Lightning From Within

Plighted

Being able to make an easier choice on wardrobe, do to seeing how relaxed all the other kids at the school dressed.  I was down stairs early.  Of course, my Nan was there in her spot at the stove.  Fried apples, gravy, bacon, and biscuits on the table waiting for me to consume as much as my belly will hold.  It was my favorite breakfast.  Nan turns to see me as I am sitting down.  The smile that brighten ups her whole face is very catching.  I cannot stop myself from doing the same.  She walks over too me, grabs the milk on her way after pouring my glass she kisses the top of my head.  Oh, how I love that old woman. 

“Excited for school today?” she asks. 

“Eh, we will see.  It cannot be any worse than yesterday.” I respond back to her.  With that mom comes in the room, she’s all dressed in her interview outfit.  Nice royal blue button up tucked into high waisted black skirt and her black heels with her hair down curled away from her face.  “Wow, mom you look great.” I say to her. 

“thanks honey, wish me luck.  I really want this job at the hospital.” She replied as she was stuffing bacon in her mouth and taking a drink of my milk. 

“You’ve got this mom.” I say as Nan tells her “No worries honey.  The job is yours I am sure.”  Mom smiles and hurries out the door.  That was my cue it’s time for school. 

Pulling into the parking lot, I decide not to park anywhere close to the spot as I did yesterday.  Making my way up to the building, I see Amber out of the corner of my eye walking toward me.  She was alone this time.  It did not take long and she was by my side in step with me even.  I look over at her, and she has this bright smile.  It reminds me of Nan.  “Hi” she says.  “Hey” I reply.  “I wanted to thank you for yesterday.  Sasha is a real jerk sometimes and I try to ignore her but, well you know.  Just wanted to say thanks” she speaks as we enter the building.  “No problem” is all I could think to say.  With that she nods and walks off. 

Ok, that wasn’t too bad.  Maybe this will be a good day.  I make my way to my locker, grab my books and head to my homeroom.  Turing the corner I see Tristen and Marcus.  Both are leaning against the walls on opposite side of the hall.  Just staring at one another.  Ok, I can do this.  I do not have to be part of this stupid thing between them.  So, I just keep walking.  Right as I pass them, Tristen eyes turn to me and watches me walk right past them both.  When I make it to my room, Marcus pushes himself off the wall and walks toward the room.  You could hear him laughing but I did not know at what. 

Walking to the back of the room, I find a seat in the middle row.  Sitting down, I pull out my book and start to read.  Making myself not pay any attention to any of them kids is what I need to do.  It’s like mom says, it is my choice who my friends are.  Mrs. Rose, comes in and starts our day as normal.  We all get ready to read out loud for most of class.  Marcus, is sitting up front today, with most of his attention on a girl I believe is in his crew.  Throughout class they do not read one word or even pick up their books.   They were in their own discussion and Mrs. Rose did not even care.  When class was over, I walk out and Marcus follows right on my steps. 

“What class do you have now, Sunshine?” He asks but I do not turn to see if it was to me.  Making my way to Physics I rush into class and just find an empty sit.  Taking a deep breath closing my eyes, cold chills run up my arms.  Opening my eyes, I jerk in my seat.  There was Marcus standing in the door way, with a blank look on his face.  After a second he turns and walks off.  The bell sounds and class room fills up.  That was too weird. 

Making myself focus on the task in physics, and for the fact that I really struggle in this class, it seemed it took forever to end.  When the bell sounds the end of class, out in the hall I saw Sasha waiting.  Well, it seems that this day is not going to be good.  She is right on my heels as I go to music class. “Well, isn’t its little Power Puff Girl,” Sasha said to my while she walked next to me. “Have you saved the day for anymore helpless victims yet?” she asked.  I just kept walking, stopping was going to be the wrong decision for today, but my mouth was not on the same page as my head.

“No, I haven’t but the day has just started and well, time will tell when you start being a b***h,” I respond. 

“I really do not see what is so special about you, “she said with disgust.   This made me stop, where did that come from?  I turn to her and her eyes are filled with so much revulsion. 

“well, that’s because there isn’t any.  I’m just a norm.” I spat at her and walk off.  This girl really has pushed my buttons.  Ugh, the nerve of her.  Really what is a Norm anyways?  Stupid girl, she is just wanting to mess with me.  With every step I am making myself breathe and think calm happy thoughts.  After making it to class, I sit in the back again and pull out my sheet music.  Mr. Marshall is already at the front of class writing lines of music on the board.  And I see an old record player next to his desk, its playing classical and it is just what I need.

“Ms. McComas, please come here?” I hear over all the talking and beautiful harmonies of instruments. Walking up to him, I notice that I am taller than him.  He is a tiny boney man with dark hair and beard that comes past his collar bone. 

“Yes, Mr. Marshall,” I say.

  “I have heard wonderful things about you from your music teacher from your old school.  Is it true that you can not only read music but can play it too?” He asks me.  I cannot help a smile forming,

“Yes, sir.” I reply to him.

 “Oh, wonderful.  So, you should be able to stay up with us for the rest of the class.  It should not be hard for you to understand.” He stated and walked back to his desk.  Taking that as my dismissal, I walk back to my desk and get my pencil.  I got a feeling that it is going to get a lot harder in this class now.  Which would be great to keep my mind off things. 

Feeling eyes upon me I look around the room without moving my head as much as possible to see if anyone’s attention was on me.  To the right of me a row behind me was the girl I saw yesterday with Amber.  I turn my head looking over my shoulder and I see her waving at me.  The smile that was on her face was a breath of fresh air.  Someone for once was not showing me any negative for the first time since I started this crazy school. 

Fourth period is not one that I look forward too.  I know that I am going to have to deal with Tristen and hopefully it will be better than yesterday.  Making it to class before everyone, I pull out my phone and find three texts from Autumn, my best friend back home.  All missing me and forbidding me to ever not call her again.  I reply It is crazy how strange these kids are.  I can’t wait to talk to you. 

“Boyfriend huh?” I hear beside me and look to see Tristen.   My heart stopped.   I guess my face said my confusion, not for sure if it was of what he said or why he was next to me talking.  He continued, “The smile that you had on your face as you were looking at it gave it away.”  Letting out the air that I was holding, I tried to pull myself together.  Is this guy really talking to me now and being nice?

Looking down at the phone it clicks that he was talking about my text to Autumn.  “Oh! No, it is from my bestie.” I answer.  With that he just nodes his head in acknowledgement and settles in his seat.  Class starts and I pull out my notebook to follow along with the problems on the board.  I look up to check my answer with the one on the board and I see a wad of paper come flying on my desk.  Looking to my left, Tristen was eyeing forward but had a smirk on his face.  I open the waded-up paper and scribbled on it was a message.

Why are you so serious all the time?

This kind of took me off guard.  Confusion yet again, answers for me.  To where I get another paper thrown at me. 

Never see you smile

How would he know if I am never smiling?  All he has ever done is stare at me and walk away.  I felt my body get that excited feeling right before you unleash emotions.  So, I wrote back,

When have I been given the chance to smile here?

I threw it back to him and missed his desk.  The paper fell to the floor and he had to sneak to pick it up without being caught.  After reading my note, he wadded up the paper and stuck it in his book bag.  Well, that was the end of that conversation.  I could feel his presence next to me.  No matter how hard I tried to forget that he was there my body betrayed me.  Feeling my body heat rise just thinking that he was so close to me and yet there was nothing from him, no emotion.  This is starting to be a pattern with him.  I have one guy who is nothing but full force raging hate towards me and then another who likes to say and do things that contradict each other.  Ugh, how am I to make it to graduation. 

It was time for lunch and everyone was getting up to leave and I have a folded paper placed on my desk.  I look up to see Tristen standing next to me waiting for me to open it.  As I do, I see a beautiful picture of a Lilly drawn in pencil.  The way he captured the shading of the petals was unbelievable.  I could not help myself but to smile.  Looking up at him to say Thank you, he spoke before I could.

“There it is.” He whispered. And at that he walked away.  I put my picture in my bag and race out the room to stop him.  Running up beside him, I touch his arm and get a shock.  The spark that came between my fingers to his arm was bright white.  Never have I seen anything like it, only when I was a kid and my dad talked me into rubbing my feet along the carpet with socks on and then touch metal.  He quickly pulled away from me, considering his eyes I could see that he was confused as much as I was. 

“I just wanted to say Thank you, for my picture.  It is wonderful.”  I say in the smallest voice I could find.  The rejection of him pulling away hurt me more than I thought it would have.  So, I started walking to the lunchroom. 

The thought of food made my stomach hurt worse.  Looking around I found not a table that I wanted to sit at so, I decided to go outside.  Making my way to the breezeway, I found that it was beautiful out.  The sun shining bright the temperature just perfect with a little breeze.  Sitting on top of the picnic table, I stretch back on my hands and turn my face to the sun.  It was as if I was getting recharged.  My muscles relaxed and my bones filled with warmth.  My head was not filled with worry or anything besides how great this felt.  I did not know that I was not alone, until I felt someone sit next to me. 

My body jerking up right and my eyes open I see Tristen sitting next to me.  “I’m sorry if I disturbed you.  I thought you heard me coming out the door.” He said sheepishly. 

“No, no it’s okay, I was in my own world for a moment,” I responded.  Wrapping my arms around myself as if to shield due to the vulnerability that just happened.  Keeping my head down I use my right toe of my shoe to kick at a loose piece of the seat. 

“I would also like to apologize for yesterday.  I was not myself and I think that I took that out on you.” Tristen spoke very professional. 

“Ugh, no problem.  We all have those days,” I answered.   After a moment of silence between us I could not take it anymore.   “Can I ask a question though?”

 “Yeah,” he said. 

“What is the deal between you and Marcus and the rest of you?”  I asked. 

This made him quiet for a bit.  He was looking away from me and not really focused on anything really.  “Well, let’s just say that both our families run in the same circles.  And within those circles I am higher ranked than him and that is not something that he likes.” Tristen spoke in a very non- caring way.  “It’s silly really, it’s not like we can do anything to change it or that it affects us at all right now in our lives.” That made my brain work, that last part does not make any sense to me.  I guess my nodding of my head was not a good enough reply. 

Tristen stood up and started walking around in front of me.  My eyes never left his face.  The way his hair moved in the slight breeze, and carried his cologne to me.  My heart started beating faster.  How long his eye lashes made his face seem softer.  I could be here all day watching him think.  He stops and locks eyes with me.  Coming closer with each step, I could feel the heat pumping all through my body.  Tristen raised his hand as if he was going to touch my knee, I could feel this pull.  As if I was being tugged by gravity or something to his hand.  It was like a need to feel his touch, to be connected.  The heat that I felt before around him started again. 

A loud whack echoed throughout the breezeway.  Startled I jumped, Tristen turned and we both see Sasha standing in the door way with her hand on the door in a fist.  Did she just punch the door? Tristen stepped back and in front of me, as if to block me from her sight.  “Well, well, well, what do we have here?” she said.  “Did I just interrupt the love birds?” 

“Love birds” what is she thinking.  There is no way that Tristen could ever be interested in me like that.  “Sasha, will you just leave?” Tristen asked. 

“No, no I will not,” she answered.  “You would think of all people I have the right to know what’s going on between you two.”  Now I was really confused.  I looked over Tristen’s shoulder at her to try to make sense of all this.  “What? You didn’t know that Tristen and I are plighted?”  Now I was totally lost.  As I stepped down from the table, I look at him hoping that I would get answers.  Right now, my head was all kinds of messed up.  He just starred at Sasha, not even giving me a glimpse. 

“Oh, girl vocabulary lesson here, Plighted means betrothed.  You know promised to marry someone some day in the future.” Sasha sarcastically said.  I turn to face her now, it was not coming together for me.  I could not place the words coming out of her mouth to being true in any way.  “Engaged!” she yelled at me.  “Both of our fathers made the deal back when we were kids it’s a done deal sweetheart.  Not that I would have chosen Tristen myself but, its whatever.” 

Engaged, he was promised to her.  And she was to him for the rest of their lives.  How is that possible?  They do not match at all, in any way.  Not just that, they are kids for heaven’s sake.   I just do not understand.  Making myself move right in front of him, making it to where he must see me, and he wouldn’t.  Tristen would not look at me, he kept looking at Sasha.  Why wouldn’t he?  She was to be his wife.  Turning to her I say, “You really are proud of yourself huh?  I really wish you both the best.”  I walk over in front of her, “For your information we were just talking, something that I have noticed that you two do not EVER do together.  Problems in paradise?” You could see her face turning red.  I push past her out the door.

Making my way to my class room, I settled into my seat.  My heart racing, hardly catching my breath, and hands shaking uncontrollably.  How could that be?  Here I thought, what did I think?  I do not know him.  Today, was the first day he spoke to me.  But, how could he act the way he was with me today, knowing he is to be with her?  Am I just one big joke to everyone in this school?  I grab my phone and message Autumn I miss you so bad right now!!!   Putting it away I notice Tristen walking down the aisle to his seat.  Oh yes, that’s right he was sitting next to me.  How wonderful?  I could feel his eyes upon me but, I refuse to give him the benefit of me looking at him.  Just thirty more minutes and this will be over. 

My body was again pulling itself toward him.  Not understanding if it was due to me being so angry at him for him playing me like this or what.  It took all I had to make myself focus on what was left in class and not face him.  In my head I went over so many things that I wanted to say and do to him.  I thought of asking him then and there what was the point of his big show today huh?  Taking my hands and rubbing over my jeans to try to calm myself down.  Huh, calming down.  Screaming in his face so the whole class could see him getting put in his place.  In which would also show my crazy girl side.  Or the thought of just giving in to the pull he had on my body and wrap myself around every part of him just to feel him. 

When the bell sounded, I grabbed my books not even putting them into my bag and just walk to my locker.  Not really caring who was around, I just lean my forehead against my locker and the coolness felt wonderful.  Deep breaths, I stand and place my books into my locker.  When I turn to leave, Tristen is there.  About a foot away from me.  I wanted to get away from him as fast as I could but, my feet would not move.  His face was so sad and his eyes were dim. “Oh no, I am not going to be one of those girls that lets a guy say or do whatever and walk all over her.  Nope not me”, I reminded myself.   I was not having it.  There were no sorry feelings for him.  His hand came up to give me a note.  Being the stubborn girl that I am, I almost did not take it.  But, when I saw his crew behind him seeing every bit of this unfold, I grabbed it and took off. 

There was no way I was going to be able to make it through my next class.  So, I went behind the music building.  Only people who came back here were smokers.  Walking around I saw a small path.  Making my way into the forest, I notice how quiet it is.  This is what I needed right now.  A little way in I see a small watering hole.  It was so pretty.  One giant rock where a stream came up out of the ground and trickled down to make a hole big enough to wade through.  With greenery all around and trees filled with birds and squirrels.  This is exactly where I needed to be.  There were small perks living in a small town, having the access to nature is one of them. 

Sitting down at a base of a small tree, I lean myself against it.  The sun beaming down upon my face once more today.  Taking out Tristen’s note, with mixed feeling.  I wanted to throw away the words he said never to know his excuse.  And then again, I wanted something from him.  Possible closure even though I know now we were nothing, barely even spoke to one another.  I have not a reason to be this upset, but why did I feel like this.  Where did these emotions come from?  I barely know him at all.  They are just in high school and are promised to one another.  My chest ached so much it was getting hard to breath.  My mind was overloaded with images of him and Sasha together, making my stomach filling with nausea over it.   What is wrong with me?  I am losing my mind.  Not to mention this truly being a small town to have parents arranging marriages for their offspring.   Ugh, I really am missing my simple life that I had before.  Opening the letter to find

It’s not as it seems. 

Laying my head back against the tree, I close my eyes and try to clear my head.  So, he flirted a little with me today, that does not mean that he is interested in me or that he cheated in any way.  So, we talked, so my body gets all hot and bothered when he’s around.  What girl wouldn’t?  He is so hot.    Snap! Went a tree branch, I jumped.  Looking around I saw Amber and the girl from music class stopped in the trail looking at me.  “Sorry, I was really trying to not startle you.” Amber said softly. 

“What is it with people here? I have been jumping out of my skin the past few days,” I say to her as she made her way to me.

 “The past few days have not been easy on you, have they?” she questioned.  Shaking my head, no, I lay my head back against the tree again.  “that is an understatement if I have ever heard one,” the other girl said.  I look at her with a “really you think” look.  “Oh sorry, yeah I am horrible at speaking my mind when I shouldn’t mainly in situations that should be serious.” She said.  “I am Katie, Kat for short.”   That name fit her for she had dark short hair black eye liner making her eyes look as of a cat and soft pale skin.  She looked so young, too young to be a Senior.  Nodding my head at her introduction, I close my eyes

 “I know that you don’t know me nor I know you but, I do know my brother. “Amber stated.  “Oh, but I beat she wants to know him really well”, Kat chimed in.  The look Amber gave her was of death.  “What?  What girl wouldn’t he is hot!  Not to mention the way he looks at her would make any girl melt to a puddle.”  She finished when Amber pinched her arm and twisted at the same time.  “Ow! Okay, I get it shut up.  I’m done.” 

That got me laughing.  This girl was an open book.  It seemed she could not keep her word vomit from coming out.  “The one thing that everyone knows about my brother is that he is honest.  Integrity is a big deal to him as it is to our family.  It is not my business, I know, I just can’t help not to help my brother.” Amber explained.   “To you it is as though he has done you wrong, and for that I am sorry as is he.  But, trust me that it was not what he wanted.”

“He didn’t wrong me.  We were just talking.  Sasha just gets under my skin.”  I answer her.  “I know she would love to get under Tristen’s skin.” Kat states as she is wiggling her eyebrows.  That made my blood boil.  Thinking of her touching him, or him wanting her.   “I guess she has that right,” I say through closed teeth.  With that she stood grabbing Kats arm to raise her.  She pushed her friend forward and left.   I could hear Amber giving her down the road for her actions as they went.

The rest of the day I was not bothered.  Not really knowing if it was because of me and not caring or if it was because no one else cared.  When the day was over, I stood on the side walk waiting to go to my car, my phone buzzed.  It was Autumn Awe love u 2.  She always knew when I needed her.  When I looked up, I saw Tristen walking toward me.  I almost looked away but, decided not to.  There was no anger in me when I saw him.  As he passed me, a small smile I gave and he nodded.  I have no reason to be upset at him, I do not know him.  And he did not do anything that was wrong, well at least to me.   As the buses finished pulling out, I walked to my car.  On my window was a white Lilly.  Picking it up and slowly bringing it to my face to smell, the wind swirled around me.  That brought a smile to my face.