Make it Work

I love her part 2

3 July 2019

Is it another one of those unusual days? Because it seems like I woke up late and the sun seems to have embraced the morning with its warmth. A new day with its own battles to be fought, hopefully I will win them. My eyes lock on her and she seems to have moved and is facing my direction unlike yesterday when she was in the same position like robot. Wait, did she by any chance wake up and saw me sleeping here and I have been drooling! Put my hand on her cheek and rub it softly and she moves a bit. I am smiling, why am I smiling? Is it because she seems to be okay?

Get up and tour around the house only to discover everything has been cleaned and done exactly the way I do it. But where is this genie that granted my wish to rest for a while?

“Tanya!” I shout calling her name.

“She is not here, she went out early in the morning after she had finished cleaning up everything, “this voice coming from behind me is making me freeze, “She is like you, I guess it runs in the family, waking up early and doing all the work. Guess anyone who marries into your family is lucky!” she continues.

“You, you, you………” I stammer laying my eyes upon her.

“Still speechless?” she smiles, “So typical of you, did you want me dead?”

I do not answer but rather taken by seeing her, I go closer to her to feel if it is really her or if I am hallucinating!

“Why Michael? Why would you leave me all alone without saying anything? Why would you?” she bursts into tears and still I cannot say a thing to her, “I needed you and you were not there!”

I just keep advancing towards her, a little closer she starts hit me, crying out loud. I cannot bear this. Last time I tried to hold her when she was angry she slapped me, but this is not the time to look back. I grab her by the arm and pull her closer, surprised she did not hit me but she is just crying still.

“I am sorry!” apologise to her wiping off the tears on her cheeks, “I was wrong for leaving and I have no excuse for doing that.”

She releases herself from my grip and hits me on the chest some more crying and I feel powerless at this moment. I do not know what to do! It is all my fault she got hurt. Everything is just weighing on me, why can I not just do right by her. Where am I going wrong father? What should I do? And where do I begin? For the pain of that which you have is the hardest to bear. I am barely dangling on the rope of strength. The wind is doing carefree tricks on my rootless life.

Finally, she has stopped hitting me, but what is next from that? Will she stab me now? Hit me with a pan or a cooking stick?

What am I thinking? She would never do that, well I do not know anymore! But I should stop this petty surmising on bad thoughts.

“It is okay,” I say so softly, embracing her and she put her arms around me, “Promise, I will not leave anymore!”

“Why leave me alone, Michael?” she asks sobbing drenching my shirt in tears.

“I had asked Ruvarashe to take you in until I am back before I left and I went there to search for you and she said you refused.”

“You did?” she moves her face from my chest.

“Yes, I did!”

She removes her embrace on me and cleans up her tears, “But she never did call or come to me or even talked to me about anything!” she walks back, “At least not in a long time, we have not been friends in a while and the only friend I have had all this time and relied on is Tanyaradzwa!”

This is interesting information that would have been helpful, so really, I cannot trust anyone around me? So, who do I trust in all this? I think I might have told the wrong person what is going on, now I just have to make sure I will not disclose anything to Vimbai.

“Okay, let us talk about this later! Right now, let me prepare something fast for you to eat. Porridge or cereal?” I ask her headed for the kitchen counter.

“Cereal, it is faster, please, thank you!” she sits on the table.

I would love to have that zeal to cook for her but right now there is just this numbness in me preventing me from feeling exhilarated. Her face looks pale and her body looks like it is weighing her down even as she sits. That glow she used to have is gone and I have no idea on how to rekindle it. What a husband I am!

“Honey! Can you give me a foot massage when you done preparing the cereal bowl for me?”

“Of course, love!” I round up and give her the bowl with a spoon and take her feet on my thighs and start massaging.

“Ohh, yes! That feels good.” She closes her eyes and speaks softly.

“The massage or the food?”

“Both of them.” She seems to be relaxing and having a moment and her body looks a bit better and not all weary like before.

I put her through all this, think of what she will do once she finds out I have a child born through artificial insemination! I will take this one to the grave! Hell no, I will never oust myself on that one. I will need to think this one through though, but after I have finished this one.

She places her bowl on the table, “Have you eaten?”

“No, not yet!”

“Let me make you something!”

If I refuse, she might get mad at me right now, more than she really is and that will be even worse at my end.

“Okay! Let me round up and then you can do so!”

The phone starts ringing at this moment and I am ignoring it continuing with the massage, but I can feel her eyes even though I am not looking at her!

“Ahem,” she clears her throat, “Are you not going to answer it?”

Lift my head up to look at her, “I am a little busy!” I answer her continuing with her massage.

“I think the massage can wait, I have to cook either way! Answer it, it might be something important remember you have not been to work in a while! Maybe there is an emergency.” she moves her feet from my hands forcibly.

Is she still mad at me that much? It has only been a few minutes so it should be expected. I just need to be patient, I grab the phone and answer without looking at who it is.

“Hello!” I listen for a bit and put the phone down and walk out of the kitchen to the gate.

I open the gate and there she is! Tendai, so early too.

“Good morning!” I extend my greeting to her.

“Morning, how are you?”

I smile making an opening for her to get in, “I am good, and how are you Dr Shamhu!”

“Do you have to be so formal?” she sounds annoyed, “Anyway, I am good! Is Vimbai up yet?” she enquires of her and I startle a bit.

“Yes, yes she is! She is in the kitchen.” I point out to the direction hastily like I am directing a new person.

But it seems like she did not notice! Well, that cannot be helped, after all she might still be angry with me. If that is the case, knowing her there is nothing to do! So, I just close up and follow her like a tail to the kitchen silently. The two greet each other and according to my custom and being used to cooking, I heard for the stove to check the pots and Tendai clears her throat loudly and the eyes are speaking to me, telling me to leave the lid and sit down like good young man.

The two leave the room for the bedroom, but the look in their eyes as they leave told me to let the food burn even if it burns. But, how Can I? If I do they might kill me for letting it burn. There is no way out of doing wrong on this one. Let me just sit down somewhere and chill waiting for them to come out of the room.

I heard for the sitting room and chill on the couch, turn the television on to see what is on. But my mind is still anxious to know what the two are talking about or doing. Should I go in and listen to what they are saying or join the talk?

“Michael!” Tendai calls me from the door.

I quickly get up, “Yes!”

“Come you come with me for a second outside so we can talk for a bit?”

“Yes, Of course!”

I can see she seems so calm, her facial expression is blank. Am I in trouble or not? I cannot tell, best I just follow her outside to listen to her talk. But what kind of conversation did they have there?

We are outside now she turns, “Which place is a good one for us to sit down and talk?”

Last time she said this, the conversation did not go well and we ended up not talking to each other for a long-time. Escape from it is not an option either.

“This way!” I take the lead to the place where we can sit.

Tendai sits down and s**t pats beside her calling me by her side.

“I have not checked her yet but it seems like she is doing fine today.”

“Yes, she seems to be fine.”

“You need to take good care of her better and keep a close watch on her, what she has been through is going to be hard for her to overcome although she will act like it,” she pauses looks up at the sky with a smile, “Who am I kidding here, you never did listen to me especially about this friend of yours Steve and that is what got us distant in the first place.”

“Yes, you that is true. But let us be honest a lot of adventures you pointed me to always left me shattered to the core.”

“That is what life is all about! But you were always about playing it safe even until today. Maybe that is why you shatter easily.”

“Been fine until recently.”

“Yes, you were but that friend of yours always impairs you! And do you remember that time that girl dumped you in the coldest way possible? And you were all tearing up and all and I was like Steve is the one who caused this and you were like defensive of him?”

“You mean Natasha?”

“Yes, that one you always got lost looking at her buttocks like, wow, she is great!”

“Ohh, I remember her. what about her?

“She left dumped you because of Steve and also that girl that cheated on you. What was her name again?” she becomes thoughtful scratching her head, “Yes, her name was Grace! I told you I saw her with Steve and you became all defensive.”

I smile out of disappointment, “That is how blind and stupid I was, huh!” at this point I can feel my heart heavy with disappointment, “I really deserved to be ignored.”

“Yes, you did and I was hoping that one day you would see him for what he is. An impediment to your life.”

“I wonder about that!”

“You are too indulgent when it comes to him and he loves just messing up your life”

“And I am the fool who just keeps everyone do whatever they want with me!”

“What do you mean?”

“Just that no one ever trusts me enough to make a decision based on how I want to live my life.”

“Tanya made a decision for you that was good for your life. I mean how many men desire a beautiful wife who has the qualities of a wife and not just beauty and s*x and who cannot do anything!”

“Yes, but no one wants a lady pregnant for another man!”

“Yes, true that! Why don’t you look at this at the Joseph life in the bible, he did marry and care for Mary who was already pregnant.”

“Steve is not God!”

“Okay, that is true, so tell me what you want to do now?”

“Honestly, I do not know. All I can do now is protect her and keep her safe.”

“That does not sound like love at all, sounds like it is just a duty you are obligated to carry out!”

“What do you want me to say!?”

“I do not want you to do something out of obligation and hindering yourself from living a full live, my friend!” her facially expression changes from blank to sad, “I have been hurt in this relationship thing, but you have had it worse than me if I must say so myself!”

This is me in my head right now, I love my wife. But everything is no longer that easy for me to just jump into saying. Even to you my friend I am very sorry. I really would love to tell you that I am happy she is awake and well. I would love to tell you how much she means to me but all that should just remain a shadow in my soul.

“I talked to Tanya and her, and from what I know she does love you. And she is willing to fight to make it work.”

“Don’t they all say that?”

“Yes, maybe or no!” she breathes heavily.

“Do not worry about anything, I will take care of her!”

“This is not about her! It is about you Michael!”

I am short on what to say next. She seems to really want dig into my emotions at this point right now and I cannot give her any answers at the moment especially early this morning.

“You two, the food is ready! You can come and eat now.” Vimbai saves me from the interrogation with this food call.

“Well, Tendai! We can continue this talk a little later!”

“Okay!” Tendai resounds disappointment in her tone.

No one says a thing as we go to eat, nobody says a thing as we eat. It is all awkward looks at one another.

Tanya budges in at this moment of awkward eating. The breakfast is not an enjoyable one with such creeping anxious feelings commanding your attention. She starts walking slowly watching everyone’s face as they take one dip of food at a time.

Tanya’s face is expressing a demented look, “What is going on here?”

No one answer for we are all concentrating on the food in our plates right in front of us ignoring her.

“Ohh, so that is how you want to play it? Okay!” she nods her head raising her thumbs at all of us.

But still no one answers her as we venture in our plates. So, she decides to head on to make a plate for herself.

“Ohh, and by the way Michael, I met your friend, what was his name? The serious looking one, grumpy with a big body? I swear if he just smiles a little he would be more handsome.”

“Who the hell are you talking about now?”

“The one who always dresses up, even if there is no occasion. He still rocks them fine ass suits. I swear I do not know how the two of you became friends!”

“You mean Magnus? Ohh and, how was he?”

“Ohh he was so fine and dreamy as always!” effusion with lecherous eyes.

I swear I want my sister to be happy but this is not just it. And what she is doing now is even gross to me now. Why the hell is she moving like a loose lady for?

“Yikes! That is so disgusting.” I contort my face irritated by everything she is saying and her body movements.

“What is so yikes about me wanting a dreamy guy like that?" finally her face and body movements have returned to my liking! The soldier kind.

“I could list them all but it would take me the whole day to finish the list!”

“I got time!”

“Unfortunately, I do not!” I get up from the table and leave the kitchen to prepare for my departure.

With the looks on everyone’s face as I exited. I would as soon as I am done, they are going to restrain me so I will not leave so I will need to strategies on how to avoid and evade so I can leave.

I finish bathing, and as soon as I step into the bedroom, there she is, laying clothes for me to wear on the bed. If she is going to support me leaving the house, it means that me leaving will be a lot more easier and those two down stairs will not be so hard on me trying to leave the house.

“Ahem, thank you Vimbai!”

“You are welcome!” she smiles, “I figured you are going to the office so, I prepared this suit for you.”

“Thank you! Because I was not going to be able to do that so I was going to wear a bottom and a shirt and head out.”

“You are not being serious are you, Michael?”

“Actually, I am.”

“Well, you can leave now so that I can take off this towel and change!”

“What is wrong with you changing with me in here?”

“For starters,” I move closer to her and wrap my arm around her, “You would not be able to resist and keep away from me!”

She laughs looking away from my face, “Ohh please! You are the one who cannot resist and keep away from me.”

“Maybe or maybe not! Would you like to find out?”

“Apparently, yes I would love to find out!”

“Too bad, I still want you to leave so I can change.”

I release her from my hold and she straighten up, “You are lucky I have to go and clean up the dishes in the kitchen, but next time you will not be so lucky!”

Enamoured by her as always, and for that moment I held her I felt emotive. Her being close to me at that moment even if it was short lived expatriated my ill-thoughts. So, that is what her presence in my life is! She drubs all the weight that forces me down, relieving me and exhilarating me.

I wonder if she has gotten over everything and is not mad at me anymore!? And after all that she is still fervent towards me.

I really wish to be gusto with being effusive towards her as I tell her, how much I love her and how much she means to me. In my mind and sometimes in reality I am impugn but being imprudent about everything will lead me to making the wrong choices but not on this one!

I am done wearing the suit she prepared for me, but what awaits me down stairs might be horrendous, I need to hover and evade the horrific barricades.

Hurtle down stairs passing through the to the back door and straight for the garage being circumspect. Take the Audi and drive off to work. I managed to dodge the disgrace and humiliation of words on why I cannot leave but, on my return, I will need to have put on an armour around the heart to survive the hellish words that will await me, after all I am not supposed to be driving or go anywhere alone.