How to Succeed In Business in a New World

Down and Dirty

    After a quick breakfast we were off to town to turn in our quest at the guild. I was promised that if we got there somewhat early then there would be next to no line since it was a week day. But there was always some buzz going on at the guild, after all what fun would it be without it? An Adventurer’s Guild should always have some insane shenanigans going down, drinking competitions, recruitment for suicide missions, rapturous adventurer’s returning from a hard fought battle and the all around general debauchery. But again I was told that on a weekday there should be no problem getting to the counter, and since I had been told this, if there was any problem getting to the counter then I can not be held accountable for my own actions. It did seem that my informant was reliable and as such my informant wouldn’t be kicked in the ribs and thrown in a sack floating down the river. Maybe killing the Parandus did desensitize me to violence… Good thing that wasn’t what the Guild was checking for, they were satisfied with the fact that it was dead and the customer was happy. They paid out the rewards and updated our Guild Cards with our new levels. We had both shot up from Level 1 to over halfway through with Level 3, as such we got to increase our stats and choose new skills. I was torn on what to use my advancements on. I decided not to pick my new skills, I could wait until I actually took a real class to do that or else anything I pick will just be a neutered version. As for stat boosts I was looking back on the mission and noticed that at the end of the day it came down to strength but I wasn’t just brute forcing it, I came up with a plan that didn’t require as much strength as just simply punching the thing’s lights out as soon as I got the chance. Should I shore up my weak strength and other poor physical abilities or increase the effectiveness of what’s already my strong suit and put the points into intelligence and wisdom. Of course there was always charisma too which had played no part in the last escapade other than when I fibbed to the trapper but it was still riding rock bottom with my physical skills. Maybe we could have gotten more for the pelt if I had something of a silver tongue. This decision was a lot harder than it was in games. Though in my games I also had a class and build I was going for, but now I was floundering to say the least. It was also the biggest of faux pas's to do this but I decided that whatever would help me most on my next quest would be what I would go with. Sure it wouldn’t be worth it in the long run but what was the point of gratification if it wasn’t instant? So to metaphorically throw a dart at a board it was time to decide what we would be doing next. There were the same trashy spam notices up, or maybe they were new ones, but the real notices had recouped their numbers nicely. I didn’t have any specific quest type in mind unlike last time, but now we were in a higher pay grade so something befitting our stature as Level 3’s of course but other than that I had no real preference and I doubt Marie did either. The most sensible thing to do at a time like this seemed to be obvious, pick what pays the most. It seemed that our last job was on the higher end as far as rewards go at that difficulty, making the jump to Level 5-7 quests seemed like it would be a hair on the suicidal side. The difference between Level 3 and 2 wasn’t big and neither was the difference between 2 and 1 but the difference between 5 and 3 was huge. It must have something to do with how they work the experience curve but for whatever reason it seemed to really screw you at this tender time in your career. So what was there that we could do that would bring in the most bucks. From the looks of it the more lucrative stuff was only portioned out to those willing to get their hands dirty and do something dangerous. Sure there were still small payout fetch quests for these levels but that’s because there was a chance you’d run into something fiersome. Anything worth your while directly would for sure include some risk to life or limb. As I unpinned everything and pinned it back up in groups that were more sensible to me at the present moment, I saw what would for sure be our next adventure. It was blisteringly obvious that this was the best possible choice, it wouldn’t be my absolute dream job but for the work they wanted done the pay was right. We would just need to clear out a horde of giant rats that had taken up residence in a tavern’s crawl space, sure we would be glorified exterminators but we’d be handsomely rewarded for what should only be an afternoon of work really. Rodents in general were so thoroughly played out, especially ones of allegedly immense size. Maybe they’d actually pose a threat, or even just be a bit more interesting if they were actually giant, like the size of Giant, but if they could fit in a crawlspace they couldn’t be any real trouble. Heck the hardest part about extermination back home was finding the things, but if they were so giant then they’d be sitting ducks in the crawlspace. In fact an actual sitting duck would be harder to hit. They may have a slight mobility advantage but there wasn’t much they could do to us without getting in range, and since they usually attacked with their faces… I couldn’t imagine that ending well for them even if I was just equipped with a knife. Other than the lack of intellectual challenge posed by the endeavor the only real downside was not much experience was on the table, sure since it was a slaying quest we’d get some for each we killed and then another lump sum when we turned in the quest but it should be enough to get us over the hump to Level 4. Marie seemed to object to the suggestion but I was able to cajole her with the promise that she wouldn’t even need to go into the crawlspace, she could wait outside while I took care of them. It would be a walk in the park really, I was sure of it.

We took the quest and left the guild, the tavern was on the edge of town so I thought we should stop in at the library first. On reconsideration, those facts didn’t actually have much to do with each other but regardless they were both still true. I doubt there was anything left for me to learn about giant rats but I did promise to tell her about the hunt we went on yesterday, so there was no time like the present and all. We just strolled right in and somewhat to our surprise there was no drool dripping onto the desk, that didn’t mean the librarian had actually noticed us. I suppose I really shouldn’t be surprised but she seemed extremely engrossed by a book she had in her lap. I knocked on the desk very gently and she seemed to snap out of it cleanly, if with a bit of gasp. 

“Wow! You guys are back! How’d it go?” Why was she so surprised? Did she expect us to die? 

“It went pretty well thanks for asking!” I think that was the first time Marie spoke to her, or at least that I was here to witness. She did have a life in this town before I existed after all.

“Were you able to get rid of the Parandus?” Again! Did she think we’d be saying it went well just because we got out of there with our lives?

“Yes we did, I killed him myself.” I figured I earned a little boasting. In fact at her mild curiosity I was more than happy to regale her with the full story of how it happened, mainly my masterful plan and least of all my trifling oversight regarding the beast walking across the river. Instead it was my plan all along to push the log down at him. She seemed to be fairly interested, and even convinced, in my story. Considering my audience was probably the biggest consumer of fiction stories in this town I was willing to count that as a huge check in my favor. Honestly, I was a lot like her back home. Except where as she actually did something productive with it I was locked in my room alone all day. But we both were just compulsively escaping into media our whole lives, even if the media was worlds different, somewhat literally, the basis was still the same. In a way we were like kindred spirits, separated by unmeasurable distance until now. Maybe the invisible hands of fate realized they made a mistake and that’s why I got put here, but I really would have rather had her move into the same apartment building as me or something. Why did I have to be the one plucked from my comfortable life. I realized I was getting indignant at a nonexistent force, that even if it did exist would be invisible and all powerful, the type of thing getting mad at would not be a good idea. That tiny tiny teensy weensy protuberance aside, it did feel sort of good to meet what could really be considered a soul mate. Maybe. By someone. Not me but probably someone out there. It did make me feel compelled to help her in some way. Some way more significant than helping her organize the library. I thought of something rather clever but it seemed best to keep it under my hat until the time came to execute it. For now though we told her about our nex quest and said our goodbyes after she told us that there was really no helpful information she could offer us and it’d really just be down to skill and cunning. Considering the opponent was rats I felt pretty confident in my cunning being greater.

They really weren’t kidding when they said that the tavern was on the edge of town, it was right up against the town wall. In fact I think they may have even not bothered to construct a fourth wall and just used the one for the town. I guess any port in a storm, that is to say no point buying a cow when you get the milk for free. Or rather no point buying the cow when you get the wall for free. No point milking the wall. Long story short, I thought the decision made sense. It was easy enough to tell at with an hour or so of walking around the city that generally the further from the center you were, the lower the cost of living would be. Of course with the exception of north of the square where the palace and other rich folk lived and operated their various commercial ventures in addition to those catering to them. But on the edges everywhere else there was near squalor. This wasn’t really surprising, vast income inequality was a staple of a sword and sorcery world, after all there need to be people to pay you for killing giant rats and people to pay you for long lost ancient relics from the most dangerous corner of the world. The progression system would be all screwy if there weren’t people who ran the gamut of needing assistance, it wouldn’t be rewarding at all. Riding the curve up was what this stuff was all about until you could go to a harder area and do it all over again. Really it was a hobby for masochists but I’m glad I was prepared before I died. If I had spent my time playing sports I would be completely lost now. Really it turns out that was the best way to spend my adolescence in order to prepare for adulthood for me. There was no world based around soccer or speech and debate club now was there? At least I hoped not. Going there after I kicked the bucket here would be a very personal and esoteric sort of hell.People accosting you on the street every two minutes accusing you of breaking the offsides rule or demanding you defend the claim you posited. Suffice to say if I got sent there I’d be on my way to the next world down the road on the double. Assuming I got more than three chances of course. I ought to. I deserved it. After all that angel voice lady seemed to like me well enough, surely she could pull a few more strings and get on the reincarnation fast track. I wasn’t sure why she had seemed to like me, if I had to guess I’d say pity but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. It got me here after all. After more than sufficient ado we walked up the front steps and into the tavern, technically this was my first time in a bar. Or bar equivalent. Either way I could order booze here and no one would stop me. I didn’t really get the hype behind the stuff but it was nice to know that I had the capability. The guy behind the bar looked us over with an accusatory stare. Why was it the only people I seemed to meet were hot young babes and old guys. If I didn’t know any better I’d think this was some type of old bastard doujin world. But they let me in so either it wasn’t or they were just giving me some time to get acclimated. But this guy wasn’t all that old, about the same age as my dad probably maybe a little younger and he just didn’t age very gracefully. 

“Hey, we uh had heard about your rat problem and were looking to help out.” We were just standing awkwardly in front of the entrance still, it seemed a bit presumptuous to sit down at the bar when we had no intention of ordering anything.

“You two are the best the guild could muster?” Considering this was a step down from our last quest I was really wishing we would stop getting underestimated like that. “I’m only kidding, this should be easy for anyone. Heck I’d do it myself but I threw my back out a few weeks ago and I really shouldn’t be doing any bending or crawling for a good long while, Doctor’s orders.” He wanted to make sure it was the doctor that was stopping him from doing it. That was the typical old man battlecry of “I’m enough of a man to do it myself, but I can’t.” There wasn’t really any point calling him out on it, especially considering that if this guy told the guild we were lying about finishing the quest they could withhold our pay. He didn’t seem that petty but I knew as men get older their pride gets more fragile. 

“I understand, just point us towards the entrance to the crawlspace and we’ll get to work. And if there’s anything else you think we should know we’d be glad to hear it.” I felt confident in my charisma on that, even if I did spend the entire trip over here mentally writing a script. 

“There’s a hole around back, you should have no problems spotting it or getting through. The hard part’ll be once your inside, it won’t be easy to maneuver in there even for little guys like you and I’m sure the rats won’t be rushing to give you a hand either.”

“We’ll be sure to keep that in mind. Thank you. We’ll let you know if we need anything.” Another flawlessly delivery. It was a bit strange that I was undisputedly becoming the face man of the party considering my complete lack of social aptitude and that the alternative was one of the most attractive girls I had ever seen. If we ever needed to sweet talk someone a hundred times out of one hundred I would not be voting for myself. Just sprinkling on an ounce of s*x appeal would get Marie miles further than I could get in a lifetime. I’d need to give her some preparation or at least a crash course or something so that she knows her own strength in that department. After all s*x sells so we ever wanted someone to buy a story then it would be down to her to do it. I couldn’t s*x appeal my way out of a damp paper bag, for ladies or men, so by the those who can’t do, teach, mentality I’d be great and giving some pointers in the art of seduction. Of course bringing this up to here wouldn’t be easy, what with the complete lack of charisma and all.

He wasn’t lying when he said we wouldn’t miss it, cause we didn’t. Getting through was no big deal either, I figured I should go in alone at first and if I was really in trouble then I could get my support to come in after me but it’d probably be better if I could make a retreat without coordinating it with anyone else. Crawling in reverse wasn’t too speedy a way to get around to begin with and if I needed to shout back to someone who was, let’s face it, on the denser side I could imagine that situation going south very quickly. Cause having rodents nipping at my face the whole would not make the situation any more favorable either. Once I was down and got my belly to the dirt I did feel a bit of a foreboding feeling coming from the dark hole before me. I shut my eyes tight, just so they would be more adapted to the dark, and slowly started inching my way in. Once I couldn’t feel the warmth of sun on the back of my neck I reached out a hand to either side to feel the decaying and damp would that would be locking me on my path. I was at a disadvantage as far as knowledge of terrain and maneuverability, but at least I did get to grip my knife in my mouth like a cool guy. Now hopefully that coolness factor was enough to give me the edge in combat. I was immediately getting paranoid at every squeak but I couldn’t tell what was a rat next to me and what was a patron on the floorboards above me. I opened my eyes and after a bit more adjusting I could make out my hand in front of my face. It looked like there was just one straight away coming out from the entrance. Ideally I would be able to just go forward the entire time, but that would mean there was a complete circuit and my feet could be getting nipped without warning. I wasn’t sure exactly what I wanted but it seemed like I would find out how challenging this would be soon. There was a hissing sound that came out of the dark and I prepared for battle. I drew my knife from my mouth and propped myself up on the other arm to get as much reach as I could. It skittered towards me quickly and soon my entire field of view was full of matted and gnarled fur, nervous marbles of eyes, and a pair of razor sharp teeth. I took a wide, awkward swing at the nearside eye, my knuckle clipped the wood framing so I would need to be careful of that for next time. I still sunk the knife a few inches deep just under his eye socket, as I wrenched it out with an inelegant turn of my body I tried to slice at the eye with moderate success. Hopefully his vision would be impaired now but I wasn’t about to count on it. He tried to nip at my arm on the way back but his teeth chomped down on the blade of the knife thanks to some quick wrist work. This time I decided I’d try to strike up at the chin or underbelly and see if I could yank it closer, I was only going to get so much damage working the skull area. It went as well as I could have hoped and before he knew it he had a long line of dripping blood emptying him out into the dirt. He let out a shriek, hopefully not to call for backup, and I couldn’t help but wonder what the drinkers up above thought was going on or if they even noticed the life and death scrap going on beneath their stools. Maybe they heard the exasperated grunting I made as I drew him in with the knife against his lower jaw bone. Sure I had just brought him closer but I was pretty much free to take as many free shots as I wanted to and I could prop myself up on the things back so I had greater maneuverability now. The only trade off was that he went from being able to snack on my hand whenever I struck to now having a more or less unguarded buffet of my pelvic area. My stabs were quick and brutal as I desperately crossed my legs every way I could trying to give him some other target. Luckily I kept him busy enough that by the time he stopped struggling he didn’t even get the chance to break through my clothes. I panted there, supporting myself pretty much right in front of the rat’s butt until I realized something and couldn’t help but mutter a swear under my breath. I would either need to squeeze past this corpse and hope I didn’t need to retreat past it at any point, or I could drag it out now. 

Turning around took enough fumbling in a low stress situation so I was glad I elected to clear a path now, and at least this way I could let Marie figure out what to do with the thing while I went back in. I wasn’t really sure what the protocol was for dead things around here was so the job would be better left with a local. 

“Done already?”

“Not exactly, just figured I’d get the dead ones out of the way before I moved on. So uhh.. Figure out what to do with this.” I rubbed my eyes to protect from the sudden change in light. I had been dragging the thing out by the tail and sure I noticed it was heavy but only after I plopped it down did I see just how giant these giant rats were. They were as long as a bike and about two-thirds as wide as the entire crawlspace, or at least this one was. If I saw them in a game I wouldn’t think they were abnormally giant for giant rats but seeing them up close it was a little baffling. Usually rats fed on scraps and chewed little holes in dog food bags and stuff but what they hell did these things do for food? Did this guy leave slaughtered goats in the crawlspace or something? These things would have to be literally eating his profits every month, which I guess was a good thing because that’s what motivated him to put a price on their heads, but I still had to wonder how these things survived. After leaving Marie to decide what to do with the carcass I went back under and got a little further than last time before I heard a similar scratching and squeaking as last time, I had no idea how far it was or if it was approaching so I decided it would be best to stand my ground and let it come to me, I assumed the position again and waited stoically. Every twenty or thirty seconds when I was getting ready to drop my coiled pose I would hear another suspicious noise coming from somewhere off in the dark that would prompt me not to give up my alertness. After a few times in that cycle I did actually give up and start inching forward again, this time I made visual contact with the a fluttering pink tail and immediately sprung back into position. It was a while before the rat noticed me but when it did turn around I was surprised by how nimbly it could given its width but I still wanted to kill it. It would have to do something pretty dang impressive to earn my mercy. I started thinking about all those stories and jokes that start with a fisherman catching a fish that can talk and then it will grant them a wish as long as it throws it back. I guess it was a good sign that I had a decent handle on this now that I had already executed the uppercut and dragging portions of my strategy while thinking about anecdotes that I don’t even remember the punchlines to. I thought I remembered how one of them went as I started jabbing at the back and fidgeting my legs about, I was pretty sure it was something about women being complicated. In fact I think that’s what all of them were about. I finished dragging this, regretting the extra distance I had crawled. It was even more amazing how nonexistent their turning radius was when you had to drag a limp one through these bends. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel and with my resolve strengthened, blazed through the final straightaway, comparatively at least. Marie was nowhere to be found but neither was the other corpse so if I just left this one here, she’d know what to do with it. She could just do the same thing she was doing now. The third time in I was really starting to believe that this would be the last time, maybe not so much believed as hoped but these things were all about the power of positive thinking and all that baloney. Heck, I might not even need to tussle with any more rats, I may have cleared the place out and I’ll just have to check to be sure. After all, how many of those things can possibly live down here, nowhere there was enough to eat for much more than two or three of them. Even the fact that one could live down here was boggling my minutes no longer than a few minutes ago so three was really really out of the question. Though… Since I couldn’t understand how one survived and there was more than that maybe that indicated that my entire estimative thinking was way off base. I either overestimated how much they need to eat or underestimated the food supply. But there was no way I was off by anything major like an order of magnitude, it’d be four, five tops. As I got to the sticky puddle of dirt and blood that I had most recently made I came to terms with the fact that there was more than a pair of them. There was more skittering and chittering, more than any of the others even, this was probably the alpha rat. That or it was just hyperactive. Either way it was going down and this would be my boss encounter for the day. I might not be able to use a carbon copy of my strategy on this, the strongest rat, so I should be ready to adapt on the fly. I would still assume the same position, that was solid in the fundamentals but dragging it in close would need some retooling. Getting behind it would be tough and it could turn on a dime so there wasn’t much point to that. Blinding it seemed like a decent idea, I didn’t have much success with it the first go around but it would give me the advantage I’d need to win handily. As long as I focused on the targets it should be relatively easy to get them both damaged beyond use. From there it should be a matter of persistence. So I persisted on tweaking my plan with every inch of ground I gained, it was only through planning and cunning that I would be able to overcome the home field advantage. The noises it was making almost sounded panicked now, it could sense that I was coming, it could smell that its comrades had shed blood and that I was the one that took it from them. I was feared in the remnants of this rat society. It wasn’t much but it was still a pretty fulfilling ego trip. But soon it would be over, my brutatality lost to the rat legends. Until, I terrorize another colony of rats, wherever they may be. I was the most fearsome and terrible thing for those rats. In my last life I did feel kind of bad even just setting traps for mice I would never have to see but I really had no such issue now. Maybe it was because I had taken on the life of a killer, a murderer for hire, but it could also easily be that I don’t really feel as bad about sending them to the great unknown now, cause I had been there done that. It wasn’t the unknown anymore, heck it wasn’t even that great. Maybe my tone would be a bit different if they had the courtesy to show me around the place, but no. They just hurried me out the door a different way than the one I came in. No warnings, no goal, not even a goodbye. Pretty lousy afterlife. I guess it was an afterlife and a prelife in a way. Unless this would still be considered the same life, I mean I did still have my same body, but I had died. It was at very least an intermission. But I did have to stay on my toes now or else Act Two would be coming to a close real soon. The sounds seemed to be right around this next bend and if my mental map was right this was the very corner of the building so it would make some sense to make a nest here with two solid walls on the sides. I had no idea if the rats thought that way but surely all those instincts they had bouncing around in their tiny brains had to have something in regard to the matter. Either way I took some time to get into a position that would lend itself to turning the corner quickly, I ended up in a sort of slanted kneeling position with my knees going out in front of me, if I pushed off right I would be able to turn the corner and get in my combat position within a matter of a few seconds. I also wanted to be able to get out of there easily, I had been making plans for retreats all this time and if ever there was a time I would need it it was now. I wasn’t sure what was waiting for around that turn so ideally I would be able to get back around in case it seemed like too much. I was still gonna have to take it on at some point but I’d really rather not be going in blind. Information would allow for more accurate planning. Was I backpedaling and trying to move the goalposts from a search and destroy to reconnaissance? Yes. After all with how quickly I finished the other two I could take my sweet time with this one and still be done in time to turn the quest in at the guild before it closed. Not a bad amount of progress for an afternoon’s work at all. But whatever the point of this was whether to do some serious stabbing or just gather intel I had to do it sooner or later, my back was getting cramped from the position I was sitting in. I flexed a selection of muscles that I had never used with such force all at once before and rolled into the position. The sounds I heard had betrayed me, it wasn’t just one hyperactive rat but in reality a whole litter of young ones all clinging to an adult’s back. I couldn’t be sure exactly how old they were but they were already big for regular rats and were covered in fur and they weren’t all pink and fleshy looking so I assumed they weren’t newborns. It seemed that my entrance had startled them, which startled me. There were somewhere between six or eight of them all at once lunging at meI turned the corner as quickly as I could going into a little ball only to spring back to full height. I would be impressed with my own feat of flexibility and acrobatics but I didn’t have the time, the youngins were swarming and biting at my ankles as I fled at max speed. They’d leap on and fall off with every hasty clamor, I could feel them breaking skin but I knew that if I were to delay even a moment they would really be able to sink their teeth in. As the distance from their nest got greater and greater fewer and fewer of them would retry attacking, evidently content with their completion of the task to drive off threats. I could breathe easier now but I still couldn’t do much thinking in here, I was still a bit nervous that they could come back after me so getting out should be my top priority.

The light burned my eyes as I emerged for what should be the penultimate time, I didn’t even notice that Marie was back and the other dead rat was gone. 

“Are you all finished up in there?”

“Oh! You’re back. Not quite, there’s still the main nest to take care of. There are at least a dozen adolescent rats all grouped up in the same place. They’re too maneuverable and numerous to take on all at once.” 

“Well why don’t I come in and help you out!” She was already laying on the ground and wriggling her way towards the opening. It was only because she started out no less than five feet from the entrance that I had time to try and talk her out of it. 

“No, no, no, I really don’t think that you should be- Besides I was- Not to mention that I think you’re too-” I had a hundred reasons but none of them were exactly ones I would feel comfortable expressing to someone whose emotions were so...

“I’m too what?!?” delicate.

“Well, I think it’s not so much you, or anything about you, but just as it is the opening is too small for you to ehh…” I knew I was tying myself in a knot the longer I kept talking but my tongue thought that just the right words would make the rope disappear. I guess this is why it’s called getting tongue tied. Though the look on her face told me that just trailing off like that wasn’t the right move either. The only winning move would be not to play and I was already deep into the game.

“Well you can get through so it’s obviously not the opening. So then it must be me, right?” I would really prefer if this wasn’t happening.

“The thing is I don’t have your-”

“My what???” Maybe I should have let those rats kill me. You know? Maybe there was still time, all I had to do was sprint in there and let them gnaw at my face until they hit an artery. 

“Well the thing about boys and girls is that…” No way that speech was gonna fix it. Suicide by rat was skyrocketing up my list of possible solitutions. Dying wasn’t so bad the first time, not as bad as this at least. Social situations were my achilles heel and this was like giving Achilles a lethal injection at the heel. She was staring daggers into my very being. “You know what? Looking at it again, I was wrong, you should be able to go right ahead.” This was mostly just kicking the can down the road and it’d only make another problem but at least that one she can get mad at the world for and not at me. 

“Okay then.” She resumed her crawling and I couldn’t help but draw the lines with my mind's eye and this was going to end in disaster. Sure the crawlspace was plenty wide but the biggest problem was that her body had significantly more dimensionality to it. When she was laying on the ground her back was much more parabolic than mine so the odds it was making it in there were not in her favor. Or in mine as it were. Her chest, though ample, posed little problem. Her shoulder blades nicked the crossbeam but she was undeterred. The rest of her back practically glided under without a second thought but there it was. What would almost undoubtedly become the main problem causer. Her ridiculous ass. I only hoped she would have the sense to put it in reverse once the top beam started getting too firm a hold on her. I saw it in slow motion, how at first contact she flattened out as much as she could, how she kept pace as the point of no return loomed, as the gentle curve was interrupted by the unmoving board, and as she finally stopped, and even as she tried to move forward again as if it was me who grabbed her by the ankles and I had let go now. “Umm… Katsuo? I think...” She wriggled around a bit more as a last ditch, hail mary attempt before having to admit that there might have been an issue. “I think I’m stuck…” I didn’t want to say anything. Well that isn’t true, I did want to say a lot. But I knew not to say anything. I just let out a sigh and actually grabbed on to her ankles this time. My first, gentlest possible tug was immediately met by a chorus of “Ow! Ow! Owie!” and “Are you trying to pull my legs off??” So I guess that was the wrong way to go about things. I got down on one knee next to the blocked opening.

“What do you want me to do then?”

“Pull from the waist at least!” I don’t know how much she was actually yelling at how much was to be sure I heard her. Either way she wanted me to pull from the waist so I delicately wrapped my arms around her hips and leaned back, even with all my force there was only the slightest of budging and plenty more kicking of her legs. This was the first time I was touching a woman like this but I’ll be damned if I was gonna lose my virginity in such a cliched situation. I just wanted to get her out of there and finish this quest for God’s sake. This wasn’t in my timetable, I hadn’t planned for this. This wasn’t even the quest being harder than I expected, this was just my companion and party member being incompotent. I gave it my all one last time again, to no major avail. 

“Yeah, this isn’t working.” 

“Well then try something else!”

“I could try your ankles again?”

“Not that!” My only real ideas were to grease the opening and hope she can slide in or to just trim away at the cross beam. 

“Okay, I’m gonna go see if I can get some help. Don’t go anywhere.” I thought some light teasing was entirely deserved after how she got into this. 

I went back inside and went straight up to the owner because I figured he wouldn’t like me announcing to all the people getting consumables here that had come in over the past few hours or so that there was a rat problem. I got up real close to him, close enough that he was looking down at me with a very suspicious eye.

“We’ve run into a little issue with regards to the crawl space, I was wondering if you had any butter or grease or anything that we could use to remedy a little snag we ran into with the size of the opening?” I felt like she wouldn’t want me saying exactly what had happened but it was entirely obvious still.

“I suppose I can get you some but the cost of the materials would be reflected in your final compensation.” Well screw this guy! That wasn’t happening, I’d just hack away at the upper board and if he brings that up I’ll say the rats did it. What was he gonna do, charge me for something dead rats did? I’m the one that killed them even, even anything our paycheck should be bigger even cause we prevented further damage to the structural integrity. Or at least we would have, were that the truth. Either way I wouldn’t get to see Marie all oiled up.

I returned to a rather forlorn lower body sticking out from the hole right where I had left it.

“Did the rats come and get you yet?” That was probably more mean than she deserved but I figured it’d be easier to give it to her in one big jab rather than half a dozen pokes, I’d have less to apologize for at least.

“N-no… Will they?”

“They shouldn't, they're all back in their nest and they didn’t seem keen on getting too far from it.”

“Did you get help?” Oh yeah, that’s what I said I was going to do.

“Not exactly, but I’ll get you out. Don’t worry.”

“Wait, hold on what are you gonna do? I feel like I should be worried.” Maybe she should be considering I was gonna be swinging a knife around practically right next to her, and she wouldn’t exactly be able to clear out or dodge should worse come to worst. It seems she wasn’t comforted by my contemplative silence at all. “Hey! Don’t ignore me!” There was a bit more leg kicking but I figured she would be more careful once the cutting began. I measured up for my first whack very carefully and took the swing also very carefully. I was right and the first splintering ‘THWACK’ made her stay still. I took another and another still. I was aiming to cut v-shapes into the plank until I could just knock it out. It would work but it wasn’t going to be a quick job, it was going even slower than it should just because I had to be careful and reassure Marie every few chops. It must have been nearly twenty minutes by the time I was completely done on one side and ready to move onto the other. 

It was a long, boring, but safe, process to get through the beam. It wasn’t very thick but I wasn’t exactly using the best tool and this was far from the ideal position. Not to mention my assistant wasn’t assisting very well. She did manage to keep the squirming to a minimum but that only helped so much. I gave the section that had a hold of her ass a firm thrust with the heel of my palm and it popped right out, tumbling down her back. 

“Phew, there. You should be able to get back out now.”

“But I’m not stuck anymore, I can go in no problem.” I placed my foot on her back as she tried to make her way in. 

“Listen, I just went through the trouble of digging you out of there and I’m not gonna take a chance that there’s something just as low in there. So you’re going to stay out here and wait for me to take care of stuff in there, got it?”

“Okay.” I really didn’t care how pouty she was. My heart was way too hardened by that ordeal to really care about what she thought. But, she did just give me an idea. Not by her pouting, but what she was doing while pouting. She was rubbing her eyes after they had gotten used to the dark, I had been doing it all day, and if the light was hurting our eyes after under an hour of darkness then it seemed like living your whole life in the dark would makelight one of your biggest weaknesses. I had gotten stumped on my blinding idea when I saw the number of eyes I’d need to be scratching out but why bother doing it physically. Sure actually cutting the eye would be a lot more permanent but ideally they’d be out of commission permanently before that was an issue. The only thing left to figure out was how to get the light down the tunnels. My first thought was that it could be done with mirrors or maybe just a lamp. A torch would probably do the trick but there was the matter of how to get it through without lighting myself or the building on fire. I didn’t think anyone would be happy with those possibilities. So I either needed to get my hands on a mess of mirrors, or just generally reflective surfaces, or I needed a lamp. Since the mirror strategy would need it to be light outside I figured we’ll try that first and use the lantern as a fall back plan. First stop on the mirror hunt would somewhat predictably be the building we’d be putting them to use under. I didn’t recall seeing any mirrors around but they may have some particularly reflective steins around, afterall it only needed to reflect light not an actual image. 

The tavern keeper seemed to be getting sick of seeing us and in not so many words told us to quit bothering him and to just do our jobs. Perhaps it was this rude treatment that made me realize that probably at this time mirrors would still be made with silver so it’d only be for those “of means” and we weren’t exactly in a neighborhood that had those types abound. So a lamp it would have to be, and going back to our employer was only really an option if we were looking to get chewed out again. Going back to my earlier observations about my own charisma, I don’t think knocking on doors and asking for a favor would go in my favor relative to the time I’d be spending. So it seemed I was stumped again. These linear chains of problem solving could really tick me off sometimes, just how many steps would there be of using one solution to take care of the last, and you would always still need to find that last one at the end of the chain. Especially if then you figure out that there was some much easier way to get one of the earlier problems solved and you just wasted a whole lot of time and effort. Maybe there was some easier way to solve this and I just wasn’t seeing it. Maybe I was too stuck on blinding them. There had to be plenty of other ways to get rid of them but they mostly required other skills, namely better skills. I didn’t have anything in the category of crowd control at my disposal so I would need to either get something to help with that or get them to come at me one at a time. Though, if the problem was I didn’t have skills of a certain type then I could remedy that with then I could get one, I had saved my levels for something just like this. I was planning on seeing what I could have used on the quest and picking something up later but if I could use it now I should get it now. There were a good amount of low level skills that you could pick up without any real studying, just assign the points and think about what it should be doing. Just like that you’d learn a new skill, obviously that wouldn’t be the case with stuff that was higher level unless you had a real natural aptitude for whatever it was and even then that’d only work for so long. There wouldn’t be colleges for magic if anyone could just think of a spell and cast it. There was Prestidigitation, it seemed to have a lot of oddball  effects and I prided myself on being able to make use of all sorts of odd things, what I was most interested in now was the one that would create flashes of light which seemed to fit the bill exactly for my little blinding plan. Best of all it was cheap, it was the cheapest possible skill so I could still bank the rest of the points for some other time. All I had to do was check a box on my Guild Card and it should take effect by the time I get back to where the rats were hunkered down. This would be it, I’d finally be able to cast magic, an absolute boyhood dream of mine coming true at long last. Those hours of standing in the mirror and trying to focus my energies had been fruitless but now, I would know what it feels like to have the power to bend reality to my whim. Sure I couldn’t bend it very much yet but a little flexing of the rules would be better than nothing and it wasn’t about how much magic you could use but rather how you used it. Or at least I hoped. 

“Alright, I’m going in one last time. Wish me luck.” I couldn’t help but deliver a cool, confident farwell line on the brink of going into combat one last time before emerging victorious.

“Good luck?” She sounded puzzled.

The darkness of the tunnel wasn’t so bad anymore now that the sun was starting to set but the shock of going from dark to light should still be just as severe. Going in this time I was much more mindful of low obstructions and there would have no doubt been a few more places that would not be interested in playing kindly with Marie’s womanly physique, ad there was definitely no way I would be able to get her out from in front of or behind her in these tight quarters, at least without practically mounting her. And even then it wouldn’t be easy. So I was emotionally bolstered by the fact that I was in the right making her stay outside. The maze of support beams and wood frames hadn’t changed so I could still find my way to the very back without much trouble. The rats seemed quieter now, maybe they were getting to sleep or they were just regrouping after my last raid. I had no real idea if rats were nocturnal or not, you only really see them coming out at night but at the same time can they tell what night and day is in this dark, damp, hole? I’d wager it was more of a distinction between when people were around and when they weren’t. Basically the conclusion I came to was that I shouldn’t be counting on having the element of surprise so I should be ready with my extra special flash bang before I get around the corner. I reached the final bend and got into something of a similar position as last time but keeping the knife next to me so I could have a free hand to cast and one to spring forward. This was actually something of a risk, if this didn’t work how I thought it would then I’d just be startling them and be in a terrible position to run or fight, but I was confident that with the studying and practice I had helped Marie with that I could nail this on my first try. I inhaled through my nose and out through my mouth as if to filter all the latent magic out of the air before crying out, 

“Flash!” There was a lifetime of failed super power awakenings in my outburst, shouting the name of an attack before doing it was incorporated into my brain stem, I hadn’t thought to do it at all. I had my eyes shut as tight as I could so that I wouldn’t fall victim to my own attack but my curiosity got the better of me and I was able to see the tail end of what had been causing the warmth in my fingertips. It looked like a fireworks burst but on a much smaller scale, the diameter of the pop was about eight inches but it had no trouble lighting this small place to almost blinding effect. I swung around the corner, expecting easy clean up. My plan was a bit half baked judging by the results. Sure they were obviously blinded but for whatever reason I expected them to be totally incapacitated. I guess I was thinking they would behave like humans that had been blinded and that they would be standing still waiting to regain their sense. But no, they flew into a panicked scurry, running each and every way turning with no rhyme or reason. It was a complete exercise in chaos and they showed no signs of organizing. It was good that I wasn’t being targeted but they were still stumbling their way towards me and nipping at everything along the way. I started to frantically jab at them but they were too nimble for my knife. It was only when I started aiming at where they were going to be that I started getting some success, though they rarely followed the logic I thought they would, often turning right back around before I could skewer them. I did get two or three of them and they were small enough that a single stab was enough to completely destroy them. What worried me was that the flow of rats was getting closer to my position, either they were getting their sight back or they smelled the intruder and were going to rectify the situation the only way they knew how. I tried to get some more slicing motions along the ground to push them away to some success. It also seemed that I had damaged their ankles or wrists or whatever so they were going a bit slower now but directly at me now. I thought this would make them easier targets and I was right to some extent as I was able to get another two. But now the ones that were left were crawling up my legs. This was a bit of an issue. I couldn’t let my knife fall on them anymore unless I wanted to hit my femoral artery. I tried just batting them off with my free hand with mixed results, I sent a few flying off against the back wall but another grabbed onto my thumb and sunk his teeth in until he hit bone. I put my palm against the wall with the rodent still dangling there and chopped him in two. I still had to release his jaws manually but there wasn’t the stinging anymore so that was a net plus. The ones that had been sent away were now coming back, it looks like I had dazed them but I wasn’t lucky enough to kill them on impact. By this point either they weren’t blinded anymore or they were just very confident where the threat was because they were coming straight at me. After a quick survey of the field there were just two left that were still moving so if I could kill two giant rats I could kill two normal sized rats at the same time right? I really just needed to kill one and then the other, I didn’t even need to kill them at the same time, jst one and then the other. It was like killing one rat twice. That’s all I had to do. I tried to just plant the knife front of one and see if he’d walk into it but no luck. I tried some more stabbing and managed to nick one but it wasn’t enough to deter it. I tried a sweeping motion with the side of the knife this time and that pushed them back some more but no major damage, just bought me more time which I was still very thankful to have. I was more stressed now than when there were four times as many, it was like when there were a lot of enemies on screen but as you get rid of them the ones that are left go faster and faster. I considered using my spell again, maybe breaking out one of the other blades of the swiss army knife of magic but I couldn’t think of any way to use them in such a high pressure situation. I would need to calm down and think for a few minutes, I didn’t have if I wanted to come up with an idea as genius as using the sparks on them. This is why I would be better as a Tactician than anything frontline. Or arguably even back line. Preferably I’d be far far behind even the back line. Being able to think in peace was really the best way I could help a party of fighters, sure that may not be helpful to most people but for the right group I’d be absolutely indispensable. But now was a time to think on my feet, my regular attacks hadn’t been getting me any spectacular results now, reasonably it seemed that by using the same method over and over I had become left with the only ones that were resistant to that method. Could it really just be that I needed to try something new? I tried stamping at them with an open palm but they’d always be able to wriggle out from under. If I did need a new trick it wasn’t that. Since they were so dead locked on coming at me maybe I could use that to lay the most rudimentary of traps for them. I placed my hand as flat to the ground as I could get it right in front of them and sure enough one of them scurried up. I gripped it tight despite its frenzied wriggling. It was even simpler than getting a bug to crawl onto a piece of paper or something and slamming a cup on top of it. Now that I had a stationary target I could decapitate it like I was cutting up a banana. This was one of the juiciest bananas I had ever seen but I laid my bloodstained hand down for the other one and caught it again. Same as last time it was simple to get it to stop its squirming. I breathed a sigh of relief and assumed a more comfortable prone position. I wasn’t sure if I should go through the trouble of collecting all of them and taking them out of here or if it’d be fine to just let nature take its course on these ones. They were small enough that I could take them all out in one trip but it’d be a hassle, not to mention gross. If regular rats could die and go unnoticed then these guys shouldn’t be too different. Not to mention the owner said he wouldn’t be able to come down here for a while because of his back so it’s not like I was running the risk that he would see them, smelling them might be a different story though. In all the commotion I had forgotten that when I first saw the little hellions they were all gripping onto, presumably, their mama’s back. She really didn’t seem to have much of an issue with me killing all of her young so unless motherhood was really that tough then it seemed like she was already dead herself. It’d probably be best if I at least took her out, and if I was doing that then I could bring the little guys out too.

I tied all their tails together and clamped the bundle of tails into the mother’s jaws and dragged her out like I had with the others. Not exactly the most reverent way but it was better than having to make multiple trips. I was really getting tired of this crawl space so I was looking to get out of it for good as soon as possible. I really wasn’t expecting a few giant rats to take this long but that was only partially their fault. I was also dueling my partner’s ridiculous physique, not to mention her personality. She had it easy pretty much all day, all she had to do was take care of the waste. Sure getting stuck was probably stressful for her but I was firm on my stance that she deserved it, besides if she actually could get in then she would have had just as much to worry about even without getting stuck again. At least with this last one I’ll be able to see what she’s been doing with all of the carcases. I wasn’t sure if I hoped that she had to do something intensely challenging, so that I could be glad I didn't have to do it, or something astonishingly easy so I could still maintain my sense of unopposed capability. I guess that made it a win-win either way. I didn’t get the same blinding effect from emerging that I had used to my advantage earlier because it was already well into dusk. There were still a few holdout rivulets of color over on the horizon but the sky was a deep dark blue otherwise. I wasn’t exactly sure what time it was but I was starting to doubt that we would be able to turn in the quest before the guild closed for the night. I had wanted to be able to open and close this in an afternoon but it looked like we may have to sleep on it. Really there wasn’t much difference between collecting the cash and experience tonight or tomorrow morning, in fact there would probably be more quests to choose from in the morning and we wouldn’t have to make a second trip if there was nothing we wanted to do. It’s also not like we would be able to use the money for anything, except maybe food, all of the shops are probably closing up now. I did want to get some actual equipment after this instead of relying on hand-me-downs and freebies. Sure the knife and clothes had served me pretty well but after today the blade was dull as could be and the pants were more tattered than I’d be comfortable wearing in polite company, not that I knew any. I had a good amount of time to think about what I wanted while I was crawling through the tunnels so I had a shortlist together in my mind of stuff I’d like to purchase. Namely, my weapon. I wanted something that would be iconic, something that just seeing it must mean I was close by and all those who opposed me should be afraid. Something that would lend itself to my style of combat and could be used a hundred and one ways making it perfect for every scenario. Something that no one else had ever used in quite the same way and as such no one knew how to combat. Great for foes of all types, pesky rodents, fearsome beasts, and even man. I was manipulating my hands as if I already had it, imagining how I could easily flow from one stance to another and use every part of my signature weapon giving my adversaries no space to breathe easy. It would be something I could use when making my strategies and on the front line so even if my enemies fight their way through to me and believe if the cut off the head the body will fall I’ll be able to display that this head can bite. I would be able to put up a fight far beyond my actual physical means. After all being underestimated was one of the most powerful advantages you could have. At least according to Sun Tzu, probably. It’d be great if I could bring something with me from the old world cause having the full text of the Art of War would be a lot more helpful than just having the bits and pieces that I had picked up and remembered over the years. Heck even just being able to publish it for myself and make a boatload of cash off of it. I really did get sort of a royal screwjob with how I came here, I didn’t get anything when it seemed that the typical reward for being reincarnated in a new world was at least a choice of something to bring from the old world, if not some legendary and hyper magical artifact. Anything like that would have been much appreciated but no, I got sent to a random field and was really only able to make any sort of a start from myself because I was able to convince some farm girl to give me a place to stay and even then I had to do a day of work for that. I realized I was getting spiteful at the all powerful invisible forces again so I should probably slow down a bit, that seemed like the fast track to getting smited. If I wasn’t getting anything handed to me that just meant I was totally valid in being as smug as I want to be in any success I did achieve. Starting out with literally not even the clothes on my back so if I was ever seen as any sort of a major success then I earned it entirely on my own. It proves I’m better than everyone else. Probably. I wouldn’t be the type to show off just because it can make you target for certain types and it just made you come off as a jerk, and jerks are less likely to see further success. I knew that so far I had been depending on others a good deal so in order to continue that I wanted to try and stay in everyone’s good graces. But if someone was gonna come at me first I wanted to be able to put a stop to that before anyone else got any ideas. That seemed like the most efficient way to do business in this world, at least in this town there was definitely an air of “A man is only as good as his word” or “A man’s word is his bond” and all those other niceties that people associated with “small town” values from “the good old days.” I was dubious as to how much that stuff actually mattered in terms of quality of life for the average citizen but I knew if I wanted to play ball I better be playing by their rules. I was more one for making my clever moves above the table anyway, that way people would be more impressed with them. After all the more you can impress people the more likely they are to remember and look up to you. 

It seemed that as I was thinking to myself that Marie had left with the remaining rats, I wasn’t quite sure where she had gone with them but I figured she’d come back here once she was done if she saw that I wasn’t there. The night falling was a rather stoic sight but it did mean that our chances at turning in the quest and going shopping were pretty much shot entirely. That just meant we could have a whole day for shopping tomorrow. Or ideally do another job and then go shopping. I wanted to be able to go for the highest tier of armor possible so I didn’t end up buying every single one, I always tried to skip a few to save money that could be better used elsewhere. That was in situations where weapons and armor were pretty much strictly increasing in all aspects, in real life it wouldn’t be like that, and this was real life now. One armorer’s iron plate may be better than some other armorer’s splint or however. I would need to be mindful of issues like that at least, so maybe shopping wouldn’t exactly be the cathartic activity it was cracked up to be. Not that I was ever much of a fan of it. There was some joy I took in just looking at the stuff in a*****e but once I actually had to come out with something my enjoyment would go way down. Maybe it’d be best to have a woman’s eye while we’re out getting stuff. Though it wouldn’t be too helpful if she was telling me how colors clashed or something didn’t sit right on my body type, that may be more of an artifact of modern convenience of magazines and Fashion Week and all that stuff so maybe I was safe from that type of nitpicking but really only time would tell. It seemed that women did still pay a bit more attention to form than function but maybe she’d be reasonable enough to let that go considering what we would be shopping for would be things to keep us alive. There was only so much fretting you could do about a piece of bare metal around your internal organs. There wasn’t much else that really mattered other than how well you could fight in it and how well it would protect you. If it did that then there would be no real reason to complain, hopefully it’d be worth the price and if it wasn’t then you wouldn’t have much time to make a return or lodge a complaint. Either way, quality would be paramount. Again I was knocked from the conductor’s seat of my train of thought with another Marie related realization, namely that she had returned.

“You ready to go?”

“Sure thing!” 

End of Day Report

Start:       ¤170.00

  ¤200.00 Parandus Quest

Change:  ¤200.00

End:         ¤ 370.00