The Dating Game

Meeting the Perfect Partner

Bliss knew that terrible things, much like wounds, were unfolding inside her. She wished she could express all of this. She knew her Perfect Partner couldn't do it either—he couldn't articulate any of it. And neither could she. The only thing she could do was dive deep into her own feelings and say: I will keep living. I will keep living as my true self.

"By awakening under the Light of Love, you have received a New Sense. The New Sense allows you to plunge deep within yourself and sense profoundly where your feelings come from, among other things."

"I love myself and I remain with myself. But how do I free myself from all these feelings?" Bliss restrained herself once more.

"Love yourself," said the receptionist.

"The problem is, I don't want to love myself. I want to keep chasing after things like how many dollars this means, for instance," Bliss said.

"That is a part of yourself you aren't ready to shed just yet."

"But if I don't shed it, how can I play this game well?" Bliss asked.

"You don't need to play well right away. As I mentioned, you can make things better, or make them worse. You don't need to play well right now."

"The important thing is to accept oneself, right? I need to take everything step by step." Bliss felt slightly better at the thought of accepting herself.

"Stop tormenting yourself," the receptionist said. "I can see it from my years of experience guiding players."

"Oh, I see." Bliss knew she still wanted to torment herself. She still wanted to make everything complicated.

"But I love you, and thank you for your encouragement throughout this process," Bliss said, genuinely turning her heart toward the receptionist. Yet on another level, she knew she needed to focus on herself. She couldn't yet cast aside her concern for others, as if other people could grant her the tranquility she needed. But that wasn't true. Only she could give herself tranquility. Still, Bliss allowed herself compassion, acknowledging that she still needed something from those around her. Since childhood, she had grown accustomed to conforming and drifting along with the flow of life. She had modified herself to adapt, treating it as her survival strategy. Within her lay an unawakened girl—her true emotions. Right now, all of this was waking up inside her, and she felt her existence held value. It was valuable because she honored her own existence—because she was worthy of respect. She wished she could treasure herself all the time. But her survival strategy made her feel restless. Was she unable to abandon it just yet? What would happen if she left her survival strategy behind? If I don't do this, will people still love me? She had learned that she needed to do something in order to be loved. She never gave herself time to dream. She had learned to keep her attention fixed on one thing at all times, and now, how could she reclaim that childlike excitement? That was a complex question for Bliss at this moment.

"Alright, I'll sit here a bit longer," Bliss said. She wanted to stay seated a little while longer.

"It's time for you to leave. But if you wish, you may stay seated a bit longer."

"I constantly start feeling something." Bliss focused inward. "I know this comes from my Perfect Partner. How do I break free from it?"

"Try doing something positive regarding the game."

"But I feel terrible. Another part of me says it's not so bad. That's how he feels about sensing me inside him." Bliss held her head again. "I want to reach him. But a part of me feels unworthy. A part of me wants to dwell on the worst-case scenarios."

"You are worthy."

"I'm feeling terrible. You know, just feeling what I'm feeling is already an incredible leap forward for me. And I want to stop and savor it—to savor the fact that I can feel what I'm feeling. Yet this urge to pause and enjoy conflicts with my spirit of constant effort and work. That's why I find it harder to accept the desire to enjoy my incredible progress."

Bliss felt she was on a journey—a journey of learning self-expression, a journey of feeling what she felt. And Bliss was going to express it. She would become the authentic person inside her. Then she felt terrible again. She had struggled desperately to gain love from a caregiver who wouldn't listen to her. And that was awful. It was truly awful. She wanted to rebel against the caregiver who hadn't listened. But doing so meant rebelling against herself, because that was how she had grown up; the actions of her caregiver had become her very identity. If she fought her caregiver, she was fighting a part of herself. And when she fought herself, she stopped listening to herself once more. She would become unable to feel what she was feeling. Bliss's soul brought her right back to the core of this emotional loop: the feeling of being worthless. She felt worthless because she had rejected herself. She was angry with her caregiver, rejecting them, rejecting a part of herself—which meant she no longer listened to that part and acted against it. There were other facets to this issue that Bliss could not yet articulate. But in the end, it all came down to a sense of low self-worth.

Bliss felt her self-worth was very low. She felt she was torturing herself. But then her Perfect Partner spoke: Everything is still fine. He offered love to the part of her that felt worthless.

"I want to meet him." She felt her own desire. Everything took a turn for the worse for no reason at all. It was awful. "Do you know anything about him? My Perfect Partner. Him. Why do I feel such despair? I feel despair about all of this. But I want to meet him... my Perfect Partner."

"To be able to meet your Perfect Partner, you must accept yourself."

"Yes, I hope so. I will meet my Perfect Partner. And he will come to me. We will be together. What could be better than that? Us, together. Those peaceful days are right here." Bliss shook her head. Whatever is going on with my mind, it's okay. Life with those around her had taught her that she must be fine. What if she wasn't fine? Everything would turn into a jumbled mess and... no, that can't be, everything must be fine. I must always be fine. That was what she had learned, and she took it as a given truth. If too many chaotic events happen, I'll feel terrible. Yet this game had taught her that feeling a little unwell—as if a lot was going on in her head—was actually okay, even though her inner self insisted it wasn't, that everything had to be fine... If things aren't fine, I'll feel anxious. But it's okay, the anxiety will pass. Bliss felt a slight sense of relief, and she grew quiet to listen to that ease. Her mind argued: No, so many uncomfortable things are happening, how can you enjoy relief? You need to feel uncomfortable; you need to solve problems... But the truth was: simply feel ease when it is easy, and feel discomfort when it is uncomfortable.

Bliss paused again to feel. She felt comfortable with herself. When it felt uncomfortable, she would just feel it through.

"One thing preventing me from staying with my feelings is my search for validation from the outside world. As if receiving validation from the outside world would make me okay. So I always try to do my best, just to get validation from the world around me. Validation makes me feel good. But it also makes me feel terrible because I have to cater to others. I feel like my self-worth isn't high. Yet I make excuses to myself: I'll be fine eventually. And then I keep trying to do my best, and I feel terrible. And I don't want to do it anymore. I feel like I can't receive anything good for myself, yet I keep trying. When I've tried hard enough, I start watching other people—what they do, what they say, what they wear. But inside, I feel terrible, like a failure. That's because I don't give myself what I want; I just continuously seek validation from others. And this wheel keeps spinning: I feel terrible, I seek validation from others, and then I feel terrible again. I have tortured myself just to accomplish things, and I feel very, very awful. But now, I am standing with myself to a certain extent. I can feel both the terrible things and the moments of ease."

Bliss felt herself going deeper within, realizing: I love myself. But she quickly fled from that feeling. A wave of terrible sensations rushed over her, and Bliss fell back into self-torment. It meant going against herself, refusing to listen to herself, and rejecting a part of who she was. After all of this, she wanted to starve herself—it brought her relief. Bliss sat frozen, observing the internal shifts inside her. She wanted to starve herself; she wanted to die. And that made her feel somewhat better. Then came discomfort, followed by a torrent of other feelings. Bliss remained silent, sitting still in her chair. She connected with herself, realizing she didn't need to do anything other than experience the moments of relative ease and discomfort. Bliss felt a deep sensation that she was enough, even though negative feelings about herself still lingered.

"I feel good, then I feel bad again—that's just how things go. Can I play this game well? I doubt I can play it well." Pausing for a moment, Bliss continued, "Nothing will come of this. But I'll give it a try anyway, even if everything feels terrible."

Right at that moment, the Signal Device chimed with a new message. Bliss opened her Signal Device to receive it. The message read:

"Hello, you poor, miserable girl. We are pleased to inform you of a meeting that might prove to be a nightmare for you. How do you feel about this? Will you decline? Either way, even if you want to throw your Signal Device into the trash, please accept this news: You are invited to meet your Perfect Partner. Location: Cafe A, Time: 8:00 AM tomorrow."