The Strength of Amber

Chapter 1 - Three Whole Years...and a half

    We have lived in SC for three and a half years now. I just turned 16 this past December. I still don't like it here, but I am resigned to the fact that this is now my life. I wake up every morning at 5 am, have my morning coffee, and get ready for school. Because we live so far away from everything I am the first to be picked up before the sun rises. I had made a habit of sitting in the back row so I could sleep on the two-hour bus ride to school every day. I still did not have many friends. 

    I was never what most people would consider pretty. I was overweight, 210lbs by the age of 13, with a round face. I had always been picked on about it in school. "Thunder Thighs" "Pig" "How could someone ever love you. Just look at you." Consequently, I retreated into myself and found solace in books. In the books, I could be whatever I wanted to be. I was strong and beautiful and I didn't need anyone else but myself. 

    The neighbors had two boys, Cole and James. The two could not be more different even though they were brothers. Cole was taller than me, I was 5'7" and he was easily a head and a half taller than I, with broad shoulders and a smile and kind eyes that lit up when he would laugh. It was enough to melt any girl's heart or other parts for that matter. He also played the violin pretty well, and I would sit and listen to him play for the longest time. James was a bit shorter than me, skinny, with long lanky limbs, and always up to trouble. While Cole's eyes lit up with kindness, James' lit up at mischievousness. They both had the same dark hair, easy tan, and golden-brown eyes of their Native American ancestry. 

    Soon after arriving all three of us started going on a daily walk after school. Cole knew how self-conscious I was with my body and I think it was his way of helping me out as he in no way needed the exercise. Three years of this and I was down to 160lbs. My waist had slimmed significantly and I was starting to see a woman's figure when I looked in the mirror. I still had wide hips, stretch marks, thick thighs, and a truckload of self-esteem issues from my past, but I could look in the mirror without thinking how ugly I was. 

    I hated the first school I went to, but I made one good friend, Janet. She was an outcast, like me, nerdy, and didn't live far from my house. Over the course of that first year though, things began to change. She wanted to be friends with the popular kids and started making fun of me, just like everyone else. What else is new? It bothered me, but I never said anything to her, what would be the point? Just ignore them and they'll get tired eventually and go away. That was until one day I heard her call me a "lesbian dinosaur." I busted out laughing, I couldn't help myself. "What the f**k is a lesbian dinosaur? Why are you talking about your mama like that? That's not very nice." The words flew from my mouth before I could even think about what I was saying. I continued laughing as I walked away, but I knew there would be consequences for engaging those types of people. As suspected, later that day the rumor started spreading that Janet was going to fight me after the second-period class we had together the next day. 

    That night I told Mom what had been going on, and that Janet was threatening to fight me the next day. Little did Janet know that I had taken some Karate self-defense classes when I still lived in CA. Mom was silent for a long time, listening to everything I had to say. "Don't be the one to throw the first punch." Mom said, shocking me. "Never be the one to start the fight, but if someone is going to pick a fight with you, be the one that finishes it. You will never be in trouble from me for defending yourself." I hugged her so tight and began to sob in her arms. I didn't realize the loss of my only friend had hurt so bad until that point. 

    The next day, exactly what Janet had planned came to fruition. After the second period, I tried to rush out of the room, not wanting the confrontation and to get in trouble. I had never been in trouble at school before and I didn't know what was going to happen. Janet raced out behind me and got in front of me. "You really don't want to do this." I tried to warn her. "Oh yeah? Well, I think I do." She says as she brings her hands up to tap me on either side of my face. Ok...you have made your decision. Before she could react I grab her by the hair, throwing her off balance and slamming her head into my waiting knee. She fell back to the ground and I saw red. All I could think of was all the years and years of people picking on me and trying to make me feel small. I jumped on her and started smashing my fists into her face. 

"Never..." wack!

"Speak..." thud!

"To me..." wack!

"Again!!" thud!

    I feel myself being pulled backward, I am dizzy and out of breath as I start to feel the sting in my hand from the pummeling I had just delivered to my ex-best friend. I look down to see the puddle of blood on the floor and Janet covering her face and crying. Did I really just do that?  

    Our parents are called, and Janet is transported via ambulance to the hospital. Her mother is, of course, livid and demanding charges be pressed against me. She began to restrain herself only when the principal informed her that if she presses charges against me, her daughter would also have charges against her as she was the instigator. In the end, she got 3 days suspension and I got a week because she had to go to the hospital. Mom took some saved up vacation time that week and we spent almost the whole week together talking and laughing and doing all the girly things. I learned so much about Mom's life prior to being Mom that week and I felt more loved than I had since we had arrived. I knew my mom loved me, but she was always working so hard that it was hard to get quality time with her. 

    After this incident, Mom transferred me to a different school. I hated it even more than the first one. The only girl who tried to befriend me ended up being a Neo-Natzi who stopped talking to me after she saw me speaking to a little colored girl. I did like not having to get up as early because Mom had to take me every day instead of riding the bus, but I still hated it. After my 9th-grade year, I convinced my mom that I wanted to go back to my old school. I knew from Cole that Janet had left the school so I no longer had to worry about her. 

    Things began to get better after returning. I was in high school now and very focused on keeping good grades so that I could get scholarships to go to college when it was time. Over the summer I had given myself a makeover and wardrobe update. I had 5 black shirts with different faires on them and had talked mom into getting me a few pairs of JACO jeans and some knock-off Demonia shoes. Yes, I was one of those. I was still picked on, but I was used to that. What I wasn't used to was that I had actually made a small group of friends this time and it made being picked on much more bearable. We called ourselves The Royal Cheese Gang because all of us were so geeky and cheesy. I was Queen Swiss, my best friend Tracy, Lady Blue, Cole, Sir Pepper Jack, Darian, King Feta, and Tina, Burnt Cheddar. 

    It was the second semester of my 10th-grade year, sitting in the corridor at lunch with these goofballs when it happened....