Make it Work

I love her part 1

Even sleep does not seem to have recuperated my body and soul. I am tired, my body still looking worn out because of all this thinking. I can feel the fatigue wearing me down and no matter what I try to do I cannot rise from where I am. Where am I going to find the strength to fight through everything, head on? Am I this weak both in body and in spirit that I cannot handle such a situation like I have always dealt with those before.

I wat to weep, but what help will that be?

I want to shout but really, I have no will

For I have both dropped tears and cried out loud

But in the end the pain remained with me.

Her pain, my pain that is what it is

If I look to heal mine, then one will call me selfish

And If I attempt to fix another’s one will call me good

And when the backs have been turned, I am foolish

“Really, why does everything have to be complicated!” I put my hand on my forehead looking at the ceiling.

“A lot of people have asked that question but no actual answer has been given and no one really understands why, the only thing we can do is choose a path among those that have been graded for us to follow.” Tanya interjects answering my rhetorical question.

“Let me guess, you are here to direct me to your road of choice?”

“I think I have learned my lesson.” Her voice sounds humbled.

“I doubt it, because if you did, you would not have come here right now sister you would have not come her to try and convince me on which road I should follow.” Resounded my pain in my words.

“Actually, no!” she comes in and sits on my bed side, “I realise how much I have hurt you by making decisions for you behind your back. Maybe I should have had more faith in you and told you about everything that was happening.”

Laugh, “Maybe!”

“But I will never withhold information that is this important from you ever again though, I want us to be cool and not be torn apart by anything.” She reveals speaking in a low voice.

“Me too!” smile looking at my sister, “Speaking of Vimbai, is she up yet?” I sit up on the bed asking my sister.

“No, she has not. She is a strong one though!” praise flows out of her mouth for Vimbai.

“I know!” agreed with her.

“Ohh well, now that you are alive and well, you can go and check on your wife while I prepare something for you to eat!” she gets up to leave.

“Tanya!” I call her while she is at the door and she stop and looks at me.

“Yes?”

“Do not burn anything there!”

Contorts her face, “Hahaha, very funny.”

A striking arrow to the heart, but at times I wonder why I have a heart that softens up quickly. It is clear for me to see that dazzling enchanting eyes, words and bodies is what people use on me most of the time even when there is no need. It makes me wonder what kind of value they place on themselves but this lady Vimbai never did try that with me. I wonder why! Maybe that is the reason why I cannot move away from her.

That is her in front of my eyes as I enter the room, a beauteous, divine looking damsel. Guileless beauty expressive that can compel any man. Even after all this time it still feels like the beginning of you and me, riveting my soul to go to lengths it has never been to. I stumbled, I fell, I get succumbed into despair but you always were there, with a smile, a hand, a heart and an ear with the time to lend all that to me. All I would like to do is be effusive, splash all my emotions on you, but this wall that has encompassed my heart is restraining my emotions from showing themselves to you like before.

Settle myself besides her on the bed, look up at the ceiling with my hands on the belly. Tears race down from my eyes and a smile makes an appearance on my face.

“We have been through so much together, but why this is so hard to pass by without so much hardship?” turn my head to look at her, “Even if you were awake, you would not have to answer that. But maybe you can help me understand why everything that is happening to you and me, is happening. Is this a test from God? Is it a prank that life is pulling on us? Because if it is, it is not funny!” I momentarily shout speaking looking at her.

“But I really need you too just open your eyes and assure me that everything is going to be okay! Wake up and smile looking at me like I am the only man you have ever seen in your entire life. Listen to me like a little baby who is trying to talk.”

Breathe heavily, with watery eyes she is becoming blur in my eyes but I am not moving to wipe them. A man with pride, should make sure to protect his pride for it is the bringer of joy in his life. I have failed heavily! Mother! Father! Where did I go wrong, when did I get lost? All this guilt weighing down my soul is not allowing me to feel even a bit of peace. All I want to do is make her happy, but all I have done is make her life miserable so far!

“I am so sorry for everything, love!” apologize even though she is asleep and cannot hear me.

“Should I leave you two alone for a while? But I will not guarantee you that when you hit the kitchen I will have left any food because I am hungry!” she appears out of the blue and utters these words at the door.

“How long have you been over there?” right now I ask her trying to determine how long she has been at the door watching me, did she actually hear me speak and see me tearing up? Well that is obvious she saw me tear up even now I am still tearing up.

“Well that depends.” She answers moving closer.

“Depends on?”

“It depends on why you are asking Michael!”

“So, you were watching me for some time!” I conclude by myself.

“I do not recall saying that but if it is important to you, yes I have been here for some time.”

“Hmmm, I figured,” exhale loudly, “Do you think she is going to be alright?”

“Of course, she will be alright, even Tendai said so! You just need to have faith. Even just a little, it will help you get through this a lot better.” She pauses, “So, what do you say about coming with me to enjoy the hot nice dinner I made? If it is still hot that is.”

“For real, let me join you!” quickly I rush to join her at the kitchen.

At the Kitchen

Settle myself on the chair and wait for Tanyaradzwa to bring the food. At this point the hunger has taken over greatly sins I have not eaten for a while.

“I thought you already dished the food!” impatience has me saying this glaring at her.

“And leave it on the table to get cold? No way!” she answers bringing over the food.

“So, what are you serving us today!” I lick my lips, “this is exciting, I have not eaten with you in a long time and I am positive I am going to enjoy this, unless if you burned the food that is?” look at her with a corner eye.

“Well, that just means I have served myself two nice plates of garlic butter rice and you a plate of nothing!”

She sound pissed right now what to do? “Come on, do not be like that Tanyaradzwa.”

“Here,” she passes a plate over to me, “eat and get some rest tonight, you need it!”

I grab the plate, place it in front of me, “Thank you, let us eat.”

I dig into the food, place it in my mouth and chew it slowly. It actually tastes good, I nod in agreement with the voice in my head.

“You can say it out loud, do not withhold the praise, I can see you enjoying yourself!” how did she?

I sit up straight, “I do not know what you are talking about!”

“Oh, I think you do! I can see that glow in your eyes.” She presses on.

Wow, I guess she still can see right through me, or did I just make it too obvious? Either way this is nice and I am not going to give into the pressure of acknowledging her.

I close my eyes, sit up straight and make my face blank, “What are you talking about? My eyes are closed!”

She sighs, “If you say so!” she laughs, “Speaking of which, has your body been acting up lately? Anything unusual after you got out of the hospital?” she seems and sounds concerned.

“No, nothing yet really!”

She glares at me, “you sound like you want something to happen!”

“Maybe!” I drag the word.

“Sorry to disappoint! But nothing is going to happen to you!” she gets up and heads straight for the sink.

I follow suit, “I think I am going to sleep now, we can continue everything tomorrow.”

“I can see you are tired, goodnight! I will check on her before I sleep, do not worry Michael!”

“Thank you!”

I leave the room went to the bedroom where she is, watched her and fell asleep watching her.