GEAR GODS SERIES: DRIFTING BACK TO YOU

Kabanata 9

Treese

Walang patid ang pagbuhos ng ulan sa araw ng libing ni Mommy. Para bang iyon ang paraan ng langit upang iparamdam na nakisisimpatya sa aking nagluluksang puso ang Diyos.

Sovereign locked me in his arms while I cried my heart out. I couldn't believe that I'd see my mom getting lowered in the ground at a young age. Yes, hindi na ako musmos at may isip na pero pakiramdam ko ay masyado pang maaga para mawala ang mommy ko.

I still want to show her the woman I can become. The daughter she deserves to clap for one day. Iyong anak na magpapatunay na sa tamang tao niya piniling magkaroon ng pamilya.

I am a product of an unconditional love. A love that goes beyond the physical. Something money could never break. I am a reminder of how my parents chose each other over and over again. Pero ang sakit-sakit pala na kapag ikaw na ang kailangan ng mga taong walang ibang ginawa kundi ang mahalin ka, ikaw naman itong walang maiambag.

"Mommy ko . . ." I cried. Halos manlambot ang aking mga tuhod nang makita kong tinatapunan na ng mga dumalo ng puting rosas ang kabaong ni mommy.

The staff of the funeral home that arranged mommy's burial started covering her casket with soil. Doon na ako lalong nanlambot. Pakiramdam ko ay bibigay na ang dibdib ko dahil iyon na ang senyales na totoong wala na talaga ang mommy ko.

I don't know how I'd live without her. Ni hindi pa nagigising ang daddy ko kaya wala pang ideya na wala na ang babaeng mahal na mahal niya.

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung mas magandang hindi pa siya gising dahil sigurado akong una niyang hahanapin si mommy. Baka hindi niya kayanin oras na malaman niyang hindi na namin makakasama pa ang babaeng paulit-ulit niyang ipinaglaban.

"Condolence, Treese. Kaya mo 'yan," malungkot na sabi ng ilang kaibigan namin ni Sovereign nang tuluyan nang natabunan ang kabaong. The staff are now putting mommy's granite tombstone, and as I read mommy's name engraved on it with gold lining, I lost it.

Bumitiw ako sa pagkakayakap ni Sovereign at hindi na nagawa pang kibuin ang mga nagpapaabot ng pakikiramay. Napaluhod ako sa lupa habang pumapatak ang ulan, ang aking palahaw ay sumabay sa kulog at kidlat na gumuguhit sa malungkot na kalangitan.

I thought the pain would subside after a month or two. My dad is still in coma so I often stay at the hospital to look after him. Dahil kinuha na ng bangko ang bahay at ilan naming mga ari-arian, wala akong choice kun'di ang makitira muna kina Sovereign.

Nahihiya pa rin ako sa nanay niya kahit mabait naman si tita sa akin. Kaya tuwing umaga ay nagpapaalam ako na roon muna sa ospital mamamalagi. Kapag walang trabaho si Sovereign ay sinasamahan niya ako. Minsan kung masyado nang malungkot ang hospital room, nagpupunta kami sa puntod ni Mommy para roon ko mailabas ang lahat ng sama ng loob ko.

"Mommy!" I cried.

Halos halikan ko ang lapida. Higit dalawang buwan na pero parang hindi ko pa rin matanggap. It's like everything was just perfect yesterday and then I woke up and see my life turned upside down all of a sudden.

Nanginig ang ibaba kong labi. My chest feels so heavy that I feel like it's going to explode any moment now. Lumuhod sa tabi ko si Sovereign para yakapin ako, ngunit nang masyado nang tumindi ang sakit na lumulukob sa aking dibdib, pakiramdam ko ay umikot ang aking paningin.

My body felt numb as my head started spinning. Nanghina ako nang husto kasabay ng pagdilim ng aking paningin. All I heard was Sovereign's voice calling for help as he lifted me in a bridal way. Nang magising ako ay nasa ospital na.

"Miss Loreno, can you hear me?" tanong ng doktor sa akin nang makitang ikinukurap ko ang mga mata ko.

I groaned as I tried to lift myself up. "Si Sovereign po?" una kong hanap. Pakiramdam ko kay Sovereign na lamang ako kukuha ng lakas sa mga panahong ito kaya kapag wala siya sa tabi ko ay takot na takot ako.

"May binili lang na ilang kailangan ang boyfriend mo, Miss Loreno. Magpahinga ka muna. Your blood pressure is too low for a pregnant woman. It's a good thing na malakas ang kapit pero kailangan mo pa ring mag-ingat at umiwas sa stress."

Napakurap ako kasabay ng biglang pagkabog ng aking dibdib. "I-I'm . . . pregnant?"

Tumango ang doktor. "Yes, and your hCG level is high, indicating that there's a chance that you're having multiple pregnancy. We will conduct an ultrasound check later to make sure." She flashed a small smile then gave my arm a gentle squeeze. "I'll be right back."

Nilunok ko ang namuong bara sa aking lalamunan. Nang iwanan ako ng doktor ay humugot ako ng matalim na hininga bago ko inilapat sa aking tiyan ang aking nanlalamig na palad.

I know this pregnancy is a blessing, but Sovereign and I, we're both going through tough times. Anong klaseng mundo ang ipakikilala namin sa bata? O kung totoo mang kambal ang dinadala ko, how are we going to raise them? Ang daming problema ngayon kaya hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang dapat kong maramdaman.

I shut my eyes and tried to listen to my heart. To know how it really feels about the fact that I am carrying a gift from God.

Mom and Dad used to say that we should be grateful for the tough times because it is when we understand ourselves more. Our capabilities, our strengths, the blessings we didn't appreciate. We see everything when we're at our lowest.

I wanted to see things the way they did. To understand my pain so I can turn it into my power, but while I imagine the life waiting for my baby now that everything is in chaos, all I felt . . . was fear. Fear . . . because I love the life growing inside me.

I fear that I wouldn't be as strong as my parents. That I would fail the child given to me. That I wouldn't be good enough as a mother and that I wouldn't survive the storm drowning me right now.

Am I willing to see my baby suffer with me? Am I ready to see Sovereign double his hard work to provide for us?

Mahal ko ang bata . . . pero hindi ko magawang maging masaya. Hindi dahil nagsisisi akong nabuntis ako nang maaga kundi dahil natatakot ako sa buhay na naghihintay sa kanya.

The door opened. Akala ko ay si Sovereign na iyon ngunit nang magtagpo ang mga tingin namin ng huling taong inaasahan kong dadalaw sa akin, umigting ang aking panga at naging malamig ang kaninang malamlam kong mga mata.

Allison shut the door before she heaved a sigh. "Sovereign had no one to ask for help from so he called me to borrow some money." She turned to me with a cold facade. "Hindi ka pa rin ba naaawa sa kanya? Nagpabuntis ka pa talaga?"

Kumuyom ang mga kamao ko. "Hindi namin kailangan ng tulong mo. You can leave--"

"My father is about to have your dad arrested. He doesn't care if your dad is still in coma. He's gonna get him handcuffed right on his bed so trust me, Treese. I am the only one who can help you right now." Umismid siya bago ngumisi. "Unless you're feeling to watch the people you love suffer even more? Isang sabi ko lang sa daddy ko, I can make your life even more miserable. I have the upper hand. I can get Sovereign fired and blacklisted. Ganoon ka rin. Even his dad and his mom. They will all suffer with you if you wouldn't give me what I want."

My eyes flickered with fury. "How could you say that?! Alam mo nang nahihirapan na ang pamilya namin! My mother just died and now you're threatening me?!"

"Trust me, Treese. I am not threatening you. I am merely stating a fact because I can wave my hand and do everything I just told you."

Naluha na lamang ako sa sobrang galit. "Bakit ba ang sama ng ugali mo? Ano pa bang gusto mong makuha sa'kin? Bumagsak na ang company ni Daddy! I already lost my mom! What sick game do you still wanna play?!"

Payak siyang ngumiti. "I want Sovereign, at hindi ako sanay na hindi ko nakukuha ang gusto ko so call me whatever you want but I will never let anything I want, slip away without me giving a fight."

My teeth gritted. This spoiled brat!

Humugot siya ng hininga bago mabagal na humakbang palapit sa aking pwesto. "Why don't we have a deal? I'll tell my daddy to withdraw all the cases he filed against your father. I will also help fund your dad's hospitalization and medical needs. I heard he needs money for his operation or else he'll die as soon as the doctors remove his lifeline so I suggest you agree with my terms instead of letting your ego rule you. After all . . . masakit mawalan ng magulang, hindi ba? I bet you're not ready to lose another."

My tears fell heavier as my anger clawed my heart. "How could you be this mean?"

"Like I said, I will always get what I want, and I want Sovereign so call me whatever you wanna call me." Tiningnan niya ang aking tiyan. "I'm not that heartless to ask you to abort your child but as soon as you give birth, leave the baby to Sovereign and don't ever show your face to us. Ayaw ko ring malalaman niya ang tungkol sa alok ko. In exchange, I'm going to make sure that your father will live and won't be thrown to jail."

I sobbed. "You're sick . . ."

Allison inhaled a sharp breath. "Sorry, Treese . . . but that's what money can do. Have the upper hand. I'll give you a week to decide, but if I wouldn't hear from you, better start digging the grave next to your mom's because I'm going to make sure that you'll regret not accepting my offer. . ."