you, I am sorry I should have greeted you properly. If you forgive my rudeness,” I said with rehearsed ease.

“Nothing to apologize for,” he replied with a touch of a bowed head. His eyes flickered as he smiled, telling me he was not lying. He was honest. Now that he was clothed I was able to look him over without worry. His cheek bones were similar to Xena's, a little round. Her eyes were light and danced like her fathers. However, that's where the similarities ended. She had an innocent yet wise air about her. Her hair was thin and smooth like silk. Her father had short, choppy hair, peppering with a bit of a wave, particularly at the ends. Where she was thin in all areas, Walker was broad and heavier set. His belly was a bit round, but you could tell he still had strength in him. His nose was long and straight, while Xena had more of a button nose ,atching mine. Xena also had ears a touch too big for her small face. Walker had rounded ears, one which had a tip missing.

“I can see Xena in you,” I said matter of fact. I wasn't sure what else to talk about. Yes so pick a topic that makes you seem even more weird.

“But,” he offered with a smile.

“I wasn't going to say anything,” I said, looking away, a slight blush on my face.

“You were thinking she must get her looks from her mother,” he finished. I had been thinking it. “Especially her ears,” and with that sentence I found I was no longer looking around to the left of the window and yard but at a small wallet-sized picture. “You would be right. She looks a lot like her mother. Which means she will grow into those ears.”

The woman in the picture carried a small bundle against her small chest. Her hair was pinned in a braid around her head. Her eyes were glowing but were focused on the tiny hand clinging to her delicate finger. “If I could, I would have given my life so Xena could still have her warrior mother to help guide her.

“Your wife looks so happy. I am sure she would have wished the same if you had traded places.”

He snorted and pulled the image away. I watched him replace it in his pocket and then reposition himself on the wall.

“So you couldn't sleep?” I asked slowly. “Or did I disturb your walk?”

“No, I have night duty.”

“Are you guarding me then?” I tried to bite my tone but couldn't as the anger began to rise.

“Although I was told to ensure you didn't run away prematurely, I can say with confidence I am not meant to just watch you. We all take turns guarding the grounds. Especially now, we have an unexpected guest with the potential of drawing in foreign wolves.”

He was too calm. Walker was a good liar or telling the truth. “I won't run away,” I said carefully.

“I don't imagine you would,” he replied. “Even if you tried, one of the guards would likely track you down before you got too far. It is in your best interest to stay though. Lone and rogue wolves don't have pack laws to keep them in check. Which means outside our territory, or that of another pack, you risk dealing with them on their terms.”

I nodded slowly, remembering I had contemplated running off earlier. Even as I opened the window, the thought had occurred to me. Only the unknown location held me back. I didn't want to be a butterfly in a storm. My wings would only take me so far.

“Can I ask you one more thing Walker?”

“Ask away,” he said.

“As a wolf, or when you are a wolf, I mean in wolf form or.... I don't know if you consider it a separate being or not. Is it normal to be emotionless?”

“We are one with our wolf. Once we control our change as a fluid motion, we consider ourselves whole. In wolf skin there are some advantages and disadvantages our human skin does not have. Quicker healing, immunity to various parasites and diseases, heightened senses. In this skin we are not emotionless, but there are human emotions useless to that part of us. You feel more instinctual. Sadness and sorrow can slow you down, make you vulnerable. Typically, mourning happens in a pack as a pack, so members can protect each other. Perhaps you didn't feel safe enough to mourn, so you only felt you were emotionless. The fact you stayed in your wolf skin so long tells me you are far from emotionless. If this is the reason you lay awake, fear not, there is nothing wrong with you.”

I shook my head, “clearly I am not normal, otherwise I wouldn't have to hide away every month in fear of humans seeing me as a monster.”

I didn't get a reply to my comment. Walker looked stunned and then sad before he pulled his slight frown into a half smile. The wrinkles played with the smile, making it hard to see where the end of his mouth really was. He was going to say something when he whipped his head towards the treeline and took off, striping as he went.