Loving Dazai

THE FIRST CONVERSATION

As Dazai reached the entrance, he paused, watching the bookstore keeper stretch on her toes, attempting to do only God knew what. On seeing him, she paused, her eyes widening. She dropped to her heels and opened the door.

He glanced at his watch, it was ten pm already. “It is closing time. Sorry to disturb.” He shifted his feet backwards to walk away, but she stopped him.

“No, no, it is fine, I can spare you some time.” she pushed the door wider.

Dazai felt a sense of guilt but he needed to get the books “I really am sorry for the inconvenience.” He stepped inside and walked straight to comic section. He needed to get these books for the boys at the foster care. Not only was he involved with a gang, but he also had a soft spot for children, donating generously to nearby orphanages. His sister had taught some kids back home how to play the guitar work. He gained a new family who were oblivious to his way of life.

His gaze trailed over the shelves, taking in the titles of the comic books and he picked the latest edition of the books he was looking for.

“You read comics too?”

Dazai looked over his shoulder. The lady stood behind the counter, a smile playing on her lips, her blue eyes bright with curiosity. She was always probing him with questions, nearly provoking him but she was harmless, just like other girls “No. Are there more copies of this? I need ten more.”

“Yeah, I will be right back.” He watched her leave the counter. He turned and walked to the children's section and picked few stories about animals and princess fairy tales. The girls would also bug him if he didn’t get them these books, even though they never read them. He walked to the counter and placed the books on it. She emerged from one of the rooms, carrying a carton. He met her halfway and took the carton from her and placed it on the counter.

“Thank you” She opened up the carton with a scissors and brought out the comic books. She counted them, placed ten on the counter with other books and returned the other books she held to the carton.

Seeing that she was about the lift the carton, Dazai reached for it and carried it “You’re going to replace the ones I took from the shelf, right?”

“No—I mean yeah, but it is fine. I will handle it.”

“Please allow me.” He turned and started walking. One thing he hated was being and feeling indebted to someone. He placed the carton down and pulled out the books and started to place them on the shelf. He turned and briefly looked at her before he continued. She looked so unsure.

She took the empty carton from his hand “Thank you very much, it wasn’t necessary, really.”

He agreed. It totally wasn’t necessary. It was either that or offer her a ride home. And he wasn’t going to choose the latter. He nodded his head “It is fine.”

She hummed as they both walked to the counter. She stepped around the counter. He looked at his watch, it was now fifteen minutes past ten pm. Tonight, he didn’t feel like going home. Not like there was anyone waiting for him. He could go the Katos place but he probably would be asleep already, he looked so drained few hours ago. He looked at the bookkeeper. Really looked at her.

She had a small, upturned nose and full lips that curved easily into a smile, like she was always on the verge of saying something. She was dressed in a hoodie and a coat that swallowed her whole. He looked away. Women were nothing but distractions. He’d rather go to the club, get laid by one of the strippers. That was easier and more comfortable for him.

“Two hundred and twenty-three dollars” her voice chirped.

He reached into his coat, pulled out his wallet, then pulled out his card and gave it to her.

“Your artwork. It was nice”

He raised his head. Artwork? He frowned.

“I saw you at an exhibition. Uh… about a month ago”

That was right. He remembered seeing her with someone else “Yeah, you looked at my work?” Now she had sparked his interest. Anyone who looked at his work sparked his interest. He needed to know what they thought of it, what they felt. His heart thundered in anticipation. Did she feel it—did she get lost in his work?

“Yeah, I did. Well, I don’t really know much about art, but it was a pretty thing.”

Pretty thing? He nearly scoffed. Who describes artwork as ‘pretty’? He was disappointed, but at least she was honest. “Thank you.”

She packaged his books and handed two paper bags to him with his card, “See you around.”

“I apologize for keeping you this late.” he turned on his heels.

“Well, maybe you should pay for keeping me this late. Apology won’t do much if you really think about it.”

He paused and turned around. Her eyes were wide, like she couldn’t believe she said that but she held her chin high, stubbornly.

It wasn’t unusual for women to throw themselves at him but this was different. She was different. She didn’t look like the usual firm women he went for or the boss lady type in his field. She didn’t reek of meth and alcohol. Hell, he doubts she’s ever had a glass of wine.

You need a woman? Find yours, Kato said earlier.

Dazai arched a brow as he stared at her. Probably underneath this vanilla and paper she was fire. “I have an exhibition this weekend. Would you like to come?”

She beamed, “Yes, I would love to.” she smiled broadly, like Child.

That was settled “Thank you once again.” He turned and walked out of the bookstore.