Everyday Vampire

Chapter 3: The Basics of Being a Bloodsucker

Chapter 3: The Basics of Being a Bloodsucker

Part 1: Introduction

You’re a vampire: now what?

Adjusting to life as a vampire can be easy, if you so choose. Obviously, death affects everyone, but being alive after you’ve died is a bit of a conundrum. Do you keep in contact with family? Do you fake your own death and move on? Do you avenge the wrongs done to you and kill all responsible? So many choices.

First, we talk about the most fundamental component of what it means to be a vampire: you drink blood. Blood achieves the base need of sustenance, but there’s more to it than that. You can’t compare it to anything from when you were living, but it’s the best thing you’ve tasted—dead or alive.

That being said, you can always add flavor to your blood depending on your tastes. Adding some cumin powder gives it a little kick, while some chocolate satisfies your sweet tooth. You can experiment with anything and everything you can think of—even garlic!

That’s right, folks, garlic doesn’t kill vampires. In recorded vampire history, nothing has killed a vampire except burning them to ashes. And even then, it has to be the whole vampire. Otherwise you have weird surviving limbs moving on their own.

So, good news overall—immortal really means immortal. But fire is the only way we go.

Second, we focus on the actuality of being a vampire. Do you tell everyone? Show everyone your lack of heartbeat? Allow someone to stab you and not die? What would that do? What would governments around the world do and say if they found out vampires existed?

We don’t know the answers because of the unspoken rule—being a vampire means you don’t tell anyone. Just think about how you reacted when you realized you were a vampire—pretty freaked out, right? Now imagine you’re someone not stuck in that life. It doesn’t really make a difference if you tell people someone’s a vampire. They probably won’t believe you anyway.

But for the vampire, just the right amount of suspicion can ruin your life. If you’ve tried to make a home in a specific place, being found out can mean the difference between living a peaceful life and having the government on your doorstep, itching to conduct experiments on you.

So, no to being an out and proud vampire. You drink the blood; you keep the secret.

Third, and just as important as the first two, is figuring out what kind of vampire you’re going to be. And that leads us nicely into the next section.

* * * *

I looked up from the book as he brought me the heated cup. I sniffed it and took another tentative drink. While I’d been reading, he’d put on some clothes. The tip of his p***s was hanging out of the bottom of his tight silk shorts. And even through all of this vampirism talk, I found myself wanting to drop to my knees and take him in my mouth.

“Good?”

I gave a regretful nod. “Yeah. It tastes really good. How did you know I like sweet stuff?

“I could taste it in your blood,” he said. “Seriously, you’re one of the sweetest-blooded men I’ve ever tasted.”

“Thanks…I think.”

“You’re welcome. It’s definitely a compliment. Of course, none of the other men I bit would know how they tasted because, well—”

“Because they’re dead?”

“Right.”

I licked my lips. The chocolate and orange flavor offset each other nicely.

I shook my head. Part of my brain was screaming at me. You’re drinking blood! But the majority of my brain was surprisingly calm, having taken the time to sit and discuss the situation. Like, I’d already been turned. Deal with what is, not what you wish was.

I continued reading onto the next section. He watched me with interest.

* * * *

Part 2: Types of Vampires

Vampires can choose any life they want once they’ve been turned. Do you want to be out, every night, hunting for your next meal? Do you want to be out partying all the time, living it up like only the dead can? Or do you only want to exist in the shadows, never to be seen nor heard?

In my fifty plus years as a vampire, I’ve gathered tales and opinions from others like me. I took that information and put it together in this helpful guide to new vampires, and some light reading for those who have been living as a dead person for years.

Here are the eight basic types of vampires:

1: The Classic

2: The Warmonger

3: The Seducer

4: The Influencer

5: The Loner

6: The Connoisseur

7: The Partier

8: The Worker

Each type has their own perks and their own drawbacks. Below, I share the ideas behind them, and the good and bad with each. And you aren’t just limited to one perk. Many of them can have crossover effects, depending on how you want to live after you die.

The Classic—Dracula, eat your heart out. This is the vampire that follows in the steps of the stereotypical nightwalker. They wear all black (usually a cape as well), they live in an old historic place, and they ‘vant to suck your vlood.’ They have followers, usually humans who want to become a vampire, and they always use excellent manners. The Classic can easily be combined with The Connoisseur and The Seducer, and even the Influencer or Partier. But they should never be combined with The Warmonger.

The Warmonger—If you love the hunt and the kill, this one’s for you. You can stalk your prey for weeks before you give in and kill them, or you could go out every night, find yourself a juicy meal, and dig in. The kind of predator you want to be is up to you. Historically, The Warmonger has never stayed in one place for too long, as they don’t want to be caught. Warmongers sometimes travel in groups, but most choose a solitary life. This makes them a perfect pairing with The Loner.

The Seducer—My personal favorite, The Seducer loves s*x, and is totally okay living out their days bedding as many people as they can get their teeth into. They hunt their prey using romance and sweet talk, and wait until they’re in bed before they strike. Sometimes they’ll even strike while they’re in bed, combining the lust for the thrust with the thrill of the kill. Seducers can easily be a Partier, an Influencer, or a Connoisseur. It all just depends on how they want to get that ass into bed so they can sink in their teeth.

* * * *

I sipped my cup of blood absentmindedly, looking up at him.

“So, you’re a Seducer?”

He nodded proudly. “I’ve gotten quite good at it, don’t you think?”

I thought back to our encounter. “I can’t lie. You’re the best I’ve ever had. But you’re also the only one I’ve ever had.”

He grimaced. “You’re not going to become that clingy guy, are you? Just because I took your virginity?”

I looked at him disapprovingly. “You took my virginity and my life at the same time. I’m upset about only one of them.”

“Wait…you’re glad I popped your cherry?”

I nodded. “I wanted it to happen for a while now. And you were very gentle until you killed me. And even then, it wasn’t as horrible as it could have been. I’m glad you’re not a Warmonger.”

He gave a small smile. “I used to be. That’s how I got to be so good at the chase. But I decided to settle down and focus on the more primal things in life. Like finding a nice, warm hole for my dick.”

“Ugh, that just sounds so vulgar,” I said, taking another drink and continuing to read.

* * * *

The Influencer—possibly one of the trickiest lives to lead is that of an Influencer. This is all about being behind the scenes to shape and adjust the world around you. This can be done through politics, through money, through education, or whatever floats your boat. These vampires use their time, talent, or treasure to see laws passed, people elected or beaten, curriculum changes in schools, and can just eat anyone who gets in their way. This life is tricky because of the need to feed and the semi-public life they could possibly lead. The Influencer pairs well with the Connoisseur or the Worker.

The Loner—Don’t feel too bad for the loner—they choose that life. They can roam around the world, picking off their food wherever they need and just moving on, or staying put and simply never interacting with anyone as much as possible. This works well with the Classic and Worker lifestyles, but Loners can also become threatened if a Warmonger is in their area for too long. Many vampires have fought over territory, and as the Loner doesn’t get out much, they tend to lose those fights, especially to Warmongers. Loners almost always regret becoming a vampire.

The Connoisseur—Almost the exact opposite of the Loner is the Connoisseur. This vampire loves their life and indulging in all the fine things they can get their hands on. While it doesn’t do any good for them, they enjoy eating at fancy restaurants, drinking only the finest wines and champagnes, and generally just living like a rich b***h does. The Connoisseur either made their money by robbing their victims, robbing banks, or by spending a hundred years or so as a Worker, saving up to live a life of luxury. The Connoisseur can be a Partier or Influencer, and (in my experience) always have Seducer tendencies.

The Partier—It’s a shame vampires can never get drunk, because Partiers drink enough to put any human under the table. The Partier lives a loud life, going from insane party to amazing get-together to huge bash without even blinking an eye. The Partier type pairs well with the Seducer—and in rare cases, the Classic. The Partier usually chooses their victim based on who’s easiest to kill. Sometimes it’s the whole party, other times it’s just one lucky person. The Partier generally loves their life and being a vampire.

The Worker—Living or dead, money is a necessity for much of the basics in life. The Worker spends their time picking up trade after trade, learning how to make the most money during their immortality. The Worker can choose any number of fields at any given time, but this usually requires moving to other parts of the country to switch careers. The Worker can be a Partier, but is usually a Loner, keeping their head down and doing what needs to be done.

* * * *

I drained the cup as I finished the last little bit. “Where did you get this, by the way?”

“I make regular trips to a nearby blood bank.”

I stared at the empty cup. “Aren’t you worried they have diseases in them or something?”

“What, like I’m going to get gonoherpesyphilaids and die?”

I shrugged. “Well, I guess if you’re not living, you can’t get a disease that’s meant to kill people. Can vampires get sick? Like, catch a cold?”

He shook his head.

“Huh. How did you get turned?”

He looked embarrassed that I would ask him.

“That’s…actually something I don’t want to share right now. Really, I just don’t know you well enough to be able to trust you with that information.”

“What, was it some government plot or something?”

He was suddenly unreadable, and I knew he wasn’t going to tell me. I decided to lighten the mood a little and try to get on his good side again. I allowed myself a good look at his crotch

“So, now that I know you’re a Seducer…wanna seduce me again?”

He threw his head back and laughed. “Sure. You were a good f**k. I wouldn’t mind doing it again.”

“Can I top this time?”

“No.”

“Aw.”

“…maybe the second time.”

I grinned and leaned forward. “Now, pull your pants down. I vant to suck your d**k!”

He just stared. “Don’t do that.”

“Sorry.”