Cherishing You

Chapter 4-1

Chapter 4

ShannonIn the days after Kid’s reappearance in my life, I took extra care whenever I left the house. Talking to the police didn’t give me much confidence.

They hadn’t spoken to Jonah yet, even though the cop said that he’d called a couple of times to speak to the detective. The whole incident left me shaken, but determined not to let a man interfere with my sense of peace.

One of the worst parts of the whole mess was having to call my other ex-husband and let him and his wife know Kid somehow sprang himself from jail as he awaited trial. Kid had nearly killed Taryn, who was Jeff’s fiancée at the time.

It wasn’t my fault, but it also kind of was. I brought Kid into their lives and put everyone at risk, including my seven-year-old daughter, Olivia. After coming back to town, I briefly thought we might have a chance to be a family again—Jeff, me, and Olivia. Now, I could admit it had been a foolish and futile game to play.

While Taryn and I forced ourselves to be civil because of our love for my little girl, I could feel the new Mrs. McConnell’s judgment every time I was around. We could make small talk and smile, but Taryn thought I was trash. I couldn’t necessarily argue.

That’s how I’d lived. The drugs. The stealing. Walking away from Jeff and Olivia before she turned two, and then dropping back into their lives with barrels of chaos.

I stopped my train of thought and repeated the phrase my d**g counselor told me over and over, “You are not your mistakes.”

Over the past several months, I’d done a lot to improve myself and my life. Maybe I’d fallen off the wagon a few months ago, but that didn’t define me or my future. When it counted, I warned Jeff about Kid’s plan to break into his house, and since then, I cooperated fully with the police investigation. My mea culpa, apologies, and months of family and individual therapy proved my commitment.

I worked hard. I was making my own destiny.

None of the affirmations, however, erased the fear that I might mess up again.

I had scheduled visitation with Olivia the entire day on Saturday, having just gained the right to unsupervised visits only three weeks before.

Thank God, I had time alone with my daughter without the suspicious looks from Jeff and Taryn. Now, after the incident with Kid, they weren’t sure, they said, that my taking Olivia by myself was a good idea.

“Maybe you could spend time with her here. We have gated security,” Jeff told me over the phone.

I gritted my teeth. “He doesn’t know where I live, and anyway, I wasn’t going to bring her here. I thought we’d have lunch and then go see that Pixar movie at the dollar theater. I’ll be up in your area the whole time.”

Jeff’s area was a collection of exclusive gated communities in North Dallas. Right after he and Taryn married in July, he’d traded his large, suburban house for an even larger mansion.

Our lives couldn’t have gone in more opposite directions since our shotgun wedding eight years ago. Jeff had sold part of his business to a big California tech company for tens of millions of dollars. The figures soared beyond what I could imagine.

Sometimes, I kicked myself when I thought of how I’d once been married to him. That life might have been my life if I hadn’t gotten hooked on drugs and taken off.

Not that I wanted Jeff anymore. The feelings I thought to resurrect when I first came to town and reconnected with him had died.

Even if I hadn’t become a junkie, Jeff and I weren’t meant to be. He never would have left me. No, we would have stayed dedicated to our empty marriage, making excuses for the misery. He and Taryn, on the other hand, fit. On my more hopeful days, I dreamed of finding a man who would love me as much as Jeff loved his second wife.

That’s what I wanted and what I had to remind myself that I deserved—not a loveless marriage glued together by obligation and a child. Remembering my worthiness of love and respect kept me calm whenever I had to deal with my first ex, who meant well but who didn’t trust me.

“I’m not comfortable with your being out in public with Olivia alone,” Jeff declared. “You know how dangerous Kid can be. Until he’s back in jail, it’s not a good idea. If you want to challenge that and talk to your lawyer, then do what you’ve got to do. I’ll do what I’ve got to do.”

I wanted to argue and to be able to say Olivia faced no greater danger with me than when she was with Jeff, but I couldn’t.

Kid didn’t know Jeff’s new location either. Jeff had quickly sold the house Kid had burgled, being caught in the act by Taryn.

I spent the past few months working to forget the episode. Kid put Taryn in the hospital. Of course, he’d landed there himself as well. I smiled. Taryn and I had our differences, but I had to give it to a five-foot-two woman who could c***k the hard skull of a man like Kid.

It taught me a lesson. Just because you’re a woman, it doesn’t mean you have to roll over and take s**t from people.

“Fine. I’ll come to your place, but I want to have her by myself. I’m still entitled to my time with her without you there.”

“Taryn and I can find something to do out of the house for the afternoon. That’s not a problem,” Jeff agreed.

I sat in my car outside the gate in Jeff’s subdivision, straightening my shoulders with pride. One realization grew stronger the more distance I had from my troubled past. More often than not, if you speak up for yourself and let people know what you expect, they’ll give it you.

“Okay, Ms. Nelson, I confirmed you’re on Mr. McConnell’s guest list. You’re all set.”

“It’s actually not Nelson anymore. It’s Clifton. Shannon Clifton,” I told the gatehouse guard. Then, I drove toward the gate sliding open in front of me.