Endless Adventure

Honor Among Thieves - K. L. Kramarich

The sun’s rays beat harshly on my partially exposed, tanned and battered skin. My shirt ripped and torn from previous altercations, revealing my hairy chest, I’ve experienced on my way here. Sweat dripped from my brow, stinging my eyes. The sound of the rushing river, eh, roughly 500 feet below the swaying rope bridge, added to the already intense situation I’ve found myself in. On the other side of the long bridge was my freedom. What stood in between me and it was a rough band of pirates. What type of pirates, you ask? The big kind. The ugly kind. The– a swift breeze wafted past my nose, carrying a foul stench with it. Ah! These particular pirates are the big, ugly, and smelly kind! I take a quick whiff of myself. Eh, so I don’t smell so great either. Oh, well. The signs of the times, I guess.

“Going somewhere, pup?” The scary big one challenged. He licked his chapped lips disgustingly. His extended cutlass glimmered in the sunlight. The standard tri-corner hat hid his flabby scarred face–mostly. A loud gross sound came from his throat. Within seconds he hocked a large luggie over the side of the bridge.

“Nice–” I complimented the bloke, using my dashing signature smirk. I hope it will help to diffuse this situation.

The old rope bridge with worn out wooden slats creaked and moaned with every shift of weight. Great another body added to this dicey mix. The old bridge swayed and bounced with each step the unknown person made.

“I said…you going somewhere,” the scary big pirate stated.

“Actually, you challenged me with a question,” I casually stated.

“I did?” the old pirate inquired. It wrinkled his face with confusion.

“Uh-ha,” I replied. “Ahem,” I cleared my throat to begin,“and I quote–Going somewhere, pup?--end quote,” I corrected him– sarcastically, of course.

The big one turned to his colleagues to discuss this technicality quickly..

“Did I say it that way?” he whispered.

“Yeah, yeah, you did, you did,” various ruffians chimed in, nodding their heads.

Turning his attention back to me, he said, “My apologies. Let me start over.” He slightly bowed to me touching his hat with his cutlass. I politely bowed back. Pirates do seem to have a code of honor among them. I use this to my advantage…a lot. “Going somewhere, pup?” he asked again in a much sinister voice, with the tip of his cutlass barely touching the tip of my nose.

Swallowing hard, I lifted my hands up in a surrender while I slowly and slyly took a step backwards. I needed to put space between him and me.

“Oof,” I muttered, bumping into someone unexpected.

“Out of the fryer and into the fire, I see,” a sassy female voice quipped.

“Eh, Freya, you know me,” I jokingly defended myself.

“Unfortunately,” she said, rolling her eyes.

"Nice to see you found your way out," I noted.

"No thanks to you."

"I'll not be asking ye again," the old sea-dog threatened, demanding an answer.

"Look, all I want is to cross the bridge," I whined. "Is that too much to ask?"

"YES!" the rowdy gang of scallywags shouted.

"Why?!"

"You have something that belongs to us," the crusty captain snarled.

"And pray tell, what would that be?" I inquired.

“You stole our fancy bauble,” a lanky deckhand blurted out.

“What fancy bauble?” Freya chimed in. A look of perplexity covered her beautiful face as did the loose strands of hair blowing in the breeze.

“The fancy bauble to read the map,” another grimy scallywag answered.

“What map?” Freya and I asked together.

“That needs the bauble,” the pirates answered in unison.

“What bauble?” I asked this time, ducking the cutlass aiming for my head. It missed and hit the rope handle for the bridge.

“To read the map,” the scraggly band of pirates chorused.

The flabby scarred-face captain swung the blade toward my head again in the opposite direction. I ducked again, just in time. The sharp edge hit the other side of the rope bridge.

“What map?” I asked, a little out of breath. The bridge swayed side to side with each small skirmish.

“That needs the bauble,” the rowdy gang of pirates yelled. They pointed their blunderbusses and cutlasses while rushing toward Freya and me. The bridge wobbled up and down with their clumsy footing, sending Freya and me on our backsides.

“Oof,” we said, landing hard on the rotting wooden planks.

“Looks like your Luck has run out, pup,” the large crotchety old pirate sneered.

“Eh, I wouldn’t say that,” I muttered back.

Freya and I carefully scooted back as fast as we could, but to no avail. It’s trickier than it looks. Between the swaying and wobbling, it made moving difficult. The rowdy band of pirates. stepped closer to their trusted captain, still aiming their weapons at us. The sun glistened off of the metal. Out of nowhere, a large flash of golden light ripped across the morning sky. A medium-sized raptor flew out from the mysterious light source. The golden feathers reflected the beams of light coming off of the weapons, blinding some of the rowdy crew. The unexpected tactic caused a few of the men to lose their balance and fall over the bridge into the rushing river below. Eh, they’re okay. It’s a deep river.

“Yu in trouble,” the golden bird cried out flying over the bridge. “Yu need help.”

“Eh, maybe,” I hollered back to him. That, my friends, is my trusting side-kick, Luck. He’s there when I need him…and there when I don’t.

“A companion named Luck?” Freya asked, a bit dumbfounded.

“Yeah, the monkey wasn’t available,” I gave her my smartass answer.

Luck flashed through the golden light and returned the same way in a matter of minutes. Did I forget to mention that he’s a magical type of bird? Oops…sorry. He brought with him a large burlap sack. Who knows what is in it? Luck flew down, ripped open the sack spilling the contents–coconuts and pineapples?!

Some coconuts and pineapples hit some pirates on their noggins, knocking them out cold. Freya caught a falling pineapple. She swung that fruit hard and landed a hit squarely on a pirate’s chin in an upper cut fashion.

As Freya wielded her fruity weapon, I kept dodging the captain’s cutlass, rolling one way and then the other.

“Yullen,” she huffed. “If we get out of this alive, I’m going to kill you!” she threatened. She’s good at keeping those.

“Keep still, pup!” the pirate yelled. Clang went his cutlass, hitting the wooden slats.

“Now, why would you do that?” I directed my question at Freya. Clang! I dodged another swipe from the sword. “That would take the fun out of it, don’t you think?”

A tall lanky deckhand held tight to the pineapple, blocking Freya’s attempted blow. She quickly gave me the stink eye. Eh, I deserved it. Her glance distracted the pirate long enough for her to kick him in his groin–hard. OW! He doubled over in pain, stumbling backward over the slats. His boot heel caught between the spaces. He tripped, falling into his companions.

“Maybe,” she retorted back, taking her pineapple weapon back and socking another ruffian in his gut.

Clang! I dodged the sharp blade again, but got back on my feet. In the chaos earlier, Freya was nimble enough to do so. Hence, her fighting–pineapple-style. With the swaying and wobbling of the bridge, I may have bumped into the burly sailor, only to be knocked back down again.

Luck, meanwhile, would flash in and out of the sky, dumping more coconuts and pineapples onto the band of pirates.

“No, I’m definitely gonna kill you,” she vowed. Ducking and dodging the sharp blades from various cutlasses, she used her feet and elbows to her advantage where she could.

“I know,” I quickly thought of a plan. Truthfully, I’d rather face a ship full of nasty pirates than to be on Freya’s bad side. She’s scarier than them. “How about you marry me and then you can torture me all the days of your life?”

“Don’t tempt me,” she bluntly said, kicking another pirate in his privates. Eek!

“Okay, I’m sorry for leaving you behind,” I apologized half-heartedly.

“No, you’re not,” she corrected me.

Before we could carry on with our usual bickering, Luck flew down and dumped another load of coconuts. Except these weren’t coconuts! They were large size grenades–the round kind with the fuse sticking out. I caught one, but the sun hit the pirate’s cutlass at the correct angle and the light beam lit the fuse.

“Ah! Here,” I said, tossing the bomb to the pirate.

“Oh!” he yelled and tossed to one of his crew members. The crew member tossed to another, who tossed it to another, and so on and so forth. The bomb made the rounds before hitting the wooden slats on the shaky bridge. It nestled itself nicely in the space between.

“RUN!” we all yelled out to no one in particular. Freya and I went back in the direction from which we originally entered the bridge, and the pirates that were left ran back toward the way they came. But before any of us could reach the end, the bomb went off.

“Poof!” The fuse disappeared into the bomb.

“Boom.”

A minor explosion shook the bridge. It wasn’t big enough to cause the bridge to break into pieces, but it was enough to shake loose the frayed roped and rotted slats. The bridge creaked and moaned as it slowly ripped apart–one rope strand and wood slat at a time.

“Freya! Grab hold of the bridge,” I yelled as I did the same. She surprised me and followed my lead. I expected the bridge to come apart any time, sending us roughly into the hillside.

The time ticked agonizingly by. The occasional gusts of wind made the bridge sway side to side.The ropes moaned as it stretched them beyond their limits. I’m not sure which was more aggravating. Waiting for the bridge to collapse or having the sun beating down on my exposed flesh, bearing more cuts and bruises.

My ever-loyal companion circled above my head, assessing my awkward predicament.

"Yu in trouble," Luck, the golden eagle, repeated.

"What gave you that impression?" I rhetorically mouthed to my trusty side-kick.

“Luck is on your side,” the bird said, landing next to me on the rickety bridge. His added weight sped up the old bridge’s demise.

Crack, Twang. Ping and thud. The bridge finally separated into halves. The leftover band of pirates on one side, and Freya and me swinging hard into the hillside on the other.

“Ow,” I instinctively blurted out.

Freya, without hesitation, started climbing toward the top. Clumps of dirt and broken pieces of wood fell on me. I seriously think Freya has it out for me. Once she reached the top and all the debris stopped falling, I slowly and painfully made my way up the broken bridge. My muscles burned with each agonizing pull. Apparently, I was moving too slow for Luck. Since he used his talons, grabbing my belt, hoisted me up the side of the hill where Freya impatiently sat.

“Took you long enough,” Freya scoffed. “I guess your feathered friend does come in handy, after all.”

“Yeah, he has his moments,” I said in between huffs, trying to catch my breath.

“C’mon, let’s get going. We don’t have much time before sunset,” Freya called out, already some distance ahead on the mountain trail. “We’ll need to find a safe spot to look over that map you’ve stolen.”

“Ugh,” I groaned, standing up but bent over from exhaustion. “Wait?! What map?”

“The map that needs the bauble to read,” she balked, turning around just to give me the stink eye. Her arms were crossed in front of her, showing me her disgust.

“What bauble?” I teased, giving her my signature smirk.

“The bauble to read the MAP,” she said, grabbing my belt buckle seductively toward her. Using her slender fingers, she reached into my pants and tugged on…ahem…

The Map!Yes, it’s the actual treasure map.

She’s such a tease.

“Ah, Freya. What are you doing to me?” I mumbled more to myself.

A short time later, we found ourselves inside a cave’s entrance. A small fire blazed, throwing shadows on the rocky walls. Luck, my trusty side-kick, using his magical portal, brought us dinner–one of the unlucky pirate’s boots.

“Nice,” Freya muttered as the boot sloshed on the ground. Water gushed out of the opening as it wiggled across the dirt floor. Picking the boot up, I reached in and grabbed hold of one of the contents. A fish. There were three of them. One for each of us. I tossed Luck his portion and he chose to eat it outside. I gutted and cleaned the other two fish while Freya found a couple of sticks to use as skewers and some wild herbs for seasoning. It was a tasty meal. The echo of an underground stream sang to us as Freya and I enjoyed the quietness.

“Ugh, c’mon. Let’s get cleaned up and those wounded tended to,” Freya commented.

“Okay,” I said, licking my fingers from the meal.

Carefully we found our way toward the running water. A crack in the ground above let the night sky shine her light into the dark cavern. A moonbeam reflected its light on the ripples. Colors of pink, green, and blues danced on the walls around us. The water bubbled and gurgled in a playful banter over the rocks it lovingly teased. Wasting no time, Freya gently pulled my tattered shirt off of my battered body. Reaching into her knapsack that hung across her body, she pulled out a clean cloth and a small jar of ointment. She tore the cloth in half and dipped one piece into the cold stream. After wringing it out, she began to carefully clean my body and wounds.

“Ow,” I instinctively uttered, wincing in pain.

“Hold still. You’ll only make it worse by tensing up,” Freya gently cooed. Her voice carried healing sounds with each spoken syllable. My body instantly responded and relaxed to her touch. I’m not sure how many times she had to clean the cloth off in the stream and begin again, but I’m liking this side of Freya better than her lethal side.

“So, Yullen the Mighty, do I want to know what is so important that you would risk life and limb over?” She interrogated me.

Unknowingly to me, she switched from the cool cleaning cloth to using the other one for the ointment. The sting sent spikes of burning pain throughout my battered body.

“OW!” I screamed. “That burns to the ninth circle of Hades!” I gently grabbed her wrist to stop her from applying more ointment to my cuts.

“Ninth circle?” she questioned, raising one of her eyebrows. “Have you been there recently?”

“More or less, something to the equivalent,” I rambled in a huff, letting go of her wrist.

“Ha,” she softly laughed. “Back to my first question. What is so important for you to be risking your life over?”

Reluctantly, I slowly pulled out the old tattered advertisement from my boot, and handed it over to Freya. She unrolled it, gasping as she read the parchment.

“Yullen! This is a fool's errand. 300,000 in Royal Silver to the one who finds and brings back the infamous Diamond Crescent known to be the most valued piece in Selene’s Thisavros,” she read the ad out loud while scolding me. “You’ll have better luck taking the crescent moon from the night sky than finding this goose egg.” She scoffed, handing me back the advertisement. I rerolled and stuck it back inside my boot. Taking the cloth with the ointment again, she continued to tend to my cuts, gently bandaging the ones she could. Instinctively, I hissed each time the ointment was applied.

“Relax,” she cooed almost seductively. Our faces were close together, I leaned in for a kiss when… FLASH! Luck burst through one of his light portals, dropping a soft fabric item on my head. Freya’s laughter echoed off of the cavern walls alerting me that she was no longer near. Ruining the one chance I had.

“Yu need a shirt,” Luck the gold eagle stated…the obvious.

“Thanks,” I said in huff, yanking the item off of my head to put it on.

Freya had tossed a couple more logs onto the small fire and had settled into a comfortable spot to sleep. I did my best to find a comfortable spot, but I think she took the only one. Once I was finally able to find a pseudo-comfortable position, I slowly relaxed and was about to nod off when…

“Yullen,” Freya called out in a sleepy voice, jolting me awake.

“Yeah,” I answered somewhat grumpily, rubbing my eyes.

“Why do you so desperately need 300,000 in Royal Silver?” she asked, yawning.

Letting out a long sigh, I sleepily answered, “So, I can buy a house to call my own, and be viewed as a decent reputative man–not some lonely good-for-nothing street urchin.”

“But you’re not a street urchin,” she kindly said then dozed off.