Me without you

Chapter Five

Something happened today.

I am a bit freaked out by it.

To be honest, I am a lot freaked out by it.

Perhaps I shouldn't be freaked out?

What do you think?

I mean it could just be exactly what he said it is.

Right?

I don't know.

I am not sure what to think.

Why aren't you here so I can actually ask you?

You would be able to calm me down, Lee.

I didn't even thank him.

I just freaked out and ran.

I ran.

Can you believe it?

I literally ran.

I am laughing but I shouldn't laugh.

Nervous laughter, I guess.

But I am freaking out.

How did he know?

Did I tell him?

I don't know, I find myself telling him things I never intended to.

I tell him the strangest things.

Like one day I found myself telling him about how I lost my first tooth, and that I waited up all night for the tooth fairy, I am not sure if he asked me or if I was just offering up random pieces of embarrassing information.

Could I have told him?

Why would I have told him?

You and I are the only two people who knew about this.

Or at least that's what I thought.

Perhaps I did tell him.

I can't believe just thinking about it still makes me blush.

This is all just so embarrassing.

It's all Noel's fault.

I was already unsure about the whole birthday thing.

And I don't deal well with receiving gifts.

Why did he have to give me that stupid chain?

How did he know about the pendant?

He says it's because I ask a lot of questions.

That's not true, right?

Do I ask a lot of questions?

******

Flashback

"It's beautiful" running my fingers over the smooth little "C" as it lay gently against my skin.

Looking up at him, I still cant believe how lucky I am. Just having him in my life.

''I guess it's kinda obvious why you thought of me when you saw this?'

That sweet glimmer of a smirk rests on his lips as I can see his mind working.

'Well, if I was completely honest, this isn't what I was looking at when I thought of you, it was just a safe bet, Char'

Dodging out of my reach to avoid the girly punch I was just about to land on his right arm, he laughs.

He laughs.

My heart smiles when he laughs

I do love him. Just not the way he wants me to, so I can never ever tell him.

It wouldn't be fair to him and I would never be able to let him love me the way he wants to.

And it would hurt so much when he realizes that he shouldn't.

'How can you say that?' I tried to feign offence.

'I was going to get you this little question mark pendant, but thought it might earn me a punch, and thought this would be safer, but I guess I was wrong."

Now I was confused.

'Why a question mark?'

Kissing me on the tip of my nose before turning me around to guide me in the direction of the ocean where we were going to take a walk after my birthday lunch, he simply said.

'Because I never know with you, and I wouldn't have it any other way.'

******

Yes, I knew back then.

It just freaked me out so much, that I just suppressed it all.

It was easier.

I convinced myself that you were deluded.

You only felt that way because you didn't really know me.

And I felt that he did.

You were way too perfect for me.

I was completely messed up and getting worse by the day.

I thought that if you ever got to know the real me you would leave and that would hurt far too much.

Part of me still feels this way about you.

Part of me feels the same way about Noel...