Because I Hear the Voices

Chapter Three

We handed in our assignment on the 25th August, and then we were confronted with the first week of September, which had us waiting in terror to begin, what our teachers informed us, were the most important exams of our life, the QCST (Queensland Core Skills Test).  The whole of our year twelve class were panicking, because this was the test that decided our future.  If you didn’t get a good result on your QCST, you could not be guaranteed the course you had picked out to attend at university, not that I had picked out anything yet mind you, I still had no idea what I wanted to do.

 The test began, with teachers from other schools supervising the class.  So strict was this test that a teacher had to accompany you to the toilet should your bladder need to be emptied before time.  Why such measures were taken was beyond me, because everyone knew the security measures that were taken with this test.  The test would arrive in metal boxes in an armoured car, (just try to get through that security), and these boxes could only be opened with three keys.  These keys were in the possession of the representative teacher of your school, a representative teacher from a neighboring school and an official QCST representative.  It was obvious therefore; that it was extremely unlikely that anyone would know what was on the test.

 In the weeks leading up to the test we had been given practice tests to prepare in a way for what was to come, and anyone who did these practice tests would realise that every test was different.  Some years they had focused on mathematics, other years it was art, and sometimes it was science orientated.  It didn’t take a brilliant mind to figure out that you couldn’t hide all the knowledge you had learnt at school on your person! 

 Two days of these draining tests and I was ready to just lie down and die, but not Devlin.  Oh no he proceeded to dance around the classroom as if he had just consumed several gallons of red cordial.

 “Wasn’t that excellent?  So bloody easy!  They called that test hard, ha!”

 “Are you insane?” I screeched at him.  “That was horrible.  My life is now officially over.”

 “Why?  You still don’t even know what university course you want to do anyway.”

 “Oh yeah sure, rub it in why don’t you,” I retorted grumpily.

 “I told you to go and see that school counselor so you can discuss your options.”

 “What, are you crazy?  Go and see that stupid old maid about my future, not on your life!  I can’t stand her in social studies class let alone seeing her about the most important decision of my life!”  I ranted, as I began to walk round and round in a circle biting my fingernails.

 “It was just a suggestion,” Devlin defended himself before flopping down on the floor and stretching out comfortably.

 “Yeah well it’s the worst one you have ever come up with,” I snapped.

 “Temper, temper.”

 “Oh bite me,” I grumbled before sitting down on the floor beside him.

 “What you need is a course where you can do a diversity of topics so you can see what you are good at,” Devlin stated.

 “Yeah, but what course would let me do that?”

 Devlin shrugged and then pulled the booklet we had received two months ago about the university courses offered from his bag.  While he perused the pages I took my badge off my tie and opened the clasp.  I then used my badge to unpick the tiny white threads of my tie, allowing the black material underneath to stand out.

 “What about a bachelor of arts degree?”

 “Oh sure, like I won’t get teased about that!” I muttered

 “Well it covers everything from journalism to criminal justice in here, and it has the added benefit of not requiring a brilliant OP.”

 Curiosity got the better of me and I took the book from his lap to read.  “Where could I do it?”

 “Griffith University.”

 “But you are going to Queensland University of Technology aren’t you?”

 “Yeah, but like, even if we went to the same uni I doubt we’d get to see each other much there anyway.  Break out Sean, do something on your own for a change.  You never know you might actually enjoy it.”

 “You sound like my father.”

 “God forbid!” Devlin declared in anguished tones.

 “Anyway I was just wondering in relation to where we would live if we rented a place together.”

 “Details, details, Sean.  Let’s worry about that when we get to them, and for the moment just concentrate on getting the OP we need.”

                                     *                                  *                                  *

 Our assignment was given back to us on the 15th September and sported the highest mark in the class, which managed to shock the s**t out of both Devlin and I, especially since old ‘horrid forrid’ made no bones about how much she despised us.  

 Of course thinking back, Devlin and I should have realised that my parents were not going to tell me anything, even after they read my paper.  Their faces had gone deathly pale, when they had realised what the assignment had been about.  Stricken I had watched as they put it down without even bothering to read it.  When I had tried to bring up the subject, they snapped at me to leave well enough alone, and we lived together for the rest of the year barely talking to each other, regarding each other with mutual distrust.   My parents stopped waking me up early for exercise in the morning, and they started leaving for work early so that every morning I would wake up to find a post-it note and some money for the bus and lunches waiting on the hall table.  My dirty clothes began to pile up in my room, to the point where I had to learn how to use the washing machine, and dinner at night became a microwave meal eaten on my bed.  It got to the stage that I hated coming home at night, because I couldn’t bear the knife edged tension that awaited me.  I dreaded the onset of the September holidays and spent most of my time at Devlin’s, and by October I had managed to call up the nerve to spend the weekend at Devlin’s house without telling my parents.  I had never been able to stay over at anyone’s house before, and my worry and guilt over this turned out to be irrelevant, because they didn’t say a word about it when I saw them next.  And even through all this, or maybe because of it, finding everything I could about my family was still an obsession for me, so much so that even after we handed in our assignment, I never gave up trying to find out more.  

 On the day I graduated from high school Devlin and I made our way back to my house with no level of enthusiasm.  In the beginning of the year my parents had made it plain to me that I was not allowed to attend ‘Schoolies’ week, and Devlin had given up his plans to stay back with me, despite my constant pleading that he should go without me.  When we arrived home my parents were waiting for us in the family room.

 They informed me that my grandmother had offered to help pay my rent should I choose to leave home, and Devlin’s parents were only too keen to follow that example.  Devlin’s parents came over that weekend to speak to my parents about the move, and they had all agreed that they would choose the place we would move into.  Devlin and I objected to this idea and subsequently within a fortnight we moved into an old house within walking distance of public transport.  And for the first time in our lives, we felt free.