Let Me Live

Chapter 19 Titan

Titan POV

I go into the big shower room in the hospital. I wanted to take her to my bathroom, but with everything she has going on, I don’t want to risk her being away from the hospital. I turn the heat up in the room and dim the light as much as I can. I set towels in the towel warmer and turn on the water so it can start warming up. I have to make sure the temp isn’t too hot or cold. My fists clench when I think about her “bath times” at the hands of those animals. They would hook a large hose to an underground hydrant near her cell, then blast her with the ice-cold water! While doing this, they would start a fire and heat a large pot of water to boil and throw it on her a few seconds after turning off the hose, then blast her with the cold water again. Dr. Marshall wasn’t sure but, from what he had overheard, this would go on for hours! Until she passed out! Not to mention all the countless times they would hold her head under water until she lost consciousness! No wonder the poor thing was terrified of water. Just another experience I’ll have to fix.

I calm my nerves and get out the lavender body wash and shampoo. While making sure everything is set up, I can’t help but worry about how this situation is going to end up. Will I even be able to control myself while trying to wash and hold my naked mate? I have been in constant battle with myself. I know she’s an adult but her mind and body are that of a child, not a woman. Also, what is going to happen when she has her first heat?! Females typically go into their first heat on the cycle following the marking ceremony. OK, I need to chill. I’m throwing myself into more turmoil than I need right now. One battle at a time. First battle: bathe my mate without scaring her.

I head back to her room where the nurses had already wrapped her leg casts in sealable bags, disconnected her tubes and wrapped a blanket around her. The terrified look on her face almost makes me want to scrap the idea, but she needs this. She needs to learn how to function in the real world and learn that not everything in it will hurt her. I stroke her hair gently.

“It’s gonna be OK baby. I promise.” I soothe her. She lays her tiny hand on my chest. The skin to skin contact sends the familiar buzz through both of us and I know it’s helping to calm her. My chest is bare but I decided to put on a pair of swim trunks. This was going to be awkward enough for her and hard enough for me with just one of us being naked! I scoop her up in the blanket, bridal style, and hold her to my chest. Her little cheek nestled against me and we walked to the shower room. I told her to keep her eyes closed till we got there, as we were going to be walking through parts of the hospital where the lights couldn’t be dimmed.

As soon as we walk in the room and she hears the water, she starts trembling like a leaf and whimpers! Her little heart starts pounding against her ribs in fear! God, I can’t wait to rip those bastards apart for this! The trial had passed a few days ago and of course he and the beta had been found guilty and sentenced to death. Luckily, I was the executioner, and I was going to stretch their deaths out as long as I could. I take some deep breaths to calm myself and hopefully calm her.

“It’s ok, sweetie. We’re going to take this nice and slow. Now breathe.” I talked slowly and softly to her. I honestly have no idea if it’s helping or not, but she seems to be doing ok. I gently stroke her hair with the hand holding her upper body. I just stood there for a while letting her relax with the sound of the water. Her heart rate finally starts to slow and her breathing evens out. She’s still shaking but it has calmed down some.

“I’m gonna take the blanket off now. We’re not getting in yet.” I slowly move her in my arms so that the blanket falls to the floor. I press her close to my chest and, for the first time since I rescued her, her bare body is pressed against mine. Only this time, I’m not distracted by the possibility of her dying. She’s still nothing but bones as her body is going to have to actually build some muscle before it can even begin to store fat. The NG tube is taped to the side of her face and the end has been plugged. Her skin is still marked with scars but some of the bruises and smaller lacerations have healed. The larger wounds that require stitches and the bigger burns are covered in a film to protect them from the water. Her skin is slowly developing a pink shade in between the scares. Doc has been placing her under a sun lamp for a few minutes a day to try and build up her tolerance to light.

Thankfully, my body is not yet reacting to the fact that my mate is pressed naked against it. My wolf and my brain seem to understand that this is not the time. I adjust her so that she is all the way in the bend of my left arm and realize that I can actually fit her in the crook of one arm and have my other arm free. She reaches up and her small hand grabs my shoulder and she buries her face in my chest as we walk closer to the shower stall. I pull the door back and step inside on the end. The stall is huge, so we are still not in the water. I continued to stand there and whisper softly to her while stroking her back. She whimpers into my chest and I know she is remembering all the terrible things that have accompanied the sound of water.

“It’s ok sweetie.” I crooned gently and I felt her trying to trust me. I slowly walk towards the spray and reach my hand under the warm water. I let my hand get soaked and then lay it gently on her back. She jumps and whimpers and nearly climbs up my torso!

“Shhh. Shhh. It’s ok, honey. See?” I slowly rubbed my wet hand over her back and her hair. I do this a few more times and slowly she starts to ease when she realizes the water isn’t hurting her.

“I’m going to put your hand in the water now, ok?” I ask her. She looks up at me with those terrified grey eyes and slowly nods. She’s so brave. I take her hand in mine and slowly reach out to the water. I keep my hand over hers so that the water hits my hand first and slowly runs down over hers. She yelps a little when the water first meets her hand, but she doesn’t pull it away. She keeps her head against my chest and keeps her trembling arm outstretched. Slowly she realizes she’s not being hurt. Once she’s calm I make the final move. I turn so that the spray is on my back and walk us under so that the water is hitting my back and then dribbling down my front to her. Her breathing and heart rate start to rise again. However, she again slowly adapts to the feeling. We stand just like that for a few minutes and I realize this is exactly how I want my life to begin with her, me sheltering and protecting her from all the things that scare her. Letting her learn her way through the world from the safety of my arms. The water feels awesome but what is more awesome is that she has slowly started to play in the rivets of water running over my chest! She’s placing her fingers in them to disrupt the flow and then sliding her hand across. s**t. I love the feeling of her skin rubbing against mine, but unfortunately, another part of my body starts to take notice! Luckily, she is far enough up my body that I don’t think she is going to notice but this shower just got a lot more difficult for me. I don’t want to make her stop because she’s enjoying herself in the water and that’s what I want, so I guess I’m just going to have to bear it. I slowly reach over to the little shelf in the stall where I sat everything up and pour a dab of soap onto the rag. Then I grab the rag and bring it to us, letting it get wet and lather. I place it in her hands and let her feel and smell it. I went with the lavender for the obvious calming effects and it appears to be working and she seems to delight in the foam.

“Feels funny and smell good.” She says, looking up at me, and the simple innocence shining back at me is enough to cool the blood flow to my lower region.

“See, I told you this wouldn’t be that bad.” She smiles up at me and lets me start washing the parts of her that are not covered in plastic film. Which, sadly, isn’t much. When we’re done, I rinse the rag and her body. Using the rag, I slowly started to dampen her hair. I tried my best to keep the water out of her face but a few splashes did hit her on the cheek, which is still a little bruised. She tenses at first but again, adjusts to it. I start shampooing her hair and then she does it! As I’m gently massaging the shampoo onto her scalp, she starts to moan! Damn it, he’s back!

“That feel so good.” She says with her eyes fluttering closed. f**k! I don’t want to rush this but I am losing it! The worst part is, she has absolutely no clue the effect she is having on me and with each pleasurable sound from her lips, my d**k is getting stiffer! I’m also starting to notice how astonishingly thick her hair is! It’s missing in a few patches but Doc says those will start to grow back fairly quickly once her body is nourished. It’s also longer than I had realized and I’m suddenly imagining having my giant hand tangled in it and pulling! Oh, Goddess! s**t! Get a grip, Titan! I curse at myself. Then I realized my own poor choice of thought. No, no gripping! Damn it, I can’t take this anymore. I quickly but steadily use the rag to rinse her hair, then use my wet hand to wipe off her face so I can be more careful not to hit her eyes and not put too much pressure on her sore cheek. With that done, I turn the water off and step out. I quickly grab a big towel from the warmer and wrap it around her just as she is starting to shiver. I mind link Doc, telling him to have the nurses turn up the heat in her room and bring in some heated blankets. I should’ve known her body wouldn’t be able to regulate its temp, but it’s only a short walk back and once there I get her dried quickly and under the warm blankets. She looks up at me with sleepy eyes.

“Ok. Titan right. Water not all bad. Will do more water time with Titan.” She says as she drifts off to sleep. Crap.