Underneath The Riptide

Chapter Four Part: 2

Jeannette face me so I look at her also. She is smiling from ear to ear and my heart melted with the sight of her. She look so pure. "Back when I was in my fifth grade, I liked a boy who's a son of a governor in our town. I was sent to a private academy with my brother and we only go home every weekend. We had a dorm before on that early age while studying away from home where our parents are working."

My eyes bulge. "You lived in a dorm before?"

She nodded.

Woah. Are there such things? Or I am just too jailed with my situation before and forget about the life outside? I mean, I only have the chance to go out when they will send us to school and then go home straight at home when classes ends.

But I am not aware that elementary students were sent to school and live there without their parents!

"Going back, this boy has this curly eyelashes and a brown curly hair. He got a brown eyes that would shine when he will stand under the sun. His fair skin made me envious in such way but do you know what I envy him the most?"

I look at her and she's pursing her lips. "Friends."

Jeannette flash her timid smile and sips on her own drink again before looking back at the children who are still running and laughing. I can vision the place straight with so much laughter, looking so lively with happy children and few students in their uniforms circling on the grass with a blankets under them.

"He got so many friends and everyone wants to be with him. Me, being such a lonely girl before, I tried approaching him and was hoping I can be in their group also. But it was the other way around." She laugh. "They even laugh at my audacity and the boy just offered me his chocolate drink and shake his head."

My brows knotted. "Chocolate drink?"

She laugh. "Yeah. I was scrying while drinking it but still, it was fine with me and I just  continue watching them from the corner."

"You see, what I am today isn't totally me from before. I was treated as a wallflower and live contentedly."

She laugh once more and raise her cup of chocolate drink. "But you know what, during our sixth grade, I then realized why that boy didn't want me. He likes a certain girl before. I only saw the girl once and never again after that day. She was sitting with the boy but she seems quiet and the boy I like was trying his best to entertain that girl."

"I was mad at her that time, you know?" She chuckled. "I was so childish and even swore that girl and that got me a slap on my lips from Michael. I didn't know he was behind me and heard me saying bad words. What a kid."

I laugh too. "I can imagine what Michael looks like already."

"Yeah but he eventually kiss me and I am all well again! I turned to look back on where those kids were sitting but they left already. Even in highschool, that boy was still my classmate. There are so many highschool girls who wants to be with him but he ignored them all and I didn't even tried approaching him again. Good thing I knew Invincible Cirque during that ages so I am all fine and well." She giggled. "I have an extra guy, okay? I have Jin Greggory with me."

"Where is that guy today?" I asked, ignoring her remarks about Greg.

She shrugged her shoulders. "I am not sure. I heard them showing off their college university before but Carter didn't tell his friends either. I was listening  at them from the back and after that day, we all separated right after graduation comes to an end."

Jeannette suddenly put her cup down on the ground and look at me urgently. "And you know how sad I was before? I thought Mom and Dad will attend my graduation ceremony but they didn't. I spoke my speech in front while in tears and some of my batch mates were even laughing at me secretly. I was the class salutatorian before but I was not happy. I didn't even have a picture taking session with friends because I don't have any. I even stand last every class pictures and getting left out every events and party."

"Jeannette..." I called her but she just smile and grab back her drink while shaking her left palm in front of me.

"Stop giving me that look, Gabrielle Rehan. I am all fine now. It was just all from the past." She said and sips back to her drink again.

Jeannette looks at me down to my hands. "Hey, finish your drink. It melts already!"

"I am sorry," I said while still staring at her.

My friend knot her brows and fix her hair. "Why?"

"For not hearing your sentiments. It took me years before I heard your pains and I didn't even tried asking. I am such a bitch."

Jeannette widen her eyes and drops her drink so I screamed. "What the hell, Jeannette?"

"No, what the freak are you, Brie?! Stop apologizing for the things you aren't at fault! I hate you." She pouted and kick the cup away with so many spilled chocolate drink.

That cost a lot!

"I didn't know that you go through so many things and I didn't even know about it. I only knew about your parents but I am not aware that you were having a hard time half of your life."

She made a face. "Then should I apologise at you also for not knowing what's behind that unhappy smile and faking eyes?"

I got tongue-tied. I blink my eyes four times while staring at my friend's eyes— unable to utter even a single thing. I am obviously taken aback from what my friend uttered and even I, myself couldn't find the justice in her own words. That hit so much to me that it pierce down into my soul, contemplating how accurate her given words.

She smiled. "See? We have so many untold secrets and unheard voices inside us, Brie. But it's not our fault nor the people around us about why we chose to hide it and it is not also our fault why we hide that secrets because after all, we didn't wish to be this way."

My lips tremble with the realization and my eyes began watering because of my friend's accuracy.

Right. I didn't wish to be this way and it's not either my fault to be this weak.

"Every person has their own faces and weakness, Brie. But we can all find the key to move on just inside ourselves." She smiled and pointed my chest part. "Moving on was my starting point and acceptance became my first step before, Brie. I was already eighteen and capable of thinking for myself already that time so I step back and move away from the shadow of my parents. I realized, my life couldn't be theirs and as well as theirs cannot be mine nor their decisions in life. If they value money more than their children then it's not my fault anymore. I stop asking for an attention that I couldn't have and start building another home where I can be happy and free. Then I met you. You resembles me so much and I once thought before that you need a person like me to balance your world. You have enough darkness inside you, Gabrielle, so I tried my best to give you light. And I hope..." My heart clenches at the sight of my friend crying in front of me. I couldn't find the right words to describe what I am feeling right now but one thing is very certain, I am still hurting.

"Jeannette..."

She wipe her tears. "I hope I did help, Brie. I don't want to see you this way. Please, just please, heal yourself. I am hurting too."

***

I arrived at home and directly went to Madi's room. She is sitting in front of her working table with a lamp and she seems busy scanning her book.

I smiled.

"Madi," I called her.

My sister automatically turn to look at me and definitely smile at the sight of me inside her room. I barely stay inside here because of the floating memories but I am trying my best not to break down.

"Brie! Where were you? I was waiting for you and just ate when it already strikes at eight. Where have you been?"

I chose to ignore her question and walk towards her before hugging my sister.

She seems taken aback but chuckle eventually. "You missed me!"

Yes, Madi. I missed you but I miss myself more.

I stayed with her for almost an hour and left when she finally fell asleep. I inhaled and close Madi's door before leaning on it for quite a while.

My heart is beating so fast and without any second thoughts, I take several steps towards the left wing of our house and stop in the middle when I heard voices again inside my mind.

"Edgar, you are hurting me again!"

"Then stop loving that kid, Mona! You don't know she reminded me of the thing I wanted to forget the most!"

"No..."

"Ahhhhhhh!"

"Dad, Mom..."

"Madeline go to your room, now!"

"Mom, I want to be here..."

"Just go! AHHHHH!"

"Ahhhhhhh!" I screamed and fell on the floor again. I shake my head while holding my chest then curl myself down.

I can't.

I really can't.

Jeannette, I am so sorry.

But I am not healing...