Me without you

Chapter Eleven

Life with Noel.

"Noel...Noel, wake up, you are going to be late." Despite my efforts, my voice is hushed.

It breaks my heart to wake him, he looks so peaceful.

I am not sure how though, because I am certain that my couch cannot be very comfortable.

After all I got it from the bargain bin.

I am so tempted to run my fingers across his face, Noel does this to me so often.

I am sure this should entitle me to do it to him at least once.

Right?

With my fingers hovering mere inches from his face, I wonder what it will feel like.

I wonder if I will receive the same sense of emotion that Noel gets each time he touches my face.

At first there appears to be a sense of pain, and then this fades away, it is replaced by something I can only describe as 'good'.

What ever that final emotion is that I see on his face seconds before he breaks the connection, what ever it is called, it definitely looks like it feels good.

And with that in mind, I toss aside my fears, and allow myself to touch Noel's face.

The charge that runs through my body is instant.

Point of impact.

There is no denying it.

And with absolute certainty I know the final emotion I have seen in Noel's eyes now.

I know it, because I feel it.

My soul recognises it.

But my mind refuses to name it.

And I was right, it does feel good.

Yet that description feels a bit rudimentary right now.

But at its core, that is exactly what it is.

Good.

I can see myself becoming addicted to this.

And sometimes it feels good to go back to basics.

And just as I am about to go in for another hit, Noel stirs.

His eyes slowly open, as if he too doesn't want the moment we just shared to end.

As his eyes slowly focus on me, I bend down and plant a quick chaste kiss on his lips.

I still feel unsure as to whether I am allowed to kiss him whenever I please, even though it's been a few months.

And I am his "girlfriend", I am certain about this title, because Noel just about tells everyone.

If he could stop and tell random strangers as we walk down the street, he would.

"Good morning,"

I can see the reflection of the silly smile on my face in Noel's eyes.

I love when I can actually see my happiness reflect back at me on Noel's face.

Part of it is because I really didn't think I would ever be able to display such happiness, and also because it pleases my heart to know that I make Noel happy.

Taking the cup of coffee, I made him from me, Noel sat up on the couch.

"What is the time?"

"It's just after eight." I reply.

"You are going to be late for work if you don't jump in the shower right now." I try to sound stern, but the truth is I love having Noel here.

And if he never left, I don't think that would be a problem.

I am not sure why we haven't slept together yet.

I know that I want to.

I am pretty sure Noel wants to.

He sleeps over at least two or three times a week.

And yes, there have been many opportunities, but I just haven't been able to. And Noel, being the gentle soul that he is, has never tried to force the situation either.

Placing the depleted cup of coffee on the side table, Noel grabs my face and gives me a quick kiss and jumps up off the couch.

"You are right! I don't want to be late."

With time to spare before I needed to head out to work, I decided to do the dishes of the night before. Whilst splashing around soap suds I can hear Noel singing in the shower.

It's funny, not a single note in key, yet it was the most amazing thing I have heard in a long time.

My thoughts all at once become very muddled.

The realisation of the 'good' feeling I had when I touched Noel's face earlier is now floating around in my head freely, so when I turn around and see Noel standing at the end of the passage in nothing more than a towel and the water droplets of the shower still running down his beautifully toned chest and arms, it catches me completely off guard.

The sound of glass breaking around me was the only thing that snapped me out of my trance, yet not completely.

Snapping my mouth shut, in a delayed attempt to not make it look as if I was just drooling over Noel's half naked body, like a starving savage wild animal. Which I totally was.

"Char! Don't move!"

Seeing Noel rush over to me allows my mind to catch up to what is actually happening.

I had dropped a cup when I saw him in the passage.

Thinking back now, I think for a split second before the cup hit the ground, I think I saw a knowing smirk on Noel's face.

Like I had just been caught with my hand in the cookie jar, but I am almost certain that Noel didn't mind the fact that I was ogling him.

"No Noel don't come any closer, you're not wearing any shoes. I've got this, go and get done."

Noel stands in the passage, and I can see the internal debate. He is trying to ascertain that I am okay before he turns away.

He nods slightly, this gesture seems more to himself than at me.

I am guessing he has decided that I have managed to escape this fiasco unharmed, as he turns to head back to the bedroom.

Once I was done cleaning up after my embarrassing slip up, I headed down the passage to check on Noel.

Gently knocking on the door, uncertain if he is decent yet, I decide to slowly push the door open as I ask, "Are you ok? If you don't leave in the next five minutes you are ....Yelp!"

And before I knew it, I was on my back on my bed, with Noel gently lying above me.

Holding up his body with one hand, he used the other to push back the hair that had fallen across my face.

Looking at me, a glint of the mischievous boy who had just tossed me on the bed was still visible, but mostly the passion of the man who was waiting for permission was staring back at me.

Leaning up, ever so slightly, placing my palm on the side of his face, I decided to believe.