Loving Dazai

THE DARK MAN

Winter came in faster than expected, it was so chilly and Emily tried her possible best to keep herself warm but ended up with a cough in a week. She was in the middle of ringing up a her favorite customer, chatting easily as she slid their books into a paper bag.

A sharp sneeze escaped her lips “I am sorry.” she rubbed her nose which was already turning red.

“Bless you, honey.” Burpee said “You are always like this during winter, heater broken?”

“Nope. Not broken. I really have no idea." she reached for the last book to slide into the paper bag when she noticed the title “Oh, Burpee! this one's really good! The twist at the end? Totally unexpected," she said, grinning as she handed the bag over ‘next we do sales, “You’re taking five for free, trust me.” she winked.

Burpee chuckled “You’re just a pretty little liar. Wayne Rivers just released another book, you guys better get those books down here.”

She laughed. "We always got your back, Burp."

“See ya, I gotta go pick Maya from her Grandma’s.”

“Aww, I bet she’s all grown now,” Burpee nodded her head at that “Well, say hi to her for me, okay?” she handed the paper bag to her.

“Sure thing, Em. Thank you, bye”

“Bye” she smiled and watched her leave. The cold air seeped into the store, making Emily shiver. She pulled her cardigan tighter, rubbing her hands together for warmth, when she noticed him walk in.

He was dressed for the cold—a dark wool coat, black gloves, and a white scarf wrapped loosely around his neck. His hair was slightly tousled, as though the wind had been playing with it. He looked gorgeous, just like the last time she saw him.

Her heart skipped. Just a little. It had been what? Four months since she last saw him. Emily shook her head, trying to remember when he walked in that day. Funny to think that after fantasizing about him for almost a week or so she just forgot about him. He had been polite—could she consider that polite? Well as he wasn’t rude either, just distant and that’s expected of strangers, or strangers like him.

She couldn’t help but take into details of how the coat fit him, his thick eyebrows, his brown hair. How could she not?

She was starting to feel giddy, she turned back to her work, forcing herself to focus as she attended to the next customer, but her eyes betrayed her as she scanned for him every now and then. He was just as she remembered—moving with purpose, his fingers trailed over book spines like he was scanning their stories through touch alone.

What could those fingers do in private? She wondered.

There was something oddly captivating about it, watching someone so utterly lost in the simple act of choosing a book.

She groaned and palmed her face –it wasn’t her fault, when last did she sleep with a man?

Before she could linger on the thought, her manager emerged from the backroom, clipboard in hand.

"Emily," she called, drawing her attention. "Can you check the delivery list? The new stock is supposed to arrive today and I need to confirm with Dex"

"Oh! Right." She took the clipboard, flicking through the pages. she quickly went to the manager’s office and gave a quick rundown on the list. She picked more books to put in the comic section. When she came out, she saw that he had made his way to one of the reading tables tucked near the store’s large window. A book was opened before him, and he looked completely engrossed. She found herself fascinated by that.

Ugh, Emily, everyone who reads novels gets engrossed by them.

But he wasn’t everyone. He looked different. He was different.

Customers came and went, but he stayed. An hour passed, maybe more, and still, he remained at that table, flipping through pages at an unhurried pace. Emily enjoyed it, he was gracing her with his presence.

Finally, he stood, tucking the book under his arm and picked the other books from the table and walked to the counter. She straightened automatically, pushing aside a stray lock of hair as he approached. Maybe it was silly, but she felt oddly pleased that he had stayed so long.

He placed two books on the counter without a word. She glanced at them—another crime thriller, as expected, and a more literary fiction novel this time.

She grinned, tapping her fingers against the counter. "Interesting books."

He barely looked at her as he reached for his wallet.

Yeah, I nearly forgot, not one for interactions, clearly.

But that wasn’t going to stop her "Did you enjoy the ones you got last time? I was curious if you liked them."

He was busy trying to pick out cash from his wallet. He looked up and blinked, then gave a slight nod. "They were fine."

She scoffed lightly. "Fine? Just fine? Come on, you’ve got to have at least one favorite moment."

He exhaled softly, as if debating whether or not to entertain her question. "The pacing was good."

She narrowed her eyes playfully. "That’s it? You sound like you’re writing a one-line review. I should put that on the shelf—'The pacing was good' – Mysterious Customer."

For a second, she thought she might’ve overstepped, but then—it happened.

A smile. Not just any smile. A big, genuine, effortless grin that transformed his usually impassive face, crinkling the corners of his eyes and softening the sharp angles of his expression.

She blinked, then let out a quiet laugh, shaking her head as she bagged up his books.

Maybe next time, she’d get him to talk a little more.

As she handed him the bag, she tilted her head slightly. "Thirty-six dollars,” she collected the cash he handed to her and put it in the money box. “So… are you coming back for more books anytime soon?"

He glanced at her, expression unreadable, before shifting the bag in his grip "Probably."

Her lips curled into a knowing smile. "I’ll hold you to that."

He didn’t say anything, but as he turned to leave, she swore she saw the ghost of another smile linger at the corner of his lips.

Well, that went well. “Hurray! I might need to open a diary for us.” she laughed