Because I Hear the Voices

Chapter 12

“Hello Sean, I was beginning to think you wouldn’t come.”

 “I didn’t have a choice.  You made sure of that.”

 “Yes I know and I am sorry, but I’m glad you came.  Now that you are here I am beginning to remember things clearer.”  He began to grin like a little boy who had just received the best Christmas present of his life.

 “Oh yeah, like what?”

 “I remember that I hate Monday’s, I hated school and I hate my sister.  I hate Monday’s because it was the first day of the school week and I hated school because of my sister.  Anyone who had ever met my sister Angela agreed that she is just like her name suggests, ‘perfect’.  Only I’ll let you in on a little secret here, she is not.  Mother and Father don’t see it, Gran and Granddad Mac are too busy listing her many, many virtues that they don’t see her faults and Nana and Poppy are too busy enjoying their carefree and adventurous retired existence to bother with anything as stressful as family.  There is only one person in the world that knows that I am telling the truth when I say my twin is a fraud and a phony, and that person, of course, is herself.”

 “Am I going to meet Angela one day?” I asked.

 He continued as if I hadn’t spoken, as if I wasn’t really there, as if he was truly remembering something he had forgotten long ago.

 “Belinda knows some things, Belinda knows of Angela’s intense jealousy towards the new baby, she knows who really throws the tantrums and who really slaughters small animals, but Angela is her friend, her only friend in the world, so she makes excuses for her.  I am convinced that Belinda is scared to question Angela’s actions, she lies for her and because of her, and she doesn’t want to believe the evil that dwells in Angela’s soul.  Belinda is a weakling, she can neither stop nor control Angela, and that’s because she doesn’t have the power that I do.  I have known all my life that I have the power to stop Angela, not control her, for nobody is strong enough to do that, but I know how to stop her.  I have to go everywhere she does in case I have to stop her.  I often dream at night of how it would feel to finally stop her, but although I haven’t yet, I know the time draws nearer.  I know these things because I can feel it, in a place I can’t describe and you’ve probably never been to.  You think me odd, possibly crazy, but I know of things that run so deep beneath the surface, feelings that simply exist and knowledge that simply is.”    

 “And why should I believe you?”  I questioned. 

 “Ah, we have a cynic amongst us, one who needs proof, well my dear companion; I have no solid proof to back my claims.  If you choose not to believe me, then go right ahead, it matters not to me what you think, I know what I know and that is enough for me, for now.”

 “So why do you need me then?  You know you never explained to me why I should believe you.  You spout on about stuff that never makes sense, and complain when I question you.  Why don’t you tell me something simple, just for once?”

 “Something simple?” he asked and paused as if gathering his thoughts together before continuing.  “Angela and I have a bond that exists between us like that of identical twins.  I don’t know why the bond exists, I simply know it does, and I also know that there isn’t a time in my life that I haven’t felt her presence.  She likes to be the first at everything, and she always is.  She was the first to be conceived, the first born, the first daughter, the first sister and the first grandchild. She was the first to win at every game we played; every race we ran and she had always caught on to everything long before I ever did.  She was the first to get into mischief, the first to get into trouble, the first person to blame me for something that went wrong and the first person I have ever hated.” 

 “So she was better at you in things.  You hated her because she was better and you envied that?”

 “No.  I envied the fact that she was quicker and more courageous, than I was.  I hated her because she hated me, because she always belittled me, because she teased me constantly and because she pretended to be something she wasn’t and no one else saw it but me.”

 “You know the fact that no one else saw it could mean that what you thought she was hiding wasn’t really there in the first place.”

“But I know her, I know it was.  I know her like no one else does.”

 “So you keep saying.”

 “Do you want to know the rest or don’t you?  I remember more.”

 “Oh, sorry I interrupted,” I replied sarcastically. 

 “I’m used to it now.  Besides you need to sleep.  I’ll tell you more tomorrow.”

 “What happens if you forget?”

 “You’re here now, so everything is going to be revealed anyway.”

 I stirred awake, the echo of the dream hovering in my brain like a thin mist, and left the tent quietly to answer the call of the wild.  I unzipped the opening and hung it loosely open and before I managed to move too far away I heard Corey whisper to Devlin.

 “Does he always talk in his sleep like that?” 

 “No, not always.  Only, I think, when he is talking to him.”

 “Who is him?” she asked baffled.

 “He dreams about his brother quite a lot.  He used to talk to me about them, but now he doesn’t.  I hear him at night sometimes.  He scared Kaeli awake once when he started shouting.”

 “Jesus, that’s warped.”

 “He thinks he’s going crazy.  I thought this place would help him, you know, let go, but I’m beginning to wonder if it’ll only make things worse.” Devlin sighed as he sat up to look out of the tent and check up on me.

 “Dev, is he going to be alright?”

 “I don’t know.  I honestly don’t know.  That’s why we are here.”

Quietly I slipped away from the tent to the edge of the clearing, and took steadying breaths as I released the pressure on my bladder.  I told myself to be calm, that everything was going to be all right, even though I knew that somehow it wasn’t, and that it was never going to be fine ever again.  Suddenly I felt a cold breeze brush past my face; cold enough to make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up as I shivered.  And I swear that it carried with it a young girls’ laughter.