Forced to be Aware

Now Where Were We?

The two sit together in silence, both too scared to admit the reason they are sitting out on the pier in the first place. Finally mustering up the confidence, Brody turns and looks at Brandy. Feeling his eyes on her, she looks at him. They look at each other for a moment before Brody speaks up.

“Brandy? I need to tell you something, that you can never tell anyone else. But most importantly, promise me you’ll never tell Daniel?”

“Your secret’s safe with me,” Brandy replies calmly.

“I think I’m in love with Daniel,” Brody says nervously as he shifts his gaze back to the lake.

Brandy remains quiet; his words had broken her heart. “Oh… really? Are you… gonna tell him?”

“I’m scared to. Scared of how he’ll react, what my dad would do if he ever found out… When we were younger, I remember talking to my dad about how much I admired Daniel. I let slip that the way I saw Daniel was different then the way I saw my other friends. I wanted to hold his hand, kiss him the way my dad kissed my mom. I was in love with him. I only got to tell my dad about wanting to hold his before he lost it. He screamed at me, called me names, told me I’d never be his son if I was really gay... Then he got violent. He started throwing stuff, hitting me. That’s how I got that scar on my back. He threw a vase at me as I was running out of the house and it cut me. When my mom tried to stop him, he turned his violence towards her. I was so scared all I did was run. I ran to Daniel’s house, I cried in his arms but wouldn’t tell him why I was crying. I was scared he would hate me… I pushed him away for a while, suppressed my feelings. When I talked to him again, I was distant for a while until I thought I had gotten over him. But now I’m thinking those things again… I love him Brandy… I always have, but I’m too scared to do anything about it.”

Brandy’s looks at Brody, her eyes now glazed with sympathy. She could see the hurt in his eyes as he realizes that he may never be with Daniel. She places a gentle hand on his shoulder as she looks into his eyes. “Brody, what do you genuinely think Daniel would say if you confessed to him right now? You know him better than I do and even I know that he’d never hate you. I swear, you could beat him up and he’d still call you his best friend. Do you genuinely believe, you telling him you’re in love with him is enough to make him hate you?”

He looks her in the eyes, seriously considering her questions. He realized she was right. He and Daniel had been best friends since they were toddlers and nothing had ever changed that. They had seen each other at their best and their worst and stuck threw it. Surely his feelings for Daniel wouldn’t ruin that now, right?

“You’re right. He’d never hate me, but I still can’t bring myself to tell him. Hell, I was terrified to even admit I’m gay in the first place. I only told you because I know even if you did hate me for it, you’d never tell anyone else.”

“What made you think I’d hate you for being gay?”

“I don’t know, but I didn’t think you’d be so cool about it. It’s not like it’s exactly acceptable to be gay.”

“That’s just because all the old people in charge of society are haters. They’re probably just mad that you’re cooler than them.”

Brody laughs at Brandy’s compliment. “Thanks Brandy, I needed the confidence boost.”

“No problem. And hey, don’t worry about your secret, it’s safe with me. Now, we should probably get to bed before we get in trouble.”

The pair stand and go their separate ways for the night, returning to their beds to sleep. The next morning, things went as they normally do. The four friends, Brody, Brandy, Daniel, and Dawn sit together in the cafeteria eating breakfast.

Dawn and Daniel were oblivious to Brody and Brandy’s meeting, unaware of the conversation that had been had. Everything was as normal, no one acting suspicious, yet Dawn could still sense something off. Truth be told, she had woken up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and notice Brandy missing from her bed. Being half asleep at the time, she didn’t investigate, but now she was intrigued. Where had Brandy been.

Dawn stops eating and looks up at Brandy. “Hey Patty*, where did you go last night?”

Brandy looks up at Dawn before quickly glancing at Brody. “I couldn’t sleep so I decided to take a walk.”

“But you left in your slippers because your shoes were still by your bed. You went on a walk in slippers?”

Brandy grows nervous and not being able to come up with a better lie, cracks and tells the truth. “Fine, I lied. I was at the pier with Brody.”

Brody’s eyes widen in fear as the groups eyes shift to him, silently cursing Brandy for her inability to lie.

“What where you guys doing out at the pier that late?” Daniel chimes in, kinda teasing the two.

Brody starts blushing from nervousness, trying to think of a lie. “We were just… talking.”

“Talking, sure. Must have been a real important conversation if you guys couldn’t wait until the morning.”

“Well, it was important, but it’s not what you guys are thinking. I just had something important to tell her.”

“Oh really? So you two didn’t have a love confession out at the pier last night?”

Brody blushes even more knowing they had that conversation, just not about each other. “No guys, we just had a normal conversation. I just had to tell her something.”

“Aww, so she didn’t tell you about her little crush on you?”

“DAWN!” Brandy hides her hands in her face, blushing furiously. That was Brandy’s secret. What she planned to tell Brody the night before. She had been secretly admiring him for awhile. She found him sort of captivating, alluring, and as of lately, she thought she had developed feelings for him. She had only told Dawn her secret up until now.

Brody’s blush fades as he remembers the look on Brandy’s face when he told her about his love for Daniel. He hadn’t realized it then, but her face of disappointment was because she had her own feelings for him. “Wait, you have a crush on me?”

“Aww how cute?” Daniel chimes in, giggling at the situation.

“Wait, why didn’t you say anything last night?”

“It wouldn’t have really mattered if I said anything. Not after the conversation we had.”

The other two started to notice some tension rising in the air. They started to realize this situation was more complicated then they thought.

“Hold on, what did you two talk about last night?”

“N-Nothing! Lets just drop the conversation.”

“Okay, something clearly happened and nothing is gonna be normal until the truth comes out, might as well say it now. What did you tell her?”

“A secret, okay? A big one. That’s all I’m saying.”

“What do you mean? You’re hiding things from me again? Come on Dezi, don’t do this to me again.”

“Daniel, it’s nothing bad I promise.”

“Then just tells us, we’re all friends.”

“It’s not that simple-”

“He has a crush on you-” Brandy blurts out, trying to end the argument before it could start. She hadn’t even realised what she was saying until it was too late. “Brody, I’m so sorry.”

Dawn and Daniel’s jaws had dropped, stunned by this revelation. They never expected Brody to have a crush on Daniel. They never expected him to be gay.

Brody quickly stands up, feeling betrayed by Brandy. He storms out of the cafeteria, running back to his room. The other three were left there in silence and shock. Dawn and Daniel were trying to process this information and Brandy was feeling absolutely terrible for betraying his trust like that.

Daniel gets up calmly and decides to go after Brody. He walks into their cabin and finds Brody sitting on his bed, crying angry, fearful tears. He notices Daniel there and gets up to leave but he grabs him by the arm, stopping him.

“Brody, wait. I came in here to talk to you.”

“No, I don’t wanna have this conversation right now. You can tell me how much you hate me and how you can’t be friends with me anymore later.”

“Brody stop, what are you talking about? I don’t hate you, why would I? Look, I just want to hear how you feel about me from you. But if you don’t want to talk right now, if you need some space, I totally get that. But I would never hate you, for anything. So don’t think like that. You’re my best friend in the entire world and nothing is going to change that.”

Brody had stopped crying and was now just looking Daniel in the eyes. He didn’t say anything, just looked at him.

Daniel was the complete opposite of Brody as a child. Daniels parents never sheltered him. Always answering any of his questions as a child with brutal honesty. This way of growing up had several different effects on Daniel. For the most part, it made him vastly aware of the dangers of the world and pretty much erased most of that childish naivety that he should have had at his age.

However, one of the more unfortunate side effects of this came when Daniel became interested in drugs. Because his parents liked to let him discover things for himself, they allowed him to do drugs with them at just the age of 6. He started off with m*******a, just to understand the appeal of it. Unfortunately, this small dabbling would send him down a road of drug abuse.

When Brody first discovered Daniel had began using drugs, it really concerned him. And this was also around the time of the incident with Brody’s father.

Daniel was in his bed reading when he heard the front door slam open downstairs, following the desperate screams Brody calling Daniel’s name. Daniel rushes out of his room concerned and smacks into Brody. Brody was completely hysterical and that only concerned Daniel even more.

Daniel was desperate to know what had scared his friend. Brody had always been a bit sensitive and cowardly, often crying over small things and often confided in Daniel about them. But this was no regular crying fit. Brody seemed deeply scared, like he was in some amount of real danger. It didn’t help Daniel’s nerves that there were bruises on Brody’s wrists, forearms, and his thigh.

This really scared Daniel. He thought that someone had hurt Brody, but he refused to say who. After this incident, when Brody began distancing himself from Daniel, this made him worry even more.

Daniel confided in his parents how worried he was for Brody’s safety. He found himself constantly stressing about it, wishing he had the power to protect his friend. This led Daniel down a darker path with his drug use. He began smoking more weed, spending most of his days high now. When he stopped getting the same buzz from weed, he moved on to harder drugs like cocaine.

Daniel couldn’t stand the fact that he was powerless to help Brody, his best friend, so he took drugs until he couldn’t think about it anymore. By the time Brody was able to talk to him again, Daniel was a wreck. He was almost completely dependent on weed and cocaine and he was only 8 years old.

Thankfully, Brody was able to help Daniel become sober, keeping him that way until this day. Because of this, Daniel always had a deep appreciation for Brody. He saw him as his own personal hero. Someone who had saved him from his own self destructive behavior, and for that, Daniel still idolizes him to this day.

The two stood in silence for a moment longer before Brody wrapped his arms around Daniel in a much needed hug. Daniel hugged him back, still processing how he feels about his friend.

It was something he had never thought about. He knew Brody was his best friend and he loved him in that way, but he had never thought of him in a romantic way. Daniel found himself confused. He wasn’t sure how to feel.

Brody finally let go of Daniel and sat back down on his bed, Daniel taking a seat next to him. “So you wanna hear it from me? How I really feel about you? Im in love with you Daniel… I have been since we were kids… Do you remember that time that I ran to your house crying, and I told you my dad was mad about something I said? Well it was because I told him how I felt about you. That I wanted to hold your hand, that I wanted to kiss you… I thought he was going to kill me that day. He was so angry. When I went home that night he was still pissed. And the first few weeks I spent away from you were because of him, but the rest of the time… I was just trying to forget about my feelings for you.”

Daniel just sat there listening, processing everything that he had said. He places a hand on Brody’s knee, giving him a sympathetic look. “You’ve been hiding your feelings all this time? Since we were kids? I’m so sorry you had to go through that alone. I don’t… I don’t know how I feel yet… I’ve never thought about you in a romantic way. I’ve always just seen you as my best friend and you’ll always have my love in that way. But I need some time to figure out if there could be romantic feelings between us.”

Brody’s eyes shined with a faint hope. Hope that Daniel could love him the way he loves Daniel. He nods at his words, wiping the tears that had been prickling in the corners of his eyes. “I understand, take all the time you need. Just promise me that even if you don’t feel the same, we’ll always be best friend? That my feelings for you won’t get in the way of that?”

“Of course, I’ll never stop being your best friend. Never.”

Meanwhile, back in the cafeteria, Dawn was still processing the information. “Brody is, gay? Why was he so scared to tell us? How come he told you?”

“He trusted that I could keep his secret and now I feel like the worst friend ever… I really let him down Kase*...”

“It’ll be okay. He’ll forgive you. It might take some time but he definitely will. Plus, it looked like Daniel handled the news pretty well.”

“Yea but I broke my promise to him. I told him I wouldn’t tell anyone and I couldn’t even keep the promise for a day… Gosh, I feel awful about it.”

“You’re going to for awhile because you’re a good friend, but it’ll all be fine.”

The 4 meet back up for camp activities, apologies are exchanged and all is well for the day.

Later that night, Dawn and Brandy were sat up in their cabin, laying in Brandy’s bed. They were up just talking like they often did, confiding in each other about their worries for the upcoming school year.

“I’m just so nervous… I mean, my mom told me highschool had torn her away from her closest childhood friends. What if that happens to us? I don’t wanna lose you Kase.” Brandy says to Dawn as she looks up at the bottom of the top bunk above her.

“That won’t happen to us. We’re different. We’ve already had so many people try to separate us, but we’re like really strong magnets. We always find our way back to each other.”

Dawn Reed and Brandy Smith met when they were 5 years old. Brandy’s parents had just recently divorced and had moved in next door to Dawn with her mother. Brandy had been sat in her backyard crying when Dawn had came out of her own backdoor and walked over to sit next to Brandy. She didn’t say anything at first, but soon started crying with her. And from that moment on, Dawn and Brandy had become best friends.