Finally

Chapter 6 - Christmas Party

I eat soup or pots of ready made rice most days because I have no energy to cook or even eat complicated food. I’m heavily medicated and most days it leaves me feeling numb and lethargic.

I try to watch TV while I eat my soup, which today is mushroom, but as usual I can’t concentrate on it. I have no focus anymore and I can’t do the most simple of tasks even watch a basic light comedy. I need to get back into work and find a job, but I know I’m no use to anyone like I am.

The next two days pass as all the others before in a haze, filled with soup and rice and TV shows I watch but don’t remember. I sleep sometimes and when the alarm on my phone alerts me I take the medication I’ve been given.

It’s Thursday now and almost time for my second appointment with Michelle. I walk to her office and today she’s much quicker to call me in, I’m glad because the wait last time made my anxiety worse. At least this time I know who I’m meeting and I know that she’s nice.

I follow her down the same corridor as before and into her office. I take a seat on the blue cushioned chair again and the pixie sits facing me.

“So Zara, last time we saw each other you told me all about the attack on you and also how you met Adam Williams. How did that progress?” She asks, straight to the point.

“We became friends and I slotted into the group thanks to Jemima taking me under her wing,” I tell her.

“Did you tell her about the attack on you and what happened with the TIAs, the mini strokes?”

“No, I didn’t want to be defined by my past so I kept that to myself for a while. I was happy to just be me, the research journalist with interesting friends and an apartment on the sea front. After a couple of months of going to Adam’s gigs with them and being included in the group, things started to change.”

Flashback:

The office Christmas party is always a huge affair, there’s secret santa, office day drinking, a dinner and then many groups go on to bars to continue the celebrations.

Our particular group goes on to a bar in the city centre. I’ve never been here before and I don’t even know the name of the place, I just followed our crowd here. It’s small and crowded with simple decor, but the cocktail list is extensive and the atmosphere is great. We all cram into a booth and order cocktails, I have a pornstar martini because I’m a tiny bit obsessed with passion fruit, the boys all order an Old Fashioned because Ian claims whiskey is the most manly cocktail base and at least it doesn't come in a girly glass.

I sip my martini slowly because I want it to last, we’ve been drinking all day but spread out so although I don’t feel too bad I definitely don’t want to push my luck and end up a mess or worse still have another TIA in front of everyone. I still have to be careful with my health and I’m still taking the medication to prevent another attack.

I’m practically crushed against the wall with Adam next to me and Christophe next to him. Jemima is opposite me with Joe who joined us after the meal and Ian next to her. Jemima tells me she’s claustrophobic and asks the boys to let her out so she can dance. Joe and Christophe join her and Ian goes to the bathroom leaving Adam and I alone.

We chat about our Christmas plans, he tells me he’s spending it with his Dad as usual and his sister who now lives in Amsterdam is visiting. He asks about mine in return.

“ I’m going home to my parents up north. I’m one of five so it’s total chaos but we’ve never missed a full family Christmas yet!”

He seems shocked at my enormous family and asks how we all manage to get along.

“There are arguments like any family, but we’re pretty close. The fact we all live so far apart helps because we don’t see each other often so make the most of it when we do,” I explain.

“That makes sense,” he replies.

Then there’s silence, we’re looking at each other but the conversation has stopped. I’m busy thinking of something else to talk about so it takes me a while to register his lips are on mine.

I’m completely taken by surprise, Adam Williams is kissing me! I’ve thought about this moment for months and now it’s actually happening and I’m too in shock to enjoy it!

I give myself an internal kick and kiss him back passionately. I’ve wanted this man so much for so long, he’s invaded my thoughts and my dreams and no one else has measured up since I set eyes on him. This may just be a one off drunken kiss so I need to make the most of it.

We seem to kiss for what feels like hours, just when I think he’s going to pull back, he goes back in for more. I’ve no idea where our friends are or if they can see us and I don’t care, all that matters is that Adam Williams is kissing me!

When we finally come up for air, he looks embarrassed at his boldness and it’s adorable. He looks down, blushing with a small grin on his face.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a while now,” he admits.

“I’ve wanted you to for a while,” I throw right back.

I spot Jemima nearby, she’s on the dance floor staring at us with a smug smirk on her face.

We stay until closing time and he kisses me goodbye, wishing me a good Christmas and he’ll see me in the New Year when the office reopens.

It’s only when I get home I realise we haven’t swapped numbers so I can’t even call or text him for the next two weeks. Just when we finally move forward everything stops again for 14 whole days. It’s going to be agony!